Sunday Funnies: Vintage Washington Porn Edition

While the world cringes from the current political circus, including recalling sex scandals of the past (some of which may just make the news again thanks to the lawyer for the DC Madam!), we invite you to remember ~ or enjoy for the very first time ~ a classic John Holmes film set in Washington DC: The Senator’s Daughter.

vintage The Senator's Daughter john holmes lesllie bovee

This 1978 porno, directed by Don Flowers, is a tongue in cheek play not only on the dirty side of Washington but on the popularity of TV’s The Six Million Dollar Man. The plot, in case you were interested, features the legendary & larger than life John Holmes as John Galt ~ a famous porn star who is disfigured in a car accident and agrees to undergo experimental surgery in exchange to serve his country as a special agent.

john holmes as bionic secret agent galt

This is no ordinary car accident. As Galt was being fellated during the car ride, his money-maker was completely bitten off during the accident. So the surgery gives him not only a bionic eye, arm, and legs, but a 12-inch bionic dick too ~ cuz, you know, that’s what secret agents need. To the delight of the doctor and nurses, his bionic dick works! (I say most of the nurses are delighted, because one is rather abused and seeks comfort with her mentor ~ you know, in order to get the requisite lesbian scene in.)

vintage lesbian nurses

Then Holmes/Galt is off on this first assignment, which is, of course, to rescue the titular senator’s daughter. The teenage daughter, played by Lesllie Bovee aka Leslie Bovee and Leslie Dubuex, has been kidnapped by the Russian syndicate. Their evil plan is to make a cyborg copy of her ~ which they manage to pull off, but Holmes/Galt thwarts their plans by shooting the cyborg double with his bionic cock weapon. This thrills Mission Control, who has been monitoring everything via the bionic-electronics. The scientists at Mission Control are so excited by the fruits of their labor that they have a party. At the one female scientist’s expense: “Nancy, since you’re the only girl, we’re all gonna kind of gang-bang you.”

Meanwhile, the senator’s daughter is still missing. She’s being held in Tangiers ~ and being repeatedly raped by the Russian kidnappers.

lesllie bovee leslie vintage porn

So the agent’s work isn’t done yet. Along the way, Holmes’ magnificent tool is used in highly unethical, hardcore interrogation efforts.

holmes in tangiers interrogation vintage porn

Spoiler Alert!

In the end, the senator’s daughter is rescued ~ and she marries her secret agent hero.

This film is also included in The Best Of John Holmes Classic Collection ~ which, like The Senator’s Daughter, you can stream online, download, or pay per minute view.

holmes bovee marry

I Want To Believe, Do You?

Sure, Mulder loves porn…

But for those of us who are missing spending our Monday nights with The X-Files (hey, we may still get more ~ eventually), for those who never stopped lusting after X-Files-esque fantasies, there’s Kink’s X-Files porn parody, Mulder Loves Scully: A Sci Fi Gangbang. Full of hardcore, gangbang, fantasy fun.

Starring Juliette March, Tommy Pistol, Mickey Mod, Mark Wood, Karlo Karrera, & Jon Jon.

“The Bitch” From “The Stud”

Joan Collins as Fontaine Khaled in The Stud.

joan collins stockings

The Stud was a 1978 soft-core flick based on the novel written by ~ you guessed it! ~ Jackie Collins.

Enjoy this ~ 5 minute clip montage of the film played to the film’s astonishing-period theme song. Breathlessly sing along, “The Stud, what’s his name, what’s his name!”

To be factually correct about this posts’ title, Collins/Khaled weren’t officially “The Bitch” until the sequel (book and film).

UPDATE:

Here’s the trailer:

Coins In The Slot (Or, Golden Escort Fantasies)

In Australia, where sex work is legal, a Gold Coast sex worker has been advertising her escort services by touting her past modeling experiences. Sounds like a good marketing ploy, right? Wrong.

golden fantasy escortAn Australian escort, who goes by the name “Wild, Raunchy Blondie” under a “Golden Fantasy” escort listing, has been promoting herself as a “stunning meter maid from the Gold Coast” and an “Original Golden Meter Maid.”

Gold Coast meter maids at Surfers Paradise in 1971Despite how that name may sound here in the USA, the “Golden Meter Maids” have nothing to do with any sort of showers. Instead, the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids are legendary tourist attractions, with a 50 year legacy. Pretty women wearing skimpy golden bikinis & the obligatory high heels who wander around the streets of the Australia’s Gold Coast, aka Surfers Paradise, protecting motorists from parking violations. When the beauties spot a meter about to expire, they plug in the requisite coin and place a card on the vehicle’s windshield which reads, “You have just been saved from a parking fine by the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids.” The coins are supplied by the company ~ who earns plenty more by selling tourists trashy & sexy-in-that-college-frat-boy-way souvenirs.

While it’s rather probably that this particular “Golden Fantasy” had worked as one of the meter maids, she did so having signed a disclaimer vowing not to “bring the brand into any form of ill-repute.”

Bikini_Cooler_meter_maidsYes, the company that brings you $15 cheap plastic bikini can coolers, is worried that their image is being tarnished by sex.

Once a meter maid herself, Roberta Aitchison has owned the 50 year old company for the past 30 years. And Aitchison is zealously guarding her kitschy brand, contacting those she feels violate the trademark and the disclaimer. Including taking action against “Golden Fantasy” over this past weekend.

But Aitchison is facing bigger problems than that. Advanced new parking meters are working to render the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids obsolete. And it’s not just the technology, either. Local business owners are complaining that the meter maids are “in clear breach of the council’s anti-touting laws by selling merchandise to tourists.” That news story also says that Aitchison’s business is struggling to attract maids. Perhaps it’s because potential meter maids know they can make more as sex workers ~ when the meters are running.

Saucy Saturday: Vintage Becky Bailey Edition

Kyle wrote in asking about one of the models in last week’s leg warmer post:

That ebony model with the very 80s workout outfit, Becky Bailey, do you know more about her?

That photo of Becky Bailey, aka, “Jayne,” came from this athletic spread for vintage men’s mag, Razzle (Volume 4. Issue 25 & 26 Xmas Special, 1986).

vintage workout grow your melons

vintage becky bailey workout

While in the vintage pictorial shoot, Becky was presented as a “gorgeous dark girl” for a supposed request for the same from a “black youth” (In a men’s mag, this request is about as reliable as a Penthouse letter ~ or describing her workout as “doing exercises to make her tits even bigger!”), there is some confusion regarding Becky Bailey’s ethnic heritage. And, no, blonde wigs don’t exactly help. *wink*

natural tits and ass lingerie vintage vintage becky red stockings natural bush from behind vintage toples blonde becky bailey vintage becky bailey blonde wig lingerie becky red and black lingerie vintage peek a boo with becky vintage mens mag

She was quite a popular busty model though, appearing in many men’s magazines, such as the American Gent magazine (“Home of the D-Cups”, Dugent Publishing;  August, 1986, cover) and UK publications like Tozerward Ltd.‘s Bounce (legend has it issue 31 has black & white photos of Becky). As was the way back then, Becky worked under, or was billed with, various names in these magazines, including as “Becky Rogers.”

gent d-cups vintage mag august 1986

She also appeared numerous times in the pages of Asian Babes, and made the cover of  Volume 1, Issue 5 (1995), where Bailey was billed as a “100% Asian” girl “Keziah.”

vintage asian babes keziah

Adding to the confusion, she also worked under the name the name “Becki Brown.”

vintage becki brown in shower

But, according to a fan nbwriter, Becky was East Indian:

I am 99 per cent sure Becky is “second generation” East Indian. That means her parents were born in East India (Pakistan) but she was most likely born in the UK. I believe I encountered her (by chance) in my 20s in a UK town (known for a larger asian population).

In this soapy spread, also from vintage men’s mag Razzle (Volume 4, Issue 10, circa 1997), she was rub-a-dub-dubbed “Ayesha.”

Razzle Vol. 04 No. 10 vintage soapy

vintage asian indian girl Ayesha in Razzle men's mag

She also appeared in at least two (British made) soft core films, under the name “Becky R.

But that’s about all I know… If anyone else can add to her story, please do!

busty vintagenBecky_Rogers-becki-brown

Fetish Alert: Weird Vintage Shakers

This + This = This.

weird risque vintage salt & pepper shakers

But I’m not entirely convinced these two shakers are an original set, but rather single shakers put together.

Vintage nude salt and pepper shaker, Mid Century modern pottery, 1950’s nude one piece is the top half of her with salt coming out of breasts, the other are her legs coming out of the ocean/ground with even painted toe nails one hole for pepper

Flexible Laurien Wilde: Leg Warmers & High Heels

Speaking of leg warmers

The glorious 80s also gave us other videos ~ which gave directors, models, and actresses the ability to flex those fantasies explicitly… Perhaps none so well as the short-lived Laurien Wilde, also known as Lauren Wild, Kresten Boyd, Tina Ross, Tina Ronnie, Tina Ashley, Christy Boyd, Lauren Summers, and Bernadette Farrar. (She died tragically young, at the peak of her career, at the age of 20 in a car accident.)

laurien wilde tina ross leg warmers heels vintage porn

laurien-wilde explicit leg warmer vintage porn

Celebrating The Early Days Of Spring With The Leg Warmer Fetish

Eight years ago I wrote about the nostalgia for 80s porn. While I am still searching for erotica and explicit porn featuring shaker sweaters, I am happy to report that leg warmers are alive and well ~ and not just in retro or vintage porn, but offered by today’s porn producers too.

Not everyone is a fan, even if they do understand the whole foot fetish thing. Perhaps they simply don’t understand this variation of the leg lover. Or perhaps you have to be of a certain age to have fond recollections of leg warmers… (Not that your nostalgia has to be my nostalgia.) From classy to sassy, leg warmers were everywhere ~ including porn.

Marianne_Gravatte_leg_warmers

Becky Bailey vintage leg warmers so 80s

Leg warmers have always had a connection to dance & fitness ~ and the 1980s certainly gave many men the chance to masturbate to aerobic and exercise videos in the same way generations before them pleasured themselves via mom’s lingerie catalogs (and before that, just the pages in departments store catalog pages which sold undergarments).

jane fonda leg warmers

The fitness angle continues today, to be sure. But leg warmers have also been adopted by others as well.

There are those seeking snuggley comfort… Both the wearer and viewer enjoy the softer, sweeter, more intimate things in life…

tasty-trixie-fuzzy-pink-legwarmers

And then there are those with those Japanese kawaii fantasies. While “kawaii” means “lovable, cute, or adorable,” apparently the Japanese only call leg warmers “Super Loose Socks“. (Which is more than a little disappointing, even after all my time documenting the weird Japanese names for fetish things). But hosiery, by any other name, still looks (and possibly smells) as sweet by any other name, so…

japanese anime leg warmers

Here, the appeal is largely that of a cute schoolgirl ~ even if the point of view is a peepin’ perv.

authentic japanese loose socks aka leg warmers

But of course, leg warmers are not only part of fashion, comfort, or even simple role play ~ they can be part of extreme cosplay. Depending upon how loosely you wish to define “leg warmers,” there are steampunk variations and even limb covers for those who enjoy the whole furry thing

pawstar furry fetish cosplay leg warmers boot covers

But this whole subject ~ like many ladies’ legs! ~ can go on for days… Suffice it to say, leg warmers remain hot.

Image Credits: 1) Marianne Gravatte wearing leg warmers, circa 1982, from the pages of Playboy Playmate Collection #4 (1983 imported Japanese edition); 2) Becky Bailey, from headband to leg warmers, from big hair to pubic hair ~ so 80s it hurts; 3) the iconic & legendary Jane Fonda; 4) the super sexy to snuggle with Tasty Trixie; 5) Japanese anime girl and Asian school girl wearing leg warmers via JList; 6) Pawstar Party Furz Faux Fur Furry Leg Warmers.

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Swizzle Sticks Edition

You don’t need a mid-century modern bar ~ or even a pair of hi-balls ~ to understand the humor of these vintage swizzle sticks. Six pinup babes presenting comic “bubbles” with the following humorous quotes:

Chaste Makes Waste
Accidents Cause People
Sex Can Make Insomnia a Pleasure (2 of these)
Sex is an In and Out Thing
Have Good Clean Fun: Shower with a Friend

6 vintage pinup girl swizzle sticks with jokes