Faking orgasms; we’ve all done it.
It’s not that you don’t like sex, but maybe you’re not that interested in sex right at the moment. Maybe you’d just rather watch your favorite TV show. Maybe you’d rather just go to sleep. Or maybe you are having a good time, but you don’t want to go “all the way” and have a real orgasm. Some women, like our dearly beloved and now departed Jewel, have medical reasons for avoiding orgasms; the very muscles and nerves that supply moments of intense pleasures also affect muscles and nerves which give you pain in the days that follow.
Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s just easier (and takes less time) to let him finish than to spend the time (and risk hurting his feelings) than to explain the situation. Faking orgasms may not be ideal; but it is a reality.
We can’t in good faith say, “Stop faking orgasms.” Yet there are repercussions for faking your pleasure.
Certainly, faking pleasure can deny yourself actual pleasure. And by faking orgasms to please a partner, you may be avoiding communicating to your partner what you do like and would actually orgasm from; that doesn’t serve you well. You may be hurting yourself, your partners, and your relationships by denying your partners the satisfaction of providing real orgasms. Yes, there are men who genuinely do care about your pleasure and take great pride in being skillful lovers. (Some mensches even use your clues to orgasm with you, or after you!)
Beyond that, your fake orgasms are conditioning your partners to work for specific signs as clues to a job well done. Often this results in you having to repeat your fake orgasm performances. Elizabeth Donaldson illustrates with a story about a friend of hers who “who made a terrible, life-changing mistake” one night:
She and her partner had been at it for some time when she realised she was missing a rather vital episode of Game of Thrones. Her partner was not really in a position to change tack.
He was hammering away at it, determined to ride her over the horizon to a new place of coital bliss. He had really pulled out all the stops from focused foreplay to cunnilingus; he had not taken a single short cut.
An effort like that is never disregarded, not even by the most mean-spirited woman. So, motivated by kindness and good manners, she faked an orgasm.
This in itself is not a terrible, life-changing mistake.
Lord no, faking orgasm is a useful, even crucial, element in a woman’s sexual repertoire. No, the mistake was to throw in a spectacular leg spasm for good measure. After all, her partner had gone to so much effort; she felt a little something extra was required. And so their carnal coupling came to a flamboyant end. He was pleased with himself and she got to watch her show.
As humorous as this may sound, the repercussions are not so funny:
You see, she had set a new standard for orgasm that she has to replicate every time they have sex. Even her most genuinely victorious orgasms are now met with disappointment by her partner if she doesn’t do “the leg thing”. Her sex life has turned into carefully orchestrated cabaret. To make matters worse, she’s now married to the man and (if all goes well) is now condemned to a life of faked leg spasms.
Similarly, this sort of orgasm faking (or exaggeration) often has to take place because, especially for women, no two orgasms are alike.
Like snowflakes, female orgasms come in nearly unlimited varieties. And quantities. If you are or know someone who is multi-orgasmic, you know this to be true. One look at her face, and you can see the variations in power, beauty, agony, and nearly every other nuance of pleasure.
This fact that women have different orgasms is the way out of the faked orgasm game.
Inform your partner that the leg spasm isn’t the only sign of orgasm ~ or even the only sign of a fucking fantastic orgasm. Explaining the various types of orgasms, what they feel like, what causes them, and, yes, what they may result in, is not only informative (and therefore may release you from your purgatory of orgasm faking), but it can be erotic as hell.
Image Credits: Beautiful Agony.