Faking Orgasms?

Faking orgasms; we’ve all done it.

beautifulagon orgasm faceIt’s not that you don’t like sex, but maybe you’re not that interested in sex right at the moment. Maybe you’d just rather watch your favorite TV show. Maybe you’d rather just go to sleep. Or maybe you are having a good time, but you don’t want to go “all the way” and have a real orgasm. Some women, like our dearly beloved and now departed Jewel, have medical reasons for avoiding orgasms; the very muscles and nerves that supply moments of intense pleasures also affect muscles and nerves which give you pain in the days that follow.

Whatever the reason, sometimes it’s just easier (and takes less time) to let him finish than to spend the time (and risk hurting his feelings) than to explain the situation. Faking orgasms may not be ideal; but it is a reality.

We can’t in good faith say, “Stop faking orgasms.” Yet there are repercussions for faking your pleasure.

Certainly, faking pleasure can deny yourself actual pleasure. And by faking orgasms to please a partner, you may be avoiding communicating to your partner what you do like and would actually orgasm from; that doesn’t serve you well. You may be hurting yourself, your partners, and your relationships by denying your partners the satisfaction of providing real orgasms. Yes, there are men who genuinely do care about your pleasure and take great pride in being skillful lovers. (Some mensches even use your clues to orgasm with you, or after you!)

Beyond that, your fake orgasms are conditioning your partners to work for specific signs as clues to a job well done. Often this results in you having to repeat your fake orgasm performances. Elizabeth Donaldson illustrates with a story about a friend of hers who “who made a terrible, life-changing mistake” one night:

She and her partner had been at it for some time when she realised she was missing a rather vital episode of Game of Thrones. Her partner was not really in a position to change tack.

He was hammering away at it, determined to ride her over the horizon to a new place of coital bliss. He had really pulled out all the stops from focused foreplay to cunnilingus; he had not taken a single short cut.

An effort like that is never disregarded, not even by the most mean-spirited woman. So, motivated by kindness and good manners, she faked an orgasm.

This in itself is not a terrible, life-changing mistake.

Lord no, faking orgasm is a useful, even crucial, element in a woman’s sexual repertoire. No, the mistake was to throw in a spectacular leg spasm for good measure. After all, her partner had gone to so much effort; she felt a little something extra was required. And so their carnal coupling came to a flamboyant end. He was pleased with himself and she got to watch her show.

As humorous as this may sound, the repercussions are not so funny:

You see, she had set a new standard for orgasm that she has to replicate every time they have sex. Even her most genuinely victorious orgasms are now met with disappointment by her partner if she doesn’t do “the leg thing”. Her sex life has turned into carefully orchestrated cabaret. To make matters worse, she’s now married to the man and (if all goes well) is now condemned to a life of faked leg spasms.

Similarly, this sort of orgasm faking (or exaggeration) often has to take place because, especially for women, no two orgasms are alike.

Like snowflakes, female orgasms come in nearly unlimited varieties. And quantities. If you are or know someone who is multi-orgasmic, you know this to be true. One look at her face, and you can see the variations in power, beauty, agony, and nearly every other nuance of pleasure.

beautiful agony

This fact that women have different orgasms is the way out of the faked orgasm game.

Inform your partner that the leg spasm isn’t the only sign of orgasm ~ or even the only sign of a fucking fantastic orgasm. Explaining the various types of orgasms, what they feel like, what causes them, and, yes, what they may result in, is not only informative (and therefore may release you from your purgatory of orgasm faking), but it can be erotic as hell.

Image Credits: Beautiful Agony.

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Hot Flash Fiction Friday: An Hour and 29 Minutes

Another hour and 29 minutes to go until the store closing time. Then a few minutes, at least, before she would actually close the curtains on the display window. Possibly up to 2 hours left to keep standing still and pretending to just be a mannequin, like any other mannequin in the window of a storefront along main street.

She had said it was predicament bondage. Something she was interested in but had never thought he would go for.

This wasn’t the kind of serving in the BDSM books. The men in those stories licked boots, wore panties or did other stuff that sounded a lot better than standing in public, modeling a full suit in a store window. Posed for everyone to see and wonder why the mannequin has a hook in it’s mouth. Would anyone suspect he was a real boy?

BBW smoking watchingTime to think about something else… getting hard was against the rules. Why is it so hard not to get hard once you are told not to get hard? The suit pants were beginning to strain again. Think about ice… cold, cold and wet and slippery… No, that wasn’t helping.

Still another hour and 29 minutes on the clock. Could she have stopped the clock? Could she be that evil?

Image Credits: A dominant woman smokes as she watches from the window… Is she making sure her mannequin is behaving? Via.

50 Shades Of… Red!

lesbian bdsm kink-uI’m not the only one annoyed or downright fed-up with the 50 Shades phenom. There may be one good thing about all this mainstream glorification of 50 Shades: The subject of BDSM is no longer in the closet. However, the book (and upcoming film) isn’t accurate in its depiction of BDSM.

Surprisingly, mainstream publication Women’s Health magazine set out to debunk 5 Major Myths About BDSM ~ and they did so with the help of professionals! Among them, our favorite sex positive, kink loving, Dr. Gloria Brame (another exclusive interview here).

Here Brame brilliantly tackles BDSM Myth #5:

Myth #5: BDSM is Dangerous
Not when done correctly. Conversations about consent and safety are the norm in the BDSM comminuty, not the exception, says Brame. In fact, that’s something that you can’t necessarily say for vanilla sex, which doesn’t always begin by outlining boundaries. “The single most unsafe sex is not BDSM but unprotected sex,” she says.

Take that fact, fear-mongering folks!

In fact, what is dangerous about BDSM is not having the facts.

Myth-information can result in inflamed cheeks ~ but not the “pleasantly spanked backsides that makes me squirm when I sit down” sort of inflamed cheeks, but rather the “so angry I’m red in the face” variety. At Autostraddle, Jennifer Hanks, self-described “queer top”, writes:

And books like 50 Shades set a dangerous precedent for would-be subs: one where hyper-femininity is demanded and safe words are for the weak. I understand why, upon reading these books, some people become adamant that D/s is just an excuse for violence against women. The relationships portrayed in these books are, without a doubt, abusive. I worry about the women who, instructed by 50 Shades, would not be able to recognize the difference between an abuser and a Dom — the women who will inevitably take their curiosity over to Fetlife.

Sexual fantasies are one thing; but get facts before you try to make them sexual realities.

Image Credits: Kink U, higher education for erotic exploration.