The Biological Drives Behind Some Holiday Food Traditions

Yesterday, my man and I celebrated Steak & BJ Day ~ with a few modifications. We do not really celebrate Valentine’s Day. (I am, after all, a “curvy man.”) Our Steak & BJ Day rather combines the two holidays, perhaps… It begins with me going down on him, pleasuring him orally, as foreplay before the big event ~ which, yes, is vaginal sex. After that, we eat steak. Simple? Yes. Delightful? Absolutely.

And it’s not necessarily reserved for March 14th, either.

But this whole idea of food and holidays has me thinking of a recent study.

This study showed that when women found themselves with an attractive male, they opted for healthy foods ~ yet men exposed to an attractive woman opted for expensive drinking and dining options.

This does not surprise me one bit. (Not many of these sex or attraction studies do, frankly.)

It makes absolute sense to me that women faced with a potential attractive male mate would be thinking about their health. And not because I believe that women are trying to “be skinny” or otherwise trying to conform to media portrayals of female bodies [insert rant here]. Such conclusions are tedious. Not to mention that making such an assumption is a big leap; “healthy” doesn’t equate “skinniness.” Let’s stick with the notion of health, shall we.

Most of the things we consider to be signs of female beauty are actually flags for fertility. It’s only natural ~ part of our species biological imperative ~ for women to be considering their health when presented with a potential mate.

Similarly, men, who have identified a genetic beauty worthy of insemination would be interested in showcasing their status as excellent providers ~ a la sparing no expense in providing a large display of food and drink.

Again, you can call it sexist, but there’s science and biological drives behind it all.

So is it any wonder then, that women would want men to display their monetary protector/provider status from time to time ~ including honoring anniversaries and “made up Hallmark holidays” like Valentine’s Day?

Here’s a tip, menfolk: If you want her to be more sexually available, try showing her what a big providing man you are. It could be food or chocolates; it could be jewelry. It could be a car. But gifts are always good. Even if Especially if it’s not even a holiday.

 

Sunday Funnies: Sing Along Edition

The Autoblow 2 has been upgraded to the Autoblow 2 + and there’s a new sing along song to help you learn about the new features. Like the first jingle, also by Chicago-based singer-songwriter David Safran, this catchy little promo is supposed to maximize word of mouth marketing about the masturbator that simulates a blow job. *wink* Just try to un-hear “the Autoblow 2 has been upgraded; it’s a perfect time to be fellated!”

You can find my man’s review of the Autoblow 2 here.

Sunday Funnies: When Is A Blow Job Sad?

Yeah, we know we already posted a Sunday Funny ~ but many of you are stuck home, snow bound, looking for something to entertain you on the Internet. Seemed like the perfect time for a double-dose of Sunday Funnies.

We present: The World’s Greatest Blowjob Artist & the Sad Sad Plight of Her Brother. An intriguing little video from Atlanta-based comedy troupe Decent Humans. You can follow them on Twitter & YouTube.

PS We’re on the side of the poodle.

A Review Of Jack’s Blowjob Lessons

Jack’s Blowjob Lessons by Jack Hutson, with Tanya J, boasts of being “The Worlds #1 Blowjob Guide.” No one knows what that means, exactly; or if it’s even true. The truth is, what is most known about this book is its sexist nature.

There’s that whole “submissive female serving dominant male” tone, a derogatory tone towards sex work, and the author actually bashes feminism. Such a sexism certainly temps folks to toss the baby out with the bathwater; many reviewers have.

But I also come from a marketing background. Smarmy as it is, Jack’s clearly aiming his book at insecure women, using threats to strike fear into their hearts. For Jack tells you, no matter how much you and your man may love one another, your relationship is at risk if you can’t give him good head. Your man will leave you. Or (presumably worse?) he may seek the services of a sex worker (in the book, he calls them “professionals”; on his website, he refers to them as “street hookers”). While I do wish women were more confident in themselves and their relationships than to fall for this sort of “man capturing” or “relationship saving” sort of thing ~ or just let the loser walk ~ there, sadly, is a hungry market for this. “Sex may sell” ~ but fear motivates actual purchases.

jacks blowjob lessonsThis is why I am trying to look past the sexism and other problems, and review the book’s contents to see if there’s anything worthy here… Just because Jack’s never had the pleasure of a feminist’s fantastic bj, it doesn’t mean you & your lover should miss such things.

The book focuses primarily on proper cock sucking attitude ~ including getting him to feel like a King, why “teasing is bad”, and rather role-play-esque blowjob “styles.” Also covered are Jack’s opinionated tips on positions; instructions on how to use hands, tongue, mouth, and other parts of your body to intensify his experience; dirty talk; and how to deep throat (with tips from a “former porn star” referred to as “Tanya J”).

Basically, the book outlines and walks you through the many options of the before, during, climax, and after of a providing oral sex to a man. There are some helpful tips and advice in here. However, due to the author’s whole “woman, submit to your man” thing, the tips can get lost… Honestly, the book almost reads like sex fantasy fiction for sissies, whose fantasies often seem misogynistic.

It is unfortunate that Jack makes the mistake of bashing feminists. And it is a mistake to believe we feminists can’t love cock or the humans attached to them. Just as it’s a mistake to believe feminists can’t be sexually submissive. (I am a feminist who loves cock, men, and being submissive!) Yes, there are some practical tips in the book, especially if you are trying to deliver a submissive cock-sucking performance or elicit a good face-fucking; but it’s difficult for even this submissive to read without feeling icky.

If you think you can overlook all the sexism, or are the sexually submissive sort (in general, or just wish to role play), and believe you can glean something from the tips, note the following: The book (stated as being a 160 page ebook; the PDF copy I was sent only has 154) is a pricey $47 & only available at the author’s website ~ but before I send you there, I should warning you that it has embedded video with audio that begins as the page loads. Here’s the site.

Also it is very important to mention that Jack doesn’t know jack about sexual health. So, if you are interested in this book, be wise and advised about STDs/STIs, use of condoms, sex in public places, and other related health matters.

As with all our reviews and/or sponsored posts, neither review product, payment, nor payment in kind affects the honesty of reviews or any editorial decisions.

Blow You? Blow Me

Mouth Masturbator

Every time I hear one of these guys whining about why he doesn’t get more blow jobs, why his girl doesn’t like to give him blow jobs, or why women won’t swallow I just have to sigh & shake my head. And sometimes, like now, I have to rant about it.

Even when the person most recently asking why don’t you swallow is a woman, Feminista Jones.

This whiny-rant-query was prompted by, of all things, the subject of women discussing “a nasty combination of food taste and consistency”, to wit, how much they like to dip their french fries into shakes before eating them. She’s so disgusted by this culinary delight of sweet and salty sogginess, that all she can think of is when some man blows his sweet and salty sogginess into some woman’s mouth it ought to be swallowed.

Yeah, ponder that.

Then ponder the fact that the comments are in double-digits ~ the majority of them from women explaining why they don’t swallow. As if this decision warrants defending or explanation. In fact, she’s even listed five reasons why a woman may not want to swallow.

1. Your semen tastes like residue left over from the Zombie apocalypse. Men, if you want a woman to swallow your spunk more than once, make sure it does not taste like the embodiment of drunken homelessness. Drink plenty of water and sweet fruit juices like pineapple juice. Eat some vegetables. Cut down on the red meat and fried foods. Internally improve the taste of your jizz.

2. Women are taught that only nasty women with no class or hoes swallow. They’re taught that it isn’t something “ladies” do, so they refuse to do it.

3. Women think swallowing is special and thus reserved for a boyfriend, fiancée, or husband. They feel they have to “save” something for the special men in their lives.

4. Women fear STD transmission (which should probably prevent them from sucking the dick condom-less anyway, but that’s another story).

5. Women can’t get past the consistency. It grosses them out because it feels like slime going down their throats and it triggers a gag reflex that might lead to them hurling all over your dick. Not sexy.

Generally speaking, those are valid reasons. (Although I don’t think the second one is very true today.) And, like Feminista Jones, I personally don’t get the whole spitting thing; that only means holding it in there longer, which makes no sense if you hate it in your mouth in the first place.

But I find this whole conversation rather boring. Let’s get onto the real issues here.

Most men would be thrilled to have their knobs slobbed at all, let alone to fruition ~ because let’s face it: Sucking a guy’s cock is great foreplay, but if you let him blow it in your mouth, swallowing or not, the event’s over and you’re left to your own devices. Literally.

Wouldn’t it be more interesting to read why it’s so friggin’ important that a guy gets his seed guzzled?

Isn’t the real whine usually about how he has to put some effort into his partner, rather than just siting there and receiving all the pleasures? So while we’re talking about this, let’s ask some of the really important questions.

When’s the last time you went down on your woman, orally pleasing her into an orgasm?

 

When’s the last time you drank her squirting orgasm?

You know, even after she comes ~ even like that ~ she can come again and again and again…

We’d all like to kick-back, sit-back, and relax while someone performs acts which pleasure us without lifting even a finger of our own (save for what our hands do while we writhe in delight). I know; I’m a former escort, remember?

Yet there aren’t the same number of laments or questions from women asking why a partner won’t drink her come.

Why the hell is that?

Image Credits: Lori Mouth Blow-Job Masturbator.