Bloody Bad Period Sex Misinformation

So, according to Dr. Dee Fenner, MD, there’s been no study on this factoid I’m about to talk about ~ but the “news” has been making the rounds on sex blogs as if it were actually the results of a new study.

Newsflash: Having orgasmic sex while menstruating will end your period sooner.

 

Dr. Fenner ~ who is Director of Gynecology, Director of Surgical Services, and a Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Michigan, says the reason, quite obviously, is that “menstrual blood in the uterus is squeezed out during orgasm.”

Normally this is where I would begin ranting about studies informing us of things we already know ~ but, remember, this wasn’t a study finding. In fact, it wasn’t even a study. And that’s rather what my rant would be about: How infrequently studies are made about women’s health, female sexuality, and the like. Cuz, you know, men’s bodies & their ability to get off is always paramount. There are plenty more studies about men, their bods, their health.

However, it should be noted that there have indeed been women’s health studies about coitus and menstruation.

This 1989 study found that “sex during menstruation appeared to increase the chances of endometriosis but not of PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).”

This 1996 study, for example, did find that intercourse during menses may cause heavier bleeding ~ which may leave perimenopausal women more vulnerable to hysterectomies.

This 2011 study concluded that “coitus during menses could be a predisposing factor for endometriosis.”

I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. But I don’t think you need to be alarmist about these studies. Though if you have a family history or other concerns regarding these health concerns, discuss with your doctor the fact that you’re having, or would like to have, sex while on your period. I do, however, think such information on such studies ought to be included in articles and posts about sex while having your period.

Aside from the lack of any mention of these studies, what stood out the most in the article where I spotted this recently-dropped knowledge was this bit on the benefits of having sex while on your period:

Having sex while on your period immediately brings you closer together. Having sex during this ‘no-go’ time is a bold move – and one that can cement your bond.

Yes, if you really want to fuck while menstruating, go ahead. Breaking such a simple & silly taboo can bring you & your partner closer together. Like most any consensual intimate act, the willingness to “go there” can do wonders for your relationship.

Then again, it could be that couples having sex during menses do so precisely because they already feel close to one another.

Which is the cause, which is the effect?

But before I could get too caught up in that question, the article went on to ruin everything by tacking-on this bit:

From trying new positions, to experimenting with different moves – after period sex, you’ll notice that you’re far more willing to engage in new things in the bedroom.

Really?! Now this reads like a thinly-concealed “why you should have sex with her while she’s on the rag” piece. It’s all about convincing couples that doing it on the rag means a woman should want to do more wild things now. You know that old, “I’ll wade into the red river, if…” stuff. *snort*

I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Far too many articles are slanted this way…

But come on now!

Ladies, if you don’t want to do it when you’re on the rag, no need to be coy or polite; just say, “Thank you, but no.”

But, ladies, let me also tell you this: If you want to shorten the duration of your menstruation (not to mention relieve your cramps or change your mood via a fantastic orgasm!), you need not a man nor any partner for this ~ just masturbate yourself to orgasm! Yes, this is a real thing. Science confirms it. From that 1996 study on coitus & menstruation:

Female orgasm appeared to be the trigger for uterine contractions in this species. Sexually related uterine contractions occurred with or without the presence of penile intromission, provided the female showed evidence of sexual climax through the acceleration of her heart rate and subsequent species-typical facial expressions.

So let the orgasmic bliss of menstruation masturbation lead you to a more intimate place with yourself. Maybe you’ll love yourself more. Maybe you’ll become more willing to experiment with yourself sexually. Maybe you won’t. And that’s OK too. Don’t pressure yourself like some bad sex article might.

Image Credits: “I Love Period Sex” Sex Cum Rag Handtowel from The Love Rug Shop; Shark Week No Sex For You Low Rise Cheeky Boyshort Panties from Tee Shirt Cafe.

The Biological Drives Behind Some Holiday Food Traditions

Yesterday, my man and I celebrated Steak & BJ Day ~ with a few modifications. We do not really celebrate Valentine’s Day. (I am, after all, a “curvy man.”) Our Steak & BJ Day rather combines the two holidays, perhaps… It begins with me going down on him, pleasuring him orally, as foreplay before the big event ~ which, yes, is vaginal sex. After that, we eat steak. Simple? Yes. Delightful? Absolutely.

And it’s not necessarily reserved for March 14th, either.

But this whole idea of food and holidays has me thinking of a recent study.

This study showed that when women found themselves with an attractive male, they opted for healthy foods ~ yet men exposed to an attractive woman opted for expensive drinking and dining options.

This does not surprise me one bit. (Not many of these sex or attraction studies do, frankly.)

It makes absolute sense to me that women faced with a potential attractive male mate would be thinking about their health. And not because I believe that women are trying to “be skinny” or otherwise trying to conform to media portrayals of female bodies [insert rant here]. Such conclusions are tedious. Not to mention that making such an assumption is a big leap; “healthy” doesn’t equate “skinniness.” Let’s stick with the notion of health, shall we.

Most of the things we consider to be signs of female beauty are actually flags for fertility. It’s only natural ~ part of our species biological imperative ~ for women to be considering their health when presented with a potential mate.

Similarly, men, who have identified a genetic beauty worthy of insemination would be interested in showcasing their status as excellent providers ~ a la sparing no expense in providing a large display of food and drink.

Again, you can call it sexist, but there’s science and biological drives behind it all.

So is it any wonder then, that women would want men to display their monetary protector/provider status from time to time ~ including honoring anniversaries and “made up Hallmark holidays” like Valentine’s Day?

Here’s a tip, menfolk: If you want her to be more sexually available, try showing her what a big providing man you are. It could be food or chocolates; it could be jewelry. It could be a car. But gifts are always good. Even if Especially if it’s not even a holiday.

 

Satisfying Women Sexually May Be Complicated, But It Creates Male Superheros

Every once and awhile, sex studies align like planets to produce a clear sign. This week, it’s all about female orgasms. Hip-hip-whore-ay!

The first study to hit my news-feed was from the Indiana University, Chapman University, and Claremont Graduate University which announced that straight women have fewest orgasms. If you are a straight woman, this likely does not surprise you.

The fact that lesbian women orgasmed more often than heterosexual women indicates that many heterosexual women could experience higher rates of orgasm.

Which is a really nice way of saying that men are not always the best lovers. Again, if you are a straight woman this likely doesn’t surprise you.

The second bit I found in my news-feed may help: Apparently There are 12 Female Orgasms:

Cliteral Orgasm
Vaginal/G-Spot Orgasm
Blended Orgasm
Multiple Orgasms
Anal Orgasm
Sleep-Gasm (a.k.a ‘Snore-gasm’)
Cervical Orgasm
U-Spot Orgasm
A-Spot Orgasm
Nipple Orgasm
Core-Gasm
Expanded Sexual Response

It’s not just the use of the word “apparently” which indicates the number and variation of female orgasms is news to many ~ but the reactions to it.

Reactions from too many women and men was astonishment. Many men rather blew off the notion with snide little comments about how complicated female sexuality is. Your ignorance is showing, gents! (You can hide it in jokes, gents, but we still know your ignorance ~ and even resentment is there!) And while it would be really easy for me to dive down that rabbit hole of male ignorance, I won’t. Not so much because I am nice (You likely know better! *wink*), but because if I get caught up in such talk, heterosexual women will continue to be less satisfied in bed. And I can’t stand that idea! So, I will avoid that rabbit hole of male shame and get down to the business of making women’s holes happier.

However, it seems that male ego may just be the key here to women’s happiness!

Research suggests that women’s orgasms may function as a masculinity achievement for men. Yup, you read that right; hetrosexual men feel better about themselves when they can make women come. As clinical psychologist & sex therapist Dr. David J. Ley noted in a tweet, getting a woman to orgasm makes a man feel like a superhero.

To all the men out there who feel confused and down-right confounded on how to pleasure a woman ~ let alone in a dozen ways ~ take this apparently surprising news and turn it into a challenge. Learn how to please a woman ~ and earn that superhero cape!

It’s not just you, your ego, and your dick which will grow with pride either. You and your partner will grow closer, and the amount of sex you have will also grow. It really is a win-win.

Need some help? Some sex ed tips to help you improve your lady’s sex life? Dick Dojo has an entire video series on the subject ~ and, from now through March 12, 2017, their Bedroom Black Belt Series of ebooks are free!

The course covers everything from cock control (so you don’t experience premature ejaculation) to making the most of your mouth and hands. It’s Kung Fu for your cock ~ and sure to help you feel like a sexual superhero. But you may have to put the cape on by yourself; if you’ve earned it, she’ll be too tired to help. *wink*

Flashback Friday: Eek! He’ll See Me Nude!

Circa 2004, comes this bit of body image sex positivity

I don’t know what all the fuss is about, kids, but lately Gracie has received some emails from women ~ frantic women who are worried about how they look in bed to their partners.

Read it for what’s more likely to be going on in your partner’s head than your fears.

Dirty Talk: When Is It Masturbation, When Is It An Affair?

Over at Pulse.com.gh, “Ghana’s online news platform,” there’s some good old fashioned relationship fear-mongering: Warning!!! These 9 people likely to have an affair with your spouse.

The article should have just stopped at the subheading description advice of, “Keep good communication channels between the two of you, if there are problems in your marriage talk it out amongst yourselves, not to an an outsider.” Then things would have been rather sound. Good communication is one of the best ways to keep any relationship strong.

But instead, the staff writers opted to go into some stereotypical details about the titular types of people who are a threat to your marriage. Along with the usual suspects, such as the “old flame” and “the household help”, there’s one which makes me take a pause in my day & post this blog:

8. “The chat mate”
In this age of social media, many married people are sexting and having phone sex with chat mates. They are excited about going on phone to have naughty sessions with chat mates that they put no effort in their marriage. This is already wrong and it upgrades to a physical meeting with the chat mate to have sexual intercourse, the chat mate turns you on and you want the real sexual experience.

The solution? Be everything to you mate at all times, of course! Fulfill their every fantasy or entertainment need:

Protect your marriage from this by having phone sex and sexting with your spouse, not a chat mate. Use the phone to better your communication and sex life with your spouse, not to form wrong connections. Ask yourself, if you are really mature and serious about your marriage, will you be comfortable and proud if your spouse goes through your phone conversations?

What drives me nuts about this is the notion that in a healthy, loving, committed relationship, neither party is allowed any form of masturbatory experience.

What happens when sex drives are different? What happens when one person has a kink ~ or a vanilla fantasy ~ that the other person has no real interest in? What happens when your partner works a different shift than you do?

Dear World, are you honestly trying to tell me that people who love one another, people wish to remain together, can never ever masturbate on their own again?!

Uh, no.

dirty-talk-masturbation-or-affair-phone-sexRemember, masturbation is not cheating. It doesn’t matter if you do it by hand or with a toy. It doesn’t matter if you masturbate while fondly remembering the sex you had with your partner last week, or if you masturbate to written erotica or porno flicks. If masturbating to the sights of other people’s bodies is perfectly fine ~ and it is! ~ then why would it matter if you jacked or jilled yourself to orgasm while enjoying the sounds of other people’s voices? There are voices in those pornos too. What about recorded erotica? How different is listening to a dirty story than reading one off the paper yourself? And so what if the naughty stories you read aren’t published and available as an ebook download from Amazon but are the more ephemeral keystrokes made in chat rooms or on mobile phones? Either way, another person wrote those dirty words. (Ditto the writing, err, direction of adult films.)

Just how far away from the creator of those juicy ideas must you be in order to squirt or spray your load and remain faithful?

If your whole fear is based upon the notion that sexy fantasy playtime will lead to some sort of connection, that the situation will, as Pulse says, “upgrade to a physical meeting,” then why not go with the services of a pro?

In What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs, friend of the blog Secondhand Rose puts it this way:

This is why using professional services is so special and important. Even when things are not purely about the erotic adult entertainment, when things are more honest and friendly in those GFE companionship ways, sex workers know the professional line. Professional phone sex operators stay on the “entertainment” side; they not out to meet, let alone “get”, a man. I know none of the Peck & Call Girls will fall into such delusions or have such aspirations because, again, I have screened them myself. Yes, we may form relationships, intimate friendships; but we are neither falling in love nor encouraging clients to chuck the real world and run away with us. Our telephone and virtual affairs are completely safe this way.

See? Virtual sex is all about the masturbation ~ especially when assisted by professionals, i.e. sex workers. Paying for the services of a virtual sex assistant protects individuals from more than STDs/STIs. Phone sex operators & cam girls prevent emotional relationship creep too.

All that said, how can you tell if your mate is looking for more than some masturbation fun?

It’s pretty easy, really. Talk about it! Find out what sorts of masturbation materials your partner likes; let them know it’s OK with you. Share your own needs too. Set a budget and boundaries, if needed. Such acceptance diffuses any nervous, defensive, or ashamed feelings & related behaviors. Solo masturbation can honestly bring you closer together!

However, if you are concerned, here are some tell-tale warning signs:

* Your partner is not paying for their personal masturbation assistance.

* Your partner is paying, but it is for memberships at “cheating” sites like Ashley Madison or dating or hookup sites, rather than for sites like NiteFlirt and MyFreeCams (despite the name, there is money spent there; Kaylee Pond explains!).

* Your partner opts to spend more time with their entertainment than with you.

One very special way to deal with any suspicions is to simply ask your significant other if you can sit with them and enjoy the entertainment too. You could participate in a phone sex call or watch a cam show together. They could let you read chat room or sext messages. Reassure them by letting them know there’s wrong with a little mutual masturbation now and then. Reassure yourself that there’s nothing to fear here.

However, if there is a problem, talk about it. Seek professional help of another variety, if needed.

But stop assuming that masturbation with a professional guide is cheating or bad. …You know what happens when you “assume.” And I don’t need any help making an ass out of myself.

Sunday Funnies: Grandfather Clock Edition

Sorry to disappoint those of you looking for some hot grandfather clock pendulum action. But you’re no worse off than poor grandma here, who finds herself with the same old swinger. A sad Christmas gift, in a sad little holiday stocking. You can personalize this card too.

grandfather cock

John Holmes As You’ve (Likely) Never Seen Him Before

John Holmes, clothed, yet still displaying his other erotic appendage ~ his tongue! This photo is from Snap Annual (consisting of issues from December 1970, January and February 1971), published by Jaybird Enterprises.

Speaking of Holmes as you’ve never seen him before… Did you know that Larry Flynt has discovered two never-released features starring the legendary porn star? The two featured films, Balls in Action and The Doctor Is In, are the first feature work by John Holmes which were filmed yet never released because the director was making a “career change” at the time. Hustler plans to remastered & release the long lost footage in early 2016.

John Holmes uses his tongue

Ball and Chain for Halloween

ballchainSource: 17925.jpg (JPEG Image, 1600 × 1600 pixels)

This is another couple costume which would be funnier if it were reversed gendered. I found several for lock and key also, but none were geared to the woman being the key holder. Very much short sighted on the part of costume makers.

Hot Flash Fiction Friday: How To Seduce A Shy Guy Edition

Last week, erotica author and phone sex operator Secondhand Rose was challenged to write a a short erotic story based on 4 words. The words were “shy boy” & “sleepy girl”.

For weeks now, Jen had been visiting Jeffers at his apartment. For weeks she had been subtly giving him signals that she was not only more than a friend, but oh-so available. To no avail. Every night she left for his apartment, she was hopeful; but every night she left his place oh-so frustrated! She knew he was shy – but come on already! What was a girl supposed to do?

Don’t worry, Jen has a plan. And from the looks of things, it works!

Features a horny scheming woman in a school girl outfit and tugs at some somnophilia fantasies too. Read the whole story here.

stroking her over her panties