Tale As Old As Time? Beauty & The Beast Buzz

Pop Sugar thought they were clever posting about a Beauty & The Beast inspired dildo. Maybe they were; I mean, why not capitalize on the new buzz surrounding Disney’s live action remake of Beauty & The Beast. Even if most of that buzz surrounds the upset over an openly gay character (Hey, at least it’s not Lumière, as a “flaming” candle.) instead of the teenage-buffalo romance:

Why let the fact that the rosebud-tipped glass dildo (which clearly stays away from anything remotely related to the fairy tale or “Belle”) has been around for quite awhile stop you either.

However, why point to the most expensive purchasing option for the toy? Not only is the Prisms Budding Rose Shaped Glass Dildo cheaper on Amazon ~ nearly half the price ~ but it ships free with Prime, and that means you’re not waiting the two weeks the other shop notes for shipping.

There are other glass rose sex toy options as well. But if the whole point was to capitalize on “the buzz,” why not go with a rose vibrator?

Even Robots Need To Revive Their Careers With Sexy B Flicks

From the biography of Elektro, the world’s first celebrity robot who wowed the crowds at the 1939 New York World’s Fair, comes this sad and all-too-familiar chapter of the fleetingness of fame:

One curious part of the story is that Elektro tried the classic B-list celebrity tactic of using sex to revive a flagging career – appearing in a proto soft porn film in the 1960s.

The movie was entitled Sex Kittens Go to College, and you can see Elektro featured in the trailer.

Here’s the film’s trailer:

Catch Elektro as “Thinko”, Mamie Van Doren, and the whole gang in the flick.

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Washington Porn Edition

While the world cringes from the current political circus, including recalling sex scandals of the past (some of which may just make the news again thanks to the lawyer for the DC Madam!), we invite you to remember ~ or enjoy for the very first time ~ a classic John Holmes film set in Washington DC: The Senator’s Daughter.

vintage The Senator's Daughter john holmes lesllie bovee

This 1978 porno, directed by Don Flowers, is a tongue in cheek play not only on the dirty side of Washington but on the popularity of TV’s The Six Million Dollar Man. The plot, in case you were interested, features the legendary & larger than life John Holmes as John Galt ~ a famous porn star who is disfigured in a car accident and agrees to undergo experimental surgery in exchange to serve his country as a special agent.

john holmes as bionic secret agent galt

This is no ordinary car accident. As Galt was being fellated during the car ride, his money-maker was completely bitten off during the accident. So the surgery gives him not only a bionic eye, arm, and legs, but a 12-inch bionic dick too ~ cuz, you know, that’s what secret agents need. To the delight of the doctor and nurses, his bionic dick works! (I say most of the nurses are delighted, because one is rather abused and seeks comfort with her mentor ~ you know, in order to get the requisite lesbian scene in.)

vintage lesbian nurses

Then Holmes/Galt is off on this first assignment, which is, of course, to rescue the titular senator’s daughter. The teenage daughter, played by Lesllie Bovee aka Leslie Bovee and Leslie Dubuex, has been kidnapped by the Russian syndicate. Their evil plan is to make a cyborg copy of her ~ which they manage to pull off, but Holmes/Galt thwarts their plans by shooting the cyborg double with his bionic cock weapon. This thrills Mission Control, who has been monitoring everything via the bionic-electronics. The scientists at Mission Control are so excited by the fruits of their labor that they have a party. At the one female scientist’s expense: “Nancy, since you’re the only girl, we’re all gonna kind of gang-bang you.”

Meanwhile, the senator’s daughter is still missing. She’s being held in Tangiers ~ and being repeatedly raped by the Russian kidnappers.

lesllie bovee leslie vintage porn

So the agent’s work isn’t done yet. Along the way, Holmes’ magnificent tool is used in highly unethical, hardcore interrogation efforts.

holmes in tangiers interrogation vintage porn

Spoiler Alert!

In the end, the senator’s daughter is rescued ~ and she marries her secret agent hero.

This film is also included in The Best Of John Holmes Classic Collection ~ which, like The Senator’s Daughter, you can stream online, download, or pay per minute view.

holmes bovee marry

“The Bitch” From “The Stud”

Joan Collins as Fontaine Khaled in The Stud.

joan collins stockings

The Stud was a 1978 soft-core flick based on the novel written by ~ you guessed it! ~ Jackie Collins.

Enjoy this ~ 5 minute clip montage of the film played to the film’s astonishing-period theme song. Breathlessly sing along, “The Stud, what’s his name, what’s his name!”

To be factually correct about this posts’ title, Collins/Khaled weren’t officially “The Bitch” until the sequel (book and film).

UPDATE:

Here’s the trailer:

Sunday Funnies: The Truth About James Bond Edition

James Bond may have ghosted Sarah Silverman ~ but don’t worry, she’s got his number.

Dreading Seeing Your Family This Thanksgiving? Use Your Imagination!

TYLENE VS CAPRI VS JC MARIEIf you think family gatherings are uncomfortable or rife with the potential for fighting, do what I do: picture them as catfights.

Sure, your sister, Aunt Josie, etc. may not be as hot as these ladies; and they likely aren’t fighting for the same reasons, either. But, I find it more entertaining to run a silent, but naughtier, version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 over the family antics than to just sit uncomfortably by as the family drama plays out.

If you haven’t ever wondered what it would be like if the female members of your family suddenly began to pull one another’s hair, rip their blouses open, and go full-on wrestling in their fancy holiday attire ~ well, I’m going to call you a liar!

…Hell, even if it is just me, try it. You’ll like it.

Hannah Perez and Randy Moore pantyhose catfight

Screenshots (in the order they appear) are from Office Offensive, Hell In Heels, and The Hose They Rode In On; all on one DVD here.

PS I’m sure once you try this holiday survival technique, you’ll want to thank me for it. But to avoid trouble, I suggest you not say so out-loud at that “what I’m thankful for” thing around the holiday table. It can just be our little dirty secret. Happy Thanksgiving!

Danielle Trixie Melissa Jacobs wrestling topless in pantyhose

50 Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior ~ Almost Gone!

I was looking at more vintage Vanessa del Rio and in her auctions she has listed the over-sized, coffee-table book & DVD set, 50 Years of Slightly Slutty Behavior, listed. Not only is it an awesome biography of the classic porn star, but it has plenty of visual stimulation too. Plus, del Rio will personally sign it for you. (Note the cool lenticular insert!) I’ve been watching for days now, and it is listed as temporarily out of stock at Amazon ~ but I think it is a permanent situation as this was published as a Limited Edition by Taschen in 2010. Even more reason to get it now and get it from del Rio herself.

vanessa del rio collectors book

limited edition title page vanessa del rio

vanessa del rio 50 years Slightly Slutty Behavior book and dvd

vanessa del rio 50 years set

taschen's Slightly Slutty Behavior limited edition

vanessa del rio porn star book

Sex Worker Therapy Sessions, 1971

Secondhand Rose has been obsessing over the film Klute. If you’re not familiar with the incredible Jane Fonda film, here’s Rose’s review. (See all of Rose’s posts about the film and Jane Fonda here.) The short version of the movie, which surely omits the details and the fun, is that Jane plays a sex worker who finds herself front and center in a film noir murder mystery.

Some of the juiciest parts are the conversations Jane’s character, Bree, has with her therapist. Thankfully, someone has put these clips up on YouTube. But Spoiler Alert ~ do not watch if you have not already seen the flick unless you wish to spoil viewing the film!