Addicted To Loss: Tales of Royal Pains In The Ass
Drama Queens (and Drama Kings) are, I think, a misunderstood lot ~ especially by themselves. They are difficult to put up with, let alone love; and if you can do neither, then this may make dismissing them (or their dismissal of you) that much easier.
Relationship Drama Kings and Queens can be an annoying lot. They see a break-up 'round every corner, throw tantrums, imagine cheating & invites to betrayal where most of us just see a pretty damn fine relationship. Some even go so far as to sabotage their relationships or to appear as commitment-phobes. Why do these people seem to thrive on such chaos and unhappiness? Why, for the love of Pete, don't they glom onto one another instead of dragging some innocent schmuck into their mess? And why can't we shoot them?
The answer to the latter is rather simple: It's illegal, dear. But in truth, Drama Kings and Queens are junkies. They have a very specific addiction: Loss.
It's not just that the high of falling in love fades as relationships mature, or that the highs seem higher for the lows, but these people actually love the devastating ache of loss. And loss is a potent drug.
Loss is addictive because it's a drug that has staying power and even perpetuates itself with lack of activity. Lows are even made more powerful for the fact that everything we've been doing suddenly stops. One may bask in the warmth and glow of love, but like a sunny day who wants to waste the whole day just laying there? There's things to do ~ your lover to do! But lows are gloomy days, made for not dressing, for staying in and laying low, for wallowing in the moment ~ even if the moment is months.
Loss is addictive because the drugged effects of the downer are stronger than the high of love. Seldom are the highs as fabulously high in reach as the depths to which the pit of despair goes. We may go higher than we ever thought with this infatuation or that love, but each low is indeed a new low. In fact, after we have one loss, we may be more cautious with how high we go, how much we trust; but each loss is more profound. The changes we experience as we grow from our past mistakes, losses and lessons only seems to set us up for a harder fall.
Loss is addictive because it multiplies itself. Being so heart-broken we may recall other lows, other losses, and we can wallow in them all at once. Combining our losses is allowed, but combining our loves &/or infatuations is something we could never do. Each person, each relationship is to be celebrated for its own uniqueness, not as some lump sum, package deal, or bulk purchase at Sam's Club. But you can do that with break-ups and loss. You can swing from the terrible loss of Prince #4 and look back on the previous three princes with longing ~ and you can take all that pain to heart, wailing, "When will I be loved?" and "Woe is me, nobody loves me!"
In fact, most people are more willing to listen to your tales of woe, heartbreak and loss ~ over and over again ~ than they are willing to listen to your shouting your love from the rooftops. In other words, loss junkies will find a steady supply of enablers.
Loss is easily addictive because of it's supply. While you may not be able to make someone love you, it's pretty easy to end a relationship. In love it's all or nothing; we're in or we're out. There really isn't any middle ground. Not that Drama Kings and Queens want to live there anyway. And so Drama Kings and Queens can dump their consorts (known as the Royal Flush) and be their own suppliers of the drug of loss.
Most difficult to end your addiction when you are supplying your own high. Even if it's really a low.
Like any addiction, the first step is to realize that you have a problem. And that means you too, co-dependents and enablers.
It's time to kick the habit and de-throne those Royal Pains In The Ass known as Drama Queens & Kings. Off with their heads.