My Domestic Violence Story (part three)

For those of you who did not hear the result of my divorce, and who are reading this as ’news-to-me’ I apologize for the abrupt & blunt statement of facts. It may seem as though I am not torn apart enough, or that I do not seem contrite or repentant enough.

But I have spent these last few weeks moving through all of that.

You see I decided to move, move beyond the bounds of court acceptance, and in the process of saving my daughter & myself, as well as to follow my business prospects, I lost my son - for now.

The courts did not view my need to move for business (in as much a ’selfish’ goal for success as it is a pragmatic thing as I need to provide for myself & my daughter) - as a legitimate reason to move.

And yes, I did move to be with Az & Des, but that was secondary, a side-effect of my biz contacts & ventures... (A lovely side-effect that I plan on giving you details on! - But later.)

The courts, upon hearing of this move, decided that my son was best off with a known batterer, a man with questions regarding his safety as a parent. This man, among other things, is a man who works second shift. Meaning his parents are really parenting our son. Which sounds all fine & dandy, except this man’s mother holds me responsible for the battery; not her son that used the fists, but me for being there... Seems like some great enablers will be more than ready to make allowances for many things that may occur...

But anyway, back to my point, or one of them...

The judge ruled that even if I had decided to remain in the parameters of the miles allowed, placement with me was not guaranteed, as quote:

"The court is not enamored with your business, nor those you do business with."

So while I can understand the concern regarding the ’infancy’ of my business & my ability to provide a stable home, it seems to me that ’uncertainty’ should not outweigh the certainty of what life with his father would be (now is) like. I can understand concerns for financial stability, and even the ’new guy’ concerns. But do those uncertainties even show up compared to known ’bad things?’

And what about the judge's statement at ruling? That ‘not enamored' bit. You know where that came from? From ‘Stripper Tested, Mother Approved' beauty products. You should have heard the male attorneys giggle over that tag line. Apparently, in Sheboygan, this is way too racy, and has connotations beyond any real & legal business.

Also of concern, those I do business with.

Now, I am not certain if ‘The Court' finds Joan B. Consumer not good enough, or if those who endorse my products are those that are not worthy of being enamored of, but either way, it seems a little high school to me. At the least, it sounds like some sort of moral judgment rather than a legal one. I suppose, I ought to be grateful that this judge, the same one that found my-then-husband guilty of battery didn't know this ‘sordid' side of me back then - surely he would have blamed the victim - after all, if a whore can't be raped, I am sure a woman who sells ‘Stripper Tested' products must deserve a beating, hmmm?

Also brought up in court, in a divorce in a ‘no fault state' was my association with The Unholy Trinity, and, to show that I am ‘so bitter that I am not able to parent well,‘ several message board & chat conversations where I referred to my soon-to-be-x in not such flattering terms (by the way, they didn't even have those supposed nick-names right!) -- all this when their client drives around town with that famous boy-toon peeing on the word ‘x-wife.' Nice hey? Wonder how he explains that to & around my son? At least my unhappiness at the deterioration of my marriage was confined to places my son doesn't go, nor his teachers, playmates, family, etc.

But now I am getting petty. (Or am I? Can you be too petty when you are tracked around the internet to be portrayed as less stable than a man who beats women, and is physically ‘inappropriate' with children in his charge?)

Anyway, the bottom line is I lost.

You know a new lawyer, a new day in court is just a matter of time. (If any lawyers, interested in justice, and fighting for right, who can practice in, or has associates in Wisconsin, contact me!)

But while I have lost, I have also found. Again, please forgive me if I sound too blase for you, it's not that I don't care, but rather that I am dealing with the reality. And so, other than a few specific words in the Parenting Community, Women's Room Newsletter etc., I don't plan to discuss my past much. I hope you'll understand, or at least respect my choice.