Of Pets & Relationships

The saying “love me, love my dog” may have some basis in reality: A new study suggests that pets can influence how we perceive potential dates.

kinsey intitute dogs At National Geographic, they posted a little article about the impact of pets on our love lives: How Your Pet Can Influence Your Love Life.

While NatGeo points to several studies and articles about the significance of pets in our lives, how they can be used to find potential dates, and the differences between dog & cat people, I was reminded of one thing I observed while escorting…

While you certainly do see and meet a lot of different types of people in sex work (and certainly, at my rate, more well-to-do types), one thing I noticed was the lack of pets that clients had in their lives. They had logical reasons for not having a pet: They worked long hours, they traveled too much, or otherwise felt they couldn’t commit to taking care of an animal. All solid reasons for not being “relationship material” either. But also, this all creates or adds to feelings of loneliness.

Sure, I did see my fair share of married men; and, like many Americans, this included, presumably, those with 2.5 kids and a Labrador in the fenced-in backyard. But those Labs must have belonged to the wife & kids. Or at least the clients must have felt that way. For if the Lab was truly his best friend, he likely wouldn’t have needed to see me so often.

Sunday Funnies: Feel The Bern Edition

Hello, and welcome to Dirty Bernie, the phone sex hotline for those who want to get dirty with Bernie. As you know my campaign doesn’t take money for big banks, but I’m happy to take money for big wanks.

And so begins the dirty talk with Bernie Sanders… And, yes, there’s plenty of wet and messy (WAM), sploshing, fetish fun in this dirty talk.

If this excites you, you can celebrate with some heavy petting over these handmade blue velvet, high-waisted panties featuring Sanders & a cat. Remember, if you rub the pussy too long over the panties, you may actually feel another burn.

feel the bern bernie sanders with cat pussy panties

Saucy Saturday: Try My Boyfriend

We all know women talk dirtier than men ~ and we are quite happy to brag about our sexual exploits. We are especially happy to brag about our lovers. But what happens when your friends dare you to prove it? Well, that’s what happens in Try My Boyfriend.

XCONFESSIONS // Try My Boyfriend Sneak Peak Trailer from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

Another great porno film from Erika Lust of Lust Cinema. This one is filled with plenty of oral sex ~ and humor. Stars Anastasia, Zazel Paradise, Miyuki Son, Lina Bembe, Natalia Ferrari, and Jay Smooth.

try my boyfriend oral sex lust

Phone Sex Is An Art

In the February issue of Cosmo, Julianne Hough discusses the desire to keep intimacy alive in a relationship, including how difficult it is to talk dirty:

On her long-distance relationship and whether she and her fiancé have phone sex: “Oh, for sure. But I’m really bad at it … I’ll get halfway through and start laughing. It’s an art. I applaud people who are good at it. They need to come and help me keep a straight face!”

While I’d love to ponder how dreamy Hough might look while like masturbating during phone sex (and I’ll give you a moment to recover from the images in your mind too!), it may be more kind to offer Hough ~ and you ~ some tips on how to master the art of phone sex.

cosmopolitan-feb-16-julianne-hough-coverFirst, don’t worry what your face looks like. It’s phone sex; your partner can’t see you. (Plus, we all have orgasm faces ~ and we don’t worry about those once things get to that point!)

Second, it’s OK to laugh. It breaks the tension. Besides, giggles are often a part of hot sex.

Third, like anything else, talking dirty gets easier and better with practice. Whether you’re working with paint on canvas or words to make a sexy picture for your lover, practice matters. If you feel really uncomfortable starting out, why not practice with a pro? The folks who work at adult chatlines would be happy to lend you a virtual hand, assisting you while you work on the proper verbal strokes necessary to create your oral masturbation piece.

So, A Penis Bag Is A Thing

Every now & then I like to window shop at J List. It’s the easiest way to see, read about, and buy actual Japanese things here in the US. Today, I spotted a Otokonoko Bukuro.

Otokonoko Bukuro

Not knowing what “otokonoko” is, I put a pin in that for searching later & decided, in my Ugly American way, that given the product image, “Bukuro” seems enough like “burrito”. Turns out, I’m not so wrong. Only instead of wrapping your meat in a flour tortilla, you wrap your meat and beans it in silky luxury:

The latest trend in Japan’s otokonoko community is this Otokonoko Bukuro, a “penis bag” that securely fits over your penis and testicles, providing…we’re not sure actually. Protection? A smooth feeling? Sexy style? The material is extra soft, a silky two-way stretch material that will expand to handle any size.

Otokonoko Bukuro Penis Bag

As for otokonoko, the word translates to “male daughter”, and is part of a long history and deep continuum of crossdressing. More at Wikipedia, should you need to know.

At the end of the day, this Otokonoko Bukuro Penis Bag is rather like men’s pantyhose ~ without the pesky leg coverings.

japan penis bag

Creepy & Complex Sexual Discussions In The News Part Two (Trigger Warning)

It wasn’t until David Bowie passed that I heard about how he had slept with an underage girl.

At the age of 15, Lori Mattix was a self-described groupie in the 70s ~ a groupie who lost her virginity to David Bowie. Last November, in an interview at the Thrillist, the adult Mattix seemed fine about it. Even when Thrillist reporter Michael Kaplan pressed her about it, she seemed dreamily happy, gushing, “Who wouldn’t want to lose their virginity to David Bowie?”

Mattix’s stories of her groupie years, deflowering, and age have varied over the years ~ which is not stated here to cast doubt on her claims, but to point out that she clearly hasn’t viewed her sexual activities with Bowie (or others) to be rape or anything remotely close to it. But, as told in the Thrillist piece, Mattix was a minor and Bowie was not. So even with Mattix agreeing and desiring to have sex with Bowie, her age removes her legal ability to consent. This would make Bowie guilty, ethically if not legally, of statutory rape.

Yes, I know; we all took David Bowie’s death pretty hard. But I’m not posting this about Bowie per se…. I mean, sure, there are definitely implications and conversations we should be having regarding celebrities and abuse. And we do have some consumer power we can wield. But the real issues I am looking at in this conversation are the rights of young people to have any sexual autonomy, who decides who is victimized, and how autonomy and victimization impact one another.

While there are laws that specify ages at which a person is “adult enough” to legally consent, even those which outline what sorts of authoritative relationships render sexual acts as abuse, we all know that there is no magic age at which every person automatically becomes a mature adult. It’s clear ~ or damn well ought to be!~ that infants and young children are not in any sort of position to make decisions about their sexual lives, outside of masturbation, anyway (which is why the “part one” post is so upsetting). But at what point do we give young adults the power to make decisions about their own bodies and sexual needs?

At Medium, Jes Skolnik, survivor of child sexual abuse, writes poignantly about the Bowie situation from her point of view:

[Mattix] does not view herself as a victim. This does not excuse the fact that Bowie had sex with her when she was underage, but we need to allow survivors the ability to define our own realities and speak our own experiences. We can believe it was on him, as the adult, not to have sex with her, and we can understand the context for his actions without excusing them.

I had sexual contact with a lot of men inappropriately older than me when I was 13 and 14. 22, 23, 24, 25, 26-year-old men. Sometimes I initiated it; sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I felt coerced; sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I was forcibly raped. Sometimes these men used the power that they had as musicians I admired to appeal to me. Sometimes I was manipulated. Sometimes I wasn’t. I wanted to be loved; I wanted to be desired. I felt that sex was all I had to offer. This is clearly based on my own history as a survivor of child sexual abuse. You learn early on how to be used, how to offer yourself. That is what grooming does.

Were these men ethically wrong? Yes.

Do I feel that I was abused? Only in the situations where I felt forced or coerced. Which, again, was not all of them. Some of those relationships, even with uneven power dynamics involved, felt real, and mutual, and loving. I look back on them and don’t know how to feel about them. They are part of my life.

Were they pedophiles? Some of them. Some of them had a history of going after inappropriately young girls. Some of them didn’t. Some of them found themselves with me as an anomaly. Not everyone who commits statutory rape is a pedophile, someone who seeks out such encounters and has a significant pattern of doing so.

Others, including Mistress Matisse & Alex Morgan, added to the story on Twitter, addressing the issues of age, consent, and victim’s rights:

When does a child become adult enough to consent?

In some cultures and points in history, a girl was considered a woman when she began her menstrual cycle… Of course, with today’s diet, toxins, and changing parenting styles, adopting such a stance would make some six year old girls legal adults. And what about boys? When would they be considered adult men?

Do two fumbling 14 year-olds having sex make it less abusive simply because neither of them can know better under the law?

We should all seem able to agree that a victim’s opinion matters ~ but even there, people disagree. Many voice the “If she was too young to consent, she was too young to know better at the time ~ and whatever her memory of the event, it is permanently flawed by her age and trauma” sentiments.

These are complicated ideas, fraught with strong feelings. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be struggling with them. On the contrary. We should endeavor to struggle through these nuanced issues because of the strong feelings evoked.

In a rather odd way, even after death, Bowie continues to challenge us, make us take a look at what rules ought to be bent or broken.

Creepy & Complex Sexual Discussions In The News Part One (Trigger Warning)

Recently, The Atlantic covered the story of Shin Takagi and his company, Trottla, which produces life-like child sex dolls. Yes, you read & understood that correctly; Takagi produces life-like child sex dolls for pedophiles.

Takagi believes, though there is no data to support this, that by offering such dolls he is “helping people express their desires, legally and ethically.” Others, such as Peter Fagan from the John Hopkins School of Medicine, are skeptical and believe that contact with Trottla’s products would likely have a “reinforcing effect” on pedophilic ideation and “in many instances, cause it to be acted upon with greater urgency.” However, it should be noted too that the research Fagan cites to support such conclusions is based on offenders, leaving it unclear as to whether the effects would be different for non-offenders.

While Takagi and Trottla have been selling the dolls for over a decade, the controversial dolls are news to many. [Don’t worry, I won’t be showing you any of these dolls. It’s not just because Trottla’s website forbids reproduction of the images, “including the news,” but because they do more than creep me out. They make me ill. I won’t even link to Takagi’s website. For more info, see this Vice interview with Takagi from 2013 ~ when he insisted they were not sex dolls.]

One of the most outspoken and strident voices on Twitter to these dolls was Domina, and fetish Goddess, Vivian Martin. Among her choice tweets was this series on the entitlement and lack of self-control men have regarding their sexual urges ~ and how best to handle such things via castration:

Normally, I’m all for sexual fantasy play ~ but in this case, I’m with Martin.

Babies & children have no ability to give consent and creating sexual gratification devices in their image is more than unsettling. As the article in The Atlantic states, there is little study in this area. Until then, shouldn’t we all err on the side of sanity, if not caution? And, as Martin points out, why would it be legal or acceptable for a man to even role play his sexual urges with minors? This at a time when women’s rights to reproductive health and sexual autonomy are so limited?

This is enough to digest for now, leave comments if you are able; stay tuned for part two…

Free Love Was Born In The 60s, But It’s Coming Of Age Today; Is Your Adult Dating Profile Ready?

According to Google Trends, “sex hookups” have become more than just the stuff of a lonely person’s day dreams ~ or a horny person’s wet dreams. Over the past decade, people have moved from the idea of a cheap and easy sexual encounter to taking action by searching online. In fact, searches for “casual sex sites” has grown exponentially in the past five years as well ~ no doubt in response to the generous increase of websites, such as mysexhookups.com, which kindly offer to help folks meet their needs. Yes, free love may have been born in the 60s ~ but it’s coming of age now.

But you still have to put the work in to find a fuck buddy online. For example, you can’t just do as TechnicallyRon did, and let Google autocomplete fill in the blanks of your dating profile:

However, the biggest sins in creating casual sex dating profiles lay in the photos.

Here are simple tips on how not to screw-up your fuck buddy profile pictures:

1) At least one of your photos should have your face in it. In fact, your primary profile photo ought to have your face in it. Sure, this helps people recognize you when you meet; but seeing your face also puts people at ease. No one wants to risk being lured in by a hot Jessica Rabbit bod only to find themselves having one of those face-to-face-with-Lena-Hyena moments.

You can laugh all you want to; but this is what people fear on these dating sites. Since no one is actually as bad as Lena, don’t be so damn afraid to show your face.

2) Have someone else take natural photos of you to use in your hookup profile. This is not only so that you look like an actual person (instead of those fish-faced selfies), but it proves you have some friends & aren’t a creepy loner. And don’t have the friend take a picture of you in a random weird place. How about just a normal snapshot of you chillin’ at home. Oh, and don’t include other people in the pic. I mean, really ~ who else really wants to be on your sex profile?!

3) Keep nudity under wraps. Yes, these are adult sites; but come on, you needn’t flash all your bits to anyone who passes by your profile. In fact, here’s an escort promotional tip: Use your photos to tease them into wanting to see more of you.

By all means, take those nude photos. But save your completely nude photos in a private album or hold onto them until they are requested. Yes, gents, this includes those dick pics! Even when we women are actively seeking dick, we frown at guys who just whip it out & show it to anyone. Not only does this make you look desperate, but your fascination with your own cock makes you seem like a selfish lover.

Sunday Funnies: When Is A Blow Job Sad?

Yeah, we know we already posted a Sunday Funny ~ but many of you are stuck home, snow bound, looking for something to entertain you on the Internet. Seemed like the perfect time for a double-dose of Sunday Funnies.

We present: The World’s Greatest Blowjob Artist & the Sad Sad Plight of Her Brother. An intriguing little video from Atlanta-based comedy troupe Decent Humans. You can follow them on Twitter & YouTube.

PS We’re on the side of the poodle.