This has spawned BoobsRUs to produce one for pups.
This, of course, immediately reminded me of the Japanese Butter Dogs. Back in the day when I was a columnist for the now-defunct Adult Backwash, I remember the “craze” all-too-well. Not only because all references to bestiality provoke a discussion of the odd spelling of the word (Shouldn’t it be “beastiality”? It certainly isn’t the “best” sex ~ for anyone.), but because of the incredulity of such a thing as butter dogs.
Butter dogs get their names from their labors ~ namely lapping butter off the labia of women. If you don’t believe me (and likely these purveyors of pet fashions won’t ~ or will be horrified), I’m prepared for that.
While the site were such stories appeared, Mainichi Daily News, is as dead as Backwash ~ and not allowed to be archived by the Wayback Machine (censorship at it’s finest *snort*) ~ I, however, know of an archive (or at least a partial one). In this article (March 4, 2005), the news of the dogs in Japanese Bakademy Awards. These awards are a parody of the US Academy Awards, the name derived from the Japanese-English contraction of baka, meaning stupid, and academy. In other words, these are the Japanese silly smut awards. Here, a butter dog wins “best actor”:
The Acting award went to the dogs, with Goo, a miniature Chihuahua, taking off the top prize. Goo’s flicks parody the hugely popular commercials with a Chihuahua star for a consumer finance company offering instant loans anywhere, any time.
Goo picked up its acting award for its on-call appearances as a “butter dog,” the name given to pooches that lap up melted butter screen starlets pour over their erogenous zones.
Goo’s career follows in the footsteps of other legendary Japanese butter dogs such as:
RASSHIE, a play on the Japanese pronunciation of “Lassie” that can also be written using the characters for “nude” (and a perfect choice to star in a movie called “Rasshie Cum Home”); and,
RIN CHIN CHIN, modeled of course on Rin Tin Tin but written using characters that can also be read in a way that translates as “gonorrhea infected penis.”
In this story, Big, bold butter dogs lap up porno stud roles (dated May 1, 2003), more details on the butter dog duties are reported along with the fact that dog wages were 200,000 yen per flick ~ while the female porn stars in these films made half that.
But that’s not the half of it. These dogs were better cared for in general than the adult actresses, as Declan Hayes reports in The Japanese Disease: Sex and Sleaze in Modern Japan:
The more progressive porno companies have replaced butter with non-sugar yogurt to keep the dogs fit and trim and to ensure that the animal rights activists do not target them.
Unlike human porno performers, where grunting is an essential part of the package, it’s important that porno dogs do the dirty deed in stoic silence; dogs must not bark in anticipation or even as they climax. And because dogs aren’t always able to get get an erection when they want to and it;s also hard to arouse a Japanese dog when it’s not in heat, the crew can be stuck around waiting for hours at a time until the pooch is properly aroused. And then there’s the issue of diseases. Although trainers are very worried that their dogs will become infected by unprotected sex with the Japanese porn stars, dogs don’t like to wear condoms.
Even when the dogs are ready to perform, it’s not always that easy. Dogs’ lives are shortened if they ejaculate too much. Although labradors generally live for about 10 years, if they’ve appeared in adult videos, their lifespan is generally halved. It seems dogs don’t like being made to ejaculate when they’re not in heat. That’s why Japan’s animal rights campaigners insist that a dog can ejaculate only once per day while shooting an adult movie.
Not everyone’s a fan of Dr. Declan Hayes’ book. First, let’s be fair; the author himself calls the work “the mother of all Japan bashing books” at least twice in the Introduction alone. Second, few, if any, take him to task for lies *; folks just don’t like his “outraged” attitude ~ and they really dislike his abundant use of footnotes. WTF. Ignore them if they are of no interest.
However, isn’t the biggest issue that Hayes (and no reviewers I could find) wouldn’t take issue with the fact that butter dogs are worthy of so much attention (in Japanese culture and the book passage itself) while the female porn stars get so little?
I guess in that sense, America has a lot in common with Japan; animal rights activists are more of a concern than sex workers rights.
* One could perhaps argue the effects of ejaculation on the lifespan of dogs, butter or otherwise; but no one does. Take that, footnote haters!