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An Interview With Victorya Michaels Rogers, Author of The Automatic 2nd Date There is a new trend occurring in the dating world -- no, it's not Internet dating! In fact, USA today found that the old-fashioned way, like blind dates & matchmaking, just might be the best way to get those quality first dates. But how do you get to the second -- or more?
Victorya Michaels Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date and Finding a Man Worth Keeping. During her single years Victorya went from no dates to being pursued by an Academy Award winning actor, Grammy winning rock star, gospel singer, DJ, pro-athlete, firefighter, naval aviator, and more. Rogers not only discovered the secrets to finding a man but also the secrets to finding and keeping the man of your dreams.
Here, Victorya tells us more about it -- including tips for Valentine's Day!  Ever wondered why
“he” didn’t call back for a 2nd date,
even when things went great? I have been asked that questions so many
times, I finally wrote a book to settle it once and for all. In Automatic
2nd Date, not only will you find out why he
didn’t call back, you’ll now be equipped to make sure every first
date turns into a 2nd, that is if he is worth
a 2nd date!
Victorya Michaels Rogers,
Author, The Automatic 2nd Date
VICTORYA: If you
can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon
anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches
are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless
mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on
exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first
date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform
their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become
a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your
man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When
you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.
VICTORYA:
Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school,
at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events,
etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he
exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your
mind. Your mind is an extremely powerful instrument that is always working
and wants to be right! When you think about something enough, amazingly
it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as
an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe
it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time
one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what
kind of guy you want.
The key to finding your
next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your
internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking
for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.
VICTORYA:
I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the
social world around you—be it at your country club, charity, church,
or a special-interest group at your community center. As you interact
with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around
— and introduced to — available men.
Q:
What about women who are recently divorced or widowed? Isn’t it hard
to hold back physically when you’re used to
not holding back?
VICTORYA: The transition
from being married and freely having sex with your spouse to holding
back your passion as you jump back into the dating can be difficult
for some ladies. But if you are looking for a relationship to develop,
you must have restraint! Girlfriends, this is about self-control here
and sometimes you just have to be tough! Getting that second date is
about self control and holding back, not about letting loose and having
sex! If you want your man to call you back for a DATE that he picks
up the tab for and have him treat you like more than an object then
you have got to hold back! Otherwise you’ll be relegated to a late
night dial-up for “coming over to his place” for no food, no conversation,
and no P-G movie and his “real” girlfriend will get the quality
time. So no matter how much he ignites your passion, have enough self-respect
and self-restraint to take it slow.
VICTORYA: Valentine’s
Day is traditionally the most romantic day of the year, but it is so
specifically for your MAN to make it romantic FOR you, not by you. Let
him do the asking or let the day pass without a date! Besides, so many
men propose on that date, don’t ruin his surprising special moment
by making the plans yourself or having expectations that may only lead
to disappointment.
VICTORYA: Buying
your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines
Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make
any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and
never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll
feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate
but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no
win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards
to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.
VICTORYA: There
are great ways to spend a dateless Valentines that can actually put
you on the path to ultimately find your man worth keeping! Here are
4 quick tips:
1. On Valentine’s Day
you have permission to do something to spoil yourself a little. Don’t
go crazy. Just give yourself one treat. Carve out time during your day,
even if it has to be on your lunch hour, to pamper yourself. Get a French
manicure or new hairstyle, color or cut; indulge in a massage or facial,
or buy yourself SOMETHING just for you--just don’t mess up your entire
budget. You want to pamper yourself, not punish yourself.
2. This is NOT the night
to go out to eat—too many couples gazing dreamily across the table
at each other. Instead, order your favorite take out or skip dinner
and have a huge portion of your favorite dessert. While you’re enjoying
your meal, pull out your journal and design your ideal man. Dream big.
Write every character trait and every quality you hope he will possess.
What better evening to do so than when Cupid is flying around?
3. Another idea for the evening is to plan a girls’ night. Invite
over your single gals for dinner and your favorite chick flicks or better
yet, reminisce on what did and didn’t work in your previous love life.
Share funny dating stories, dating horror stories and warm fuzzy dating
stories. In the very least you’ll have a good laugh with your girlfriends.
End the evening by having each girlfriend write out exactly what you
definitely want in your ideal mate, that way you’ll recognize him
when he shows up!
4. My last solo Valentine
idea is to grab a friend or boldly go solo to the movie theatre. After
all Valentine’s is the perfect night for escapism.
VICTORYA: Yes, my
website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check
it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn
about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that
dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact,
believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the
time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating
skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart
to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my
site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd
Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic
2nd Date
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