Sunday Funnies: Vintage Washington Porn Edition

While the world cringes from the current political circus, including recalling sex scandals of the past (some of which may just make the news again thanks to the lawyer for the DC Madam!), we invite you to remember ~ or enjoy for the very first time ~ a classic John Holmes film set in Washington DC: The Senator’s Daughter.

vintage The Senator's Daughter john holmes lesllie bovee

This 1978 porno, directed by Don Flowers, is a tongue in cheek play not only on the dirty side of Washington but on the popularity of TV’s The Six Million Dollar Man. The plot, in case you were interested, features the legendary & larger than life John Holmes as John Galt ~ a famous porn star who is disfigured in a car accident and agrees to undergo experimental surgery in exchange to serve his country as a special agent.

john holmes as bionic secret agent galt

This is no ordinary car accident. As Galt was being fellated during the car ride, his money-maker was completely bitten off during the accident. So the surgery gives him not only a bionic eye, arm, and legs, but a 12-inch bionic dick too ~ cuz, you know, that’s what secret agents need. To the delight of the doctor and nurses, his bionic dick works! (I say most of the nurses are delighted, because one is rather abused and seeks comfort with her mentor ~ you know, in order to get the requisite lesbian scene in.)

vintage lesbian nurses

Then Holmes/Galt is off on this first assignment, which is, of course, to rescue the titular senator’s daughter. The teenage daughter, played by Lesllie Bovee aka Leslie Bovee and Leslie Dubuex, has been kidnapped by the Russian syndicate. Their evil plan is to make a cyborg copy of her ~ which they manage to pull off, but Holmes/Galt thwarts their plans by shooting the cyborg double with his bionic cock weapon. This thrills Mission Control, who has been monitoring everything via the bionic-electronics. The scientists at Mission Control are so excited by the fruits of their labor that they have a party. At the one female scientist’s expense: “Nancy, since you’re the only girl, we’re all gonna kind of gang-bang you.”

Meanwhile, the senator’s daughter is still missing. She’s being held in Tangiers ~ and being repeatedly raped by the Russian kidnappers.

lesllie bovee leslie vintage porn

So the agent’s work isn’t done yet. Along the way, Holmes’ magnificent tool is used in highly unethical, hardcore interrogation efforts.

holmes in tangiers interrogation vintage porn

Spoiler Alert!

In the end, the senator’s daughter is rescued ~ and she marries her secret agent hero.

This film is also included in The Best Of John Holmes Classic Collection ~ which, like The Senator’s Daughter, you can stream online, download, or pay per minute view.

holmes bovee marry

Sunday Funnies: Trump Dick Edition

Just to be clear, I absolutely, sincerely, believe Donald Trump is a dick in the most negative of ways; however, this Trump dick trickery [not (yet?) to be confused with Tricky Dicky Nixon] is just silly paper doll play time. In this Make Donald Trump’s Penis [Great Again], you are instructed to print, cut out, and then “glue-on the penis you think this dickless Donald Trump deserves.”

Personally, I’d rather use a pin… You know, like Pin The Tail On The Donkey. Because even if Trump is running as a Republican Elephant, not a Democratic Donkey, Trump is certainly an ass. …And pins would match the pain I feel watching him as a presidential candidate.

Make Donald Trump's Penis Great Again

From WoodRocket‘s new “Fluff” humor section.

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Swizzle Sticks Edition

You don’t need a mid-century modern bar ~ or even a pair of hi-balls ~ to understand the humor of these vintage swizzle sticks. Six pinup babes presenting comic “bubbles” with the following humorous quotes:

Chaste Makes Waste
Accidents Cause People
Sex Can Make Insomnia a Pleasure (2 of these)
Sex is an In and Out Thing
Have Good Clean Fun: Shower with a Friend

6 vintage pinup girl swizzle sticks with jokes

Sunday Funnies: The Truth About James Bond Edition

James Bond may have ghosted Sarah Silverman ~ but don’t worry, she’s got his number.

Sunday Funnies: Sing Along Edition

The Autoblow 2 has been upgraded to the Autoblow 2 + and there’s a new sing along song to help you learn about the new features. Like the first jingle, also by Chicago-based singer-songwriter David Safran, this catchy little promo is supposed to maximize word of mouth marketing about the masturbator that simulates a blow job. *wink* Just try to un-hear “the Autoblow 2 has been upgraded; it’s a perfect time to be fellated!”

You can find my man’s review of the Autoblow 2 here.

Sunday Funnies: Feel The Bern Edition

Hello, and welcome to Dirty Bernie, the phone sex hotline for those who want to get dirty with Bernie. As you know my campaign doesn’t take money for big banks, but I’m happy to take money for big wanks.

And so begins the dirty talk with Bernie Sanders… And, yes, there’s plenty of wet and messy (WAM), sploshing, fetish fun in this dirty talk.

If this excites you, you can celebrate with some heavy petting over these handmade blue velvet, high-waisted panties featuring Sanders & a cat. Remember, if you rub the pussy too long over the panties, you may actually feel another burn.

feel the bern bernie sanders with cat pussy panties

Saucy Saturday: Try My Boyfriend

We all know women talk dirtier than men ~ and we are quite happy to brag about our sexual exploits. We are especially happy to brag about our lovers. But what happens when your friends dare you to prove it? Well, that’s what happens in Try My Boyfriend.

XCONFESSIONS // Try My Boyfriend Sneak Peak Trailer from Erika Lust on Vimeo.

Another great porno film from Erika Lust of Lust Cinema. This one is filled with plenty of oral sex ~ and humor. Stars Anastasia, Zazel Paradise, Miyuki Son, Lina Bembe, Natalia Ferrari, and Jay Smooth.

try my boyfriend oral sex lust

Sunday Funnies: When Is A Blow Job Sad?

Yeah, we know we already posted a Sunday Funny ~ but many of you are stuck home, snow bound, looking for something to entertain you on the Internet. Seemed like the perfect time for a double-dose of Sunday Funnies.

We present: The World’s Greatest Blowjob Artist & the Sad Sad Plight of Her Brother. An intriguing little video from Atlanta-based comedy troupe Decent Humans. You can follow them on Twitter & YouTube.

PS We’re on the side of the poodle.

Sunday Funnies: Anal Flower Power Edition

Not to be all about the human behinds and farts this week, butt but…

My man, @CR_LF on Twitter, runs Red-Blooded Thing and he’s now found a new entry in his “Flower Farter Series” of female nudes ~ which is rather as it sounds: nude women with flowers upon, or inserted into, their bums. Yup, just as if their assholes were vases.

erotic-beauty-nude-sunflower-up-ass

I suggested he try to work with some sort of floral-packed pun, or coin a new word (perhaps “vass” for vase ass?) for this series of backdoor floral artistry; however, he prefers to stick with more base thinking:

Yes, I’m eight years old. The “flower farter” designation is very literal to me. I imagine, just before the camera’s shutter clicked, she farted and then – *pop!* – she produced a flower. That look on her face means, “oh pardon me – wait, what was that noise? Do I smell carnations?”

To me, the whole erotic flower arranging on female backsides thing begs the question, “Does it smell any sweeter?” Ah, that would likely depend on whether you have eproctophilia or not…

If you dig the erotic flower arrangements, you can find all the Flower Farter Series posts here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ~ yes, nine so far. And keep an eye out on the WTF posts for more to spring up. So I guess this is a real thing now. It’s all I can do not to make jokes about plowing the rich back forty. Oops! I guess I just did.