Onaholes: The More The Merrier?

Hey, Hannah Smothers & Cosmo, if you think that the 3fap three-hole masturbation toy for men is confusing and upsetting, well, you must have missed this Fucking Ageist Cantaloupe Sex Toy from six years ago.

While the 3fap offers three holes (mouth, vagina, & ass) the Wet Sucker Setsugekka Orgy Onahole suggests an orgy of one man with at least three different women who each will wait their turns… There are three pussy onaholes, each representing three a woman of a different age, and one, apparently ageless, asshole.

The Setsugekka predates the 3fap by six years.

See Also: What’s an onahole?

Hot For Teacher? Even Hotter For A Tit Job?

As a big-breasted girl, I know full well the power of a titty fuck. Since I can’t be everywhere, you might want to find a readily available substitute. And, since we’re speaking of “substitutes,” here’s a substitute teacher to help you with your busty naughty dreams: the Oppai Teacher, aka the Huge Boobs Teacher Deluxe Toy.

This Japanese masturbator has a pair of pleasure holes (onaholes) as well as a bountiful bosom for paizuri (titty fucking).

Unlike some other life-size (or nearly so) fuckable sex dolls, you have realistic breasts to play with.

I’m not exactly sure what makes her a “sexy teacher” ~ maybe it’s the glass test tube between her breasts… She’s a science teacher! She’ll blind you with science, baby!

But we can all get behind the idea of a teacher sex doll, right? Especially when this nearly full sized sex toy can also be used doggy style!

Made in Japan; but you can order it here and have it sent to you in the USA. Yes, it’s safe to use; 100% phthalate-free materials. Lotion is included too, so there’s nothing to stop you!

Sweet, Wet, Eroge Dreams

Love Japanese eroge? Are you a huge, hardcore fan of the Starless Nymphomaniacs Paradise, specifically? Do you love the eroge degradation and rape-fantasy play so much you dream of being house servant Sawatari? Well, then have I got some pillow covers for you!

Here’s MILF Marie Mamiya:

Seishojo Pillow Cover STARLESS NymphoManiacs - Marie Mamiya

Here’s the terrible maid, Sachie Asagiri:

starless maid Sachie Asagiri hentai

You can find more of the naughty pillow covers here.

All pillow covers are illustrated by Seishojo. They are made in Japan from high-quality 2-way, silky Tricot, measuring 500 × 1600 centimeters. NOTE: The actual product is uncensored, so you can, err, snuggle as intimately as you wish. (After all, pillow covers and pillows are the cheapest ~ and easiest to clean ~ version of sex dolls.)

bratty hentai eroge STARLESS Marisa Mamiya

What’s Japanese eroge? The word eroge itself describes what it’s all about; the word combines the two words “erotic” and “game.” So eroge is the genre of visual novel games, aka pornographic Japanese video games. You might also call them hentai games, or H-games for short, as everywhere (but in Japan) the word hentai is taken to mean adult animation.

[Technically, in Japanese, the word hentai does not refer to any media genre, but rather refers to any perverse or bizarre sexual desire or act. However, the truth of the word won’t stop anyone marketing anime or manga style pornography using the hentai label.]

There’s also an animated adult series of Starless; here you can find the whole compilation of Starless 21st Century Nymphomaniacs.

STARLESS 21st Century Nymphomaniacs hentai

Saucy Saturday: Footsie Fun For Everyone Edition

Lotus Lain and Mia Li are playing footsie…

Lotus Lain and Mia Li play footsie

When they notice someone watching… While that might sound creepy, the peepin’ Tom dude is invited into the action.

worship Lotus Lain and Mia Li's feet

If you love toes, feet, foot jobs, and some tramping, then this is for you.

Lotus Lain and Mia Li give a foot job

worshiping the feet of Mia Li and Lotus Lain

…For some reason, even though Lotus is of mixed ethnicity, I’m thinking of singing “Ebony & Asian-Li” to the tune of Ebony & Ivory

Who Doesn’t Want A Man Servant?

Remember last year when we told you about that imaginary boyfriend service? Well, there’s an even better service now, which employs humans, not bots: Man Service. Vice‘s Broadly gave us the alert:

While they state that this is not a sexual service, one just has to laugh. First, the fact that you’re not paying for sex is what all escort services say, so as to avoid illegalities. Ditto BDSM service providers. But, really, even if you and your escort, or dungeon master, never do the nasty deed together, the reality is that such things feed your sex life. Even if only via masturbation fantasies. (And, remember, masturbation is sex!)

The real clue here is the emphasis on intimacy. Sure, you can clean up the dirty side by referring to the female clients as “professionals” ~ but the added “with little time to meet men” and “paying for relationships” lines place us right back at paid companionship which is escorting!

While there are plenty of studies and jokes about women getting turned on by men doing housework, these man servants aren’t like the smarmy versions of Deuce Bigalow pushing a vacuum that you may have in your mind…

deuce bigalow lederhosen

Yeah, as you can tell by the gratuitous use of that specific Rob Schneider / Bigalow pic, I’m still on that lederhosen kick! But, no, Man Servants are not like that.

While Man Servants may vacuum, do the dishes, and take out the trash without complaining ~ and compliment you as he does it ~ he’ll be dressed for your fantasies: “Dressed to the nines in his signature suit and pocket square. No banana hammocks here.”

Apparently, the folks at Man Servants decided this was the female fantasy version of the classic male Fi-Fi the French Maid fantasy.

(Have we come a long way, baby? I’m sure other feminists and feminist bloggers will chime in, with many saying, “No, this is not feminism!”)

Oh, and Man Servant services include other female fantasy offerings as well:

man servant duties

But whether the guy is vacuuming, massaging you ~ even without a promised happy ending, or just arm candy, and then goes away, no string attached, until the if or when you hire him again, he is in the business of for-hire companionship. I repeat, that is exactly what escorting is.

This, my friends, is sex work.

This is where many of the feminists I imagine (for I am not going to go look for them), will take great issue. Sadly, many feminists are anti sex work. Even when sex work is all about female autonomy & women’s rights. *sigh*

Regardless of such complaints, this business is mainstream. And it’s real. Even if only limited to a few major cities so far.

Now, the remaining question is this: If such male escorting services are becoming more mainstream and acceptable, is this a step forward for sex work in general?

I Want To Believe, Do You?

Sure, Mulder loves porn…

But for those of us who are missing spending our Monday nights with The X-Files (hey, we may still get more ~ eventually), for those who never stopped lusting after X-Files-esque fantasies, there’s Kink’s X-Files porn parody, Mulder Loves Scully: A Sci Fi Gangbang. Full of hardcore, gangbang, fantasy fun.

Starring Juliette March, Tommy Pistol, Mickey Mod, Mark Wood, Karlo Karrera, & Jon Jon.

The Mad Scientist Is In The Lab, Working On Something BIG

In For Science, Dr. Carol Wright is a brilliant researcher ~ but, as she’s in a male dominated field, her work is dismissed. Frustrated, she decides to continue her research by testing it on herself. To her surprise ~ and the delight of those with giantess fantasies ~ the side effect of her formula is rapid growth. Oh, and it also increases her sex drive too. Why not? It’s a comic sex fantasy, after all. *wink*


My Husband Is Bisexual! Now What?

Today we welcome a guest into our Sex Kitten Parlor to discuss his personal story… Peter is a relationship & sex writer for TheGayUk magazine. He is in a loving marriage with Michael; the couple resides in Brisbane, Australia. Besides writing, Peter loves cooking, reading, and travelling around exotic destinations. His future plans revolve around starting up his personal couple counseling business.

A long time ago, in a land far far away there lived a Prince. He was charming, handsome, smart and rich – a real catch. Then, one day – he went to a ball in search of his soul mate. That’s when he instantly fell in love with a Princess, the most beautiful of all. Their eyes met and it was love that would last forever and ever… at least, that’s what we are told. Truth is, this glorified Prince had probably had another prince on the side already, the Princess had probably had an elf or another princess to fool around with too, but Disney never told us about that, did he now? Sure, it’s always easier to live an illusion than face reality. Until it slaps you in the face.

We all love and fall, we all hurt. It’s how we overcome it, and how strongly we decide to love again what counts.

wedding coupleDiscovering your partner is something you never thought would be absolutely nerve-wrecking. From small things, like realizing they’ve been lying to you the whole time when saying they went golfing with their friends (when they’ve actually been taking a break from the family life every Wednesday and Friday) to realizing your significant other has preferences towards the other sex. Naturally, these two are incomparable but it’s all betrayal and betrayal is difficult on plenty of levels. Finding out your partner is bisexual? Horrible.

When it happened to me and my husband I was destroyed; a mashup of feelings I’d never felt until then suffocated me to a point I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was the worst feeling of my life, in all honesty. And the way I found out? Not that pleasant either.

We were at this party our friends threw (it’s their thing, they throw it every last Saturday in a month and all of our friends gather, we bring home-cooked food and deserts, bottles of wine are opened and we just enjoy our night away) and my husband started chatting with this girl, who was quite attractive, I must admit. She was new in the crowd, recently moved in next door to our friends’, so they invited her over. At first, I thought they were just being friendly, but once the leaning in started and his flirting I knew something was up. But, I was confused as she was, well, a girl and he was-gay. That is, was supposed to be gay. I started recalling all the small signs from before, I so successfully (and intentionally) ignored but did bury deep into my subconsciousness thinking they’d be safe there.

When we came home, I immediately confronted him. At first, he started denying it but then he cracked. He started crying, I could read the immense pain in his body language for hurting me and the inexplicable relief at the same time, for getting it off his chest. So he admitted he is bisexual and what was I supposed to do with that? Was our 7-year-long marriage a lie? Did he ever love me? Was I a decoy for something, God knows what? I was frozen with shock yet a burning flame in my mind and soul.

The morning after – I left the house and called in sick. I needed some time away and a proper detachment to clear my head (read: sleep or cry when I am awake, then drink and exercise my strength not to call him when all I wanted was to scream his name and tell him how much I despise him and love him still).

After I’ve managed to put together a few days without calling him, I’ve decided it’s time I picked myself up and figured out what was happening to me. To us. At the time, it was all so confusing, so mind boggling that it seemed like there was no way out. I wasn’t ready to let go, I’ve spent some of the best years of my life with this man. I’ve given him my soul, my body, my mind… I’ve surrendered my entire being to him and to me – that was more than enough a reason to try and fight this.

However, there was no one to talk to. I felt humiliated and pretty much in a dead-end. I mean, who could have I turned to and hope they would help? Nobody could understand what I was feeling.

The only thing that came to my mind was to try and Google it, see if there were any studies on this done, read through what the experts had to say. And, to my surprise, once I started Googling it, it turned out it was a rather common problem plenty a couple was dealing with. Not that I would ever want such a heartache on anyone but when I realized there were other couples in the same or similar jam as I was, I felt a relief. Not a relief because they were suffering, but because it meant I’d be able to find a solution for my situation. Who knew being bisexual hit so many marriages!

I knew I didn’t want to leave him but I was aware there will be something for him to stay happy and content. Something absolutely out of the box.

After reading articles and articles of people with similar experiences to mine, I’ve stumbled upon a reference that lead me to a company called Red Door escort agency which, I’d later find out, was a highly professional and trustworthy environment offering the best escort service and utmost pleasure. Apparently, it was highly ranked with so many couples trusting it for support and a solution. So I thought, I’ll go check it out, what’s the worst that could happen!

I’ve arranged the meeting thinking the sooner I get it over with, the better. On my way there, I was sweating, my brain was pulsating, my mouth was dry and I genuinely felt sick to my stomach with the whole situation I was going through. Was I really not enough?

Nonetheless, once I got there, a sense of calm overwhelmed me. I was blown away with professionalism and amicability of the people who welcomed me. Contrary to my expectations (I’d honestly expected a Red District situation), the atmosphere was warm and cozy, a dignified ambiance followed by an expert approach – what more could I ask for! I talked about my problem, and I immediately got several potential solutions with explanations on how things could go down. This immediately instilled me with confidence. I was on a meeting with people who knew what they were talking about and I loved it.

Well, does it mean we’re cheating on each other if we opt for your services? – I asked at some point.

Honey – she smiled – would you rather have the love of your life unhappy with his limitation to be who he is, embrace it entirely and then snap somewhere and cheat with some random person in a bar, only to then come home to you ashamed and disgusted with himself, or would you rather go on the ride together, fully supporting each other? To be blunt – no, you are not cheating. You are loving each other by doing this.

I was sold.

I left the Red Door and immediately called Michael. It was a mind-opening experience for me. I am ready to try and work it out and I may have found us a solution. When I went back home, I told him all about it. He was a bit skeptical and, to a point, we were both afraid it would break our marriage apart but I guess, it was only normal to be as overwhelmed as we were.

When we went there together at our first session, it was like the most thrilling threesome you could have ever imagined. I was given the option to watch and I did. I was in the room there with them, the girl he was with was super hot and looking at him desirably. Being wanted by that gorgeous woman, seeing him happy was immensely uplifting and stimulating for me! I was convinced there was nothing to be intimidated by. Other sessions, he went alone and later came home to me.

Risking it paid off and, guess what? We’re celebrating our 8th anniversary tomorrow, he is taking me dancing!

Celebrating MLK Day With Sex Fantasies Of Racial Degradation

Over at Lynn’s phone sex Tumblr, there’s a post today that not only isn’t likely what Martin Luther King Jr. envisioned, but certainly will upset more than a few people:

It may not be what Martin Luther King Jr. envisioned, but if you’d like to enjoy the day off for MLK day by getting off with some racial degradation, go for it. Operators are standing by!

Some, like Heidi, can’t stand white cock. But there’s more to racial degradation than big black cock – for women or men. There are other humiliating race-based fantasies which are best acted out in the privacy of your own home with a savvy phone sex operator. This in addition to just plain hot fantasies of Asian women, Latina babes, ebony beauties… Maybe it’s a simple attraction to exotic beauty… Maybe it’s a racial thing… Whether it’s Yellow Fever or Jungle Fever, maybe your racial lust is still taboo for you.  Maybe you’re the man or woman of color looking for a white woman or man to belittle you for your race… Or maybe you need someone, anyone, to put you in place for your white privilege with some financial domination.

There are even sex fantasies involving religious blasphemy.  In today’s post Arab Spring world, there’s been a huge increase in Muslim men looking for femdom action.

So what’s your cultural sexual sin? Confess it, play with it, blow a load and take a load off your mind with these PSOs who are ready to go for some serious racial degradation.

At first glace, this may just seem to be somewhat distasteful marketing ploy for attention and phone sex promotion on a relatively lazy US holiday (even taking advantage of the MLKDay hash); but there is more to it than that.

mps mlk day racial phonesex fantasiesFor one, Lynn, who runs the site, is the pro behind Phone Sex Secrets; so she knows more than a thing or two about phone sex and sex work trends. (Her research on the connection between the Arab Spring uprising and the Google blow-up of “femdom” searches was even picked up by Dr. Gloria Brame.)

As Lynn notes, sex work is a part of capitalism. There wouldn’t be categories of racial fantasies if they didn’t sell, if folks didn’t make bank. As a former escort, I can attest to the high frequency of racial fantasies, degrading or not, that lurk in the minds of Americans. And who among us cannot see the racism that’s running rampant today, especially in the Republican followers of Donald Trump?! Not your Angel, aka TrailerTrashGrl, certainly sees how all this is impacting male power, fears, and fantasies!

The question, really, is that does playing out such taboo fantasies help or hinder? We know that playing with taboos can provide great relief for the individual. And when fantasies are given a private outlet, they can be kept as fantasies without ruining our society ~ in fact, it can help preserve society.

As I’ve said before, fantasies are just fine; as long as you separate fantasy from reality and not create expectations, laws, etc. of of them.

Sunday Funnies: Star Wars Phone Sex Edition

Playmate Sara Jean Underwood is featured in this 1-900-Hot-Jedi Star Wars phone sex spoof from Playboy:

For those of us with more unique fantasies…

A late night ad for a phone sex company in a galaxy far far away… Call 1-900-Roar for chat fun with some very furry operators.

Via, via, and lots of others.