Sunday Funnies: Trump Dick Edition

Just to be clear, I absolutely, sincerely, believe Donald Trump is a dick in the most negative of ways; however, this Trump dick trickery [not (yet?) to be confused with Tricky Dicky Nixon] is just silly paper doll play time. In this Make Donald Trump’s Penis [Great Again], you are instructed to print, cut out, and then “glue-on the penis you think this dickless Donald Trump deserves.”

Personally, I’d rather use a pin… You know, like Pin The Tail On The Donkey. Because even if Trump is running as a Republican Elephant, not a Democratic Donkey, Trump is certainly an ass. …And pins would match the pain I feel watching him as a presidential candidate.

Make Donald Trump's Penis Great Again

From WoodRocket‘s new “Fluff” humor section.

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Swizzle Sticks Edition

You don’t need a mid-century modern bar ~ or even a pair of hi-balls ~ to understand the humor of these vintage swizzle sticks. Six pinup babes presenting comic “bubbles” with the following humorous quotes:

Chaste Makes Waste
Accidents Cause People
Sex Can Make Insomnia a Pleasure (2 of these)
Sex is an In and Out Thing
Have Good Clean Fun: Shower with a Friend

6 vintage pinup girl swizzle sticks with jokes

Sunday Funnies: The Truth About James Bond Edition

James Bond may have ghosted Sarah Silverman ~ but don’t worry, she’s got his number.

Sunday Funnies: Sing Along Edition

The Autoblow 2 has been upgraded to the Autoblow 2 + and there’s a new sing along song to help you learn about the new features. Like the first jingle, also by Chicago-based singer-songwriter David Safran, this catchy little promo is supposed to maximize word of mouth marketing about the masturbator that simulates a blow job. *wink* Just try to un-hear “the Autoblow 2 has been upgraded; it’s a perfect time to be fellated!”

You can find my man’s review of the Autoblow 2 here.

Sunday Funnies: Feel The Bern Edition

Hello, and welcome to Dirty Bernie, the phone sex hotline for those who want to get dirty with Bernie. As you know my campaign doesn’t take money for big banks, but I’m happy to take money for big wanks.

And so begins the dirty talk with Bernie Sanders… And, yes, there’s plenty of wet and messy (WAM), sploshing, fetish fun in this dirty talk.

https://soundcloud.com/dirty-bernie/episode-1-bank-pens-and-banana-peels

If this excites you, you can celebrate with some heavy petting over these handmade blue velvet, high-waisted panties featuring Sanders & a cat. Remember, if you rub the pussy too long over the panties, you may actually feel another burn.

feel the bern bernie sanders with cat pussy panties

Sunday Funnies: When Is A Blow Job Sad?

Yeah, we know we already posted a Sunday Funny ~ but many of you are stuck home, snow bound, looking for something to entertain you on the Internet. Seemed like the perfect time for a double-dose of Sunday Funnies.

We present: The World’s Greatest Blowjob Artist & the Sad Sad Plight of Her Brother. An intriguing little video from Atlanta-based comedy troupe Decent Humans. You can follow them on Twitter & YouTube.

PS We’re on the side of the poodle.

Sunday Funnies: Anal Flower Power Edition

Not to be all about the human behinds and farts this week, butt but…

My man, @CR_LF on Twitter, runs Red-Blooded Thing and he’s now found a new entry in his “Flower Farter Series” of female nudes ~ which is rather as it sounds: nude women with flowers upon, or inserted into, their bums. Yup, just as if their assholes were vases.

erotic-beauty-nude-sunflower-up-ass

I suggested he try to work with some sort of floral-packed pun, or coin a new word (perhaps “vass” for vase ass?) for this series of backdoor floral artistry; however, he prefers to stick with more base thinking:

Yes, I’m eight years old. The “flower farter” designation is very literal to me. I imagine, just before the camera’s shutter clicked, she farted and then – *pop!* – she produced a flower. That look on her face means, “oh pardon me – wait, what was that noise? Do I smell carnations?”

To me, the whole erotic flower arranging on female backsides thing begs the question, “Does it smell any sweeter?” Ah, that would likely depend on whether you have eproctophilia or not…

If you dig the erotic flower arrangements, you can find all the Flower Farter Series posts here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ~ yes, nine so far. And keep an eye out on the WTF posts for more to spring up. So I guess this is a real thing now. It’s all I can do not to make jokes about plowing the rich back forty. Oops! I guess I just did.

Sunday Funnies: Star Wars Phone Sex Edition

Playmate Sara Jean Underwood is featured in this 1-900-Hot-Jedi Star Wars phone sex spoof from Playboy:

For those of us with more unique fantasies…

A late night ad for a phone sex company in a galaxy far far away… Call 1-900-Roar for chat fun with some very furry operators.

Via, via, and lots of others.

Sunday Funnies: Grandfather Clock Edition

Sorry to disappoint those of you looking for some hot grandfather clock pendulum action. But you’re no worse off than poor grandma here, who finds herself with the same old swinger. A sad Christmas gift, in a sad little holiday stocking. You can personalize this card too.

grandfather cock

Sunday Funnies: Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing! Edition

Straight out of the swinging 60s, a pair of Bedtime Bells that announce “Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing!”

ring a ding time to swing vintage 60s

The seller’s details:

“Ring When Ready!” It pictures a frisky couple on the face (although timid by today’s standards, it was considered naughty back in the day). Cardboard construction with two copper bells. Overall very good condition w/ some edge/corner wear. Vibrant colors remain. Each copper bell reads “Come and get it!” Noted “© 1968 A.Freed Novelty Inc. N.Y.C., 1968 – Printed in the U.S.A.” It measures approximately 7-1/4” across and 7-1/2” high. It has an easel back which allows it to stand. If you’re into the lifestyle, this might be a great gift for the host of your next get-together!

I’m not convinced this vintage novelty is about swinging or partner swapping as much as it is one of those “come and get it” sort of jokes regarding dinner bells. Or simply something you were to put on your bedpost so that the bells can ring when you do it. Kind of like an audio version of the old joke about putting beans in the pot or pennies in a jar every time you have sex as newlyweds or whatever. After all, there’s only one couple shown. But, as with most things sexual (or in life), you take it how you wish.

PS In case you think your eyes may be fooling you, yes, the man’s bell is bigger. Because men need that sort of ego stroking at all times, you know.

bedtime bells