Sunday Funnies: Feel The Bern Edition

Hello, and welcome to Dirty Bernie, the phone sex hotline for those who want to get dirty with Bernie. As you know my campaign doesn’t take money for big banks, but I’m happy to take money for big wanks.

And so begins the dirty talk with Bernie Sanders… And, yes, there’s plenty of wet and messy (WAM), sploshing, fetish fun in this dirty talk.

If this excites you, you can celebrate with some heavy petting over these handmade blue velvet, high-waisted panties featuring Sanders & a cat. Remember, if you rub the pussy too long over the panties, you may actually feel another burn.

feel the bern bernie sanders with cat pussy panties

Phone Sex Is An Art

In the February issue of Cosmo, Julianne Hough discusses the desire to keep intimacy alive in a relationship, including how difficult it is to talk dirty:

On her long-distance relationship and whether she and her fiancé have phone sex: “Oh, for sure. But I’m really bad at it … I’ll get halfway through and start laughing. It’s an art. I applaud people who are good at it. They need to come and help me keep a straight face!”

While I’d love to ponder how dreamy Hough might look while like masturbating during phone sex (and I’ll give you a moment to recover from the images in your mind too!), it may be more kind to offer Hough ~ and you ~ some tips on how to master the art of phone sex.

cosmopolitan-feb-16-julianne-hough-coverFirst, don’t worry what your face looks like. It’s phone sex; your partner can’t see you. (Plus, we all have orgasm faces ~ and we don’t worry about those once things get to that point!)

Second, it’s OK to laugh. It breaks the tension. Besides, giggles are often a part of hot sex.

Third, like anything else, talking dirty gets easier and better with practice. Whether you’re working with paint on canvas or words to make a sexy picture for your lover, practice matters. If you feel really uncomfortable starting out, why not practice with a pro? The folks who work at adult chatlines would be happy to lend you a virtual hand, assisting you while you work on the proper verbal strokes necessary to create your oral masturbation piece.

Saucy Saturday: Vintage Stockings Edition

Lingerie lover and PSO, A Slip Of A Girl, wears a vintage ivory satin bullet bra with a matching ivory satin girdle (with garters, of course!) over pink full-cut panties while putting on a pair of vintage nylon stockings. You can go here to get the 26 rare photos in this series. This photo set was previously only available to VIPs, but for a limited time only you can snag all the stocking pics. You can also follow her on Twitter @SlipOfAGirl.

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Celebrating MLK Day With Sex Fantasies Of Racial Degradation

Over at Lynn’s phone sex Tumblr, there’s a post today that not only isn’t likely what Martin Luther King Jr. envisioned, but certainly will upset more than a few people:

It may not be what Martin Luther King Jr. envisioned, but if you’d like to enjoy the day off for MLK day by getting off with some racial degradation, go for it. Operators are standing by!

Some, like Heidi, can’t stand white cock. But there’s more to racial degradation than big black cock – for women or men. There are other humiliating race-based fantasies which are best acted out in the privacy of your own home with a savvy phone sex operator. This in addition to just plain hot fantasies of Asian women, Latina babes, ebony beauties… Maybe it’s a simple attraction to exotic beauty… Maybe it’s a racial thing… Whether it’s Yellow Fever or Jungle Fever, maybe your racial lust is still taboo for you.  Maybe you’re the man or woman of color looking for a white woman or man to belittle you for your race… Or maybe you need someone, anyone, to put you in place for your white privilege with some financial domination.

There are even sex fantasies involving religious blasphemy.  In today’s post Arab Spring world, there’s been a huge increase in Muslim men looking for femdom action.

So what’s your cultural sexual sin? Confess it, play with it, blow a load and take a load off your mind with these PSOs who are ready to go for some serious racial degradation.

At first glace, this may just seem to be somewhat distasteful marketing ploy for attention and phone sex promotion on a relatively lazy US holiday (even taking advantage of the MLKDay hash); but there is more to it than that.

mps mlk day racial phonesex fantasiesFor one, Lynn, who runs the site, is the pro behind Phone Sex Secrets; so she knows more than a thing or two about phone sex and sex work trends. (Her research on the connection between the Arab Spring uprising and the Google blow-up of “femdom” searches was even picked up by Dr. Gloria Brame.)

As Lynn notes, sex work is a part of capitalism. There wouldn’t be categories of racial fantasies if they didn’t sell, if folks didn’t make bank. As a former escort, I can attest to the high frequency of racial fantasies, degrading or not, that lurk in the minds of Americans. And who among us cannot see the racism that’s running rampant today, especially in the Republican followers of Donald Trump?! Not your Angel, aka TrailerTrashGrl, certainly sees how all this is impacting male power, fears, and fantasies!

The question, really, is that does playing out such taboo fantasies help or hinder? We know that playing with taboos can provide great relief for the individual. And when fantasies are given a private outlet, they can be kept as fantasies without ruining our society ~ in fact, it can help preserve society.

As I’ve said before, fantasies are just fine; as long as you separate fantasy from reality and not create expectations, laws, etc. of of them.

Sunday Funnies: Star Wars Phone Sex Edition

Playmate Sara Jean Underwood is featured in this 1-900-Hot-Jedi Star Wars phone sex spoof from Playboy:

For those of us with more unique fantasies…

A late night ad for a phone sex company in a galaxy far far away… Call 1-900-Roar for chat fun with some very furry operators.

Via, via, and lots of others.

Dirty Talk: When Is It Masturbation, When Is It An Affair?

Over at Pulse.com.gh, “Ghana’s online news platform,” there’s some good old fashioned relationship fear-mongering: Warning!!! These 9 people likely to have an affair with your spouse.

The article should have just stopped at the subheading description advice of, “Keep good communication channels between the two of you, if there are problems in your marriage talk it out amongst yourselves, not to an an outsider.” Then things would have been rather sound. Good communication is one of the best ways to keep any relationship strong.

But instead, the staff writers opted to go into some stereotypical details about the titular types of people who are a threat to your marriage. Along with the usual suspects, such as the “old flame” and “the household help”, there’s one which makes me take a pause in my day & post this blog:

8. “The chat mate”
In this age of social media, many married people are sexting and having phone sex with chat mates. They are excited about going on phone to have naughty sessions with chat mates that they put no effort in their marriage. This is already wrong and it upgrades to a physical meeting with the chat mate to have sexual intercourse, the chat mate turns you on and you want the real sexual experience.

The solution? Be everything to you mate at all times, of course! Fulfill their every fantasy or entertainment need:

Protect your marriage from this by having phone sex and sexting with your spouse, not a chat mate. Use the phone to better your communication and sex life with your spouse, not to form wrong connections. Ask yourself, if you are really mature and serious about your marriage, will you be comfortable and proud if your spouse goes through your phone conversations?

What drives me nuts about this is the notion that in a healthy, loving, committed relationship, neither party is allowed any form of masturbatory experience.

What happens when sex drives are different? What happens when one person has a kink ~ or a vanilla fantasy ~ that the other person has no real interest in? What happens when your partner works a different shift than you do?

Dear World, are you honestly trying to tell me that people who love one another, people wish to remain together, can never ever masturbate on their own again?!

Uh, no.

dirty-talk-masturbation-or-affair-phone-sexRemember, masturbation is not cheating. It doesn’t matter if you do it by hand or with a toy. It doesn’t matter if you masturbate while fondly remembering the sex you had with your partner last week, or if you masturbate to written erotica or porno flicks. If masturbating to the sights of other people’s bodies is perfectly fine ~ and it is! ~ then why would it matter if you jacked or jilled yourself to orgasm while enjoying the sounds of other people’s voices? There are voices in those pornos too. What about recorded erotica? How different is listening to a dirty story than reading one off the paper yourself? And so what if the naughty stories you read aren’t published and available as an ebook download from Amazon but are the more ephemeral keystrokes made in chat rooms or on mobile phones? Either way, another person wrote those dirty words. (Ditto the writing, err, direction of adult films.)

Just how far away from the creator of those juicy ideas must you be in order to squirt or spray your load and remain faithful?

If your whole fear is based upon the notion that sexy fantasy playtime will lead to some sort of connection, that the situation will, as Pulse says, “upgrade to a physical meeting,” then why not go with the services of a pro?

In What’s Real, Who’s Fake, What’s Private? Truths About Virtual Sex Affairs, friend of the blog Secondhand Rose puts it this way:

This is why using professional services is so special and important. Even when things are not purely about the erotic adult entertainment, when things are more honest and friendly in those GFE companionship ways, sex workers know the professional line. Professional phone sex operators stay on the “entertainment” side; they not out to meet, let alone “get”, a man. I know none of the Peck & Call Girls will fall into such delusions or have such aspirations because, again, I have screened them myself. Yes, we may form relationships, intimate friendships; but we are neither falling in love nor encouraging clients to chuck the real world and run away with us. Our telephone and virtual affairs are completely safe this way.

See? Virtual sex is all about the masturbation ~ especially when assisted by professionals, i.e. sex workers. Paying for the services of a virtual sex assistant protects individuals from more than STDs/STIs. Phone sex operators & cam girls prevent emotional relationship creep too.

All that said, how can you tell if your mate is looking for more than some masturbation fun?

It’s pretty easy, really. Talk about it! Find out what sorts of masturbation materials your partner likes; let them know it’s OK with you. Share your own needs too. Set a budget and boundaries, if needed. Such acceptance diffuses any nervous, defensive, or ashamed feelings & related behaviors. Solo masturbation can honestly bring you closer together!

However, if you are concerned, here are some tell-tale warning signs:

* Your partner is not paying for their personal masturbation assistance.

* Your partner is paying, but it is for memberships at “cheating” sites like Ashley Madison or dating or hookup sites, rather than for sites like NiteFlirt and MyFreeCams (despite the name, there is money spent there; Kaylee Pond explains!).

* Your partner opts to spend more time with their entertainment than with you.

One very special way to deal with any suspicions is to simply ask your significant other if you can sit with them and enjoy the entertainment too. You could participate in a phone sex call or watch a cam show together. They could let you read chat room or sext messages. Reassure them by letting them know there’s wrong with a little mutual masturbation now and then. Reassure yourself that there’s nothing to fear here.

However, if there is a problem, talk about it. Seek professional help of another variety, if needed.

But stop assuming that masturbation with a professional guide is cheating or bad. …You know what happens when you “assume.” And I don’t need any help making an ass out of myself.

How To Support Porn Stars, Sex Workers, & Women

Greg Battiste is just another guy who happens to like porn. More importantly, Battiste also respects those who make porn. Perhaps most importantly, he’s given a list of tips on how to respectfully interact with porn stars. It covers everything from dic pics to asking for freebies and more.

Greg Battiste's tips

As SecretPhoneSex (aka Lynn of PhoneSexSecrets) says, those are good tips for dealing with phone sex operators, cam girls, any sex worker really.

Battiste saw that and raised the bar to include all women. For that alone, you should follow Battiste. But he does offer some pretty good porn stuff too. *wink*

Hold The Phone! It’s Time For A Sex News Round-Up!

Sean Ferguson on phone Normally, I just curate/post all the short bits & bobs in sex news at Scoop.It; but as several recent stories seem to have connections & require more context and comment, here’s a sex news round-up.

To keep the phone idiom going, let’s start with phone sex news. Phone sex consultant, Lynn, was doing some research for a client and discovered that of all the countries in the world, the one from which the most (Google) searches for “femdom” and related fetishes is… (drum-roll) Syria! Talk about your cultural taboos & hypocrisy. The connections to the Arab Spring and current terrorist events are pretty obvious too. (While you’re there, you may wish to check out some of the rude things phone sex callers do to their PSOs. Shame, shame!)

Remember last year, when we talked about the whole “men like to mate when the weather is cooler” thing? Well, on the flip side, economists look at climate change (aka global warming), less sex, and what it may mean for the planet’s population.

No mention of climate change as the reason, but folks in Japan are having less sex. Well, at least they are having less sex with other people, anyway. For we know the Japanese are heavily into masturbating (all that JAV porn, tentacle porn, and other delicious Japanese weirdness) ~ and masturbation is sex. While we might suggest that all the fab Japanese kinky masturbation material is to blame for less interest in sex with a partner, experts say the systemic gender inequality is the culprit. And this so-called sexual apathy is going to fuck up the world economy.

The sexism in Japan may be horrible, but overall it is better than China’s general attitude towards women, where the single child rule has led to putting girl babies up for adoption ~ and female infanticide. Surprise! The pay off is a large gender imbalance, creating a plethora of “bare branches”, as the bachelors are called. One economist’s suggestion? Let men share wives. Note the patriarchal tone ~ including in the ensuing outrage. Who knows, perhaps matriarchy will be the result?

Matriarchy in China isn’t merely a matter of crossing one’s fingers and hoping either. Already, Chinese men are willing to dig deep and spend $2,500 on sex dolls, not only as a replacement for a female in their lives, but so as not to seek sex workers or otherwise commit adultery and anger their wives. No mention of women who may prefer sex dolls of their own.

Speaking of women and their power, anthropologist Dr. Sarah B. Hrdy has been studying the topic of female aggression. Yes, she found we have it. One of her statements, “that suppression of female sexuality is by women, not necessarily by men,” confounds a bit ~ as it rather suggests that women in a male dominated patriarchy aren’t compelled to comply to male standards.

However, in that same article, Dr. Christopher J. Ferguson, a psychologist at Stetson University, stated that research shows women are not so much affected by media images as they are by the appearance of peers and other women around them (even more so when men are in attendance). This rather supports what I wrote years ago ~ at least as far as the media images part goes. See: Body Image In Art, Porn & Media.

But Ferguson & others still seem to align with Hrdy’s position; i.e. that women act as “mean girls” to control one another. Ah, but since they repeat themselves, I will as well. Women are still living in a male dominated society and therefore will seek to survive and thrive under the paradigm of the patriarchy.

While I still have you on the line (Get it? I’m back to the phone puns!), I’d like to direct you to this article about virtual sex options (it also has excellent tips on privacy & safety for clients too).

Image Credits: Sean Ferguson at Temptation of Eve

Sunday Funnies: Halloween Humiliation Edition

Trailer Trash Angel proves she’s so not your Angel with it comes to phone sex, relishing in creating very twisted fantasies. This is especially clear with the Halloween Challenge she posted this year, in which she instructs callers purchase two of these Dobby the House Elf masks which submissive male callers will wear while performing on cam for her. Why two masks, you ask? Angel says, “One for your ugly face & another to hide that sad little sock puppet cock of yours.”

ugly dobby servant mask

That sort of twisted Harry Potter cosplay seems humiliating enough ~ but Angel takes it even further:

you may just impress Me if you find an even smaller one to put on that wee willie! I mean, there are options, like taking the head off a Dobby figure and placing it over that button-cock of yours. Look, this one even has a sock! And a diary, symbolic of your loser confessions.

Hey, it’s also poseable! So get two of those; I have other bad ideas…

If you think that Malfoy was cruel and sadistic to poor little Dobby, well, you just haven’t met Me yet. I assure you, I’m far worse. I can make a loser pig cry on cam in less than 10 minutes. …And yet, they beg for more!

Dobby the House Elf Poseable Action Figure with Diary and Sock

If you and your “Dobby-dick” are up, erm, ready for such a challenge, you should book your session asap; according to her Twitter feed, it’s booking fast.

Hot Flash Fiction Friday: Face Fucking, Masturbation & Forced Orgasm Edition

Pinkie is a real life submissive ~ and a phone sex operator who turns her money over to her Master, Blackie. She’s got a book out via Tit-Elation, and here’s a little excerpt for Hot Flash Fiction Friday. This takes place after Pinkie has served her Master’s Hong Kong business associates by being a face-fuck toy and she was forced to strip and masturbate for the group of men.

Blackie knows me so well, he knew I was close. “Go ahead and come, you little whore; you can squirt for them too yet.”

When he said “squirt,” the room filled with expectant “ahhs” as if they were a crowd at a Fourth of July celebration who had heard the whistles of the finale fireworks launched into the air.

…It seemed like hours, but I know it was only minutes that I lay there panting and screaming, tears running down my face, smearing my makeup and soaking the hotel bedding — while my body jerked and clenched and then finally just trembled while I lay there muttering something about “no more.”

Someone took the Hitachi from my hand and away from my twitching clit. The bodies began to disburse — except for one. The boss appeared at my face and ordered me to open it. “Now you tired whore, I fuck your face and you have no pleasure, no hope, no wishes other than for it to end.”

You can read the rest ~ and a lot more ~ in the ebook, Pinkie and Blackie: Tales of a Phone Sex Submissive.

pinkie book phone sex submissive