Tale As Old As Time? Beauty & The Beast Buzz

Pop Sugar thought they were clever posting about a Beauty & The Beast inspired dildo. Maybe they were; I mean, why not capitalize on the new buzz surrounding Disney’s live action remake of Beauty & The Beast. Even if most of that buzz surrounds the upset over an openly gay character (Hey, at least it’s not Lumière, as a “flaming” candle.) instead of the teenage-buffalo romance:

Why let the fact that the rosebud-tipped glass dildo (which clearly stays away from anything remotely related to the fairy tale or “Belle”) has been around for quite awhile stop you either.

However, why point to the most expensive purchasing option for the toy? Not only is the Prisms Budding Rose Shaped Glass Dildo cheaper on Amazon ~ nearly half the price ~ but it ships free with Prime, and that means you’re not waiting the two weeks the other shop notes for shipping.

There are other glass rose sex toy options as well. But if the whole point was to capitalize on “the buzz,” why not go with a rose vibrator?

Coins In The Slot (Or, Golden Escort Fantasies)

In Australia, where sex work is legal, a Gold Coast sex worker has been advertising her escort services by touting her past modeling experiences. Sounds like a good marketing ploy, right? Wrong.

golden fantasy escortAn Australian escort, who goes by the name “Wild, Raunchy Blondie” under a “Golden Fantasy” escort listing, has been promoting herself as a “stunning meter maid from the Gold Coast” and an “Original Golden Meter Maid.”

Gold Coast meter maids at Surfers Paradise in 1971Despite how that name may sound here in the USA, the “Golden Meter Maids” have nothing to do with any sort of showers. Instead, the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids are legendary tourist attractions, with a 50 year legacy. Pretty women wearing skimpy golden bikinis & the obligatory high heels who wander around the streets of the Australia’s Gold Coast, aka Surfers Paradise, protecting motorists from parking violations. When the beauties spot a meter about to expire, they plug in the requisite coin and place a card on the vehicle’s windshield which reads, “You have just been saved from a parking fine by the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids.” The coins are supplied by the company ~ who earns plenty more by selling tourists trashy & sexy-in-that-college-frat-boy-way souvenirs.

While it’s rather probably that this particular “Golden Fantasy” had worked as one of the meter maids, she did so having signed a disclaimer vowing not to “bring the brand into any form of ill-repute.”

Bikini_Cooler_meter_maidsYes, the company that brings you $15 cheap plastic bikini can coolers, is worried that their image is being tarnished by sex.

Once a meter maid herself, Roberta Aitchison has owned the 50 year old company for the past 30 years. And Aitchison is zealously guarding her kitschy brand, contacting those she feels violate the trademark and the disclaimer. Including taking action against “Golden Fantasy” over this past weekend.

But Aitchison is facing bigger problems than that. Advanced new parking meters are working to render the Surfers Paradise Meter Maids obsolete. And it’s not just the technology, either. Local business owners are complaining that the meter maids are “in clear breach of the council’s anti-touting laws by selling merchandise to tourists.” That news story also says that Aitchison’s business is struggling to attract maids. Perhaps it’s because potential meter maids know they can make more as sex workers ~ when the meters are running.

Get Lucky, Save Some Green

Just a heads-up that there’s site-wide sale at Sexclectic: up to 35% off, March 3, 20016 – March 17, 2016 ~ just in time for Saint Patrick’s Day festivities. Yes, Virginia, there’s more to St. Patrick’s Day than green beer. You’ve got your shamrock pasties and green wigs ~ not to mention the after-bar goodies, like Irish creme flavored massage oil, green sex toys, and clover nipple clamps. Hey, even stuff from those pots of gold!

Save even more with these exclusive codes:

Use code SEXKITTEN and take $10 off orders of $50 or more.

Or use code SKWAY to take 15% off any order.

st-patricks-banner-get-lucky

Inside Every Man There’s An Inner Cross Dresser

Look, the mail has arrived and it’s for the male of the house!

The cover of the box reads “Clothes That Make a Man” ~ let’s look inside…

Clothes That Make a Man

Oh, look! A pretty sketch of a pinup gal wearing a bra and panties! (While I am dying to look beneath the lingerie, we aren’t given any clues… My best guess is that we’ve already seen as much of our pinup girl as we are ever going to.)

vintage Clothes That Make a Man novelty gag humor gift

For me, this is just the epitome of a crossdresser: Dandy suit on the outside, feminine attire beneath.

But, sorry, my CD friends; that probably wasn’t the intended message with this vintage novelty or gag gift.

In fact, this was likely intended to connote the opposite: men become real men when they see a lady in her underthings. Insert manly grunts here. Unless, of course, the real gag was that you weren’t man enough to handle a woman because you were a foppish man who cared more about his dandy appearance. Then insert guffaws and hearty back-slaps here.

Copyright 1948, H. Fishlove & Co. of Chicago. Given the date, this would have been made under the auspicious eye of “Chicago gag kingpin” Irving Fishlove, who was the son of the company’s founder.

And, hey, it only cost 3 cents to mail that thing back in the 1940s or 1950s. …Ah, but having some fun at the expense of a friend via gender norms, that’s priceless.

1948 vintage h fishlove and company

mail a box for 3 pennies

Back When Smoking Was Way More Acceptable Than Smut…

This rather unassuming pack of “Mild” cigarettes was anything but mild back in the day, it was pretty wild!

vintage mild cigarette pack viewer

For the man’s man who was on the go and still needed to enjoy a peepshow, this portable little plastic box was merely designed to look like the average Joe’s pack of cigs. In reality, it operates much like the Fisher Price camera you likely had as a kid ~ only instead of seeing a trip to the zoo, you get a whole other sort of education by peeping at “art studies” of “Hollywood’s most glamorous art models” which are ~ you guessed it ~ nudes.

vintage hollywood glamour art model peepshow nudes

This particular portable pack of vintage porn is Series 1. Appropriately, you were to ask your dealer for more.

get more from your dealer

Sunday Funnies: Marriage Bed Up In Smoke Edition

A young bride turns the tables on her snake-charming husband when his limp cock won’t rise to the occasion on this vintage ashtray. From 1954 this vintage ash tray comes complete with a little flute to jokingly raise the dead dick. Other than ignorant racism, I cannot account for the exclamation of, “Fakir!”

vintage snake chamer ashtray

Sure, But Could It Make Mustache Rides More Fun?

But it doesn’t look as if the Tentacle Mustache is stiff enough ~ even on a stiff upper-lip ~ to really provide additional pleasure for this girl. …But there are possibilities, right? Via.

Tentacle Mustache

Sunday Funnies: Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing! Edition

Straight out of the swinging 60s, a pair of Bedtime Bells that announce “Ring A Ding Ding It’s Time To Swing!”

ring a ding time to swing vintage 60s

The seller’s details:

“Ring When Ready!” It pictures a frisky couple on the face (although timid by today’s standards, it was considered naughty back in the day). Cardboard construction with two copper bells. Overall very good condition w/ some edge/corner wear. Vibrant colors remain. Each copper bell reads “Come and get it!” Noted “© 1968 A.Freed Novelty Inc. N.Y.C., 1968 – Printed in the U.S.A.” It measures approximately 7-1/4” across and 7-1/2” high. It has an easel back which allows it to stand. If you’re into the lifestyle, this might be a great gift for the host of your next get-together!

I’m not convinced this vintage novelty is about swinging or partner swapping as much as it is one of those “come and get it” sort of jokes regarding dinner bells. Or simply something you were to put on your bedpost so that the bells can ring when you do it. Kind of like an audio version of the old joke about putting beans in the pot or pennies in a jar every time you have sex as newlyweds or whatever. After all, there’s only one couple shown. But, as with most things sexual (or in life), you take it how you wish.

PS In case you think your eyes may be fooling you, yes, the man’s bell is bigger. Because men need that sort of ego stroking at all times, you know.

bedtime bells

Sunday Funnies: Vintage Shower, For Women Only Edition

A Shower Set For Women Only, open up the old box and voila! a bright yellow sponge and matching banana-shaped soap. Ah, the old banana gag! …Well, don’t use it as a gag ~ unless you’ve dirty mouth that needs some washing out. That would likely be safer than inserting the banana soap anywhere else. Vintage novelty gag gift available at Etsy.

vintage Shower Set For Women Only

vintage novelty banana soap shower set gag gift