All the beer you can soak yourself in… living the dream?
All the beer you can soak yourself in… living the dream?
Not to be too anal… We do mean this post title quite literally; but since we’d never advocate for spitting on persons one might call (or wish to call) an asshole, if you’re doing that, you should stop that too.
This is done a lot in BDSM fantasy porn, especially in spontaneous gang-bangs, public humiliation sex, etc. ~ the story being, “Who would think ahead and bring the lube?” Truthfully though, this use of spit as lube for anal sex is done in gay, lesbian, bi, queer, and all sorts of other porn, erotica, and real world sex too ~ whether the plowing is done by a cock, sex toy, or some other object. (And we shouldn’t forget about the spittle involved in masturbatory anal play too.)
However, according to the results of a study recently published in the Sexually Transmitted Infections journal, using saliva for anal sex is a real risk factor for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), like rectal gonorrhoea.
While this study focused on men who have sex with men (MSM), it’s important for all to note the study’s findings:
Almost half of rectal gonorrhoea cases may be eliminated if MSM stopped using partner’s saliva for anal sex.
That’s a pretty damn significant finding.
Especially as the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that several STIs which were once thought to be on the verge of extinction have recently reemerged ~ and this change is thought to be partially related to an increase in STIs of the anus and rectum.
A) Rectums do not self-lubricate.
B) The tissue inside the anus is far more delicate than regular, external skin, as our external tissue has layers of dead cells which serve as a natural protective barrier against infection.
Thus, anal sex without lubrication can result in chafing and even tearing of the rectal walls. And even the smallest micro-tears and abrasions can increase the risk of STD/STI transmission, including HIV. Which means that long after your asshole feels better, or is back to normal, you might still have health problems. As the NCBI notes, many anorectal infections go undiagnosed for so long simply because people are asymptomatic (show no symptoms).
Yet, many people feel that saliva is “good enough” as a lubricant for anal sex. It’s not. It is neither thick enough to really cushion (poor viscosity), nor is it long lasting enough for the “slip” to last. So it is poor protection. Plus, saliva has its own health issues.
Sure, most of us realize that we have dirty mouths. I don’t just mean dirty sex talk pouring from our lips, but the fact that our mouths are not the cleanest places. Far from it. Human mouths are warm, wet inviting places… Inviting to far more than our lovers too; our far-from-sterile mouths are inviting to bacteria. Anywhere from 500 to 1,000 different types of bacteria are living and reproducing in our mouths. However, since we French or open mouth kiss, we rarely consider how saliva transmits diseases.
Butt but it does, even in anal sex.
Hence the need for specific lubes for anal sex, especially gel versions. Lubes and lubricated condoms are not just for that erotic slick-feeling, for arousal or comfort, or birth control, you know; lubrication is also for tissue protection.
However, this does not mean that those of you who have spit fetishes, humiliation needs, etc. can’t continue to hock or receive that loogie, at least every now and then. Nor should you worry about using a bit of spit to ease a warm-up finger in, or the safety of saliva when rimming.
For the study concluded spit in the rectum is not inherently bad:
Receptive rimming and fingering or penis dipping were not statistically associated with rectal gonorrhoea.
What this study shows is that it’s far healthier to use personal lubricants than to rely on spit for penetrative anal sex ~ and, technically, man-on-man penis-in-the-ass sex. However, I wouldn’t count on my gender saving my ass.
You can still use spit for a bit of foreplay and, carefully, for fetish fun too. Just count on some properly selected anal lube for the real ass-fucking fun.
And, of course, don’t forget the condoms and other safe sex practices in general when you and/or your partner(s) are not monogamous, are untested, etc. Is it better to be safe than sorry? You bet your ass it is.
Image Credits: In the order they appear… Bill Bailey & Yhivi in Anal Young’uns 4 (yes, he does spit on her asshole first in the flick!); Edji Da Silva and Tyler Wolf from Popping D.O.’s Cherry, Audtions 48 (Lucas Entertainment also makes a lube!); Goddess Sonya’s Ebony Mistress Theater at Ethnic Kink; Alysha Rylee, Melody Jordan, & Mike Adriano in The Spit and The Speculum 2; Tanya Tate spitting into some woman’s asshole, unknown film/work via.
In Why Do We Like Our Own Farts? we learn that there are familiarity and evolutionary reasons why we don’t think our own shit stinks. Of course, there’s a whole lot more to know about farts than that. And did you know, that your lack of disgust over farts in general means you are the more adventurous type? Apparently science says it’s true. Whether or not you find farts sexy, however, remains a part of eproctophilia.
According to this vintage WWII propaganda poster, beauty is but a mask covering hideous venereal disease.
Because I’ve written a lot this week, here’s a quick, link-laden, bullet point list of things I was reminded of when I saw this poster:
* Primarily, what we call “beautiful” (symmetry, clear skin, long hair, etc.) is rather an attraction to key health indicators. While STDs can exist & be transmitted before “ugliness” occurs (especially in women because the symptoms are often less visible ~ hence one of Eddie Murphy’s controversial AIDS jokes in 1983 “What’s next, I guess you just put your dick in it and explodes!”), if a woman’s STI had done this much damage, a mask wouldn’t help.
* As today, women were largely blamed for STDs during WWII ~ including by the military. The more beautiful you were, the more promiscuous you were assumed to be ~ and therefore the more disease you hid behind your mask. (You can change “were” to “are” for today’s slut-shaming, women-blaming culture.)
* Because being gay was a mental illness back then, the US government didn’t believe it had gay soldiers to worry about. If & when they magically appeared, they were easily, umm, discharged by reason of mental defect. This is yet another reason women were blamed for the spread of VD. But, gay or not, in WWII or not, men do have sex with other men.
All that aside…
This poster begs the question: If she agrees to keep her mask on, will you, dear soldier, keep your condom on?
PS If you want to be grossed out by STI history, read this.
With fuck buddy dating exploding online, more people than ever before are at least talking about hooking up for sex. Whether you want to call it a fuck buddy, hooking up, a casual encounter, or a one night stand, increased discussion and access means you might be entertaining the idea of an exciting hook-up with someone new ~ rather than settling for a late night booty call to an ex.
But while there’s little pressure with your ex, meeting Mr. or Ms. Right For The Night brings some added pressures… Including wondering about just what you should bring along to your sex with no strings date. And who better to know what to bring along for a sexual encounter than an escort?
Condoms. Practicing safe sex is pretty damn vital. Everyone should bring condoms to the party ~ preferably an unopened box, so everyone feels good about them. While it’s true that your hook-up partner might prefer a specific brand (which you likely will know nothing of), you are responsible for your own health and should bring your own condoms so that there’s no excuse or temptation to forego safe sex.
Other Types Of Protection. Yes, we have to include the matter of safety on your date. While this is typically thought of as pepper spray, a stun gun, or even a firearm, protection can be as easy as your cellphone. The most important things to know about protection is that, if you pack more than a phone, make sure it’s legal to possess in that location and that you know how to use it.
Wipes. Cleaning up before as well as after sex is a necessity. But often the location of your casual sex date may not have a full bath, soap, and towels available for your use. Before the creation of Wild Wipes, the easiest, most portable means of pre and post-coital clean-up was a pack of baby wipes.
Refreshments. Bottled water is super important for maintaining hydration, especially for rigorous activities. *wink* Pros always have beverages in their kits, for even if there should be running water where you are, there may not be any cups readily available. Also, don’t forget the traditional toiletries, such as toothbrush and toothpaste, mouthwash, chewing gum, deodorant, hairbrush, makeup, tampons, etc.
The Sexy Stuff. If you enjoy or require a vibrator, strap-on, or other sex toy to get off, bring it! A casual sex date is no time to deny your needs! Bring the proper lube too. If you and your date discussed anything specific, such as lingerie, costumes or other clothing; handcuffs or other fetish gear; whipped cream or other edibles; candles ~ you get the idea; pack that in your bag too.
Clothing: You and your fuck buddy may only be spending an hour or so together, so packing another entire outfit may not be necessary. However, keeping a clean pair of undies in your kit is wise. Not only because your date may want a souvenir, but because clean and dry panties (or underwear, as the case may be) are far more comfortable for the drive or walk home ~ or wherever you are going next.
As promised, and teased in my interview, here’s my review of Wild Wipes. Actually, my man, CR/LF of Sex Is A Red-Blooded Thing, gave the wipes a try too. Why not; he has different equipment than I ~ and since sex would be involved, he was eager. *wink* While we await his official product review, I’m going to include his side of the story (from my perspective, of course!) as it is part of the story.
Since Wild Wipes are advertised for use both before & after sex, we began our intimate session by cleaning ourselves with the wipes before we each “slipped into something more comfortable” and met in the boudoir. Hey, you have to allow a little mystery, even in a decade-plus long monogamous relationship!
Wild Wipes are individually wrapped in little packets. CR/LF thought the little packets were tricky to open ~ but if you use the handy little “tear at” cut located at the bottom of each pack, it’s super easy. (See where fingernail is at side of package in photo.)
Once removed and unfolded, the wipes are roughly the size of your hand, and not unlike the baby wipes I am familiar with from my escorting days. But they weren’t those wipes; they were new…
Wipe in hand, I shouted to CR/LF from the bathroom, “OK, I’m about to give it a try… But I’m nervous…”
“OK, here’s the thing. The package says ‘external use only’…”
CR/LF was all like, “Huh? Then don’t insert it!” ~ laughing at me.
And I was all like, “Umm, have you ever touched a woman before?” because, as anyone really familiar with female genitalia will know, when you wipe lady parts, there’s an opening. Hell, you ladies know what I mean; even if you wipe as doctors will tell you to, from front to back, you’re gonna run into, well, yourself. You can say you’re only going to wipe about the lips, but that’s not necessarily the only part you’ll hit. But I took a deep breath and took the plunge ~ only doing my best not to plunge, if you know what I mean. I waited a minute or two, and when I felt nothing was on fire or anything, I slipped the nightie on and went to meet him in the bedroom.
I won’t give you the blow-by-blow of our sex session, but I will tell you that the wipes did not negatively impact our sex. Not even our oral sex sessions. Other than my nose being on hyper-vigilant-reviewer-duty and so detecting a very slight scent, there was nothing to note. It must be mentioned that there was no noticeable taste or other ill-effects on the tongue or mouth. Nor did the wipes seem to impact our intercourse at all. Once we both reached orgasmic bliss (three times for me!), it was time to see how Wild Wipes would fare with the post-sex cleanup.
As I mentioned before, I do have some internal parts which I feared would come in contact with the wipes. That opening, just having been so pleasingly pounded, was now a bit more, well, not quite gaping, but certainly more open than usual. And, if you’re having sex without a condom, as we were, there remains the matter of where that load of cum is… In this case, in my pussy, as God intended. *wink* Which brings us back to the matter of avoiding internal contact…
When we women clean up after sex, we aren’t just worried about addressing our dainty feminine juices ~ we want to remove that load that was deposited. (For that reason, along with the medically advised emptying of the bladder before and after sex to help flush any bacteria out and so avoid a urinary tract infection, we women make those trips to the bathroom to empty out & clean up after sex.) Wild Wipes won’t really help with that whole mess. …Unless you wait awhile for it to ooze out by itself. Which is what I did. However, my worries proved, again, to be unfounded. Cleanup with the Wild Wipes was relatively easy ~ as well as safe and gentle.
For those with concerns, the ingredients are listed on the product packaging as: Water, Propylene Glycol, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Potassium Sorbate, Tocopherol, Quaternium-52, PEG-60 Lanolin, Citric Acid, Disodium EDTA, Fragrance. These ingredients are relatively safe, not only commonly found in other wet wipe hygiene products, but in many other personal care items. Including “natural” varieties. Chances are that if you are sensitive to any of these ingredient, you know them already; if not, I wouldn’t consider them problematic unless you are using the wipes excessively.
First product claim met successfully.
Other product claims are that Wild Wipes have a “fresh eucalyptus-spearmint scent” and “will leave you feeling clean and refreshed.” To properly discuss those issues, I’ll begin with CR/LF’s initial description of the wipes.
Since I don’t worry about hand towels being used to wipe up after sex (that’s what laundry is all about), and since he’s never been a sex professional who is well-practiced in using baby wipes as quick way to wash up before leaving a date, CR/LF is pretty used to just using a towel. So the whole idea reminded him “of those little wet naps you are given at restaurants after you have chicken or ribs”.
I can tell you, other than being portable wipes, Wild Wipes have nothing in common with those restaurants wet naps or moist towelettes. Wild Wipes are far softer ~ both to the touch and in scent. It seems to me, that all the moist towelettes are primarily rough alcohol pads, that scratch my skin and sting my nose ~ on their way to drying out my skin. Wild Wipes do not do any of that terrible stuff.
In comparison to baby wipes, Wild Wipes also come out ahead.
A tad larger than a business card or credit card, the individual packs of Wild Wipes fit neatly in your pocket or wallet; certainly more discreet, and sexier, than lugging a tub of baby or toilet wipes around. Since Wild Wipes come in individual packets, each wipe remains wet until you open it to use it. Also, many of us who have changed diapers now associate the smell of baby wipes (or any “baby changing” scents, like baby powder) with the smell of poop. Ditto the scents of wet toilet wipes. Not ideal for intimate encounters. Or for feeling clean. The importance of the issue of scents cannot be overstated enough. We women have up to 50% more olfactory neurons in our brains, so we notice smells. Especially gross smells. (Hint: That’s why you may need to use a Wild Wipe before sex, especially if you want a blowjob.) Wild Wipes, however, have a very light and non-offensive scent. More claims met.
While that all rather addresses the product claims of being discrete, the major discretion factor is the easy disposal: Wet Wipes are both biodegradable and flushable, so no messy evidence remains. Another claim met.
Findings: Wild Wipes intimate wipes meet or exceed all their product claims.
While I personally wouldn’t use Wild Wipes after every sexual encounter, I do find them excellent for travel. Not that I give a whit about what hotel employees may think of my sex life; but I do question the cleanliness of hotel towels… Perhaps even more importantly, especially with the holiday season upon us, I would prefer to use Wild Wipes when on holiday at my parents’ house, staying with family members, vacationing at a friend’s cabin, etc.. I’m not one to give up sex. I’ll do my best to be quiet; but I won’t go without it!
In cases of visiting family & friends, these wipes are a far more discreet option than presenting your hosts with a pile of dirty towels. (Even the opened packets can safely be tucked in a pocket, purse, or suitcase until you sneakily dispose of them so your mom won’t see them in the garbage as there is no liquid in the empty package to leak.)
However, being a lady who has condom-less sex with her partner (plus the whole bladder thing) means I will still need to make those post-coitus furtive trips to the bathroom to really be sure I’m clean.
I did not try the wipes on any of my sex toys; I would recommend using tested sex toy cleaning products for that.
While I did receive four individual packets of Wild Wipes to review, this did not impact providing a fair product review.
Again, you can get free shipping on Wild Wipes using code “sexkitten”.
I’ve learned in the last few months that baby wipes are a staple in every set. Wild Wipes are different than regular baby wipes in several ways. The fabric itself has a special design that helps with cleaning off bodily fluids, where baby wipes are just a plain cloth. They’re also lint free, which according to my wife is very important for women. Wild Wipes have a nice eucalyptus spearmint scent which is appealing to both genders and smells very clean and fresh. Wild Wipes are individually packaged so they’re easy to store and convenient to take with you on the go. The fabric is also extremely soft, biodegradable, and flushable. The packaging on all baby wipes specifically say “do not flush.”
What are the ingredients in Wild Wipes? Are they safe to use?
Wild Wipes have a minimal number of ingredients and very safe to use. My wife and I use them.
Peter, are Wild Wipes safe to use on sex toys?
Wild Wipes have not yet been tested on sex toys, so to be safe, I wouldn’t suggest one to try them on their favorite sex toy just in case. Again, they are however specially designed for your most sensitive areas ;-)
While I thank Peter for the facts, it was time to put the adult clean-up wipes he sent me to the test… Stay tuned for the review to be posted on Tuesday.
PS If you can’t wait to get clean, you can get free shipping on Wild Wipes using code “sexkitten”.
Image Credits: Lilly Ortega with Wild Wipes via Twitter.
Whorephobia drives me insane, especially when it results in separation and even worse among sex workers. Perhaps nowhere is this as clear than the divide between porn stars and all the other sex workers. This was made pretty clear, again, in the comments, Tweets, etc. regarding the recent auction for sex with a porn star.
Listen, I get that porn stars once wanted to distance themselves from “prostitution” for legal reasons; they fought so many legal battles, especially while building the Golden Age Of Porn. But time has passed now. And not in a way that has brought us all closer together. While I once hoped ~ and even thought ~ that the acceptance of porn and porn stars might lead to the acceptance of sex work as work, my hopes are continually dashed.
Earlier this year, Salon covered the issue of separation of porn church and sex worker state, discussing the “new dangerous trend” of porn stars working as escorts. First of all, this is not a new trend. Many a porn star, like Annie Sprinkle, began her sex work career being paid for sex by an individual before cashing her check for coitus on camera. Vice versa, many porn stars have cashed in on their fan popularity by escorting to supplement or replace dwindling paychecks as porn studios phased out “aging stars” in favor of newer (i.e. younger) porn starlets. Frankly, before the Golden Age Of Porn, before there were such things as “porn stars” as all, just who do you think was starring in those old stag films and posing in the old French postcards? Sex workers were. Yet porn stars are far more accepted than other sex workers. Just what is it about the cultural celebration of “celebrity” that means anything, anyone, on camera is somehow different than the “rest of us”?
Fundamentally, I don’t see a damn difference in terms of the actual work involved. Consensual sex for money as a porn actor or actress is equal to the consensual sex for money as an escort or other sex worker. (Hell, what’s the difference between either of those acts and mainstream film actors having sex, masturbating, etc. in scenes that are “integral to the story”. And let’s not forget the number of mainstream celebs who opt to be paid for appearances & “dates” either.)
I’m not saying that being a hardcore porn star is exactly the same as being an escort; of course it’s not. Just like being an escort it not just like being a phone sex operator, a sex blogger, erotica author, sex toy shop employee, a cam girl, a nude male model, a stripper, a dominatrix, etc… Each form of sex work comes with it’s own tasks, privacy, complexities, limitations, rate of pay, risks, etc. They are different types of jobs within the category of sex work. And it is precisely these job differences which a person choosing to enter sex work evaluates and considers when entering the adult industry.
But, according to Sunny Lane, who entered the porn industry after a stint at Nevada’s Moonlite Bunny Ranch, the porn industry is not-so welcoming to the idea that sex work is sex work:
“They thought it looked bad on the business,” says Lane. “It was like, ‘Ewwww, you’re an escort? Ewwww, you’re seeing your fans?’”
[It’s statements like this that make me think the decision makers in the porn industry are completely out of touch with reality. Not just the matter of what it is to be paid for sex, but the very notion of what drives those who pay for sex, on film or not ~ their customers and target market. Being so unaware of the power and desire of the fans means the porn execs have themselves to blame for the decrease in DVD porn sales; not just the usual scapegoats of “tube sites” and “the Internet”.]
The “Danger, Will Robinson!” alert of the Salon article points to the climate of diminishing porn returns pushing more porn stars not only into the more honest, yet less socially tolerated, work of paid escort dates, but into the less safe practice of unprotected sex too. Michael Whiteacre, a writer and industry activist who helps run the website the Real Porn Wiki Leaks, explains to EJ Dickson in the Salon article:
Because escorting is more profitable than shooting films, many view it in the same vein as feature dancing or doing interactive cam work: as a way to advertise themselves and earn extra cash in an increasingly competitive market. “The vast majority of performers who escort see it as part of one of their multiple revenue streams, because that’s what you need in the adult industry today,” says Whiteacre. “If you’re just waiting around for a booking from adult producers, it’s very hard to make ends meet.”
…Although most of these escort listings are intentionally vague, some performers’ back-page listings make no secret of the services they provide, with a few offering BBFS (“bareback full service,” or sex without a condom) for a nominal fee.
Having unprotected sex, especially with untested partners, is a thing to be concerned about ~ especially if you’re another sex worker, err, porn star who will be working with a partner who has had unprotected sex. Mike South (the very controversial Mike South aka Michael Strother) sounds off in the Salon article:
“I have no problem with escorting or prostitution,” says South. “It makes no sense whatsoever that selling sex is illegal and selling it with a camera in the room is legal. But I believe, like any profession, it should be practiced responsibly. When you are in the adult film industry and primarily shooting without condoms, it is your responsibility when you escort to wear a condom, and take into consideration that if you don’t, you might be endangering your co-workers.”
This argument would be more valid, however, if, as Salon points out, the adult film industry didn’t simply rely on the rigorous STD testing (which at least one study suggests results in porn performers having a lower risk of contracting HIV than members of the general population) and actually hired performers who demanded condoms be used on porn film sets.
Meanwhile, escorts and other “real” sex workers say they are feeling the pressure to perform their services without condoms in order to compete with the supposedly growing number of porn stars who promise bareback services. But are that many escorts, porn stars or not, really offering such services? Again, from that Salon report:
It’s important to note that escorts offering BBFS is relatively rare, and those who do offer the service generally require an up-to-date STI test before meeting the client. It’s difficult to gauge how many of the performers who escort offer this service, and many industry insiders I spoke with refuted the notion that the practice was widespread. “I see a lot of fear-mongering about it: ‘My God, they’re out there, these Typhoid Marys,’” says Whiteacre. “For sex workers, their body is their business, and it doesn’t make sense to have their bodies fail on them if that’s what’s making them their money.” Derek Hay, a former adult performer who runs the talent agency LA Direct Models, agrees: “It would surprise me a great deal if escorts are offering to see clients without a condom,” he told me.
I believe that Whiteacre and Hay are correct. Like any industry, sex work is bound to have some bad apples; so some escorts (those who have been in pornos or not) may offer sexual services without condoms. If I were still escorting today, I wouldn’t worry about them too much. Worry for them & their health, their clients’ health, yes; but I wouldn’t let them impact my business. I would still practice safe sex.
But somehow I just can’t help but feel that beneath this whole discussion lies the dreaded whorephobia… Porn stars just aren’t supposed to be “sex workers”. They’re supposed to have “risen above” that. But the reality is that sex workers are sex workers are sex workers.
In October, a new brand of intimate wipes hit the market: Wild Wipes.
Wild Wipes Founder says the story behind the new intimate wipes is a simple one:
I never liked having to clean myself off after sex, I found it annoying because it was a process. Not to mention, I’d have to hear from my wife every time I used the “good towels.” Then one night after sex, the following thought went through my mind: I wish I had an easier and faster way to clean myself after sex, and that moment is when the idea came to me. Over a year and a half later and Wild Wipes are finally here.
The wipes are designed for use by both men and women. The advantages are that the wipes come individually packaged, are biodegradable, and flushable.
Stay tuned for an exclusive interview and a product review; meanwhile, you can order Wild Wipes and get free shipping using code “sexkitten”.
[W]e victimize people with disabilities, but we especially do it when it comes to sex. We already deny women to be sexually self-determined and try to attach stereotypes of special needs for protection from others when it comes to topics like porn or prostitution. Imagine how much we do it with someone with a disability in the context of sex – not to mention the dimension of it when it comes to a woman with a disability. We do it to an extent where we construct negative asexualizing stereotypes. But we are not talking about asexual people. We are talking about an adult, a grown up person. Disability does not equal sexual disability – that’s a stereotype.
But, for the seeing anyway, a picture is worth a thousand words. So I give you the works of photographer Ashley Savage.
Bodies Of Difference is an ongoing series of provocative photographs which, in the artist’s own words, documents “disability, sexuality and physical ‘otherness’.” Intimate, moving, and, yes, erotic works. It’s worth visiting his site to see them all.