Know The Fundamentals: Sex & Relationship Facts Rant

I’m back from vacation, and, reading the news, I guess I’m not as rested as I thought; I’ve got more Grrr than Prrr.

I’m not sure what bothers me more: people freaking out over Fifty Shades of Grey ~ more precisely the idea of women liking to be submissive, or the stereotype of men as biologically designed to cheat. (Those links are just tips of icebergs I have no patience to fully research and document to the depths for you; feel free to do so yourself.)

On the subject of the former, I’ve not read Fifty Shades of Grey. Or even bothered to listen to Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart read from it. But since when do the acts, opinions, and erotic dreams of characters in books matter so much?

The book’s popularity is much based in love of the forbidden ~ both the sexual taboos and the feminist ire ~ as it is actual interest of men and women interested in the fantasy of female sexual slavery, sadism, etc. Some of the fantasies will be sated just be reading; others will act on them too. Yes, there are people, female people, who love being dominated sexually and punished physically for erotic and romantic satisfaction. Like desiring acts of chivalry, this does not make them any less feminist. Nor does it make their male partners misogynistic bastards.

We can all have sexual fantasies; we can even act on them. Proper good and feminist or not. The brain and the genitals want what they want. So long as no one is (truly) hurt, who gives a fuck? …Well, a partner should literally give a fuck, of course. But otherwise, it’s nobody’s damn business.

The range of human (and emotional) sexuality goes deeper than orientation and gender identification ~ something some of us seem to be struggling with more now than ever before. *heavy sigh* But get over it people. Face the facts. If you need help, I, of course, recommend, our book on BDSM.

As for the “men are wired to cheat” mythos, well, I told you to watch Why is Sex Fun? on the Discovery Channel.

There’s plenty of biological evidence ~ real science, y’all, to prove that human beings are designed and rewarded for pairing and bonding. It’s not just some purely Victorian construct of romance, perpetuated by love songs, that keeps us searching for our Mr. and Ms. Right. We were created, as biological animals, not only to “cum” together and generate offspring, but to come together emotionally and support one another for the survival of ourselves, our offspring, our species. This is achieved by everything from orgasms which physically direct sperm to eggs (both male and females do that, by the way), to the reactions which bond us not only chemically but in memory.

We are in fact wired to find good mates and rewarded to stay with them.

Even if there are no offspring. (Hear that, heteros?)

This is why we suffer loneliness.

Yes, there is a question as to whether the reward systems and bonds between mates are designed to last an entire adult lifetime; even if greatly assisted by current cultural supports/expectations. However, there is nothing to biologically suggest cheating.

Cheating is a betrayal; it is not the drive or biological imperative to foster a greater number of viable offspring. Cheating is destruction. It is a lack of respect for biology and souls.

Perpetuating such mythinformation that a man needs to cheat is bullshit. It’s just as damaging to men as it is to women. It enslaves us, and not in that good kind of kinky way.

All this sort of crap sets up humankind to fail. And I don’t just mean the breeding aspect. Whatever our gender, orientation, cultural and financial backgrounds, religious beliefs or pleasurable erotic fantasies, we all have to get along somehow. Understanding and acceptance of differences which ultimately have no harm is the real fundamental approach.