Sunday Funnies: 50 Shades Of Gran

In case you haven’t seen it yet, check out 50 Shades Of Gran:

Yes, old ladies (and old men) are sexually active and adventurous; check the news. But there’s something so fun about these naughty and sweet bits.

There’s a blog too; I just happen to prefer the tweets,

Lessons In Winnipeg Whores

While not all sex workers are into reclaiming the word “whore,” I personally don’t mind it at all. (I understand the political implications and significance of the most appropriate terms “sex work” & “sex workers” and respect those who personally hate the word “whore.” But, with equal respect, I am also entitled to appreciate the word “whore” for myself.) In fact, long before I became an escort, I embraced the word “whore.”

For example, I’ve long been amused by the old song Winnipeg Whore. I may be biased, as it was my first introduction to the song years ago, but I think this song is best when it’s performed like this vintage 1960s sing-along on Adam Stag Record #9.

Imagining my grandparents sitting around drinking beer and participating in a sing-along about a man using the services of a sex worker is, well, something I just wish I could have seen.

However, as it is with most folksy music, there’s a lesson to be learned from the song.

Here, this poor Winnipeg john has his watch & wallet lifted and so folks are advised to visit whores bare so as not to be rolled. The “lesson to be learned here” message is likely not only because this is a folk song either. I’m sure this is much like the old Hollywood Hays Code in that dirty deeds can happen as long as the sinners are punished. Amazingly, it is the john who suffers and not said Winnipeg whore.

But this is only one version of the song.

Like most folk songs, there are several version of the Winnipeg Whore. Grant Hamilton has already done the research and he’s even synthesized the various versions into what he believes is the bawdiest version. In Hamilton’s synthesized version, this is the best ~ and most illuminating ~ verse:

Fucked her once, fucked her twice,
Then I fucked her one time more;
She gave a shout and then she fainted
That was the end of the Winnipeg whore.

I love how the john imagines himself able to fuck his paid female companion into oblivion. Classic male fantasy.

Most illuminating in Hamilton’s post was my discovery of another song or set of songs about Winnipeg whores: Three Old Whores from Winnipeg. (There’s even a two-whore version.)

In all the versions of this song, the sex workers are competing for size bragging rights ~ and with lyrics like these, the women clearly aren’t bragging about the size of their johns dicks. It’s the size of their own genitalia:

Three old whores in Winnipeg
Were drinking a sherry wine,
Says one of them to the other two,
“Yours is smaller than mine.”

Chorus: Oh, take up the sheets, me hearties, water the decks with brine!
Bend to the oars, you lousy whores, none is bigger than mine!

“You’re a liar,” says the other old whore
“Mine’s as big as the sea,
The battleships sail in and out,
And never a bother to me”


“You’re a liar,” says the other old whore,
“Mine’s as big as the moon,
The ships sail in on the first of the year,
And never come out until June.”


“You’re a liar,” says the other old whore,
“Mine’s as big as the air,
the ships sail out and the ships sail in,
And never tickle a hair”


“You’re a liar,” says the first again,
I’d blush to be so small,
Many’s the fleet they sailed right in,
And never come out at all.”


It’s an odd commentary on how the ignorant might imagine a sex worker would brag about her success. Obviously, any successful sex worker knows the importance of keeping a tight ship. But society’s dim view of promiscuous women, paid or not, leads them to pretend that their sexual autonomy comes at a price ~ and that price is undesirability.

Don’t ask if porn “empowers” women – instead, ask if your feminism does

We don’t demand that waitresses feel “empowered” in their jobs for us to recognise their agency in choosing the work, and we don’t tell other workers who serve male customers that they can’t be feminist.


See on Scoop.itSex Work

I Scored On Sunday With A Campus Cutie

One of my vices is collecting sex history. In the past few years, I’ve been focusing mainly on collecting items pertaining to the history of sex work. But on Sunday when I was browsing in a local antique mall I found her, the Nitey Night Campus Cutie figurine made by Marx in 1964 (the year of my birth). With her, my Campus Cutie collection is complete! Now I might just take the others out of storage and display them all. No one in my house is into doll fucking or cumming on figurines, so they’ll be safe.


Sunday Funnies: 4 Out Of 6 Village People Preferred The Backside

Those statistics refer to which Sex Over The Phone single cover, front or back, the Village People liked best. Of course, I am only guessing. But I think there’s data to back it up. *wink*



Women Are Tits-Deep In Dick Pics

We’ve talked before about the whole dick pics thing. But recently, Rain DeGrey wrote about the subject, saying to those who send dick pics are “You are missing your target market.”

Dick is somewhat lower on a woman’s priority list. They actually care more about if you have your shit together, if you have a job, if you are confident, if you have some sort of skill set, if you are a functioning human being. Few and far between are the women that are so cock obsessed that the only thing that matters is the peen. That completely discount the dude attached to the dick and only care about what you are packing.

But you know who really really likes cock shots?

Gay guys.

Absolutely, completely true most of the time.

Sure, there are times when any hetero woman loves to see a photo of a raging hard-on. But usually that’s after we’ve actually had that cock and want to see it again, or when things between consenting adults have progressed to that point. You know, after we women have decided we want to see it and asked you to see it. Until then, let your cock remain a mystery. By all means, woo us into wanting you, and therefore it; but don’t just assume we want it, because more often than not we do not.

Here’s the thing, people: We may be on the Internet, but we are still people. Just as you ought not to plop that sucker out anytime, anyplace, anywhere in the real world, the same rules apply on the Internet. And the same reactions apply. Snap a pic of your cock, send your digital dick to a female, and she’s likely to become less interested in you.

That’s the biggest problem with dick pics: Men rush them. They deploy them like they are warheads of lust we women just won’t be able to refuse. Well, we may not be able to prevent them from being sent. But we typically can and do refuse to participate in anything sexual ~ and endeavor to avoid you in the future. You might think that once we see your mighty cock that we won’t be able to get enough of it, but the opposite is true. Pics of naked cock, upright or just laying there, is not only something we can get enough ~ it’s something we are sick and tired of.

And that’s the other problem with dick pics: The sheer volume of them.

This reminds me of the old ASL BS of the early Internet days… The second you hit that “F” key (for “Female” ~ twas before more accurate and appropriate gender options), you were hit with an onslaught of digital dick. It’s why so many of us lofted and created usernames that reflected no hint of being female.

gracies-stash-of-dick-picsI still have a number of those old dick pics. It’s not that I intended to save them per se; but ever since 1999, every time I got a new computer I copied the old files onto it and so they still exist. It may seem like an odd collection of dick pics, but everything, from tufts of body hair, moles, tattoos, and, yes, dicks offered while wearing leather motorcycle hats and smoking is all, at this point, too typical. So too are the ass shots showing themselves off wearing panties. See a montage, carefully cropped so as not to identify anyone in particular ~ and to avoid an actual dick pic. (You didn’t ask to see one, did you?)

Selfies weren’t so easy then. Either to take or to send. So sometimes a guy would tell you to wait a minute so he could take a photo of himself and he would disappear from chat for like 15 minutes. The first time this “please wait” message was sent, you waited. But your excitement at finally being able to see the face of this man you were speaking to hundreds or thousands of miles away was then met with the horror of a dick pic. So you likely never waited again. Sometimes, you’d leave the chat room and enter again with a different ID just to avoid the guy. But sites like AOL limited the number of user names you had and eventually some guy who’d sent you a dick pic would spot you. *sigh*  To give you an idea how bad it was, here’s a true story from my past.

Back in my escorting days, my security was a police officer. For the purposes of this story, we’ll call him “Jason.” One night, after working, he came back to my place just to hang out like any co-workers might do after work. I turned my PC on to send check-in messages to my safety circle (a sex worker can never be too safe!). I left the computer on while I went into the kitchen to get us some snacks. I wasn’t gone more than a few seconds when Jason shouted to me, “I thought you were off duty?”

“I am,” I replied, “Why?”

“You’ve got three photos of men’s cocks ~ make that four ~ five!”

By this time I’d returned with my hands full of beverages and whatnot. “That’s not even my escort ID* ~ see?”

“So why are these guys sending you pics then?”

“Why do you send girls online pics of your dick?”

He paused for a long time, just watching as the dick pics continued to pour in. “I just had no idea…”

I smiled, “You had no idea just how unoriginal you were? Or how much competition you had?”

“So what do you do, delete them all, or…?”

“Usually. But sometimes we girls, we get together and look at them.”


“Yes. It’s kind of how we survive this shit. Being so inundated, well, there’s somehow a certain sanity in numbers. We laugh at them together, wondering why they thought that was at even remotely sexy, or ranking them for the worst pic… Sometimes identifying them ~”

“Identify them?!”

“Sure. I’ll get the same pics as Kat** but under a guy’s different user name ~ and then we compare notes. Sometimes we get dark and play mind games with a guy, catch him in his lies and stuff. …Of course, there are the times we also act as health professionals, screening the dicks for obvious problems and try to get the guy into a doctor’s office ~ because, honey, that thing needs to be looked at but not in a sexual way!”

Jason was amazed. He had no idea how much of this went on. He thought he & his dick pics were special. But now he realized, they were not. No matter how amazing his dick ~ or any man’s is ~ it just doesn’t stand up stand out among all the dick pics a girl gets. And this is something that has not changed.

Chat rooms of yore may seem, well, quaint somehow… But with all the new methods of sending photos, the matter of dick pics is only worse. They pop up in chats, emails, blog comments, texts, you name it. The tech has advanced, which only means more means of sending dick pics ~ and we women are tits-deep in the things.

Get this straight: If you are not special to a woman then neither is your dick. Your dick will be ridiculed, the pic deleted and possibly even held against you in a court of law.

Of course, for some men, the ridicule is exactly what they are after. Whether it’s the small penis thing, the “forced faggotry fetish“, scenarios involving blackmail, public shaming, or whatever, guys like this should seek the services of a sex worker who is paid to pay attention.

Otherwise, most women simply don’t have the time or desire to do anything other than delete, block, and report. Sure, many of us are still meeting, sharing, and talking about your dick pics. Including mocking them. But unless you’re paying us to tell you, you’ll never know just what we think of your dick.

* My escorting clients or prospective clients never sent unsolicited dick pics.

** At this time, Kat was my next door neighbor.