Sunday Funnies: Grandfather Clock Edition

Sorry to disappoint those of you looking for some hot grandfather clock pendulum action. But you’re no worse off than poor grandma here, who finds herself with the same old swinger. A sad Christmas gift, in a sad little holiday stocking. You can personalize this card too.

grandfather cock

Sunday Funnies: Marriage Bed Up In Smoke Edition

A young bride turns the tables on her snake-charming husband when his limp cock won’t rise to the occasion on this vintage ashtray. From 1954 this vintage ash tray comes complete with a little flute to jokingly raise the dead dick. Other than ignorant racism, I cannot account for the exclamation of, “Fakir!”

vintage snake chamer ashtray

Hot Flash Fiction Friday: Fun with a Little Penis

“Hello Dolly!” I yelled across the train station. He knew I was looking right at him, but he pretended he didn’t. Poor Dolly and his cute, little penis. We had such fun last night. At least I did.

Dolly, as I like to call him, wandered into my room from a party in another apartment down the hall. My fault for not having the door locked but, I was expecting my roommate home any minute.

Instead, Dolly came in. He didn’t have a coat, or a shirt or pants on. Just underwear. I knew there was a party, it was loud. I even knew Dolly, we had been introduced last year at a social event. He asked for my number but never phoned. So I didn’t look him up. But, now he was here. Pretty much nude and passed out drunk.

I decided to do something about it. I had time, art supplies and a collection of kitchen gadgets. Somewhere in all of that an idea was sure to come along.

First, I stripped him bare. That was a surprise. I’d never seen a micro, tiny penis before. Gorillas and such in nature documentaries don’t count. I thought it was cute. Like a little dolly penis. I played with it awhile. It got a bit longer, and a bit thicker, but not much. I didn’t get him to ejaculate. Likely due to him being passed out drunk. Disappointing.

I drew all over him. Personal tattoos. I left out his hands and face so he could go to work and not have a lot of explaining to do. I took photos of him. I posed him and took more photos. I had a lot of fun playing with my sleeping dolly.

My roommate had called and said she wouldn’t be coming in that night. So Dolly and I had the night to ourselves, well, mostly I had the night to myself with Dolly. I left him nude. He’s actually quite good looking and muscled. I’d never had the time to really explore a man’s body before. I’d only slept with a couple of boys and they weren’t interested in foreplay, not really. So, that night with Dolly, I had foreplay. All the foreplay I wanted with him.

His little penis was fun. Each time I got him hard again it was like watching time lapse photography of budding trees and plants.

In the morning he woke up not feeling so well. But, still hard as a rock, even when he realized all (or most) of what I had done to him. I guess I did take advantage of him. Some could say it was wrong. But, I didn’t use permanent ink and most of it washed off in the shower. I made him breakfast. He didn’t look me in the eye, didn’t really speak and rushed out the door with just a shy backward glance.

“Good bye, Dolly!” I yelled after him as he raced down the stairs.

Maybe this time he will call. I’d like to play with his little dolly penis again. Next time I want to make it squirt and tie a fussy little bow around it, like a tiny dolly dress.

Of course, if he doesn’t phone… I do have all those pictures. I’ve never blackmailed anyone before. It’s kind of a turn on to have Dolly under my thumb, maybe over my knee too.

vintagekendoll

Vintage Ken Doll found on Etsy.

Resources:

Gay Men Like Different Things

To some extent the erotica for gay men does work for straight women. Even the size of his cock is a fantasy for some. (Fantasy, not reality). This image goes beyond my style. Beyond anything I think practical or possible without the addition of shaving cream or some other illusion to make it look like a human male could ejaculate that much. It must be a male fantasy, not just gay men. So that was interesting today. I never know what interesting ideas I will find here and there.
Source: Jotto – Juicy dealings | www.gaycamp.net

Sunday Funnies: Skiing Is Dangerous For Your Junk Edition

A vintage print block featuring a man downhill skiing. The text reads “Wow! Was that close.” But, as you can see, it wasn’t merely a close call as this poor man is missing his package ~ and behind him, you can see that it is left on the obstacle he thought he missed. I guess it was also cold enough that he didn’t feel a thing during his dick amputation. But the accident sure left a mark and he is going to feel it later. For sale at Etsy.

beware while skiing

Saucy Saturday: Retro Hetero Couple Edition

retro nude couple

On a quasi-related note (and not to ruin your Saucy Saturday with too much thinky stuff)…

I remember a discussion I had not long ago with a gentleman who was surprised that I had gone about a dozen adult (and sexually active) years before seeing an uncircumcised penis. He thought because I was in the US that I’d seen many of them ~ believing, in fact, that majority of American men do not have circumcised cocks. I was surprised at that notion. But here are some stats and info, should you be interested.

Image via.