Tale As Old As Time? Beauty & The Beast Buzz

Pop Sugar thought they were clever posting about a Beauty & The Beast inspired dildo. Maybe they were; I mean, why not capitalize on the new buzz surrounding Disney’s live action remake of Beauty & The Beast. Even if most of that buzz surrounds the upset over an openly gay character (Hey, at least it’s not Lumière, as a “flaming” candle.) instead of the teenage-buffalo romance:

Why let the fact that the rosebud-tipped glass dildo (which clearly stays away from anything remotely related to the fairy tale or “Belle”) has been around for quite awhile stop you either.

However, why point to the most expensive purchasing option for the toy? Not only is the Prisms Budding Rose Shaped Glass Dildo cheaper on Amazon ~ nearly half the price ~ but it ships free with Prime, and that means you’re not waiting the two weeks the other shop notes for shipping.

There are other glass rose sex toy options as well. But if the whole point was to capitalize on “the buzz,” why not go with a rose vibrator?

Get Lucky, Save Some Green

Just a heads-up that there’s site-wide sale at Sexclectic: up to 35% off, March 3, 20016 – March 17, 2016 ~ just in time for Saint Patrick’s Day festivities. Yes, Virginia, there’s more to St. Patrick’s Day than green beer. You’ve got your shamrock pasties and green wigs ~ not to mention the after-bar goodies, like Irish creme flavored massage oil, green sex toys, and clover nipple clamps. Hey, even stuff from those pots of gold!

Save even more with these exclusive codes:

Use code SEXKITTEN and take $10 off orders of $50 or more.

Or use code SKWAY to take 15% off any order.

st-patricks-banner-get-lucky

Why Wait For Black Friday Or Cyber Monday? Save On Adult Gifts Now With These Coupon Codes

If you’d prefer to get your shopping done sooner, rather than latter, while the selection is strong, use these exclusive discounts and shop at Sexclectic ~ a very discreet shop with one of the largest inventories of sex toys, sexy lingerie, and adult gifts, all at the best prices.

SEXKITTEN $10 off orders of $50 or more.

Or use code SKWAY to take 15% off any order.

sexy christmas gifts

Back When Smoking Was Way More Acceptable Than Smut…

This rather unassuming pack of “Mild” cigarettes was anything but mild back in the day, it was pretty wild!

vintage mild cigarette pack viewer

For the man’s man who was on the go and still needed to enjoy a peepshow, this portable little plastic box was merely designed to look like the average Joe’s pack of cigs. In reality, it operates much like the Fisher Price camera you likely had as a kid ~ only instead of seeing a trip to the zoo, you get a whole other sort of education by peeping at “art studies” of “Hollywood’s most glamorous art models” which are ~ you guessed it ~ nudes.

vintage hollywood glamour art model peepshow nudes

This particular portable pack of vintage porn is Series 1. Appropriately, you were to ask your dealer for more.

get more from your dealer

Sunday Funnies: Marriage Bed Up In Smoke Edition

A young bride turns the tables on her snake-charming husband when his limp cock won’t rise to the occasion on this vintage ashtray. From 1954 this vintage ash tray comes complete with a little flute to jokingly raise the dead dick. Other than ignorant racism, I cannot account for the exclamation of, “Fakir!”

vintage snake chamer ashtray

Sunday Funnies: Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing! Edition

Straight out of the swinging 60s, a pair of Bedtime Bells that announce “Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing!”

ring a ding time to swing vintage 60s

The seller’s details:

“Ring When Ready!” It pictures a frisky couple on the face (although timid by today’s standards, it was considered naughty back in the day). Cardboard construction with two copper bells. Overall very good condition w/ some edge/corner wear. Vibrant colors remain. Each copper bell reads “Come and get it!” Noted “© 1968 A.Freed Novelty Inc. N.Y.C., 1968 – Printed in the U.S.A.” It measures approximately 7-1/4” across and 7-1/2” high. It has an easel back which allows it to stand. If you’re into the lifestyle, this might be a great gift for the host of your next get-together!

I’m not convinced this vintage novelty is about swinging or partner swapping as much as it is one of those “come and get it” sort of jokes regarding dinner bells. Or simply something you were to put on your bedpost so that the bells can ring when you do it. Kind of like an audio version of the old joke about putting beans in the pot or pennies in a jar every time you have sex as newlyweds or whatever. After all, there’s only one couple shown. But, as with most things sexual (or in life), you take it how you wish.

PS In case you think your eyes may be fooling you, yes, the man’s bell is bigger. Because men need that sort of ego stroking at all times, you know.

bedtime bells

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Shower, For Women Only Edition

A Shower Set For Women Only, open up the old box and voila! a bright yellow sponge and matching banana-shaped soap. Ah, the old banana gag! …Well, don’t use it as a gag ~ unless you’ve dirty mouth that needs some washing out. That would likely be safer than inserting the banana soap anywhere else. Vintage novelty gag gift available at Etsy.

vintage Shower Set For Women Only

vintage novelty banana soap shower set gag gift

Sunday Funnies: Keep Getting’ It Up Edition (Or, The Condom Vs Dildo Debate)

At first glance, this retro ceramic mug with Japanese art design may not look like much…

Vintage 1970's NAUGHTY risqué Japanese Stoneware sex tea cup DOUBLE ENTENDRE cheeky sexy souvenir humorous erotic gift

Until you turn it around a bit and spy that interesting object there…

retro 1970's Japanese DOUBLE ENTENDRE condom or dildo with cum cup

While the seller sees the object as a used condom, with a white swish of semen; I spy, with my tiny little eye, a blue dildo and its just milked rewards. …I would insert a Confucius joke here ~ butt but Confucius was Chinese, not Japanese.

The seller translates the Japanese text on this sexual vintage stoneware mug as follows:

The text on the cup reads, “八起 人生 おもしろき” or “Hakki jinsei omoshiroki” which is translated as, “Get up eight times, life is interesting.” It is in reference to the adage, “Fall seven times, get up eight.” Though the meaning is probably closer to, “Life with ups and downs is interesting.”

Thanks, but, regardless of whether it’s a dildo or a condom, I think we get the meaning. No matter how many times that dick goes down, it’s better to get it back up.

(I still say it’s a dildo. “Bottoms up, retro 70’s cup!”)

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Highball Cocktail Coasters Edition

Vintage barware alert: “Intimate Coasters Duets for your Highballs” for him & her…

Intimate Coasters Duets for your Highballs

A pair of coasters for men, another pair for women; circa 1950s:

“His” coasters feature a jockstrap design. (To prevent your highballs from having low balls? lol) “Hers” feature a lingerie and garters design. The intimate apparel pieces dress your cocktail and beverage glasses, the fabric absorbing the sweat on the glasses and keeping it from marking your furniture. Classy hosts and hostesses use these kitschy coasters so that they don’t get those tacky rings on the furniture — and start plenty of conversations!

Naughty & risque at the time, the set contains two pairs (four coasters total). Make your next couples night even more of a hoot! Great for bachelor and bachelorette parties!

“Freshen up drinks with Duets the gay party coasters”.

Vintage Highball Cocktail Coaster Garters Hers

Vintage Highball Jock Cocktail Coasters For Him

Sunday Funnies: Weenie Roast & Marshmallow Toast Edition

Sure, it would have been nice if I had spotted this prior to the long Labor Day holiday weekend; but I didn’t. The good news is that the pair of naughty figural steel roasting sticks is now on sale. Plus, there’s still time to roast your hot dogs and other sausages ~ and toast your marshmallows ~ over the old backyard firepit in a risque way.

pair of naughty figural steel roasting sticks