Of The Singles Sex Survey & My Fashion Preditions

The 7th annual Singles in America survey is out. Among the top findings: 34% of singles have had sex before a first date, but Millennials are 48% more likely to have sex before a first date than all other generations of singles.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science adviser for Match (who funds the study), says this is because Millennials are “career focused”.

“I think they are very career oriented, so sex before the first date could be a sex interview, where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.”

You read that right; sex before the first date could be some sort of screening process in which you try out the position(s) before you can get to the first round of actual relationship interviews.

If you think this is a more cosmopolitan “milk for free” proposition that you need to wrap your head about, just accept it as causal sex or even hook-up culture.

[If you really want to delve into this, check out Lisa Wade’s American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, available on the 15th; a Huff-Po‘s coverage here.]

At Unicorn Booty, certified sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson makes this comment:

“It’s sort of a mixed message because on one hand people judge potential sexual partners based on social media posts, but then they also want them to put (their phones) down,” Anderson says. “It’s kind of a love-hate relationship.”

I’ll help you out, Anderson. It’s not a love-hate thing; it’s a matter of priorities and attention. Who the hell wants to be on a date with a person who is more interested in their phones?

Answer: No one.

Relationships require attention and care.

My favorite finding from the survey? A cracked or otherwise shabby cell phone is a similar to the ripped dungarees of earlier generations, showing a level of slovenly poverty that turns folks off. Ripped jeans were once a sign of lack of care ~ great grandma would wrinkle her nose at the notion of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. If you cared about yourself and who you were with when you wore them, you’d mend those! And so it is with today’s thoughts on mobile phones.

But now ripped jeans are considered sexy. We changed:

Ever since the acid-wash-80’s, when as a culture we abandoned physical labor and the look of hard work and a rugged sense of poverty was seen as anti-establishment, holes in your jeans have been cool.

So, I can’t help but wonder when the signs of tattered phones will be de rigueur with rebellion and giving a finger to The Man…

Prepare yourself for the ability to pay ~ and pay extra! ~ for shabby looking cellphones, so that we can all look like we’re too cool to care about the damages our rock n roll lifestyles do to our phones.

Of course, when we buy them so distressed, it will be strategic cracks and fractures that won’t affect the ability of the phone or gadget to work; they’ll just look like we don’t care. And that’s so sexy!

Oh, come on, we’re all so bougie and you know it.

Image Credits: Couple wearing ripped jeans; Wiberlux Philipp Plein Seventy Eight Metal Detail Destroyed Denim Jeans.

Stop Spitting On That Asshole, Fucker

Not to be too anal… We do mean this post title quite literally; but since we’d never advocate for spitting on persons one might call (or wish to call) an asshole, if you’re doing that, you should stop that too.

Bill Bailey fucks Asian-American coed Yhivi in the assWe all know those porn scenes where the dude spits on the girl’s asshole before plowing into it. Or he makes the girl suck his cock, getting it all wet with drool, before he fucks her in the ass.

This is done a lot in BDSM fantasy porn, especially in spontaneous gang-bangs, public humiliation sex, etc. ~ the story being, “Who would think ahead and bring the lube?” Truthfully though, this use of spit as lube for anal sex is done in gay, lesbian, bi, queer, and all sorts of other porn, erotica, and real world sex too ~ whether the plowing is done by a cock, sex toy, or some other object. (And we shouldn’t forget about the spittle involved in masturbatory anal play too.)

man spits on man's asshole gay pornHowever, according to the results of a study recently published in the Sexually Transmitted Infections journal, using saliva for anal sex is a real risk factor for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), like rectal gonorrhoea.

While this study focused on men who have sex with men (MSM), it’s important for all to note the study’s findings:

Almost half of rectal gonorrhoea cases may be eliminated if MSM stopped using partner’s saliva for anal sex.

That’s a pretty damn significant finding.

Especially as the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that several STIs which were once thought to be on the verge of extinction have recently reemerged ~ and this change is thought to be partially related to an increase in STIs of the anus and rectum.

Goddess Sonyas Ebony Mistress spits in subs assWise ass-fuckers, and the smart-asses ~ err, smart owners of the asses which are drilled, know that lube is vital for anal sex.

A) Rectums do not self-lubricate.

B) The tissue inside the anus is far more delicate than regular, external skin, as our external tissue has layers of dead cells which serve as a natural protective barrier against infection.

Thus, anal sex without lubrication can result in chafing and even tearing of the rectal walls. And even the smallest micro-tears and abrasions can increase the risk of STD/STI transmission, including HIV. Which means that long after your asshole feels better, or is back to normal, you might still have health problems. As the NCBI notes, many anorectal infections go undiagnosed for so long simply because people are asymptomatic (show no symptoms).

messy_anal_spit_pornYet, many people feel that saliva is “good enough” as a lubricant for anal sex. It’s not. It is neither thick enough to really cushion (poor viscosity), nor is it long lasting enough for the “slip” to last. So it is poor protection. Plus, saliva has its own health issues.

Sure, most of us realize that we have dirty mouths. I don’t just mean dirty sex talk pouring from our lips, but the fact that our mouths are not the cleanest places. Far from it. Human mouths are warm, wet inviting places… Inviting to far more than our lovers too; our far-from-sterile mouths are inviting to bacteria. Anywhere from 500 to 1,000 different types of bacteria are living and reproducing in our mouths. However, since we French or open mouth kiss, we rarely consider how saliva transmits diseases. Butt but it does, even in anal sex.

Hence the need for specific lubes for anal sex, especially gel versions. Lubes and lubricated condoms are not just for that erotic slick-feeling, for arousal or comfort, or birth control, you know; lubrication is also for tissue protection.

tanya tate spitting into a girls ass lesbianHowever, this does not mean that those of you who have spit fetishes, humiliation needs, etc. can’t continue to hock or receive that loogie, at least every now and then. Nor should you worry about using a bit of spit to ease a warm-up finger in, or the safety of saliva when rimming.

For the study concluded spit in the rectum is not inherently bad:

Receptive rimming and fingering or penis dipping were not statistically associated with rectal gonorrhoea.

What this study shows is that it’s far healthier to use personal lubricants than to rely on spit for penetrative anal sex ~ and, technically, man-on-man penis-in-the-ass sex. However, I wouldn’t count on my gender saving my ass.

You can still use spit for a bit of foreplay and, carefully, for fetish fun too. Just count on some properly selected anal lube for the real ass-fucking fun.

And, of course, don’t forget the condoms and other safe sex practices in general when you and/or your partner(s) are not monogamous, are untested, etc. Is it better to be safe than sorry? You bet your ass it is.

Image Credits: In the order they appear… Bill Bailey & Yhivi in Anal Young’uns 4 (yes, he does spit on her asshole first in the flick!); Edji Da Silva and Tyler Wolf from Popping D.O.’s Cherry, Audtions 48 (Lucas Entertainment also makes a lube!); Goddess Sonya’s Ebony Mistress Theater at Ethnic Kink;  Alysha Rylee, Melody Jordan, & Mike Adriano in The Spit and The Speculum 2; Tanya Tate spitting into some woman’s asshole, unknown film/work via.

Bree Olson’s Still Fighting

It’s been nearly a year since former porn star (and Charlie Sheen “Goddess”) Bree Olson sent her tweet warning girls and young women not to dream of going into porn:

Olson’s tweet was both viral and controversial at the time; but since then, people mostly forgot about it.

bree olson on webcamShe hadn’t been making news, just reacting to it. Like having to proclaim her HIV-free status (over and over again) in light of Sheen’s HIV announcement, and speaking out against sadist James Deen.

Those situations might be enough for anyone to advise against becoming a porn star. But those weren’t the specifics of Olson’s complaints. Remember, the reason why Olson doesn’t recommend women work in the adult industry has to do with the responses of others to her former sex work, to the stigma and whorephobia ~ and resulting discrimination. Such discrimination has crippled her mainstream employment options. The shamming and bullying have taken their toll as well, resulting in depression and anxiety that prevents her from leaving her house. Yet she continues to be an activist voice.

In March, Olson participated in the Real Women Real Stories film project and shared more details about the painful way she lives now due to how people treat her.

There’s nothing wrong with porn, but how people treat you for the rest of your life, it’s not worth it.

… I wish people would treat me like they would treat a married registered nurse with 2.5 kids in Indiana. That’s how I wish people would treat me.

In an article for the Daily Dot, Olson went into greater detail about the pragmatic realities of the sex work stigma.

Things don’t just work themselves out when you get into the industry or leave it. You become a segregated part of society that has no civil rights group behind it. Life is already hard enough, don’t do this to yourself. The money isn’t worth the pain of what society will put you through forever.

Porn didn’t hurt me. The way society treats me for having done it does.

As for her financial situation, how someone so “hot” so recently could be at such financial risk, Olson explains:

There are no royalties in porn. I see ads to this day, and my movies are everywhere on the Internet. These faceless people behind the industry still make millions and face no repercussions, and I am left to try and come up with ideas of how to have my own business because there’s not much else I can do. We are the only entertainment industry that doesn’t offer talent royalties after they are gone. So now I am shunned by society and broke.

…Porn is the one industry where the more successful a woman is, the more she will suffer for the rest of her life.

My biggest regret was leaving the industry. Leaving all of that money and trying to get the world to like me. They still don’t, and they never will. I should have just put in another five years at least so that in more my smart financial years as I was older, I could have saved enough to live comfortably for the rest of my life.

Olson’s continued trying to make a living as best she can. For now, that means making the most of her name & celebrity, if not profitting from her films, via some interesting merch at her official site: OfficialBreeOlson.com.

And, apparently, she’s been doing some work camming. But don’t expect to see too much of her on cam these days. At least not if she gets her wish granted. Bree Olson has a GoFundMe to help her get into treatment.

My name is Bree Olson, and my friends and family know me as Rachel Oberlin.

…Throughout my entire life, I have battled severe depression and anxiety which I have been able to hide through a variety of ways…until now. When I entered into the adult industry at age 18 as an escape from my childhood and to find myself, I never imagined how much worse things could become. I have spent the last decade masking my pain and losing myself even more so as doctors prescribed me mountains of benzodiazapines to make me feel better. I don’t feel better. I’ve never felt worse.

I have been in outpatient therpay since the age of 18 as I’ve tried to fight this dibilatating depression and anxiety. The benzodiazapines are highly addictive and even though I take them as prescribed, my mind and body are physically dependent on them.

As many of you know, drug dependecy is far more than getting off the drug itself. It is about getting out from under the weight of that drug and all the damage it does and finding out who you really are. It is about acquiring the tools to figure out how to cope and really just learning how to live again.

…I want my life back. I want to find out who Rachel Oberlin really is. Bree Olson has consumed my life and I’ve let her because I thought success is money but it’s not.

But money is necessary. Especially if you need rehab and such intensive mental health services.

bree olson Real Women Real StoriesPerhaps you’ve been a fan of Olson’s works. Today, instead of buying or streaming one of her films, send those dollars to Olson’s GoFundMe as a thank you for all the good wank times.

Perhaps you are or have been a sex worker, or the friend of one, and you can understand how devastating the stigma can be for many. Just as sex work isn’t for everyone, leaving brings it’s own set of problems that are too much for some. Even if that’s not been your experience, just a one dollar donation has to be worth the karma, right?

Right.

More Signs Of The Death Of Whorephobia ~ & How You Can Help

Would you like more proof that the US may be changing it’s views on sex work and ending the whorephobia? Lately, more clients and consumers of sex workers are voicing their concerns about the treatment of those who provide the adult entertainment. Once again, Greg Battiste, a self-professed “porn supporter“, has tweeted about the disrespect, censorship, and general discrimination towards sex workers:

While Battiste is clearly describing those in the adult industry whose work is legal (such as porn stars, cam girls, phone sex operators, strippers, etc.), his, in my opinion, appropriate use of the term “sex workers” indicates the broader umbrella of escorts as well as dominatrices & other BDSM service providers, etc.

The truth is, even when the work is legal, there are great barriers in the adult industry. This does not mean just societal disapproval. Such a stigma is more than just a frowny-face, but a terrible reality which still, as Lynn of Phone Sex Secrets recently pointed out, affects such fundamental things as housing and child custody. I could tell you horror stories myself…

But there are other barriers in this work as well. In fact, simply the matter of doing business ~ including being paid ~ remains an issue. And it spills over into all sorts of things, like having your Amazon account removed because someone at the company thinks that book your brother sent you was payment for sex services. Stupid and annoying, yeah; but also discrimination. As petty as it may sound, it quality-of-life threatening for many. How well would your life work without your Prime Membership? Mine would suck! (For more on all the stigmas & barriers, please see here, here, & here.)

It is a start when consumers of adult services speak up for the injustices and voice respect for those who provide such services. And it helps when you share/retweet such things.

But consumers of sex worker services ~ and others in the adult industry, including webmasters, sex toys, and other adult products ~ must also exercise their consumer powers.

Paying for porn and other adult entertainment is a very good start. Apply your purchasing power correctly, by doing business with ethical companies. And remember also to vocally boycott those companies, including banks, social media, wishlist and gift services, etc. who would censor and otherwise deprive sex workers from making their money.

But don’t forget to use your powers as a citizen as well. Remember to vote for candidates and referendums which support sex workers (& sexual positivity in general, which includes women’s reproductive rights, LGBTQ rights, etc.). And write letters to those currently in office to urge them to support sex work and sex positive legislation as well.

Who Doesn’t Want A Man Servant?

Remember last year when we told you about that imaginary boyfriend service? Well, there’s an even better service now, which employs humans, not bots: Man Service. Vice‘s Broadly gave us the alert:

While they state that this is not a sexual service, one just has to laugh. First, the fact that you’re not paying for sex is what all escort services say, so as to avoid illegalities. Ditto BDSM service providers. But, really, even if you and your escort, or dungeon master, never do the nasty deed together, the reality is that such things feed your sex life. Even if only via masturbation fantasies. (And, remember, masturbation is sex!)

The real clue here is the emphasis on intimacy. Sure, you can clean up the dirty side by referring to the female clients as “professionals” ~ but the added “with little time to meet men” and “paying for relationships” lines place us right back at paid companionship which is escorting!

While there are plenty of studies and jokes about women getting turned on by men doing housework, these man servants aren’t like the smarmy versions of Deuce Bigalow pushing a vacuum that you may have in your mind…

deuce bigalow lederhosen

Yeah, as you can tell by the gratuitous use of that specific Rob Schneider / Bigalow pic, I’m still on that lederhosen kick! But, no, Man Servants are not like that.

While Man Servants may vacuum, do the dishes, and take out the trash without complaining ~ and compliment you as he does it ~ he’ll be dressed for your fantasies: “Dressed to the nines in his signature suit and pocket square. No banana hammocks here.”

Apparently, the folks at Man Servants decided this was the female fantasy version of the classic male Fi-Fi the French Maid fantasy.

(Have we come a long way, baby? I’m sure other feminists and feminist bloggers will chime in, with many saying, “No, this is not feminism!”)

Oh, and Man Servant services include other female fantasy offerings as well:

man servant duties

But whether the guy is vacuuming, massaging you ~ even without a promised happy ending, or just arm candy, and then goes away, no string attached, until the if or when you hire him again, he is in the business of for-hire companionship. I repeat, that is exactly what escorting is.

This, my friends, is sex work.

This is where many of the feminists I imagine (for I am not going to go look for them), will take great issue. Sadly, many feminists are anti sex work. Even when sex work is all about female autonomy & women’s rights. *sigh*

Regardless of such complaints, this business is mainstream. And it’s real. Even if only limited to a few major cities so far.

Now, the remaining question is this: If such male escorting services are becoming more mainstream and acceptable, is this a step forward for sex work in general?

Coins In The Slot (Or, Golden Escort Fantasies)

In Australia, where sex work is legal, a Gold Coast sex worker has been advertising her escort services by touting her past modeling experiences. Sounds like a good marketing ploy, right? Wrong.

golden fantasy escortAn Australian escort, who goes by the name “Wild, Raunchy Blondie” under a “Golden Fantasy” escort listing, has been promoting herself as a “stunning meter maid from the Gold Coast” and an “Original Golden Meter Maid.”

Gold Coast meter maids at Surfers Paradise in 1971Despite how that name may sound here in the USA, the “Golden Meter Maids” have nothing to do with any sort of showers. Instead, the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids are legendary tourist attractions, with a 50 year legacy. Pretty women wearing skimpy golden bikinis & the obligatory high heels who wander around the streets of the Australia’s Gold Coast, aka Surfers Paradise, protecting motorists from parking violations. When the beauties spot a meter about to expire, they plug in the requisite coin and place a card on the vehicle’s windshield which reads, “You have just been saved from a parking fine by the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids.” The coins are supplied by the company ~ who earns plenty more by selling tourists trashy & sexy-in-that-college-frat-boy-way souvenirs.

While it’s rather probably that this particular “Golden Fantasy” had worked as one of the meter maids, she did so having signed a disclaimer vowing not to “bring the brand into any form of ill-repute.”

Bikini_Cooler_meter_maidsYes, the company that brings you $15 cheap plastic bikini can coolers, is worried that their image is being tarnished by sex.

Once a meter maid herself, Roberta Aitchison has owned the 50 year old company for the past 30 years. And Aitchison is zealously guarding her kitschy brand, contacting those she feels violate the trademark and the disclaimer. Including taking action against “Golden Fantasy” over this past weekend.

But Aitchison is facing bigger problems than that. Advanced new parking meters are working to render the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids obsolete. And it’s not just the technology, either. Local business owners are complaining that the meter maids are “in clear breach of the council’s anti-touting laws by selling merchandise to tourists.” That news story also says that Aitchison’s business is struggling to attract maids. Perhaps it’s because potential meter maids know they can make more as sex workers ~ when the meters are running.

Get Lucky, Save Some Green

Just a heads-up that there’s site-wide sale at Sexclectic: up to 35% off, March 3, 20016 – March 17, 2016 ~ just in time for Saint Patrick’s Day festivities. Yes, Virginia, there’s more to St. Patrick’s Day than green beer. You’ve got your shamrock pasties and green wigs ~ not to mention the after-bar goodies, like Irish creme flavored massage oil, green sex toys, and clover nipple clamps. Hey, even stuff from those pots of gold!

Save even more with these exclusive codes:

Use code SEXKITTEN and take $10 off orders of $50 or more.

Or use code SKWAY to take 15% off any order.

st-patricks-banner-get-lucky

Of Boobs On My Twitter Timeline & Women’s Rights

I met an old friend for lunch today. As is the new polite norm for such lunches, he took a moment to deal with messages on his phone before putting turning it off & putting it back in his pocket. Since he’s been around long enough to know about me & my previous work as an escort, I used that time to check in on Twitter. It is, after all, International Sex Worker Rights Day (similar to International Whores’ Day, International Sex Worker Rights Day is held on March 3rd, the anniversary of the 2001 festival held by 25,000 Indian sex workers). Because this is such an important day, my friend finished his phone check before I ~ prompting him to take a peek at my phone.

Him, with a wink and a whine: I like it better when your timeline is full of boobs.

Me, with playful exasperation: You want more Trump? More sex worker “rescue”?

Him, terrified at my response, using small words & precise language so that I can comprehend: No! Real breasts. Implants are fine too.

He punctuates his thoughts with an eyebrow wiggle.

I arch an eyebrow as a warning.

Him, a bit alarmed: What?

amazing rack of kaylee pond camgirlMe, after a sigh: All those boobs you want to see, well, they are attached to women–

Him, interrupting: Yes, but they are choosing to bare them–

Me, interrupting: Yes, yes they are. But every woman who opts to flash some cleavage or completely bare herself has to fight for that right. Whether she’s a cam girl, a porn star or indie porn maker, an escort promoting herself, or “just” (I did use air quotes) a woman who wants to show them off for whatever reason of the moment ~ any woman who does so faces consequences.

This is not just about being ogled or objectified ~ not even about being denigrated or slut-shamed for it. Aside from the cultural reactions, social consequences, there are legal constraints as well. If a woman cannot even expose her breasts to feed a baby, what do you think happens when she flashes them on Twitter? Not to mention that Twitter is one of the few social media sites which even allow such things…

But if a woman cannot, under the law, freely choose to sell sex services, then how much does any woman control her own body? If sex workers cannot actually consent to how we opt to display or use our bodies, how can we expect any woman to be able to control her own genitals, her reproductive rights?

We see the erosion of all sorts of rights ~ every day there’s new legislation, another story of violence, more proof of how unsafe it is to be a sexually autonomous woman. This is why sex worker rights are women’s rights. It is all about feminism. It is about LGBTQ rights. It’s about sexual autonomy, the right to control our bodies, no matter our religion, color, race, whatever you think divides us. Sexual autonomy for all is about equality for all.

Him, silent and clearly sorry he brought it up. Perhaps wondering just why he wanted to lunch with his opinionated female friend…

I let it all sink in for a minute.

Me, calming down from my rant, trying to be more concise: All those breasts you want to see? They are attached to women who are fighting for so many rights. So, yeah, my timeline has lots of “angry” stuff too. To me, those stupid people and ideas are the real “boobs.” Because all of that bullshit affects women’s lives. Every. Day. And all of that affects whether or not pics of breasts are even taken to be shown on Twitter.

Him, nodding: I get it.

Me, arching my eyebrow again: So really, you should be thanking me for posting and sharing all that other stuff too. Because it supports the women who show off their breasts to you. And you should be supporting that stuff too.

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

Me, admonishing him gently while tossing him a kinder bone to chew on: Oh, and by the way, you’d better be paying for your porn too. Just as you will this lunch.

Of course he did.

Reading List:

Along with coverage of sex work & sex workers here, here, and here, please read the following:

#SexWorkerRightsDay on Twitter

Breasts Are Complicated

Pay For Your Porn

Image Credits: The spectacular rack of one of my fav cam girls, Ms Kaylee Pond. Via her Tumblr ~ and to pay for your porn, see her on cam here!

Arousr Info Update

arousr-sextingAwhile ago we reviewed sexting, phone sex, and video chat site Arousr and found it rather awesome. If you’re still on the fence, check out this interview Arousr staff which dishes on aspects for chat hosts as well as the authenticity factor for clients. (Yes, the girls are real!)

Helpful tips: You can search for sexy women who are willing to have adult chat and private cam sessions by several demographics, including blondes, chicks with big boobs, and, for those of you with Yellow Fever, Asians. Of course, there’s a directory of fetish interests and conversation topics as well. You can also simply see who is available right now.

Here’s where you get the free app.

Is It Safe To Visit Escorts In India?

Hello Gracie,

I’m writing because of your sane support of sex work, including the men who see escorts. I will be staying for at least six months in northern India on business (primarily stationed in Jaipur, but with some travel) and anticipate seeking the services of at least one escort – but I know nothing of the area. Before I turned to Google, I thought I would ask you. Is it really legal there now? Any recommendations? Tips?

I thank you in advance,
Lance

Hi, Lance, & thanks for the compliments. While I do not know of anyone working as an escort in India, I can tell you that sex work is now legal in India.

jaipur escortHowever, unlike other countries who have legalized sex work, you’ll not find any licensed brothels to visit. In fact, India’s laws, in attempts to protect women from sex trafficking and other coercion, expressly prohibit brothels.

Sex workers in India are free to exchange money for their services, including sex ~ so long as they do not solicit in public or work within 200 yards of a public place. Clients also cannot legally solicit services in public.

This means that your best bet is to arrange your time with Jaipur escorts, and any special details regarding your time, via the Internet.

Hope this helps!

With much affection,
Gracie

PS A friend of a friend recommends the Gurgaon escorts. Not sure if you’ll be visiting there?

Image Credits: Call Girls In Jaipur.