A Look Inside A Phone Sex Hobbyist’s Mind

When phone sex operator come phone sex consultant Lynn met Tom, a man with some pretty strong phone sex calling habits (he has over 500 phone sex operators in his list of favorites alone!), she dubbed him “Tom Cat”. Not long after that, she decided to put Tom Cat to some good use by giving him a phone sex review website called Tom Cat’s Phone Sex Reviews.

tom-cats-phone-sex-reviewsAs a former escort, I’ve long been familiar with hobbyists (or punters, as they are called in the UK), but I guess I never thought about the notion of phone sex hobbyists… This was my chance to meet one. Here’s my interview with Tom Cat.

Hi, Tom Cat, and welcome to Sex Kitten! Lynn has shared some information about you, and I’ve read the “about” at your site. And I gather you’ve read our previous phone sex discussions (part one, part two, part three). Do you have any comments to add to those discussions? Anything you want to make sure we know about you & your phone sex habits?

I guess the thing that I’d like to reinforce, that I also stated in the bio of my reviews, is that I consider my phone sex habits to be pretty vanilla, with a bent towards the curious. I see all these profiles that emphasize “no taboo”. I don’t see myself looking for those unusual, kinky things. I’m just looking to act out things that I typically WOULD do in real life.

In the previous interview/article that you did, the guys talked about imagining demons, animals, hybrids, etc. None of that for me. They fantasized about nuns in churches, etc. None of that for me. You might call my phone sex habits to be of the Penthouse Forum variety.

The transformations, where one or both participants undergo physical, emotional and sex drive changes due to some trigger (potion, spoken phrase, physical item, natural phenomenon (asteroid, lightening, chemical spill, etc.), is probably my only “unnatural fantasy”. But I’ve found websites (breastexpansionstorys, deviantart, etc) that reassure me that I am not alone, lol!

tom cat-phone-sex-masturbating-five-stars-300Do you also partake of other sex services, such as cam girls, escorts, etc?

As far as other services, I have used cam, escorts and strip clubs.

Is phone sex your primary sex service or adult entertainment service?

Phone sex is primary, strip clubs would be second. I haven’t used an escort services in nearly 5 years, but I’m on the fringe of one, using the “dating” website WhatsYourPrice.com. Since I’m paying money for the dates, I lump it into this same “entertainment” budget group.

You’ve mentioned that you feel you are addicted ~ do you mean to phone sex or sex in general or?

I’d have to say the addiction is to the phone sex and services….things that cost money. I just don’t exhibit self control to stop within a budget. I really don’t engage in much actual sex, and my masturbation rate varies from 3-10 times a week. Don’t have much to compare to, but I know I haven’t FUCKED anybody in roughly 15 years…

Why do you use phone sex?

Why I use phone sex feels more complicated to me than the answers that I read in your other article. I felt that theme was the men (and women) saying that it was a natural, useful outlet to meet sexual needs when partners are unavailable (physically or emotionally). For me, it fills more of a void, and in some ways, it’s an unhealthy void. I may not feel that way if I was able to limit myself to a few PSOs. I consider it to be an addiction for me and members of my family would agree, lol!

One of the points that IS emphasized by your previous panel is the importance of setting a budget. I’m not very good at that. I live an almost paycheck to paycheck existence because of my desire to talk to “attractive” women on the phone.

phone sex flirt girl next door kaylaHow many PSOs do you call a week?

How many PSOs I call kind of depends on how “active” I am. I go through periods of HIGH activity (15 calls per week to 4-12 PSOs) to a lull of no PSO calls for 4-6 weeks (or longer) if I “tighten the budget”.

What are some of the specific fantasies you look for in phone entertainment?

I mentioned my transformation fantasy. I really use my calls for one or more of three purposes:

Strictly socializing, talking about our real lives. Engaging in role play sex, which includes the transformations role plays. And straight descriptive mutual masturbation, which would include the mutual intoxication.

And, as much as I agree with the previous panel that fulfilling the man’s needs is the ultimate purpose of a phone sex call, I myself am less satisfied and fulfilled if the woman hasn’t cum. It may or may not be real, but that’s my ultimate pleasure.

In looking at your reviews, it definitely seems you have a type! Busty & blonde! How important are such physical characteristics for you in terms of a phone sex call?

How important are the physical characteristics in terms of phone sex? That’s a really great question. In part, because I understand the fantasy part of phone sex. The person that I’m speaking with may or may NOT actually look like the pictures on the profile. That said, I still can’t get past the psychological hurdle that I like what I like and I want to fantasize about attractive, buxom women (the blonde isn’t as important to me, but most of the profiles DO seem to skew that way, don’t they, lol).

At the same time, once I’ve MADE a call, if the PSO is engaging, funny, a good conversationalist, I’ll call even if the appearance ISN’T in line with “my usual”. I have had short “flings” with some BBW that I found delightful to talk to and there’s currently a “smaller chested” PSO on Niteflirt that I love flirting with over the phone…haven’t even gone any further into the sexual aspect than that.

So, to try and summarize, the physical image is what attracts me to make the initial calls, but I also keep my eyes open for other characteristics that appeal to me and entertain me.

cum slut pso barbiewildHow difficult is it for you to continue to find busty & blonde PSOs?

Busty blonde or otherwise, there never seems to be a drought of new girls joining Niteflirt and Secondhand Rose has introduced me to MyPhoneSite, so I’m exploring there as well. Finding more never seems to be a problem.

You mention the lull period is 4 – 6 weeks; I have a few questions about that… When you abstain from phone sex, do you also cease other sex services? How long are the periods where you using phone sex (or sex services)?

My lulls are primarily financially driven. I over extend myself and have to “tighten the belt” to rebuild the reserves. So it is all sex services that come at a cost. And in all honesty, there’s also some morality involved, a feeling of “this is not the right way to have relationships with women”, “You know better than this”, “What would/will your parents/kids/friends/coworkers say about this behavior”. That also contributes to the lull.

The activity itself kinda lasts as long as the money holds out. This most recent period has lasted around 8 months.

phone sex dominance with mistress candiceSince you are so into specific looks, do you also belong to paysites, have a large video collection?

Interestingly, I do not belong to pay sites. The videos, while satisfying the visual stimulation, don’t fulfill the conversational, intellectual or pseudo-relational needs that I find addressed with the more “real-time” in person sex services. I think this is fairly consistent with the initial articles that you did.

Why have you started the review site?

I guess trying to feel better about myself by giving back to people. To the PSOs by trying to help them generate incremental business, to other customers by directing them to more quality services and to fill a need that Lynn felt was lacking.

Does doing the reviews help during the “lulls”, or is it more of a trigger?

Well, we’ll have to see, lol, since the reviews are relatively new and I’m just hitting the first “lull” since starting the reviews. My initial feeling is that it’s a bit of a trigger, in that it makes me long for the connection and relationships with the PSOs that I call most often.

sexy jc glamour girl on cam and phone sexHow important are reviews (or feedback and ratings) to you when you look for phone sex services?

Reviews are important to me. As I’ve mentioned before, I know that not all the pictures are legit, so I want to know if the person can carry on a good conversation. I look for issues in the feedback like, “not very responsive”, “only wanted things her way” , “didn’t seem that into it”.

What are the biggest problems you find in terms of looking for quality phone sex services?

Hmmm, biggest problem. Outside of the cost (I know how I would spend money if I won the lottery, lol!), the only other thing that I can think of is the availability of the PSO that you enjoy using the most. They may or may not have a regular online schedule. You may not have made a specific “plan” for catching up again.

Beyond that, the hit and miss of talking to someone to see if there’s a fit, some chemistry. That may be a burden to some, but it’s a part that I enjoy.

And maybe that’s why I’m doing the reviews. Trying to help others avoid the initial “difficult” situation of sifting through several calls to find the phone sex operator(s) they want.

Thanks, Tom Cat, for sharing with us.

Images of PSOs here are of some of Tom Cat’s 4 Star and 5 Star phone sex operators (in order shown): Naughty Kayla (review here), Barbie Wild (review here), Mistress Candace (review here) and Sexy JC (review here).

You’d Better Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

From the “This Is Why Some Fantasies Are Better Left Fantasies” file comes this, err, “entry” on anal sex fantasies. The infographic, found via Secret Phone Sex, was made by phone sex operator Cameryn Moore who had a very specific reason for making it:

One of my “extreme top” callers likes to have me ram dildoes in my ass, end to end, no lube. One day he had me cram 30 inches of dildoes in there, and wondered what percentage of the large intestine that much dildo would occupy…

anal infographic dildos intestines

It’s Here! MPS Paid Dirty Chat!

See on Scoop.itPhone Sex

As many of you know, I have been soooo looking forward to My Phone Site aka MPS delivering on their promise of a paid chat or instant messaging feature for phone sex operators. (Chat has always been incredibly popular with many of my regular phone sex clients and I’ve been dying for a phone sex platform site to start this very thing!) Well, the new pay to chat feature debuted at MPS this weekend. The system was checked for bugs and has now officially launched!


Gracie Passette‘s insight:

A new way to make money: Paid chat or instant messaging (IM). Details for clients and PSOs.


See on phonesexsecrets.info

Goodbye, TalkSugar (Did Bitcoins Bite Them In The Ass?)

See on Scoop.itPhone Sex

As you may have heard, on November 16, 2013, Canadian phone sex platform TalkSugar announced it will be closing:


Gracie Passette‘s insight:

News for callers, who will need to use the funds on their accounts, as well as PSOs and affiliates, who will need to cash out (with BitCoins, no less), by the end of the year.


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2 Girl Phone Sex Line with No Taboo Twisted Teens

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Hey all of you Twisted, Horny, Naughty men, it’s Minxie and Pixie! We are twins that love to party and have a good time. We are looking for men that want to chat with us both! 2 girl calls are our specialty because we love turning men on! Do you like it? Do you think you could handle the 2 of us together! We both doubt it hehehe! What are you thinking when you see us both dressed in pink and we are standing together rubbing our nipples together while you watch!? I bet you are wishing you could be in the middle of our hot little sandwich!


See on myphonesite.com

On Couples, Porn, Masturbation, & Phone Sex (Or “What’s The Deal With Phone Sex? Part Three”)

Is Your Relationship Tied-Up With Phone Sex?

Is Your Relationship Tied-Up With Phone Sex?

Continuing our discussion of fantasy phone sex (part one, part two), we discuss the topic of phone sex in relationships. I asked a real-life married couple to talk about how his paying for professional phone sex services affects their relationship.

The Mr. runs Roue Ataraxia and the Mrs. runs Silent Porn Star. (Those of us familiar with the woman behind Silent Porn Star know the sex history blogger to be quite private about herself, so this is quite a rare event.) While this exclusive interview began with a discussion of phone sex, you’ll see there’s a whole lot more to discover than that!

Roue, let’s start with when and where your use of phone sex began.

Roue: It began about five or sex years ago, when our individual job schedules began to take a toll on our relationship. It wasn’t so much just the travel, but the hours we kept. We rarely saw each other, and when we did it was family time — family meals and the like, not what you’d call “quality couple time.” We both knew this was affecting us sexually –

SPS: We both knew that there was a whole lot of solo masturbation going on –

Roue: And we didn’t want that to lead to problems with intimacy.

How so?

Roue: Well, we knew that our intimate connection was being tested. We knew that we weren’t getting the sexual satisfaction — or romance — from one another, and we didn’t want that to lead to some sort of emotional disconnect.

SPS: We figured that while we each understood the other was getting at least some of their needs met by masturbating, there could be some issues of guilt or even jealousy as a result of that. We’ve both been married before this marriage; we’d been together a decade at this point; we knew we had to discuss it.

Guilt and jealousy over masturbating?!

SPS: I don’t know if you recall this particular embarrassment of being a young woman, but a lot of young women feel insecure about their men masturbating. I know I did when I was in my early 20s. I’m not proud of it; but I do know it’s a relatively common thing.

Somehow our value to our partners seems diminished if we aren’t the sole-receptacle of his ejaculation. Seed spilled in a hand, not our bush, is seen as cheating, as a threat. In part because we’ve been taught that if we don’t please our man, someone will. And, because we know he has to be masturbating to something (and it may not be us!), there’s this feeling that we aren’t safe in our relationship, that we can be (or are about to be) replaced. I suppose this also has something to do with the differences in sex drives too… A young woman isn’t driven to sexual distraction as much as a young man is, so we women, not being able to relate to that high of a sex drive, figure that his wanting or needing sex more is somehow a statement on or judgement about our inability to satisfy him. We fear his masturbation is a failure on our part — and one that threatens our relationship.

Roue: And a lot of men — of all ages, I might add — feel that if their woman is masturbating, they are missing an opportunity. An opportunity to get laid, first of all. But also the opportunity to please their partner. Even in this world that’s focused on male pleasure, men are taught that good lovers don’t leave their women wanting.

SPS: Of course, time and experience teaches a mentally healthy person to get over such absurdities about a partner’s masturbation. It’s as silly as worrying when she reads romance novels or watches chick-flicks. Choices in entertainment options don’t have to equal relationship problems. But that doesn’t diminish the fact that these feelings can occur, especially when you are feeling the anxiety and loneliness of separation as we were.

This sounds more like a reason for a wife not to be comfortable with her husband’s phone sex habit.

SPS: I suppose it does. But that’s what started the conversation. We knew we had to talk about the situation or put our relationship at risk. There were steps in the process.

Roue: It certainly wasn’t all “Honey, I need phone sex to improve our relationship” at the start of this talk!

SPS: LOL Yeah, that certainly wouldn’t have gone over well!

So how did you get to that point?

SPS: First, we began to awkwardly discuss the situation — and it was awkward. No matter how cool and wise we might seem (at any point in this conversation), starting such a conversation was difficult. Especially as I was desperate to avoid the “Honey, we need to talk…” thing. Starting that way, or with that tone, rarely goes well!

Roue: As I recall, you did start that way –

SPS: OMG, that’s all you men hear!

Roue: I honestly don’t recall how it began.

SPS: Sure, you would say that on the record. LOL

But, as wise females typically do, I laid the groundwork before we had the “real talk”.

What did you do?

Roue: Yeah, what did you do? I want to know when I’m being manipulated the next time. LOL

SPS: I could get kicked-out of the woman’s club for this!

I will argue on your behalf, I swear. Dish!

SPS: Well, we both have adult blogs — and we know about each others blogs. Sometimes we are in the same room each blogging porn and erotica. (We even send one another links to things we think the other would like.) So it should be no surprise that we find ourselves discussing fantasy sex stuff.

One night, I called him in his hotel room — you were in Illinois, remember? And I casually mentioned something I had been blogging about. That led to him sharing what he had been looking at… That all led to some phone sex of our own. (Gads, this is making me blush!) Anyway, I made a mental note to use that conversation as a doorway into how we were entertaining ourselves on our own… And the rest is history.

So he confessed to paying for phone sex then?

Roue: No. I wasn’t using phone sex then.

SPS: But we started talking matter-of-factually about our personal entertainment habits — first in terms of turning one another on on the phone, then later in a more pragmatic sense.

Pragmatic?

SPS: Yeah, about what we were using –

Roue: And about what we were buying. We agreed that independent use of adult materials had increased and was going to be a part of our lives for the foreseeable future, so we made a budget for it.

You made a porn budget?

Roue: Yes. We agreed to monthly stipends for each of us that came out of our household’s entertainment budget — equal amounts for each of us. We aren’t wealthy, but we are practical. The reality of our schedules, the reality that we both had needs, meant realizing that we had to account for spending.

SPS: Meeting those needs (via website memberships, magazines, books, etc.) wasn’t free, but articulating them gave us freedom. There was no longer any need to feel any anxiety about being adults with sexual needs.

Roue: But I still wasn’t using phone sex.

When did that start then?

Roue: It was a combination of things. First, no matter what some folks will swear, man does not live by visual stimulation alone. At least this man doesn’t. Sometimes you, your hand, and a photo isn’t enough. …Well, it may be enough; but it isn’t good enough. It still leaves you lonely. Or bored. Both, sometimes. But I still wouldn’t have thought of paying for phone sex as an option though, if it weren’t for the wife.

Through her website and work, she had some female friends who were PSOs. Sometimes they would share stories with her and she, in turn, would share them with me.

SPS: Knowing what he likes, if I heard a good story, or read a good blog post, from one of them, I would share them with him. Eventually, I caught on that he was interested in calling one of the girls — but that he was afraid to ask about it.

Roue: I wasn’t afraid! It never occurred to me until you mentioned it!

SPS: Sure, sure, honey. LOL

You didn’t seem shocked when I just happened to mention that you should call her.

Roue: Since I was really enjoying the phone sex with you talking about the PSO stories, it just seemed to make sense. Especially as our schedules made those phone calls few and far between.

SPS: However naive you you want to make yourself sound, babe…

They never do admit to their own subtle manipulations, do they? lol

Roue: I am out-numbered here! Halp!

SPS: There you go again, asking for a lady to give you a hand! LOL

So, SPS, you were the one to suggest your husband pay for phone sex?

SPS: Yes. It just seemed to make sense. We can’t be together enough; he has certain fantasies; she delivers those fantasies; why not?

And it didn’t bother you at all?

SPS: No, it didn’t. Not then, not now, not ever. To me it’s no different than any other form of erotic entertainment. I don’t worry about him at strip clubs –

Roue: Like I go there without you — you’re the one who feels the need to go there!

SPS: My girlfriends and I do love the strip clubs!

However, as I was saying, I don’t worry about “losing” him at strip clubs or to a model at a website or a porn actress, so why would phone sex bother me?

Some could argue that phone sex is far more intimate… It’s one-on-one, and those conversations can be pretty personal…

SPS: I guess maybe if I didn’t know PSOs, if I didn’t know from them that it is work, that they aren’t falling in love with callers or whatever, maybe I could have worried. At the very least, I wouldn’t have been sharing their stories with him and maybe phone sex never would have come up, who knows? But I have no issues with it. It’s not threatening or upsetting to me at all.

But if it would be upsetting to you, then you should discuss that with your partner. If talking about it doesn’t make you feel any better about it, then set that boundary.

Thinking in terms of other people and their relationships, what advice would you have for other couples regarding a spouse or partner paying for phone sex?

SPS: First of all, you have to be able to talk honestly about sex with your partner. You have to talk about not only what turns you on in terms of positions, fantasies, fetishes, etc., but how you like them delivered. Do you like photos in magazines? Watching porn? Reading stories? What kind of stories? What kind of porn? Not just in the “dating and getting to know you” stage, but always. If you aren’t open about sex, then how can you set boundaries?

Roue: Second, we have some boundaries or rules regarding our erotic entertainment expectations. Some of these are just solid, healthy, relationship fundamentals, but they are helpful to apply to the consumption of adult materials.

* Do respect each others needs and fantasies. You and your partner don’t have to be turned on by all the same things. You don’t have to participate in all of your partner’s erotic fantasies. You don’t even have to like all the things your partner likes. But you have to respect their sexual fantasies as much as you do other mainstream hobbies, like bowling or scrapbooking.

* Don’t lie about what you use. Masturbation isn’t shameful, so don’t hide it and make it some dirty secret. If she asks about a credit card charge, admit to it. If he notices you’ve started buying S&M materials and asks about your new interest, discuss it.

* Do share what turns you on. When something in your erotic materials inspires you, feel free to share it in an inspiring, suggestive way. Saying something like, “I just read this hot scene and wondered if we might role play it sometime… Want me to read it to you?” just might arouse, even if you never get around to actually acting it out.

* Don’t compare your partner to what you use. No matter how innocent you think a “I wish you were more like” comment is, such comparisons are complaints that wound. Even comparing a guy to the hero in a romance novel can be a hurtful accusation.

* Don’t throw your extracurricular masturbation activities in your partner’s face. You shouldn’t hide your masturbation activities, but you needn’t brag about the multiple orgasms you had or how often you masturbated to a specific actress either. Nor should you be competitive about the number of times you masturbate or the intensity of your sex drive. Masturbation is a private thing, even when you are in a relationship. If you want that personal right to be respected, be respectful and keep it a personal thing. It’s like Gracie says, “Everybody poos, everybody screws,” you just don’t have to talk about every time you do it. On the flip side, just assume your partner is as “regular” and healthy in the masturbation department as they are with other bodily functions, and you won’t feel surprised about it.

* Don’t spend more than your budget allows. Ruining your finances is never a good idea. Financial problems will add a strain on your relationship, and, adult pastime or not, reckless spending that puts your household at risk can be a sign of an addiction.

SPS: Plus with phone sex, we have one more rule: Don’t discuss your relationship with the PSO.

He’s not to talk about our marriage during his calls, and I don’t ask or discuss his calls with my PSO friends. Keeping our relationship off-limits in fantasy land protects our marriage.

I have to ask, SPS, do you pay for phone sex?

SPS: No, I haven’t. But if I ever found a guy who could deliver the kind of fantasies I want, I just might.

Roue, would that be alright with you?

Roue: Absolutely. Respect is a two-way street.

Image via.

A Submissive Phone Sex Girl’s Frustrating Fuck

See on Scoop.itPhone Sex


The following story, inspired by this GIF, is by phone sex operator Color Me Pinkie (of Pinkie & Blackie):

 

I did everything He said to do… I did my hair, my makeup, just the way He likes. I wore the…


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