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A little after midnight the music blared and woke me out of the sleep of the contented. The Gen-X Yuppie next door thinks he's so cool, but we all know what's happening. He thinks we don't. He thinks he's covering the sounds, or creating atmosphere for the girl of the night, but we all know he's getting laid. And it's so obvious it's really hilarious. But I don't think the weight lifter above him thought it was so funny. It sounded like a dead body got slammed to the floor a couple of times...but the guy getting laid seemed oblivious.

This got me thinking about other places where I have lived. I lived below a couple who used to play chase around their bed. Several times each week I could hear the patter of large feet circling the bed until finally there was a moment of silence followed by a very rhythmic squeaking of their bed springs. Sometimes it went on for an hour or more. Geez, those guys had staying power.

Then there was the couple who lived next to me. Their bedroom was next to mine. They really did need to tighten the frame on their bed. Almost nightly, right after the news, I could hear the bed frame hitting the wall. I imagined his head repeatedly hitting the headboard and wondered if he had a permanent headache. At least the headbanging didn't go on as long as the bed squeaking.

I watched Forrest Gump this week. Do you remember the scene where he is sitting on the porch and we hear sounds coming from the house? Then when the school principal comes out the door Forrest mimics the sounds? This all got me to thinking how others know when we are getting laid. Now, if you are a screamer it can be pretty obvious. But even for those quietly getting it on there seems to be a "do not disturb" sign that invisibly goes out to all around us.

No, I won't call the building manager this time. The weight lifter upstairs will do that. I could be diabolical and vacuum the patio at 7 in the morning...or I could smile sweetly when we meet on the adjoining patios and ask "Was it good?"

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