Jay & Silent Bob Get Old
On Tuesday, I went with some friends to see Jay & Silent Bob Get Old. No, it’s not a movie; it’s a two-man show during which Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith basically shoot-the-shit.
While the show is considered a sort of therapy to keep Mewes sober (that night marked the 708th day ~ congrats!), it’s far more entertaining than that might sound. Smith is a more polished story-teller, but Mewes is, well, Mewes ~ confessing and acting-out charmingly erratic, often dirty, stories.
During this show, the stories began with Mewes admitting that he owed his wife sex because his addictive ADD brain thought he could let her start the soapy bath while he ran to WalMart for a boxed set of Jessica Fletcher Murder, She Wrote DVDs. Of course he ended up with no boxed set. And no box. But he did get some slippers, have a run-in with helpful police, find his lost cellphone, and make us all laugh.
Maybe there was no sex to be had in that story, but it was one of the few sex-free stories.
Most of the two-plus-hour show was all about sex, cocks, and trying to get sex for your cock.
What fascinated me most was all the talk about Fleshlight masturbation. Sure, Fleshlight is the official sponsor of Kevin Smith’s Smodcast, but don’t be so jaded! Let this former whore tell you, just because you get paid for something, it doesn’t mean you get off ~ and it’s pretty clear from Smith’s talk, he gets off on the Fleshlight.
The multiple-times-in-the-same-masturbation-session kind of often.
Normally, Smith is sort of self-effacing about his sex life; but he virtually brags about how the Fleshlight trained him to have multiple orgasms of his own, pleasantly surprising his wife too. *wink*
All of this might seem rather normal to you sex kittens, but when the conversation steered towards cleaning the male masturbator toy ~ and damn-near became a monologue, even ~ I was riveted. No, spunk’s not my sort of kink. But hearing grown men discussing what’s usually so disgusting to themselves in a practical and appreciative yet humorous manner was irresistibly fresh and entertaining. Hearing Mewes profess his own lust for the Fleshlight Fleshjacks which are Realistic Superskin formed male assholes wrapped in cans which look amazingly like the cans of Red Bull Mewes was downing right on stage was amazing.
But enough about the Fleshlights.
From there, somehow, we ended up talking a bit about Mewes’ struggle with drugs and
addition addiction. It was enlightening and entertaining, and, if you have friends or family who struggle with these issues as I do, quite beautifully inspiring. Perhaps laughter is the best medicine, humor the best healer. I hope so.
After that, an astoundingly hilarious story of Mewes’ early days of awkward sex. Not just any sex; but the story of clumsy, painful, yet astonishingly hot, cock sucking.
Let Us Fuck!
I hate to say things like this, but you totally have to be there to enjoy the stories. It’s not even right for me to try to sum them all up, really. Primarily I’m doing it so that you understand how dirty this show is; not something you want to bring the tweens and teens to. No matter how much they love the movies. The live show is much more raw. And in a way, that’s what makes it better.
We’re old enough now not to have to pretend anymore.
Like any hot chick or stud growing old, we know aging can be a bitch. But we have our stories, some of which are only from the night before, yo! And we love to tell them. That’s nearly as much fun as living them. When our heroes, Smith and Mewes, tell their stories, it’s just proof that we may be “old,” be we are still kickin’ it, still pluggin’ away with the sex toys, still doing stupid shit, still helping our friends… We don’t only enjoy our old “glory days” ~ we’re still making them.
If “older” has made us “wiser,” the one thing we do know is that we’ll still be trying to get laid, still be doing stupid shit, still be doing stupid shit to get laid.
Now back to the stupid shit and getting laid.
The night ended, as any hot date should, with the final act: three rounds of Let Us Fuck.
If you aren’t familiar with Let Us Fuck, it’s an improv skit in which Smith provides the name of a made-up sex act and a member of the audience collaborates with Mewes to define and simulate what that sex act is.
In a presumable nod to continued male bonding, and attempts to avoid lewd & lascivious charges, only dudes get to to play Let Us Fuck.
“Bummer,” says this sex kitten and former escort who would gladly pay for the chance.
If Jay & Silent Bob Get Old comes to your town, get there to see it. Meanwhile, you can catch episodes of Jay & Silent Bob Get Old, along with a host of other randy shows, at SModcast Internet Radio, or S.I.R.! Check it out; you won’t be sorry.
Meanwhile, I myself am thinking of getting back into radio…