Gracie's Holiday FAQ

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The name's Gracie Passette, not Emily Post, but I answer emails & dish etiquette anyway...

Am I better than a Magic-8 Ball? Read and see.

The questions are lifted right from the emails, typos and all.

Q: "In the age of the Internet, do ecards replace holiday cards?"

A: No, they are a supplement. In the case of Internet friendships only, they suffice; but real world pals deserve real world greetings. The rule of thumb: If you are close enough to have their physical address, use it.

Q: "My partner has a stronger sex drive than I do so I was thinking of giving an adult website subscription as a gift -- but is that like telling him to fuck off?"

A: Literally, I guess it is; but I don't think it's a bad idea. Lots of couples give sex toys, porno flicks, adult magazines & books etc. as gifts. There's really no difference between a website or a DVD ~ a gift of porn is a gift of porn. Erotic materials make great gifts ~ unless, of course, you're going to freak out if he uses it. So, don't dish it out if you can't take it.

However, virtual giving may be more difficult if you don't share the same address (physical, ISP, &/or email), so check before you pay. Also, there should still be something to open. So print a nifty paper certificate & wrap it nicely, perhaps include some other trinkets from this world as well.

Q: "Can you recommend hot lingerie to give my lady?"

A: I could; I have. Also, Slip of a Girl does it, and does it well.

Q: "What's the sexiest gift to give?"

A: That really depends upon the person & the relationship itself. You shouldn't give her a vibrator if you've never gotten into her panties; you shouldn't give him an evening as your handcuffed sex slave if you don't know him well enough to be safe. And, of course, what makes me hot may make someone else faint. But here's my favorite, which you can modify to match your mate:

Write him or her a dirty story featuring the two of you, print it out and present it in a gift basket of goodies (props). If in the story you are drinking wine, include wine; if you peel her pretty pink panties down, include pretty pink panties; if you handcuff him, include handcuffs. (If you can't write your own story, check the comments section we'll all be adding some custom erotica sources.)

Q: "I've got the ring. Should I propose on Christmas or wait until afterwards?"

A: Personally, I don't recommend proposing on holidays.

First, combining The Big Question as a part of the holidays can sort of take the wind out of the occasion. It's nice, for sentimental reasons, to have a special occasion stand on its own merits. (Ask any December baby if they enjoy having to share their thunder with Santa &/or Jesus.) Also, for more practical matters, it's also easier to control the situation if it's not in the midst of everything else going on.

Second, and this isn't super fun to think about, the rule is that the engagement ring, the token of the agreement, is to be given back if she ends the engagement. However, if the ring is given as a gift, even if she calls if off, she has the right to keep it as it was a gift. I know it's gloomy; but you asked.

If you really don't want to wait, propose before the holiday. Then the two of you can also delight in showing off the ring and sharing the joy of your intended nuptials with everyone you see over the holidays.

Q: "I haven't a lot of money for gifts, but I'd like this holiday to be memorable... Any ideas?"

A: Coupons are the best way to make memories; and you need not be stuck with the corny coupon books from Spencer's Gifts either. Make your own (if you're reading this, you have a computer ~ and even if you don't have a printer, put Kinko's to kinky use), and use your real life situations control what you give. Examples:

Get out of the doghouse free card. (He can hand it in when he says something stupid when asked about how your butt looks in those jeans. The trick is, you'll really have to forgive him.)

A collar card. Even if you aren't into BDSM, a card saying you'll do whatever sexual favor is asked when it's presented is pretty damn magical. (And you might just find yourself submitting to being a Dom!)

A coupon for homemade baked goods. Who doesn't like cookies? Or, if the recipient is more of a healthy chap, a free homecooked meal ~ and kitchen clean-up. (Hey, that clean-up could be a card or two of its own. Even the folks who don't like cookies like cleaned kitchens.)

A designated driver card. She turns it in and you'll have to stay sober and drive ~ even if it means chauffeuring her and her annoying sister around town. At this time of year, it's a big gift.

Free massages always work. Always.

And coupons make nice stocking stuffers or additional add-ons to gifts too. For example, why just give that DVD box set when you can add a coupon for a foot massage or blow job to it?

Q: "I've just started dating this girl. I really do like her, but it's only been a few weeks - 4 dates if you don't count the first time we met thu friends. But now it's Christmas time. Is she expecting a anything?"

A: She's expecting what all we secular &/or Christian women are expecting ~ a gift. If you met & were dating a few weeks before her birthday you'd show up with a little something, an acknowledgment of the occasion; this celebration is no different. Consider the coupon ideas above.

Q: "I'm Jewish and I've been dating this Christian woman for awhile. Neither of us are overly religious, but I don't practice gift giving at this time -not even secret santa stuff at the office. What do I do?"

A: I'm going to operate off the assumption that you really like this girl; and that means that sooner or later you are going to have to cross this bridge. In my opinion, there are two ways to cross it safely.

One, have a frank talk with her. Tell her how you feel and ask if she can respect your traditions without feeling that her own are being slighted. With any luck, you two can both feel respected and find your way. If not, well, at least you both found out before any more time and emotion were invested.

Two, consider the spirit behind traditional gift giving, and give her a gift out of respect for her traditions. You can celebrate her celebrating her holiday, be sensitive to her sentiments, without being a believer in the tradition itself. I'm not asking you to go secular exactly... It's like holiday cards. You send them to others out of respect for their beliefs. You're Jewish, but I bet you don't send Hanukkah cards to everyone; some get Happy New Year cards, some get Happy Holidays etc. The point is, you still join others in celebrating the season. You too might want to consider the coupon idea.

If you choose the second option, I still recommend talking about it. Perhaps after the new year, the two of you can sit down and discuss how strongly each of you feel about the traditions you were raised with and what traditions you two can make together.

Have advice to give? Post it in the comments. Ditto on the questions (or email me ~ Gracie _at_ Sex-Kitten.Net) and we'll see what we can do.


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