Continuing our conversation about rape fantasies…
When I asked Miss Pearl to write about male rape fantasies, she did a great job with A General Introduction To Rape Fantasies, particularly when it comes to male rape fantasies. However, one facet not discussed was the specific rape fantasies of sissies. In fact, this sort of forced feminization was what I had tucked away in the back of my mind when I wrote, “Humiliation of the male submissive can be just as much a part of the D/s turn-on as rape fantasies are for some women.”
I myself first discovered sissy fantasies and male rape fantasies when I was an escort, and it was a tricky thing to figure out at first. There are many misconceptions about these issues.
For those who are not familiar with what a sissy fantasy is, it’s one subset of crossdressing (which we’ve covered before here at SK in many articles) in which a straight male not only dresses up as a woman, but wants to live the role of a stereotypical sissy girl, often with a femdom creating the scene.
This involves more than just dressing in “girlie” attire, as A Slip Of A Girl explains:
A cross-dressing man may be even further along the continuum, in what many prefer to call “the role of the sissy.” Sissies and sissy maids typically are those cross-dressing men who like to role play as if they were female, including serving women and being used by men. In this role, they desire to participate in power exchanges based on their sexual ideals of gender roles; anything from pegging to spankings and other physical punishments, from emotional punishments such as humiliation to servicing other men. This includes being used by or “whored out” as a “sissy slut” to other men.
The definition of “sissy” and the fantasy acts themselves vary wildly based on the individual’s stereotypes of what it means to be female, their ideas of submission, and just about any other sexual interests, fetishes and fantasies you can think of. Clearly this is not a one-size-fits-all area of sexuality.
Along with what Slip mentioned, there’s also the forced aspect. Within the confines of BDSM’s rules of “safe, sane, and consensual” (SSC) or risk-aware consensual kink (RACK), forced feminization may involve physical restraints (bondage, manhandling, etc.), emotional or relationship control (via the D/s power dynamic), and/or mind control (hypnosis, intoxication, supernatural powers, etc.). And forced femme often includes more than just forcing a man to dress like a woman, but to be used like one as well. This includes rape and sexual servicing of men ~ which is why it is also sometimes called forced faggotry.
As with pegging, such fantasies of being a sissy do not necessarily have anything to do with a man’s orientation or gender identity, but instead have to do with cultural stereotypes of femininity. To play with these stereotypes is to play with taboos. After all, in our patriarchal society, there’s nothing as low to a man as a woman. (Yup, that often includes gay men.) That’s why degradation and humiliation are often a large part of sissy and forced fem play.
And that’s where it can become very uncomfortable ~ especially for female partners. A Slip Of A Girl, who is a phone sex operator specializing in lingerie fetish, crossdressing elaborates in another article, The Great Cross-Dressing Divide:
Men’s ignorance to what we suffer, endure, is borne of their positions of power; intellectually we women understand that male privileges deprive men of “knowing,” just as white people cannot know what a Native American or African American has and does endure. But this can be intolerable at the personal relationship level. We often block all this because we don’t like to think about how the men we love just don’t get it, or even care to… But it takes most of us women years to find comfort in and with our own bodies, on nearly every level imaginable — and even when we find personal comfort, the cultural judgements and political control remains.
So when confronted by the confessions of a cross dresser, a sissy, etc., we hear their dreams, their presumptions, their stereotypes… The things many cross dressers seek in feminine finery strike at the heart of these painful issues, which is why so many women are so uncomfortable, consciously or not, with their partner’s desires. His fantasies of “what it’s like to be a woman” can seem almost misogynistic. Especially when they “joke” about how when they wear panties they “have the best of both worlds: the luxury of lingerie without the nasty menstruation.” Until women can honestly face what’s going on in their heads and hearts and understand it well enough to communicate it all — in as safe and accepting environment as cross dressing men want when they share their own secrets — there rather remains this dissonance, this distance, between them.
…I’ve spent a lot of time talking with hurt and confused women about this. In nearly equal numbers to cross dressing men. It’s not that women don’t want to understand and accept their partners, but they want to be heard and understood themselves. Both men and women have a lot of learning and accepting to do.
Because this can be tricky territory to navigate, many men with sissy and/or rape fantasies have difficulty finding female partners willing to share these the gender-swapping erotic fantasy play. With no outlet, these men become stressed ~ and stress is a big trigger for fetish and taboo sex play. The increased desire, coupled with what they feel is partner rejection representative of societal rejection, results in panic, distress, and self-loathing ~ but still they crave! In fact, the rejection and judgement feels an awful lot like the verbal abuse of erotic humiliation and may itself result in arousal. This cycle of desire-rejection-arousal-rejection leaves some men with what they feel is a compulsion or even an addiction. As an example, read this post by randomloser998; is he really worried about himself, or is he inviting sexual humiliation for his own thrills? It is difficult to tell. But as one commenter there points out, a good female dominant can get his problem, erm, in hand by employing cock control and orgasm denial.
If you have other questions about the sissification of straight men, or if you are a man who is looking for some sissy role play, A Slip Of A Girl can help (at NF & MPS). Don’t forget to check out her Fickle Knickers!
Image credits, in the order they appear: Female dominant dressing her crossdressing male; sissy maid serving while being used by a fuck machine.