Over at Pulse.com.gh, “Ghana’s online news platform,” there’s some good old fashioned relationship fear-mongering: Warning!!! These 9 people likely to have an affair with your spouse.
The article should have just stopped at the subheading description advice of, “Keep good communication channels between the two of you, if there are problems in your marriage talk it out amongst yourselves, not to an an outsider.” Then things would have been rather sound. Good communication is one of the best ways to keep any relationship strong.
But instead, the staff writers opted to go into some stereotypical details about the titular types of people who are a threat to your marriage. Along with the usual suspects, such as the “old flame” and “the household help”, there’s one which makes me take a pause in my day & post this blog:
8. “The chat mate”
In this age of social media, many married people are sexting and having phone sex with chat mates. They are excited about going on phone to have naughty sessions with chat mates that they put no effort in their marriage. This is already wrong and it upgrades to a physical meeting with the chat mate to have sexual intercourse, the chat mate turns you on and you want the real sexual experience.
The solution? Be everything to you mate at all times, of course! Fulfill their every fantasy or entertainment need:
Protect your marriage from this by having phone sex and sexting with your spouse, not a chat mate. Use the phone to better your communication and sex life with your spouse, not to form wrong connections. Ask yourself, if you are really mature and serious about your marriage, will you be comfortable and proud if your spouse goes through your phone conversations?
What drives me nuts about this is the notion that in a healthy, loving, committed relationship, neither party is allowed any form of masturbatory experience.
What happens when sex drives are different? What happens when one person has a kink ~ or a vanilla fantasy ~ that the other person has no real interest in? What happens when your partner works a different shift than you do?
Dear World, are you honestly trying to tell me that people who love one another, people wish to remain together, can never ever masturbate on their own again?!
Remember, masturbation is not cheating. It doesn’t matter if you do it by hand or with a toy. It doesn’t matter if you masturbate while fondly remembering the sex you had with your partner last week, or if you masturbate to written erotica or porno flicks. If masturbating to the sights of other people’s bodies is perfectly fine ~ and it is! ~ then why would it matter if you jacked or jilled yourself to orgasm while enjoying the sounds of other people’s voices? There are voices in those pornos too. What about recorded erotica? How different is listening to a dirty story than reading one off the paper yourself? And so what if the naughty stories you read aren’t published and available as an ebook download from Amazon but are the more ephemeral keystrokes made in chat rooms or on mobile phones? Either way, another person wrote those dirty words. (Ditto the writing, err, direction of adult films.)
Just how far away from the creator of those juicy ideas must you be in order to squirt or spray your load and remain faithful?
If your whole fear is based upon the notion that sexy fantasy playtime will lead to some sort of connection, that the situation will, as Pulse says, “upgrade to a physical meeting,” then why not go with the services of a pro?
In What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs, friend of the blog Secondhand Rose puts it this way:
This is why using professional services is so special and important. Even when things are not purely about the erotic adult entertainment, when things are more honest and friendly in those GFE companionship ways, sex workers know the professional line. Professional phone sex operators stay on the “entertainment” side; they not out to meet, let alone “get”, a man. I know none of the Peck & Call Girls will fall into such delusions or have such aspirations because, again, I have screened them myself. Yes, we may form relationships, intimate friendships; but we are neither falling in love nor encouraging clients to chuck the real world and run away with us. Our telephone and virtual affairs are completely safe this way.
See? Virtual sex is all about the masturbation ~ especially when assisted by professionals, i.e. sex workers. Paying for the services of a virtual sex assistant protects individuals from more than STDs/STIs. Phone sex operators & cam girls prevent emotional relationship creep too.
All that said, how can you tell if your mate is looking for more than some masturbation fun?
It’s pretty easy, really. Talk about it! Find out what sorts of masturbation materials your partner likes; let them know it’s OK with you. Share your own needs too. Set a budget and boundaries, if needed. Such acceptance diffuses any nervous, defensive, or ashamed feelings & related behaviors. Solo masturbation can honestly bring you closer together!
However, if you are concerned, here are some tell-tale warning signs:
* Your partner is not paying for their personal masturbation assistance.
* Your partner is paying, but it is for memberships at “cheating” sites like Ashley Madison or dating or hookup sites, rather than for sites like NiteFlirt and MyFreeCams (despite the name, there is money spent there; Kaylee Pond explains!).
* Your partner opts to spend more time with their entertainment than with you.
One very special way to deal with any suspicions is to simply ask your significant other if you can sit with them and enjoy the entertainment too. You could participate in a phone sex call or watch a cam show together. They could let you read chat room or sext messages. Reassure them by letting them know there’s wrong with a little mutual masturbation now and then. Reassure yourself that there’s nothing to fear here.
However, if there is a problem, talk about it. Seek professional help of another variety, if needed.
But stop assuming that masturbation with a professional guide is cheating or bad. …You know what happens when you “assume.” And I don’t need any help making an ass out of myself.