Anti-Relationship, Much? - Sex~Kitten.net

It dawned upon me recently how absolutely dismissive a great majority of people in American culture and society are towards the concept of having a relationship, be it monogamous, polyamorous, polyfidilicious, and however many other ways one can define and conceptualize the manner in which they relate and congregate. My speculation on this subject matter arose out of constant bombardment of my own decision to be in a relationship with someone. Some of my girlfriends acted dismissive toward the person that has become so lucky as to not survive my ‘one-month wonder’ dating dynamic. Others, including people my partner and I would meet randomly at events and nightclubs, got in our faces about our decision to be in a relationship with one another, and that’s only because they ‘don’t like the way couples interact, or ‘how one looses touch with oneself once in a relationship.’ These are viable concerns, but to project it onto every couple you see? You might think I myself am projecting, but truth be told, I have had friends come up to me and say that they are ‘against relationships,’ and ‘how dare I lose autonomy?” Say what?

What sparked my desire to write about this matter of potentially reasonable concern is that this attitude, this anti-commitment/deep bonding outlook, is prevalent, and while I don’t dismiss individuals’ valid concerns and anxieties, I wonder why this attitude has become a standard that is noted not only in the media, but in our day-to-day interactions. I am going to go out on a limb and speculate on the matter, as well as the potential origin(s) of this gathered, somewhat-hostile perspective. For disclosure, I am not a relationship specialist, nor do I claim to be one. Furthermore, I am speaking out of my own experiences, and while I try to be as objective as possible, I also am human, and thus subject to bias.

When it comes to a romantic, or committed relationship, what do you think of? Do you dream of a picket, white fence, pie on the windowsill, with the male figurehead of the household proper coming in and demanding his wife be a subjective little nothing to be walked all over (smiles included)? Or, do you think of non-violent, non-accusatory forms of communication and healthy interactions that include time apart and separate interests? Frankly, everyone is going to have a different idea of what a healthy relationship constitutes. That’s the beauty of being human; we are all unique in our wiring and how our turn-on/turn-off buttons work! Our needs and behaviors are separate and individualized. But, frankly, the view of how most of our culture has decided to look at relationships is not one of a sunny disposition. We often times hear people saying to one another ‘Oh. They’re in a relationship. How unfortunate!’ Maybe not quite that bad in all cases, but I have heard those exact words, mind you. But really, where does this attitude stem from? Why are we, as a culture, so dismissive towards the concept of people deciding to become close and intimate with one another, and I’m not just talking about sex here, either.

Perhaps drawing from my rather pin-holed description of the classic, idealized American family in the last paragraph, I could speculate that the idea of the nuclear family is partially to blame for much of our perspective on human relationships. But, for sake of clarity, what is the ‘nuclear family’ and why has this notion shaped our view on relationships? The term ‘nuclear family’ was first coined in 1947, in order to convey the idea of a single household, consisting of mother, father, and a couple of offspring. The term was meant to depict the compact nature of a household, simply put. However, the term went further; it developed in the culture’s psyche as something to strive for; that, if not obtained, one was somehow a dire failure. Well, I am assuming that by now, we have come to realize that every family, every relationship is different, and I can’t express that enough, actually! None of us are molded into the cookie-cutter idealisms shaped by such concepts as the ‘nuclear family’ or ‘June Cleaver.’ There are variables contingent to the unique properties that make up a relationship equation. However, it does seem that due to such idealisms, like the June Cleavers and Better Crookers archetypes, that our attitudes have shifted away from love and bonding. Can’t say I blame anyone for wanting to toss out these archetypes and idealisms-not being anally repressed, having vital and open communication, honesty, and sexual revolutions of all sorts have made it possible to shed such domineering bitches, but still: why harp on another’s decision to be involved as they will?

Maybe I am old fashioned (laugh). Maybe I am just fed up with people nosing around in my business and choices. Or perhaps I am not a hardy fan of the ‘Sex in the City’ crew for portraying the ‘independent’ woman as one who has no ability to emotionally connect with another, but is rather self-serving, social climbing, and all about the prospect of ‘the hunt’ for a male, but not interested in anything else beyond that with the poor fellow. Sorry, I am not a fan of the show, but that’s besides the point. Seriously, the attitudes conveyed on Sex in the City are not a sole reflection of society, though the show has mirrored back and thus left a huge impression as to how one should operate. I am only using the show as an example. I am not placing blame or articulating how wrong any for of expression is, which is what the show is: an expression, as well as a mirrored impression of how the western world operates on some level. That’s great and all, but frankly, I am sick to death of the notion that being in a relationship is raping myself of any potential, that I am selling myself short. Seriously, what the fuck, people? Why do you care?

All in all, if you like relationships, be in them. If you don’t enjoy them, please, don’t be in them. Have flings, have fun, but really, don’t get annoyed at a couple (however you choose to define that is up to you) for choosing to be just that: a couple. Being single is great, as is the other option: being in a relationship. If attitude shapes altitude, then I must say that our strip-mall, instant breakfast culture has a bad one. And not in a sexy, rebellious fashion, either. I will not apologize for being happy in all that I have and have made for myself, thank you very much. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a pie to bake!

© Miss Eve is a bit of a mystery, but nevertheless, that doesn't mean you should be alarmed in any way. Kinky, collected, and well-educated by the Life Experience school, Miss Eve likes to write poetry, beat up the bad guys, and curl up and nap like a kitten when she finds the time.