Censored Classic Porn Review: A Dirty Western

Silent Porn Star & I watched porn together. Or, I should say, at the same time. We both took advantage of watching A Dirty Western (1975) at the same time online at Pleasure Classics, where a trial is just $4.95.

Silent Porn Star got me interested in the classic porno flick when she mentioned the film has rape fantasy scenes and still remains banned in many places. (I do so love to buck the censorship thing.) But we’ll get to those reasons and culture points of note after a regular review…

A Dirty Western is, as the title implies, an adult film based on the traditional Western film themes. The premise is that three bad men have escaped from prison and are on the lam ~ and you know they’re sure to find their sexual lambs to sacrifice, or this wouldn’t be an adult film. *wink* After the cool retro mod cartoon images set up the story line and giving the credits, we find ourselves at the rather beige homestead of a happily married couple living on the prairie in the late 1800s.

The film begins with an intimate but chatty scene between the farmer and his wife which sets up the story ~ not just the plot (including the fact that he’s soon to leave the homestead), but for some tender love-making.

There’s kissing ~ lots of kissing. Natural and rather lovey-lonesome-dovey. That’s not a bad thing at all. He fingers her pussy while he kisses her, then they fuck in the missionary. He sucks her tits, withdraws and goes down on her ~ yes, withdraws and eats her. I love that it’s not just something he does to get permission to enter.

There’s more kissing as he returns to lay by her side. Then she kisses and snuggles her way down his body to suck his cock ~ and get the money shot on his own stomach. He’s still hard enough for her to climb on top of and use him for her own pleasure. There’s a lot of hair to be seen here. (Remember, these are the days of beautiful but natural bodies in porn, that means hair. Not just on the pussies, not just at the base of cocks, but the men have more body hair than viewers of today’s porn will likely fathom.) After riding his cock, she pulls him out and rubs his semi-hard cock on her clit to finish herself off. The cheesy romantic music tells me so. Not-so-much-her-face, as Barbara Bourbon’s depiction of orgasm is rather the same as her pain face.

Dad, the farmer, leaves ~ leaves his wife and his three, yes, three, daughters, just like in all the jokes.

Meanwhile, not yet at the ranch, the three bandits are riding…

When the banditos stop to rest their horses, that’s when they spot the little house on the prairie.  The leader, complete with black eye patch, rides to get the lay of the place (heh heh) while the two sidekicks remain behind. It’s they who will spot the farmer’s three daughters, womanly daughters, who are conveniently bathing in ye olde waterhole.

None too bright, the one fresh-from-prison dude is thirsting ~ for water, leaving his wiser escapee buddy to ask him, “If you had the choice, what would you take, water or cunt?!”

Somewhere between that classic line and the next bit of film, the daughters are out in front of the barn, naked as jay birds, giggling and snapping towels at each other. (You don’t watch porn for historical accuracy, but the mod printed towels in ye olde west will likely make you giggle.)  Mom appears and admonishes them before she returns to the house.

The lead bandit spies all this, lurking around a corner, and the sight of nude women all alone must be why he passes up the sheep. *wink*

He sneaks into the house and corners the Mrs.

Naturally, she resists his advances; i.e., she wails at being told to strip. (Apparently buttons at the wrists of sleeves are more difficult to remove than the layers of skirts and petticoats.) He takes her on the kitchen table, emitting another classic line,  “Seven years, I’ll really make you scream,” if not his seed.

I love that the first to come is the first to be served (if not cum?) and he opts for the Mrs., not the farmer’s daughters. MILF rules!

Now the sidekicks arrive, on a mission to dip their heads in the dripping wet rain barrels ~ not a euphemism, they opt for drinks and splashes on their faces, and some good-natured dunking of one another, rather than the dewy nude young women.  Now we know why they are the sidekicks.

The leader, I call him Eye-patch McGee, forces mom to go outside and join her daughters. The daughters, who were as oblivious to mom’s plight as they were the thirsty gentlemen callers,  stop their towel-snapping fights and begin their frightened mewing upon seeing mom nude at gunpoint.

Now that they are all together, mother defends cubs, “Please leave my girls alone!” One of the sidekicks sniffs the clothes left on the ground by the daughters, saying, “I almost forgot what pussy smells like.” As if the real thing wasn’t right there.

Talk about a literal dumb fuck.

Into the barn they all go…

Again, mom is the first to get it, doggie (or is it horsie in a barn?) style.  Then she has to suck cock while getting it from behind. When the two sidekicks are done with mom, they leave her naked and tied to the outside of the barn, praying for her daughters who are taken away by the men. Don’t worry, help arrives from the posse looking for the escaped prisoners. But one of the men in the posse has salacious thoughts and has to be admonished that he’s as bad as the bad guys they are chasing. Mom gets dressed and joins the posse following the trail of the prisoners.

Meanwhile, the prisoners and their female captives stop for water. You know what that means ~ underwater blow jobs! And some rather homoerotic horseplay. I guess seven years is a long time and old habits are hard to break, even when cunt is around. Not that the men fuck each other, but I don’t know any guys who would bother splashing one another when they were being serviced.

There’s more horseback riding… Blah, blah, plot, blah.  The fugitives and their kidnapped women stop for a rest in some cave hideout. Here the girls hatch a plan…

In order to carry out their plan, they say they want the men to make them happy.  But escaping and raping is hard work, so the men are tired and they tell the sisters to turn themselves on, they want a little shuteye.

What are girls to do? So they start turning each other on, forming a mouth-to-pussy chain.  But now the men don’t look so sleepy… One by one they slowly wind themselves into the scene.

I won’t tell you all the details, or just when the posse and mom arrive to save the day; I will just say that dead men tell no tales.

OK, so this isn’t the best story telling. It’s not the height of acting; but it’s not much worse than the B Movie Westerns it takes it simple plot from. And why should it be any better? It’s a simple erotic fantasy (in two significant parts; tender romantic coupling and rough sex) designed to help you make love to yourself, or your partner.

A Dirty Western is no porno-parody, per se, but it does have more than a bit of kitsch and a pinch of corn that one learns to expect even from films from The Golden Age of Porn. I find humor helps ~ why should you take your self-abuse or your lovemaking so seriously? Plus, in this movie you do get better than the usual blow-me-fuck-me formulaic in one room porno.

For me, this film has everything you need in a pornographic film: a plot, several scenes/stories, humor, hot non-formulaic sex, and real looking, but attractive, bodies. Plus, A Dirty Western has the distinction of being a taboo film.

Enter Silent Porn Star and her commentary…

A Dirty Western has the distinction of what I call Cultural Significance because it has the rather rare distinction of being an adult film with modest mainstream success (because, yes, A Dirty Western was shown as an uncut hardcore porno in theaters back in The Golden Age Of Porn) — while containing taboo themes of rape and incest.

Unlike films like Hannie Caulder (1971), the rape scenes in A Dirty Western are explicit and expressly for titillating the audience; they are more than gratuitous, they are pure pornography. That’s at least one strike.

Another strike is that the three sisters are told to “turn each other on” — and that they do so.  While the threesome girl-on-girl scene is rather arousing, that’s part of the problem.  It’s incest, un-pure and simple. And it certainly doesn’t help any that the scene of the sisters plotting to distract their captors is brief, leaving an audience with shall we say ‘affected blood flow’ issues to miss that this is an actual plot point.

The next issue, or supposed third strike, is actually more myth than fact.

In the original theatrical trailer (seen in Cumming Soon!) , there’s a line that appears to have been struck before the film was released.  Near the end, when the sisters are in the cave with their captors, one of the escaped criminals grabs the youngest daughter and the sisters yell, “Not Maria, she’s a virgin!”  This has lead to the legend that video copies of this film have been cut, but all the evidence leads me to believe that this line of audio was erased prior to the film’s release to remove the taint that any of the daughters was underage.

This matter of age is also why there’s so much dialog in the first scenes of the film. The husband and wife discussing daughters of marrying age is a narrative construct which not only adds cinematic value to the work, like the rather lush horseback riding scenes, but their conversation is also there to allay audience fears and, certainly, to avoid obscenity charges for the movie and the movie’s makers. Even if the marrying age of the setting of the film has nothing to do with the legal age in 1970s America, the minors-having-sex bullet is dodged.

However, now that I’ve actually seen the classic vintage porn film, I am struck by more than the mere impossibility of such a film making it to theaters today…

[Warning: Spoiler Alert! If pornos can have endings ruined?]

Despite the film’s Production Code-esque ending, in which the villains get what’s coming to them, the most dramatic display of justice is portrayed by the mother. Even when the daughters dispense their justice, it is not portrayed with the a sense of rage, personal or moral; nor is there any sense of relief. The lack of such an emotional response coupled with the less-than-clear plotting at camp scene leaves me with a sense of ambiguity about the daughters…

I can’t help but see them not as rape victims but as women with rape fantasies. Perhaps this was by design; we’re supposed to view them as participants in rough sexual role play. It certainly would have made the censors more tolerant. Not to mention appease audiences who wanted to enjoy their arousal without any nagging worries. I know that worked for this woman who enjoys her own rape fantasies. Even if the incest thing was a bit difficult to get past.

Those of you who’ve seen the film are encouraged to share your thoughts.

Cast:

Barbara Bourbon
Richard O’Neal
Geoff Parker (as Geoffrey Parker)
Dick Payne
Levi Richards
Vern Rossi
Starlyn Simone (as Simone)
April Grant (as Lois Grant)
Gloria Hope
Lee O’Donnell (as L.Q. O’Donnell)
Sonny Franzese

Written & Directed by Joseph F. Robertson
VCX, 71 minutes

3 thoughts on “Censored Classic Porn Review: A Dirty Western

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