Saucy Saturday: Try My Boyfriend

We all know women talk dirtier than men ~ and we are quite happy to brag about our sexual exploits. We are especially happy to brag about our lovers. But what happens when your friends dare you to prove it? Well, that’s what happens in Try My Boyfriend.

XCONFESSIONS // Try My Boyfriend Sneak Peak Trailer from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

Another great porno film from Erika Lust of Lust Cinema. This one is filled with plenty of oral sex ~ and humor. Stars Anastasia, Zazel Paradise, Miyuki Son, Lina Bembe, Natalia Ferrari, and Jay Smooth.

try my boyfriend oral sex lust

Looking For Mad Men Fan Fic Porn? Tomorrow It’s Here!

Tomorrow morning (April 23, 2015) Erika Lust brings you a most awesome Mad Men fan fiction porn!

Here’s a sneak peek at Poppy Cox playing a girl obsessed with Joan Harris, and her very glam vintage sex hook-up with Alexei Jackson.

mad man fan fic porn

Looks like someone is working so hard they have to eat at their desk. *wink* But it doesn’t look like the secretary minds at all ~ look at her hold onto that desk… Look at that orgasm face! What are you waiting for? Get over to Lust Cinema and join so you can be among the first to watch it!

eating secretary out at her desk

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Hetero Men Complain About Sexual Rejection From Women. Really?

Over at Eros Blog, Bacchus has an interesting discussion about a point raised in Adrienne West’s post at Thought Catalog. In West’s “true sex story”, she writes about her discovery that men like porn because it’s “a world free of rejection” ~ specifically, a world free of sexual rejection. (And not the sort some men enjoy.) West also claimed to discover that she herself was part of her boyfriend’s problem, if not entirely to blame for it:

With me, (and he loved me very much, he clarified), he had to woo me, constantly. Sex was never a given, and this is a biological difference between men and women. He was trying, all the time, to make me think of him sexually and to initiate sex and even my higher-than-average female libido couldn’t keep up with him. As loving and as open and assuring as I was towards him, he was still getting rejected by me in this way, often (and even more often if he would be honest about how frequently he wanted sex).

West, a self-described “maximizer” who likes to make to-do lists to accomplish her goals, then sets about to tackle this as a self-help or relationship repair task ~ a la 50 Shades style. Her task is to live the life of a sexual submissive who is always ready, willing, and available for sex with her Master, err, boyfriend.

Honestly, from there on the whole thing rather bored me; the lessons were over and the “Dear Penthouse” style erotica was on. Her relationship was saved by being sexually submissive ~ her gift in return, the orgasms he gave her. Whatever. I’m so over the “We won’t let little things like jobs, bills, or life get in the way of our sex lives!” fantasy. Anyway, like Bacchus at Eros Blog, I think there is some more interesting stuff to discuss here.

West’s earlier surprise discovery of porn being the rejection-free choice for men has Bacchus making a discovery of his own. After tipping his cap respectfully to the very necessity of women having to (often carefully) reject male sexual advances, Bacchus writes:

[I]t had never occurred to me that this project of ongoing rejection could become so automatic, as with breathing, that a woman might cease to be aware of doing it. And yet this author was, she says, surprised to learn how often she was rejecting her boyfriend.

That surprise? It surprises me.

What surprises me? That anyone would be surprised that such rejection could ~ and can ~ become as automatic as breathing.

But apparently lots of folks, male & female, are surprised, hurt, or confused by how often women reject male sexual advances & invitations. So let’s talk about it as a general issue.

Yeah, I know; rejection hurts. But you want to talk about rejection? We women face harassment, stalking, rape culture, and rampant misogyny (like right at West’s post; look at this gem of a comment from Bob and his cohort too) ~ and that’s just on the Internet alone. (FYI, the Internet is real.) Our wardrobes are discussed, controlled, and stigmatized because men can’t control themselves. We can’t walk down the street without being harassed. (But that is probably safer than being at home in many cases; because one in three women will be raped, beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused in her lifetime AND the majority of such gender-based violence is committed by someone the woman knows.)

women like men only cheaperOh, and at work? We are harassed there too. Plus, we are paid less, have glass ceilings, and otherwise are forced to wear pink collars and/or live in the pink ghetto. And the media contributes to and reflects such things as well. (On the other hand, if & when we do manage to bring home more bacon, y’all suffer from erectile dysfunction? Isn’t that a rejection of us?)

This isn’t even a complete list & I’m exhausted.

Now imagine living it.

And think about that the next time you want to complain that you have to “woo your woman constantly”.

Just what do you think it feels like to be rejected as “not equal” every single minute of every single day? Shouldn’t it come as no surprise that a woman would be on automatic pilot for delivering rejection? Instead, you should be amazed at how subtly & inoffensively she delivers it .

Because if we thought about it at all, we’d say, “Oh, I’m sorry I won’t automatically agree to let you thrust & ejaculate inside the very thing that keeps me from claiming that 30 cents on a dollar to be equal with you in the workplace ~ the very thing that you want to regulate and control with your laws & social commentary ~ and have you complain about your lot yet!”

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[If you find this all unnecessarily angry, the foam-flecked rantings of a “man-hating feminist“, well, then you just haven’t put any thought into the facts. Otherwise you’d be angry over the same things too. I mean, how can you not be? Sure, maybe you’re angry, you deny & deflect, become outraged that you’re not one of those guys; but you aren’t dealing with the facts. Frankly, you can’t handle the truth.]

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But let’s just pretend for a minute that all things were equal, that women were paid the same as men & had the same job opportunities, that we had the same economic rights and autonomy over our bodies that men enjoy simply for having a penis, and that women were not continually harassed sexually, so that at the end of the day we weren’t covered in some sort of cultural residue that left us let’s say petulant at the idea of letting someone ~ even those we love and lust after ~ enter our bodies. (Yes, even if that should lead to orgasms; we can do that ourselves, and in less time, thankyouverymuch. That, and male privilege, are reasons why we might fake orgasm; another rejection if you find out, I know.) Let’s put all those real things (and the rant) aside and look at another issue: Biology.

slut-shaming-rape-culture-455x255Let’s not pretend there aren’t biological differences. Not just some sort of leftover biological imperative in terms of species survival (one that Dr. Whiplash mentions but eschews in favor of the “extraordinary lives” women will leave if they buck the system and fuck their men; a whole other slut-shaming issue related to the above cultural issues), but let’s talk about the very real matter of differences in hormones.

Dudes, your hormones (primarily, anyway) cycle every 24 hours; that, and not your love for us, is why you get a woody every morning. On the other hand, our cycle of hormones is a bit more complicated and lengthy than that; the result is that we are on far less of a “daily horny schedule” than men. And that’s before we get into realities like the processes of pregnancy and menopause. We don’t just age and change to disrupt your fantasies and desires; we ride the wild wave of our biology because that’s fucking life. Literally.

In a civilized culture, where humanity & good citizenry is defined largely by our ability to override our animal nature, hormones still have their way with us. Even amidst our culture wars and culture lag, they play their role. But, romance aside, if culture is to override such base things as biology, then something desperately needs to be done in terms of equality and the messages being sent to and about women.

And that includes complaints and surprise that we reject sexual advances as automatically as we do. They come across as bullying*, really.

Yup, you can go enjoy your rejection-free porn now. (Hell, the good stuff works for women too!) And then you can take a serious look at the big picture, try to handle the truth, and work for change.

UPDATE Clarification: Use of the term “bullying” has been objected to in terms of one’s surprise at our automatic rejection, including by Bacchus himself. To clarify, I mean that vocalizing surprise and complaints to your female partner in response to her rejection comes across as bullying & whining about the situation in order to get her to capitulate & give into your sexual desires. My use of the term bullying does not apply to conversation about the subject as we were all doing here. Nor does it apply to general discussion with your partner that are not based in the heat of the rejection moment. Discussions are not bullying. I think they are needed, and I applaud us for having them. Even if the facts do require some heat as we’re discussing the hot truth. I do hope that makes things clearer.

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Feminism, Sexuality & Porn: Exclusive Interview With Erika Lust Of Lust Cinema

Yes, Erika Lust has won awards for her erotic films; but perhaps it’s more important that she makes films that you want to watch. And now, she employs the same eye she uses behind the camera to find and curate other aesthetically pleasing adult films at her site Lust Cinema. We are thrilled to have her visit us here at Sex Kitten!

love and lust in sex Erika Lust by Alberto GamazoHi Erika, tell us a little bit about yourself ~ including, of course, why you started Lust Cinema.

I’m Erika Lust, age 37, born in Stockholm and living in Barcelona. I graduated from the university of Lund with a degree in Political Science (and a focus in feminism), then moved to Barcelona to learn Spanish. Early on, I found a job working for a big production house – getting coffee, picking actors up from the airport, etc – which inspired me to take classes in film directing. While studying feminism in college, I had learned from author Linda Williams that porn could be empowering to women’s sexuality, and yet I’d never seen any porn that appealed to me. Fake bodies, fake orgasms, bad lighting, bad dialog … where was I (and the sex I enjoyed) being represented in this genre??

erika lust's the good girl pizza man sexSo naturally, the first film I wanted to make was an explicit one – The Good Girl – which flipped the ‘pizza guy’ stereotype into something more feminist. After it was downloaded over 1 million times, I was inspired to start my own production company, Lust Films, in 2005 and have made 4 feature films and one ongoing erotic series since then.

In 2010, after really establishing myself in the independent and feminist porn communities, I decided to found Lust Cinema – where all the best erotica, from filmmakers with my values, could be discovered in one place. The catalog now has hundreds of films ranging from modern to vintage, tutorials to art, romance to kink, features to amateur compilations. But all these movies have one thing in common: bringing a fresh perspective to the adult industry thanks to including women’s pleasure, passion, intimacy, love and lust!

What filmmakers, studios, performers, have you been influenced by? Not just the one’s you admire, but who and what has made you feel the old, “Ick! Someone has to do better than that — I can do better than that!”

In general, I can say that I admire many of my contemporary indie porn filmmakers: Candida Royalle for pioneering the idea that women wanted x films and had a powerful voice as creators. Jennifer Lyon Bell and Murielle Scherre for showing intimacy rarely captured in explicit film. Tristan Taormino for her commitment to sex education. Ovidie for her smart comedies about sexual taboos. Anna Span for championing the female sexual point-of-view. Jacky St. James for infusing her films with modern stories and cinematography. Pierre Roshan for infusing all his video guides with unprecedented eroticism. These are just a few of the talented filmmakers that come to mind, out of many who are creating the new generation of good porn today.

Ovidie-Liberte-Sexuelle Anna-Span-Uniform-Behaviour

In terms of negatives, I have very little interest in mainstream works or production houses. I want to create something original and completely erotic, and I just don’t find athletic, violent, pleasureless sex (Nacho Vidal or Rocco Siffredi are examples I often use) inspiring in any way.

There are a lot of adult filmmakers who say they are for women; what do you think makes Lust Cinema so different?

I think what makes Lust Cinema different is the same thing that makes my own films different… I don’t try to represent all women, I don’t try to define a genre, I just pick the films that speak to me. This isn’t something that can be marketed like “porn for women”, it is actually extremely personal. Because don’t all women like different things?

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All I can do is follow my vision, and it just happens that there are many others who value the same things that I do. In this way, my cinema is very different from the ‘women friendly’ category in porn tube sites. What does that even mean? Soft lighting and more cunnilingus? Were any of the films even made BY women? Unlike other films and sites, my work and Lust Cinema is not just a product to invent, label and sell – it’s a new way of seeing erotica and sex. And that is something that stays with you … even after you (and your partner) orgasm.

List 5 characteristics that you think are most necessary for erotic films for women.

In my opinion …

1) Women’s pleasure. This has a million different looks and outlets, but most people know the difference between someone who is enjoying themselves, and someone who is bored and just putting on a show by screaming.

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2) Cinematography. Even before I studied filmmaking, things like bad lighting, weird angles, gray colors, grainy picture, horrible costumes, awful sets and weird items in the background used to distract me to the point where I wouldn’t be interested in the sex at all. Really high-quality adult movies can be made (and have been!) with an iPhone … so there is just no excuse now.

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3) Originality. This means NO MORE stereotypes, NO MORE formulas. I don’t want to see any more teachers & schoolgirls, pimps & whores, executives & casting couches. I am bored with the formula blowjob-sex-anal (cunnilingus if you’re are lucky) with dirty talk and rough behavior and facials as the norm. Let’s try something new, okay?

xxxconfessions erika lust films

4) Sensuality. Kissing would be nice, some build up, foreplay. Close up shots of erogenous zones (not just genitals): like sucking an earlobe, gripping a buttock, brushing the spine, kissing the neck. I’m a holistic creature and sex isn’t just about the genitals to me.

erotic kiss erika lust films

5) Relatability. Who are these women I see in mainstream films? Because they don’t look like me or anyone I know. And the men? They are not the men I swoon over in the street, and definitely not the ones I would date. And what are they doing? She is wearing heels to bed and screaming her head off as he (well we can only see him from the waist down) thrusts like an Olympic athlete and calls her names. This is not the way I have sex and this isn’t my fantasy either. Show me guys and girls who look like my neighbors and baristas making out and fumbling with buttons. Show me the passion and vitality that happens in our private lives and sex, but never in the porno we watch.

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The success of 50 Shades of Grey has ignited the old discussions about women and submission, rape fantasies and feminism, and the like. I’m pretty sure you’ll find it as ridiculous and offensive as I do, but what are your thoughts on female fantasies that involve BDSM or rough sex? Have you any comments or insight from your site members?

Like you, I think the idea that what a woman does to get off dictates or contradicts her identity as a feminist is ridiculous.

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Based solely on xconfessions.com submissions, I would have to agree that it BDSM fantasies are pretty widespread among women. I wouldn’t say by any means it is the most prevalent on the site, and not one shared by men and women equally (female submission/male domination that is). It is a taboo topic, only recently made a little more mainstream, and taboo is always going to fuel fantasies.

I see the apparent rise similar to the explosion of vibrator popularity after Sex in the City … it’s not that vibrators didn’t exist or women didn’t use them before, just that people weren’t as keen to talk about it. In this way, though I really am not a fan of either Sex in the City or 50 Shades, it’s great when pop culture stimulates honest and open conversation about women’s sexuality because that can only further attitudes of embracing it.

erika lust behind the cameraAs a former escort, I consider adult film-making and performing to be forms of sex work. I know there are (partially legal) reasons for some to wish to create distinctions, but do you consider yourself a sex worker? Have you any thoughts on the rights of sex workers?

I think I consider myself more of a filmmaker than a sex worker, though performers more often identify that way. Either way, I certainly work within the sex industry. My own liberal personal belief is that sex work should be recognized as legitimate work (not simply the decriminalization of an exploited person) and given a legal framework to protect their health, livelihood and finances.

Many female filmmakers and fine porn producers have left the marketplace, leaving many to say women aren’t interested in porn. What do you say to them?

I think for as many who have left, there is an even greater amount joining the industry. This is thanks in part to the internet, which allows many women to realize their unique visions even though they may not have had the opportunity (or desire) to be backed by a large production company.

In addition, there is actually a huge rise in women as consumers of porn – or at least more women reporting their consumption. All in all, it is definitely part of a growing sector of the industry – one that will change the old, stereotyped face of porn for the better!

We sure hope so!

Should you, dear reader, need any more incentive to visit Lust Cinema, check out this trailer for Erika Lust’s Five Hot Stories for Her:

How One 65-Year-Old Spent Years Making Porn — With His Wife’s Blessing – Huffington Post

See on Scoop.itSex Work

Although Gordon toyed with the idea of becoming a rabbi, he ditched it upon discovering he’d have to study Aramaic for two years. After graduating from Antioch College in Ohio in 1970, he met his wife Carly — who would go on to become a therapist — and had a different kind of religious experience: “wife at first sight.”

 

But something was missing from Gordon’s fairly idyllic existence.

“I had my wife and I had all the love I needed. But sexually speaking, I wanted to explore something else,” Gordon, now 65 years old, said. “I wanted to have a sexual experience that had nothing to do with love or relationship. I wanted some sex as ‘recreation’ and I wanted one of those ‘bad’ girls’.”

 

And so, with his wife’s blessing, Gordon went on to become one of the biggest porn stars of the 1970s and 1980s.

See on www.huffingtonpost.com

On Couples, Porn, Masturbation, & Phone Sex (Or “What’s The Deal With Phone Sex? Part Three”)

Is Your Relationship Tied-Up With Phone Sex?

Is Your Relationship Tied-Up With Phone Sex?

Continuing our discussion of fantasy phone sex (part one, part two), we discuss the topic of phone sex in relationships. I asked a real-life married couple to talk about how his paying for professional phone sex services affects their relationship.

The Mr. runs Roue Ataraxia and the Mrs. runs Silent Porn Star. (Those of us familiar with the woman behind Silent Porn Star know the sex history blogger to be quite private about herself, so this is quite a rare event.) While this exclusive interview began with a discussion of phone sex, you’ll see there’s a whole lot more to discover than that!

Roue, let’s start with when and where your use of phone sex began.

Roue: It began about five or sex years ago, when our individual job schedules began to take a toll on our relationship. It wasn’t so much just the travel, but the hours we kept. We rarely saw each other, and when we did it was family time — family meals and the like, not what you’d call “quality couple time.” We both knew this was affecting us sexually —

SPS: We both knew that there was a whole lot of solo masturbation going on —

Roue: And we didn’t want that to lead to problems with intimacy.

How so?

Roue: Well, we knew that our intimate connection was being tested. We knew that we weren’t getting the sexual satisfaction — or romance — from one another, and we didn’t want that to lead to some sort of emotional disconnect.

SPS: We figured that while we each understood the other was getting at least some of their needs met by masturbating, there could be some issues of guilt or even jealousy as a result of that. We’ve both been married before this marriage; we’d been together a decade at this point; we knew we had to discuss it.

Guilt and jealousy over masturbating?!

SPS: I don’t know if you recall this particular embarrassment of being a young woman, but a lot of young women feel insecure about their men masturbating. I know I did when I was in my early 20s. I’m not proud of it; but I do know it’s a relatively common thing.

Somehow our value to our partners seems diminished if we aren’t the sole-receptacle of his ejaculation. Seed spilled in a hand, not our bush, is seen as cheating, as a threat. In part because we’ve been taught that if we don’t please our man, someone will. And, because we know he has to be masturbating to something (and it may not be us!), there’s this feeling that we aren’t safe in our relationship, that we can be (or are about to be) replaced. I suppose this also has something to do with the differences in sex drives too… A young woman isn’t driven to sexual distraction as much as a young man is, so we women, not being able to relate to that high of a sex drive, figure that his wanting or needing sex more is somehow a statement on or judgement about our inability to satisfy him. We fear his masturbation is a failure on our part — and one that threatens our relationship.

Roue: And a lot of men — of all ages, I might add — feel that if their woman is masturbating, they are missing an opportunity. An opportunity to get laid, first of all. But also the opportunity to please their partner. Even in this world that’s focused on male pleasure, men are taught that good lovers don’t leave their women wanting.

SPS: Of course, time and experience teaches a mentally healthy person to get over such absurdities about a partner’s masturbation. It’s as silly as worrying when she reads romance novels or watches chick-flicks. Choices in entertainment options don’t have to equal relationship problems. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that these feelings can occur, especially when you are feeling the anxiety and loneliness of separation as we were.

This sounds more like a reason for a wife not to be comfortable with her husband’s phone sex habit.

SPS: I suppose it does. But that’s what started the conversation. We knew we had to talk about the situation or put our relationship at risk. There were steps in the process.

Roue: It certainly wasn’t all “Honey, I need phone sex to improve our relationship” at the start of this talk!

SPS: LOL Yeah, that certainly wouldn’t have gone over well!

So how did you get to that point?

SPS: First, we began to awkwardly discuss the situation — and it was awkward. No matter how cool and wise we might seem (at any point in this conversation), starting such a conversation was difficult. Especially as I was desperate to avoid the “Honey, we need to talk…” thing. Starting that way, or with that tone, rarely goes well!

Roue: As I recall, you did start that way —

SPS: OMG, that’s all you men hear!

Roue: I honestly don’t recall how it began.

SPS: Sure, you would say that on the record. LOL

But, as wise females typically do, I laid the groundwork before we had the “real talk”.

What did you do?

Roue: Yeah, what did you do? I want to know when I’m being manipulated the next time. LOL

SPS: I could get kicked-out of the woman’s club for this!

I will argue on your behalf, I swear. Dish!

SPS: Well, we both have adult blogs — and we know about each others blogs. Sometimes we are in the same room each blogging porn and erotica. (We even send one another links to things we think the other would like.) So it should be no surprise that we find ourselves discussing fantasy sex stuff.

One night, I called him in his hotel room — you were in Illinois, remember? And I casually mentioned something I had been blogging about. That led to him sharing what he had been looking at… That all led to some phone sex of our own. (Gads, this is making me blush!) Anyway, I made a mental note to use that conversation as a doorway into how we were entertaining ourselves on our own… And the rest is history.

So he confessed to paying for phone sex then?

Roue: No. I wasn’t using phone sex then.

SPS: But we started talking matter-of-factually about our personal entertainment habits — first in terms of turning one another on on the phone, then later in a more pragmatic sense.

Pragmatic?

SPS: Yeah, about what we were using —

Roue: And about what we were buying. We agreed that independent use of adult materials had increased and was going to be a part of our lives for the foreseeable future, so we made a budget for it.

You made a porn budget?

Roue: Yes. We agreed to monthly stipends for each of us that came out of our household’s entertainment budget — equal amounts for each of us. We aren’t wealthy, but we are practical. The reality of our schedules, the reality that we both had needs, meant realizing that we had to account for spending.

SPS: Meeting those needs (via website memberships, magazines, books, etc.) wasn’t free, but articulating them gave us freedom. There was no longer any need to feel any anxiety about being adults with sexual needs.

Roue: But I still wasn’t using phone sex.

When did that start then?

Roue: It was a combination of things. First, no matter what some folks will swear, man does not live by visual stimulation alone. At least this man doesn’t. Sometimes you, your hand, and a photo isn’t enough. …Well, it may be enough; but it isn’t good enough. It still leaves you lonely. Or bored. Both, sometimes. But I still wouldn’t have thought of paying for phone sex as an option though, if it weren’t for the wife.

Through her website and work, she had some female friends who were PSOs. Sometimes they would share stories with her and she, in turn, would share them with me.

SPS: Knowing what he likes, if I heard a good story, or read a good blog post, from one of them, I would share them with him. Eventually, I caught on that he was interested in calling one of the girls — but that he was afraid to ask about it.

Roue: I wasn’t afraid! It never occurred to me until you mentioned it!

SPS: Sure, sure, honey. LOL

You didn’t seem shocked when I just happened to mention that you should call her.

Roue: Since I was really enjoying the phone sex with you talking about the PSO stories, it just seemed to make sense. Especially as our schedules made those phone calls few and far between.

SPS: However naive you you want to make yourself sound, babe…

They never do admit to their own subtle manipulations, do they? lol

Roue: I am out-numbered here! Halp!

SPS: There you go again, asking for a lady to give you a hand! LOL

So, SPS, you were the one to suggest your husband pay for phone sex?

SPS: Yes. It just seemed to make sense. We can’t be together enough; he has certain fantasies; she delivers those fantasies; why not?

And it didn’t bother you at all?

SPS: No, it didn’t. Not then, not now, not ever. To me it’s no different than any other form of erotic entertainment. I don’t worry about him at strip clubs —

Roue: Like I go there without you — you’re the one who feels the need to go there!

SPS: My girlfriends and I do love the strip clubs!

However, as I was saying, I don’t worry about “losing” him at strip clubs or to a model at a website or a porn actress, so why would phone sex bother me?

Some could argue that phone sex is far more intimate… It’s one-on-one, and those conversations can be pretty personal…

SPS: I guess maybe if I didn’t know PSOs, if I didn’t know from them that it is work, that they aren’t falling in love with callers or whatever, maybe I could have worried. At the very least, I wouldn’t have been sharing their stories with him and maybe phone sex never would have come up, who knows? But I have no issues with it. It’s not threatening or upsetting to me at all.

But if it would be upsetting to you, then you should discuss that with your partner. If talking about it doesn’t make you feel any better about it, then set that boundary.

Thinking in terms of other people and their relationships, what advice would you have for other couples regarding a spouse or partner paying for phone sex?

SPS: First of all, you have to be able to talk honestly about sex with your partner. You have to talk about not only what turns you on in terms of positions, fantasies, fetishes, etc., but how you like them delivered. Do you like photos in magazines? Watching porn? Reading stories? What kind of stories? What kind of porn? Not just in the “dating and getting to know you” stage, but always. If you aren’t open about sex, then how can you set boundaries?

Roue: Second, we have some boundaries or rules regarding our erotic entertainment expectations. Some of these are just solid, healthy, relationship fundamentals, but they are helpful to apply to the consumption of adult materials.

* Do respect each others needs and fantasies. You and your partner don’t have to be turned on by all the same things. You don’t have to participate in all of your partner’s erotic fantasies. You don’t even have to like all the things your partner likes. But you have to respect their sexual fantasies as much as you do other mainstream hobbies, like bowling or scrapbooking.

* Don’t lie about what you use. Masturbation isn’t shameful, so don’t hide it and make it some dirty secret. If she asks about a credit card charge, admit to it. If he notices you’ve started buying S&M materials and asks about your new interest, discuss it.

* Do share what turns you on. When something in your erotic materials inspires you, feel free to share it in an inspiring, suggestive way. Saying something like, “I just read this hot scene and wondered if we might role play it sometime… Want me to read it to you?” just might arouse, even if you never get around to actually acting it out.

* Don’t compare your partner to what you use. No matter how innocent you think a “I wish you were more like” comment is, such comparisons are complaints that wound. Even comparing a guy to the hero in a romance novel can be a hurtful accusation.

* Don’t throw your extracurricular masturbation activities in your partner’s face. You shouldn’t hide your masturbation activities, but you needn’t brag about the multiple orgasms you had or how often you masturbated to a specific actress either. Nor should you be competitive about the number of times you masturbate or the intensity of your sex drive. Masturbation is a private thing, even when you are in a relationship. If you want that personal right to be respected, be respectful and keep it a personal thing. It’s like Gracie says, “Everybody poos, everybody screws,” you just don’t have to talk about every time you do it. On the flip side, just assume your partner is as “regular” and healthy in the masturbation department as they are with other bodily functions, and you won’t feel surprised about it.

* Don’t spend more than your budget allows. Ruining your finances is never a good idea. Financial problems will add a strain on your relationship, and, adult pastime or not, reckless spending that puts your household at risk can be a sign of an addiction.

SPS: Plus with phone sex, we have one more rule: Don’t discuss your relationship with the PSO.

He’s not to talk about our marriage during his calls, and I don’t ask or discuss his calls with my PSO friends. Keeping our relationship off-limits in fantasy land protects our marriage.

I have to ask, SPS, do you pay for phone sex?

SPS: No, I haven’t. But if I ever found a guy who could deliver the kind of fantasies I want, I just might.

Roue, would that be alright with you?

Roue: Absolutely. Respect is a two-way street.

Image via.

Does His Porn Make You Look Fat?

mc-nudes mirrorA relatively recent study says that young women who feel that their male partners watch porn “frequently” have lower self-esteem and are less satisfied with their romantic relationships. Perhaps the most key word here is the that women “feel” this way. I’m not one to stifle female opinions; but, as noted in the study, the definition of “frequent” porn use was purely subjective. However, in the interest of sex positivity, good relationships, and high self-esteem for all, I will recommend the following reading from the Sex Kitten archives:

Body Image In Art, Porn & Media: What are you really seeing?

Responses To Porn: Can you talk about what you are feeling?

Image credits: Tess @ McNudes.

Women Making Pornography

See on Scoop.itLet’s Get Sex Positive

What I have found are films that have empowered and inspired me. Films that feature women I can identify with. Mothers and daughters, single or partnered, younger and older, thinner or plumper. Women who confront culturally imposed sanctions regulating their behavior, and deeply felt issues shaping their lives. Women who reject the speed limits of desire enforced upon women. Women who refuse to be labeled.

 

Behind these films are educated women with high ideals and intriguing visions. Women who object to the discriminating portrayal of their sex in porn and popular media, and who speak up for women sexually and politically. Some of them stay clear of the “porn” word lest they turn their targeted audience away from their work. Instead they market their films as “adult,” “explicit,” “sensual,” or “erotic.” But others refuse to allow men free rein in defining porn, and therefore claim the “porn” word as a way to subversively change its meaning.

See on www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com

Hot HiDef Porn For Couples

Call this couple’s porn, or call it erotica full of coupling; but whatever you call it, it’s hot!

At Passion-HD the slogan is “We Shoot the Hottest Girls with the Best Cameras” ~ and that’s likely true because the photographs and video are gorgeous. The images are clear and crisp without detracting from the action. For example, you can almost feel the scratch of this guy’s stubble on Madison Ivy‘s breast.

And, unlike so much of the amateur porn, the sets are simple and elegant enough to set a mood without distracting or being annoying. Maybe it’s a woman-thing, but I so dislike being made dizzy with loud wallpaper patterns or wondering why no one bothered to vacuum a floor before the dude with the camera came over. Gross. Distracting. So not sexy. But at Passion HD, the focus of the camera ~ and the viewer ~ remains on the sexy action.

But ultimately we sex kittens want to know, “What about the guys?”

Let me tell you ladies, the guys are worth it.

Beauties like Mandi Armani, Alison Star, and others get the undivided attentions of unnamed men with rock hard abs and cocks.

Not only are the guys sexy fantasy guys, but these men look more like skilled lovers than lazy-fuckers who are only in it to bust their own nuts. That’s what makes them fantasy men, right? *wink*

Passion HD may think the “HD” is for high definition porn; but I think it’s for Hot Damn!

Passion HD is updated five to seven times per week, giving you more bang for your buck ~ making it less expensive to masturbate solo or get in the mood for a fuck.

Don’t kid yourselves; that’s what erotica and porn is for.