Free Love Was Born In The 60s, But It’s Coming Of Age Today; Is Your Adult Dating Profile Ready?

According to Google Trends, “sex hookups” have become more than just the stuff of a lonely person’s day dreams ~ or a horny person’s wet dreams. Over the past decade, people have moved from the idea of a cheap and easy sexual encounter to taking action by searching online. In fact, searches for “casual sex sites” has grown exponentially in the past five years as well ~ no doubt in response to the generous increase of websites, such as mysexhookups.com, which kindly offer to help folks meet their needs. Yes, free love may have been born in the 60s ~ but it’s coming of age now.

But you still have to put the work in to find a fuck buddy online. For example, you can’t just do as TechnicallyRon did, and let Google autocomplete fill in the blanks of your dating profile:

However, the biggest sins in creating casual sex dating profiles lay in the photos.

Here are simple tips on how not to screw-up your fuck buddy profile pictures:

1) At least one of your photos should have your face in it. In fact, your primary profile photo ought to have your face in it. Sure, this helps people recognize you when you meet; but seeing your face also puts people at ease. No one wants to risk being lured in by a hot Jessica Rabbit bod only to find themselves having one of those face-to-face-with-Lena-Hyena moments.

You can laugh all you want to; but this is what people fear on these dating sites. Since no one is actually as bad as Lena, don’t be so damn afraid to show your face.

2) Have someone else take natural photos of you to use in your hookup profile. This is not only so that you look like an actual person (instead of those fish-faced selfies), but it proves you have some friends & aren’t a creepy loner. And don’t have the friend take a picture of you in a random weird place. How about just a normal snapshot of you chillin’ at home. Oh, and don’t include other people in the pic. I mean, really ~ who else really wants to be on your sex profile?!

3) Keep nudity under wraps. Yes, these are adult sites; but come on, you needn’t flash all your bits to anyone who passes by your profile. In fact, here’s an escort promotional tip: Use your photos to tease them into wanting to see more of you.

By all means, take those nude photos. But save your completely nude photos in a private album or hold onto them until they are requested. Yes, gents, this includes those dick pics! Even when we women are actively seeking dick, we frown at guys who just whip it out & show it to anyone. Not only does this make you look desperate, but your fascination with your own cock makes you seem like a selfish lover.

Dirty Talk: When Is It Masturbation, When Is It An Affair?

Over at Pulse.com.gh, “Ghana’s online news platform,” there’s some good old fashioned relationship fear-mongering: Warning!!! These 9 people likely to have an affair with your spouse.

The article should have just stopped at the subheading description advice of, “Keep good communication channels between the two of you, if there are problems in your marriage talk it out amongst yourselves, not to an an outsider.” Then things would have been rather sound. Good communication is one of the best ways to keep any relationship strong.

But instead, the staff writers opted to go into some stereotypical details about the titular types of people who are a threat to your marriage. Along with the usual suspects, such as the “old flame” and “the household help”, there’s one which makes me take a pause in my day & post this blog:

8. “The chat mate”
In this age of social media, many married people are sexting and having phone sex with chat mates. They are excited about going on phone to have naughty sessions with chat mates that they put no effort in their marriage. This is already wrong and it upgrades to a physical meeting with the chat mate to have sexual intercourse, the chat mate turns you on and you want the real sexual experience.

The solution? Be everything to you mate at all times, of course! Fulfill their every fantasy or entertainment need:

Protect your marriage from this by having phone sex and sexting with your spouse, not a chat mate. Use the phone to better your communication and sex life with your spouse, not to form wrong connections. Ask yourself, if you are really mature and serious about your marriage, will you be comfortable and proud if your spouse goes through your phone conversations?

What drives me nuts about this is the notion that in a healthy, loving, committed relationship, neither party is allowed any form of masturbatory experience.

What happens when sex drives are different? What happens when one person has a kink ~ or a vanilla fantasy ~ that the other person has no real interest in? What happens when your partner works a different shift than you do?

Dear World, are you honestly trying to tell me that people who love one another, people wish to remain together, can never ever masturbate on their own again?!

Uh, no.

dirty-talk-masturbation-or-affair-phone-sexRemember, masturbation is not cheating. It doesn’t matter if you do it by hand or with a toy. It doesn’t matter if you masturbate while fondly remembering the sex you had with your partner last week, or if you masturbate to written erotica or porno flicks. If masturbating to the sights of other people’s bodies is perfectly fine ~ and it is! ~ then why would it matter if you jacked or jilled yourself to orgasm while enjoying the sounds of other people’s voices? There are voices in those pornos too. What about recorded erotica? How different is listening to a dirty story than reading one off the paper yourself? And so what if the naughty stories you read aren’t published and available as an ebook download from Amazon but are the more ephemeral keystrokes made in chat rooms or on mobile phones? Either way, another person wrote those dirty words. (Ditto the writing, err, direction of adult films.)

Just how far away from the creator of those juicy ideas must you be in order to squirt or spray your load and remain faithful?

If your whole fear is based upon the notion that sexy fantasy playtime will lead to some sort of connection, that the situation will, as Pulse says, “upgrade to a physical meeting,” then why not go with the services of a pro?

In What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs, friend of the blog Secondhand Rose puts it this way:

This is why using professional services is so special and important. Even when things are not purely about the erotic adult entertainment, when things are more honest and friendly in those GFE companionship ways, sex workers know the professional line. Professional phone sex operators stay on the “entertainment” side; they not out to meet, let alone “get”, a man. I know none of the Peck & Call Girls will fall into such delusions or have such aspirations because, again, I have screened them myself. Yes, we may form relationships, intimate friendships; but we are neither falling in love nor encouraging clients to chuck the real world and run away with us. Our telephone and virtual affairs are completely safe this way.

See? Virtual sex is all about the masturbation ~ especially when assisted by professionals, i.e. sex workers. Paying for the services of a virtual sex assistant protects individuals from more than STDs/STIs. Phone sex operators & cam girls prevent emotional relationship creep too.

All that said, how can you tell if your mate is looking for more than some masturbation fun?

It’s pretty easy, really. Talk about it! Find out what sorts of masturbation materials your partner likes; let them know it’s OK with you. Share your own needs too. Set a budget and boundaries, if needed. Such acceptance diffuses any nervous, defensive, or ashamed feelings & related behaviors. Solo masturbation can honestly bring you closer together!

However, if you are concerned, here are some tell-tale warning signs:

* Your partner is not paying for their personal masturbation assistance.

* Your partner is paying, but it is for memberships at “cheating” sites like Ashley Madison or dating or hookup sites, rather than for sites like NiteFlirt and MyFreeCams (despite the name, there is money spent there; Kaylee Pond explains!).

* Your partner opts to spend more time with their entertainment than with you.

One very special way to deal with any suspicions is to simply ask your significant other if you can sit with them and enjoy the entertainment too. You could participate in a phone sex call or watch a cam show together. They could let you read chat room or sext messages. Reassure them by letting them know there’s wrong with a little mutual masturbation now and then. Reassure yourself that there’s nothing to fear here.

However, if there is a problem, talk about it. Seek professional help of another variety, if needed.

But stop assuming that masturbation with a professional guide is cheating or bad. …You know what happens when you “assume.” And I don’t need any help making an ass out of myself.

How To Support Porn Stars, Sex Workers, & Women

Greg Battiste is just another guy who happens to like porn. More importantly, Battiste also respects those who make porn. Perhaps most importantly, he’s given a list of tips on how to respectfully interact with porn stars. It covers everything from dic pics to asking for freebies and more.

Greg Battiste's tips

As SecretPhoneSex (aka Lynn of PhoneSexSecrets) says, those are good tips for dealing with phone sex operators, cam girls, any sex worker really.

Battiste saw that and raised the bar to include all women. For that alone, you should follow Battiste. But he does offer some pretty good porn stuff too. *wink*

More Blind Date & First Date Advice From Sex Workers

sex-worker-q-and-a-at-skWe began our very first Sex Worker Q & A series by discussing dating, asking the dating pros to share their tips for managing blind dates and first dates.

That dating series began at the very first and most important step by covering tips for dating safety. From there, we moved onto other dating issues: making a good first impression, how to address dating jitters, how to get and keep conversations going, dealing with dating mistakes, and even how to handle it when the date is not going well. Just to make sure I didn’t miss any gems, I ended the questioning by asking if the escorts, phone sex operators, and cam girls had any other dating tips or advice…

Addy Finch (an escort specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

As much as I can, I avoid giving out personal information (address, phone number) before a first date. In case things go poorly and they’re clingy or creepy, their only real means of contact will be how you met. If you’re dating online, you can always block them, and if it was through a friend, you can pretty easily let your friend know how the date went and that you’re uninterested.

If things go well, it never hurts to send a follow-up text thanking them for their time – unless their monogamous partner sees it, of course, in which case you’ve managed to set off a ticking bomb from a distance.

“Alice: (an anonymous sex worker with 17 years experience in erotic services, seven of them as a sex worker rights activist):

Plan your difficult moments ahead of time. For example: How will you handle the convo about safe sex?

A Slip Of A Girl (phone sex operator, specializing in lingerie fetish, crossdressing, and sissification):

We all have “baggage”, secrets, or things we worry might be deal breakers at some point; but don’t worry so much about carrying those thing or even sharing them now. Relax and enjoy your dates without worrying about the next steps and how it might all just blow up. There’s time for those worries later. *wink*

But seriously, enjoy the moment(s) and see if this could turn into something you might miss someday before you self-destruct things now.

Oh, and don’t be so concerned about being accepted that you ignore warning signs that this person is disrespectful, abusive, or otherwise dangerous. Safety first & always.

Claire Keeler (full service independent sex worker & award winning, published photographer working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

Yes, eat god damn it. None of this eating a salad if you really want the burger. Eat the burger. It implies confidence with yourself and body and confidence is sexy as fuck in women. More sexy than flashing cleavage.

DiQld (a BBW MILF escort):

If in doubt don’t! Trust your instincts!

And on that date, go somewhere you have always wanted to go!

Holly (an independent escort, sometimes brothel worker):

Be yourself! The right person will like you just as you are! Smile! If you are having a good time, don’t be shy to let them know you are enjoying their company.

Oh, and don’t get wasted lol.

Kaylee Pond (geek culture and cosplay cam girl):

As cheesy as it is, BE YOURSELF! The best thing you can do for yourself is to be genuine and show them your real personality and interests. If what you’re looking for is love, or a relationship, you want someone to truly like you the way you are. If you make someone believe you’re something that you’re not, it’s likely that you’re setting both of you up for a bad time and just prolonging the inevitable. Someone who is right for you will love you exactly the way you are and it’s best not to dwell on those who don’t work out!

Also, remember that you are worthwhile and awesome! It’s easy to put someone you’re interested in on a pedestal and worry about being good enough for them, but you have to put those sorts of things aside because they can be very damaging. We’re all just people! Sometimes we’re not compatible with each other, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with either person, it just means you haven’t found someone who is right for you yet!

Confidence is very important, so just remember to be confident in yourself and try not to stress out or worry too much!

Secondhand Rose (a former escort, presently offering custom erotica and virtual companionship via text and telephone):

One of the best dating tips I ever got was from my dad back in those early teen years…

He said, “Rose, dating is not just the opportunity to learn about another person and evaluate how suitable they are for you; it is equally an opportunity to learn more about yourself.

Of course I think my dad is brilliant — and it’s partly because of advice like that!

Use your date time as a chance to learn about yourself. Even if that date turns out to not be with Mr or Ms Right, you might discover new people, places, things you do like. That’s a dating win!

Angela St. Lawrence (erotic fetish phone sex operator):

You deserve the very best person for Y O U ! Date casually and for fun, but keep your eye on the prize.

 

When That Date’s Not Going Well… Tips From Sex Workers

sex-worker-q-and-a-at-sk

Since sex workers are real pros when it comes to dating, turning first & blind dates into repeat customers, we’ve been asking them to share their best dating tips. We began with dating safety tips, covered making a good first impression, dished on dealing with dating jitters, exposed the secrets of how to get and keep those conversations going, addressed dealing with dating mistakes, and now we’re talking about what to do when that date is, well, a dog.

Let’s say the date is absolutely not going well for you; how do you handle it?

“Alice” (an anonymous sex worker with 17 years experience in erotic services, seven of them as a sex worker rights activist):

There are simply too many enjoyable people out there to waste time trying to enjoy someone you can’t.

I assess: Is this going poorly because we are in a place I don’t like, or is this person really the problem, or am I just not in the mood for this right now?

If the date is really just not compatible with me, I decide how gracefully I want to exit, and then I do it. Then I listen to loud music and tell myself I did the right thing, even if it was socially very scary for me. Ending a date early seems really hard, until you’ve done it, and realize how much better you can feel, and how quickly!

Angela St. Lawrence (erotic fetish phone sex operator):

If the guy’s a dick, I have no problem telling him so and leaving. But if he’s just boring or awkward, or there’s no chemistry, I’ll usually stick it out. Things could actually change during the course of the date, and if not, I’ve at least spared his feelings.

Addy Finch (an escort specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

First off, never hard schedule a time that you’re going to meet someone until; always leave yourself the option of going home early. This means not going to plays or movies or concerts. Again, transport yourself to your date.

Wrap up whatever you’re doing, finish your drink, or have your food boxed up. Let your date know that you have an engagement you need to get to and that you need to leave shortly. I normally check a clock with an, “Oh, gosh, that was quick. I’m supposed to meet up with a friend who’s in town.”

Whatever your excuse is, don’t allow for wiggle room on staying a little later. If they ask about getting together again, I tend to be courteous and let them know I’ll be in touch when my schedule’s clear. Unfortunately for them, there will always be something, even time alone, that’s more important.

Holly (an independent escort, sometimes brothel worker):

I always give myself an out… So I might go meet them at a bar, because I’m driving I can only have 2 drinks and then I have to go. If the date is bad, I will have the 2 drinks and then leave, thanking for the nice and time and tell them I will be in touch!

Claire Keeler (full service independent sex worker & award winning, published photographer working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

Name the game and just say it the way that it is, “Look this is not going well,” a polite smile and exit stage left.

DiQld (a BBW MILF escort):

Thank them for a nice evening and wish them well in the future.

Kaylee Pond (geek culture and cosplay cam girl):

If I’m really not enjoying myself, I would probably still do my best to stick it out and give them a fair shot. If I’ve taken my own advice and met somewhere non-committal like a coffee shop then I should have a polite “out” fairly quickly. Once coffee is done I can just say that I have to go, thank them for the date, and say it was nice meeting them! I would avoid lying or acting like there will be another date if you know that there won’t be.

Goddess Audrey Rae (clip girl, occasional PSO and camgirl, specializing in Femdom and fetish):

I’m a big fan of the fake phone call. Both for safety issues and just to get yourself out of a situation you don’t want to be in anymore! If you really need to stick around for whatever reason, then try to save face as much as possible until you have an excuse to leave.

Secondhand Rose (a former escort, presently offering custom erotica and virtual companionship via text and telephone):

Be honest about it. Not only does that help avoid misunderstandings (and those repeated requests for dates), but sometimes it creates magic…

One time, I was on a date with a man I met on the Internet. We had great chemistry chatting there, and on the phone; but when we were sitting together at the restaurant bar, having drinks, the chemistry was just not there. It wasn’t even awkward and boring small talk — conversing was like pulling teeth! The thought of progressing to a table to eat with this man was an anathema to me. So I turned to him and said, “This isn’t going well, is it; let’s pass on dinner.” It was more of a statement than a question, but he agreed he felt the same. We decided to end the date — but a funny thing happened as we walked out the door…

We began talking about how awkward it was, how you never knew how things would be in person even if you thought you had great conversations online and on the phone, and suddenly we were laughing and dishing and voila!

We sat in the parking lot, sharing a beautiful summer’s night until the sun came up — and even then, we didn’t want to part. That date may have began as a “bad date”, but it led to a wonderful, committed, lovely, long-term relationship.

A Slip Of A Girl (phone sex operator, specializing in lingerie fetish, crossdressing, and sissification):

I usually try to make the most of it. Unless there is something creepy or unsafe, then I leave taking every safety precaution I can.

Typically, if I’ve had such a bad time that I do not to want another date, they are feeling the same way. But if they should call and ask for another date, I’ll politely but firmly decline so as to make it clear that I am not interested. It saves everyone’s time, patience, and feelings, really.

Dealing With Dating Mistakes: Tips From Sex Workers

sex-worker-q-and-a-at-skContinuing (somewhat slowly) our discussion with sex workers about first dates and blind dates

In this fifth part in the series, we’re asking the professionals to focus on specific dating mistakes ~ so that you can avoid some of the biggest and most common dating blunders ~ as well as when and how you may be able to recover from them.

What do you think are the biggest dating mistakes?

DiQld (an independent BBW escort):

Talking about your past as tho it is your present.

Angela St. Lawrence (a phone sex operator specializing in erotic fetish and sensual debauchery):

Overthinking. Overdressing. Over-compensating.

Kaylee Pond (a cam girl specializing in nerdy, geeky, cosplay fun):

Being fake and acting like someone that you’re not or lying to make yourself look cool. Ugh! That’ll just backfire so hard and really isn’t good for anyone.

Claire Keeler (an independent sex worker and award winning photographer, working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

Not being yourself. Dressing in a way that does not feel like you. Trying to hard to impress. Coming across as too eager … slagging off an ex, its a deal breaker as is being married. You deserve a man who is full time not looking to fill a void in his shitty marriage, that’s why they pay me lol

Addy Finch (an independent sex worker specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

Being late, dirty, and inattentive. Take your date as seriously as an interview because it is exactly that.

“Alice” (a sex worker with 17 years experience in adult erotic services and sex worker activism):

People trying to figure out what the other person wants, trying to please a stranger, more than trying to figure out their own selves and how they’re doing with what’s happening in front of them.

Holly (a full service independent escort and, sometimes, a brothel worker):

People not being themselves. Saying things they think the other person wants to hear or portraying themselves in a way that isn’t really them. Be yourself. If they don’t like your real self that’s ok, they aren’t the one for you.

A Slip Of A Girl (a phone companion specializing in sissies, crossdressing, and other lingerie fetish work):

Not being yourself. That, after all, is what this is all about!

Secondhand Rose (a former escort, presently offering custom erotica and virtual companionship via text and telephone):

Not participating or making an effort at conversation is probably the most common sin. But being handsy, going for an unwanted kiss, or other aggressive sexual acts made after being rebuffed are the largest sins.

Once mistakes are made, can a person recover from them? If so, how?

Angela:

I think it’s very rare. Bad impressions aren’t easily erased. But humor can excuse a lot. Be willing to laugh at your own silliness and give your date room to do the same.

“Alice”:

Of course, but it often takes a little bit of courage to just be vulnerable and own your mistakes. I tell my dates when I’ve made errors in scheduling, or forgotten where I was supposed go, or whatever. I don’t lie unnecessarily and I don’t make excuses. Most mistakes I make are very embarrassing because I’m so controlling and “put together” most of the time, and it’s actually really good for me to have to take myself a little less seriously. So I just have to own them. When I do that, I’ve had almost always positive results. People like real people, even when they want a fantasy date! It’s very confusing!

Goddess Audrey Rae (a Femdom and fetish clip girl, camgirl, and occasional phone sex operator):

It really depends on how bad the mistake is. Honestly if your date is freaked out because you like spilled a glass of water or something, they probably aren’t the person you want to be going out with anyways.

Di:

Acknowledge the mistake, and move on.

Holly:

Everyone makes mistakes. It just depends on the size of the mistake and if they learn from it and how they fix the mistake.

Addy:

You can only make a first impression once, but with work you can overcome them, certainly. Apologize for whatever mistake, focus on not repeating it, and work wherever possible to do the opposite in the immediate future (ex: If you were late, be certain to show up early in the future).

Claire:

No, I don’t think so as you never get a second chance to make a good first impression. I am somewhat brutal about this when screening my clients and use the motto ‘if there is doubt, there is no doubt’ trust you gut, if something is off it probably is.

Rose:

Humor can ease if not erase most mistakes. However, it’s important to really consider the mistakes your date may make too. Continuing aggressive sexual acts past a single refusal are not “mistakes” and they should not be forgiven. This is a sign to leave — immediately & safely.

Yes, there’s still more dating advice from sex workers to come!

Dating Tips From Sex Workers, Part 2: Making A Good First Impression

Whether you’ve been cornered into that blind date your friend sent you on, have agreed to meet that guy or gal from that online dating site, or are finally going on that all-important first date with the person you’ve had your eye on forever, you’re now probably wondering about how to make a good first impression on that date…

Who better to tell you about how to make a great first impression than professional daters?

sex-worker-q-and-a-at-skAnswer: No one.

Not only does a sex worker’s livelihood depend upon making a great first impression, but they also are witness to many first impressions ~ good and bad ~ of their own. And, yes, that does mean that sex workers can reject clients who don’t pass their standards. Rejection in dating is a two-way street, paid or not.

We now continue our Sex Worker Q & A Dating Series with tips on how to make a good impression on that first date or blind date.

What helps make a good first impression?

Kaylee Pond (nerd culture and cosplay cam girl):

Dress nicely, put effort into your appearance, and be warm and genuine!

A Slip Of A Girl (a phone sex operator, specializing in lingerie fetish):

Wear appropriate clothing for the occasion. Women tend to over-dress, be “too dressy” or even too flashy, while men tend to under-dress and be too casual in their clothing. Over-dressed sends the message that you are high maintenance. Under-dressed sends the message that you just don’t care. Neither sets the right tone for a date. I’ve found the best way to avoid this is by discussing the place you’ll be on your date. For example, if you are the one suggesting the place, you can say something like, “If you don’t mind wearing a suit and tie, I love Chez Charlie.” If your date is suggesting the place and you are not familiar with it, you might ask your date about the dress code. If asking your date makes you feel uncomfortable, ask your friends, use the web to research the place, or even make a phone call to find out.

“Alice” (a sex worker with 17 years experience in erotic services and sex worker activism):

Showing up on time. Eye contact. Remembering details the other person shared with you about themselves and checking in. (For instance, if a person says, “I have to leave town on Friday, let’s meet on Wednesday,” I always ask about the upcoming trip.)

Goddess Audrey Rae (a Femdom and fetish clip girl, occasional PSO and camgirl):

Just being yourself really. I know that’s kinda overdone advice, but if you pretend to be someone you aren’t, that’s just an act you’re going to have to keep up and it’s not worth it. Dress appropriately for whatever event you’re going to, and making sure you have good hygiene helps a lot also.

Addy Finch (escort specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

Shower beforehand, show up on time, put your fucking phone away the entire time. Basically: be conscientious and respectful.

Angela St. Lawrence (a phone sex operator specializing in fetishes):

Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Secondhand Rose (an escort who now works as an erotica author and virtual courtesan):

Showing up on time. Good hygiene. Proper dress. Paying attention to your date, not your cellphone, etc. In that order.

Oh, and don’t wear too much cologne or perfume. Fragrance should be something pleasant that draws you in further and then encircles in an embrace, not something that slaps another in the face and keeps folks at arm’s length. See: sillage.

Claire Keeler (an independent sex worker & award winning photographer now working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

This will sound really simple and it has nothing to do with looks. Its all about manners, punctuality and politeness. The problem these days is common sense is not common and sometimes men forget to be gentlemen. There is no shame in having certain expectations of how you think its okay for men to behave around you.

More in the series yet to come!

Sex Workers Dish On Dating: Safety First!

While professional services are different than “real” non-paid dating, sex workers have plenty of dating experience ~ and therefore a lot of dating advice & wisdom to share.

As professional daters, it’s in a sex worker’s best interest to cultivate that first time into a regular thing ~ pending any nut jobs, of course.

Dating-Safety-TipsIn fact, screening for nut jobs and being safe is a first priority in any dating situation, paid or not.

Which is why we’re starting our Sex Worker Q & A Dating Series with blind date and first date safety tips.

What safety precautions should you take when going on a blind date or first date?

Angela St. Lawrence (erotic fetish phone sex operator):

I don’t use Tinder or apps for casual hookups. Way too impersonal for me. I really do cull my “prospects” from my social circle. So there is always some degree of familiarity when we step it up to that “Call me, baby” stage. Still, it doesn’t hurt to take your own car, meet in a public place, make it a daytime date. I may do that two, three, even more times … Until it feels right.

“Alice” (an anonymous sex worker with 17 years experience in erotic services, seven of them as a sex worker rights activist):

1) Have your own transportation.
2) Meet in public place–restaurant, bar, etc.
3) Have a person you check in with at a specific time. I usually check in after about an hour, on a trip to the bathroom, to tell my home base I’m ok, and what I plan to do next.
4) Plan your drinking/substances such that you are lucid and in control, and stick to your plan. You can always get drunk with the person next week if you really like them.

Secondhand Rose (former escort turned erotica author and virtual courtesan):

I’m sure the other pros will have more advice, but, even if you bring a friend along, always meet in — and stay at — a public place.

Even with friends, or having a friend covertly shadow you, tell other friends where you are going, who you are meeting, and arrange check-in times too. If you met your date an online (at a dating site, via an app, or even just at Facebook) send friends the URL and take a screenshot of their profile or page with photo and contact info. (In a worst case scenario, this is a vital lead.)

And always leave your mobile phone’s GPS on. (Definitely silence your phone; but keep it on!)

Goddess Audrey Rae (clip girl, occasional PSO and camgirl, specializing in Femdom and fetish):

My pro dates are all online, so generally I make sure to turn on a VPN, and make sure nothing behind me can give away my location.

For my personal life, I always make sure someone knows where I am, have pepper spray or something similar on me, and have a friend who I can text periodically to let them know I’m okay (generally I send a text while I’m going to the restroom or something).

Claire Keeler (full service independent sex worker & award winning, published photographer working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

Absolutely tell someone where you are going; leave it written down somewhere in your home if you have no one to tell. Tell someone his/her name and contact details.

Never ever go to someone’s home. Nor should you bring them in to your home, as that’s your safe place. Always meet in public, no shame in bringing a decoy friend to sit in the cafe to make sure the guy safe.

Never leave your drink unattended or accept an open drink unless you see it getting made or the waiter brings it to you. If your date calls you on it, says you are being paranoid, a simple “you can never be too sure these days” said with a smile works. I think women are taught from a young age to be polite and humour men, and some men prey on this. It’s not rude to decline something if it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he’s offended, well, that’s his issue not yours.

Addy Finch (an escort specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

You should take whatever precautions you need to to feel safe. There shouldn’t have to be any; but, alas, sometimes it’s wiser to play by shitty rules than to pretend they don’t exist.

Tell a friend where you are going, who you’re meeting up with, and set up a time to check in with them. If the date’s going well, and you’re going to extend it, excuse yourself to the restroom and let your friend know and to set up a new time to check in (even if it’s to chat about the date in the morning over brunch).

And, as always, don’t accept rides from strangers. Ponies on the other hand…

Where is a good place to meet a blind date or go on a first date?

Kaylee Pond (geek culture and cosplay cam girl):

Definitely meet somewhere public with plenty of people! Even though it’s cliche, I would suggest someplace like a coffee shop because it’s low commitment and you can leave easily if you aren’t enjoying yourself. You also have the option to stay a long time or suggest going to dinner or something if you’re feeling comfortable.

Claire:

A cafe or restaurant on a Saturday afternoon always works best for me. I never meet in a place within a hotel in case they roll out the “lets go upstairs” line.

Rose:

I like to opt for familiar places, where I know the bartender, waitstaff, security, etc. — and know the layout of the place. However, if you are dating quite a bit, I do not advise going to the same place so often that you either get a reputation (in sex work, busted) or otherwise risk embarrassing yourself or your date with comments regarding your “popularity.”

My rule of thumb is any public place that you can sit facing one another, not side by side. Sitting face-to-face means you can have conversations in which you can see, observe, and learn a lot more about a person. It creates intimacy. Whereas sitting side by side, generally speaking, means you are watching a movie or otherwise entertained by some event, which means your attention is elsewhere. That means once the date is over, you are more likely to remember what happened during the film or basketball game than you are to remember anything about your date! Oh, and don’t pick places which are too loud to have conversations. While whispers in ears can be wonderful, they are not the best way to get to know one another.

I also adore walking dates, like visiting museums and art galleries. The pace is slow enough to converse, and the environment is not only conducive to conversation but prompts it too. (I’ll admit, it’s also a fine way to admire your date when they become absorbed in something they like!) You can stop and sit to sip coffee or wine as well. If you aren’t into history and/or art, consider other walking date options, including outdoor walks — even dog parks!

A Slip Of A Girl (phone sex operator, specializing in lingerie fetish, crossdressing, and sissification):

Public places you are familiar with are great; but don’t choose a place where all your friends hang out. Otherwise your date faces being grilled by everyone, can be overloaded with information from well-meaning friends, or end up feeling left out entirely. Besides, why not go someplace you’ve been dying to go to?

“Alice”:

Public places are not only safest, they give you a chance to see the person interact with the world. Are they impatient, or kind? Do they tip well? Do they seem like a control freak, or a more submissive person?

Angela:

I love coffee shops and bookstores. But you already knew that.

More active dates can be fun, too: whitewater rafting, skiing … putting a bit of activity in the middle of the “getting to know you” conversation isn’t such a bad thing.

More tips to come!

The Truth & Nothing But The Truth About Online Dating

Vintage dating romance and marriage 1940sWhen it comes to online dating, both men and women are accused of lying ~ about everything from how they look, to their relationship status. Since dating can be emotional and stressful all by itself, the additional worry about whether or not a person is intentionally misrepresenting themselves makes many folks jaded. But becoming so jaded that you assume everyone is lying doesn’t help matters either.

But are people lying?

Sometimes people simply have a view of themselves that is askew. Some even sabotage themselves as a twisted means of self-protection. Which is why once you’ve written your dating profile, you should have a friend give it the once-over to see how accurately it depicts you.

But probably the biggest offense in online dating is when a person is not honestly representing their dating intentions. Are they looking for casual companionship, a life-long companion, or just a sexual companion for the night? This information is often the first screening criteria used by most online daters to avoid all sorts of complications & unpleasantries. And you know what I am talking about, all the craziness that can happen when one person thinks there’s a relationship and the other thought everything was super casual…. Someone gets called a liar. Or worse.

But this imbalance or upset isn’t necessarily due to outright lying. Often it’s because people haven’t been honest enough with themselves regarding their needs and desires. It’s something I ran into time and time again back in my escorting days… Oh, the number of times a man felt obligated to have sex ~ because he thought he’d disappoint if he didn’t!

It would have been simpler, less stressful, and more enjoyable for everyone if he’d been honest about just wanting a date so he wouldn’t have to go dinner and a movie alone. But, sadly, that sort of introspection and self-awareness is often lacking.

One night stand thank you cardDon’t make that sort of mistake. Know your dating intentions. Are you on a serious mission to find your one and only true love, so that the two of you can ride-off into the monogamous sunset together? Are you happily playing the field, viewing dating as a casual form of social entertainment? Are you simply looking for sex, the proverbial one night stand? Maybe you’re looking for The One ~ but you’re willing to play along the way… Whatever your desires, know them and communicate them.

And find the right dating site too.

Many of the numerous online dating websites are dedicated to specific audiences. Not only religious affiliations or sexual orientations, but in terms of your dating intentions and sexual interests as well. XXX Sex Guides reviews dating sites, including breaking down the dating sites by categories to help you find others seeking the same sort of relationship that you are.

But still, no matter what dating site you use, if your dating intention isn’t made clear, you can’t blame other interested parties for making assumptions of their own to fill in that blank. And those assumptions are as good as lies, leading to an uncomfortable ~ or even a terrible ~ experience.

So, to avoid some seriously bad times, you ought to make your intentions clear in your online dating profile. And when viewing the dating profiles of others, if you don’t see a clear intention ~ ask!

Image Credits: Vintage dating booklets; one night stand thank you note.

 

Is That Supposed To Be A Compliment?

bbw femdom fiona foremost psoAnd, as long as we are talking about body image

It takes more than ignoring standards, blaming anyone who exemplifies them, demonizing those who do not.

Stop seeing differences ~ in a critical fashion.

Stop seeing problems; instead celebrate the beauty of uniqueness. One person’s “fault” is another’s turn on or fetish.

Stop the negative comparisons.

And stop the backhanded compliments.

Here’s a lesson about compliments from @jaythenerdkid:

don’t ever compliment me by insulting other women

that’s not a compliment, it’s a competition none of us agreed to

Those sorts of compliments are the backhanded kind ~ only in this case, it smacks some other women. And it’s still not cool.

Femdom Fiona Foremost also has this advice for women who do this too:

I honestly don’t know how many times I say this (at least the don’t-insult-other-women part). What astounds me and makes me sad is the number of women who also engage in this behavior. If you think someone is amazing, tell them they’re amazing! You don’t have to tell them they are better then so-and-so to make them feel good – at least, you shouldn’t have to.

You’d do well to remember all of this in your self-talk. It’s easy if you just stop comparing people ~ including ceasing comparing yourself to others.

Image Credits: The lovely Fiona Foremost.