Bloody Bad Period Sex Misinformation

So, according to Dr. Dee Fenner, MD, there’s been no study on this factoid I’m about to talk about ~ but the “news” has been making the rounds on sex blogs as if it were actually the results of a new study.

Newsflash: Having orgasmic sex while menstruating will end your period sooner.

 

Dr. Fenner ~ who is Director of Gynecology, Director of Surgical Services, and a Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Michigan, says the reason, quite obviously, is that “menstrual blood in the uterus is squeezed out during orgasm.”

Normally this is where I would begin ranting about studies informing us of things we already know ~ but, remember, this wasn’t a study finding. In fact, it wasn’t even a study. And that’s rather what my rant would be about: How infrequently studies are made about women’s health, female sexuality, and the like. Cuz, you know, men’s bodies & their ability to get off is always paramount. There are plenty more studies about men, their bods, their health.

However, it should be noted that there have indeed been women’s health studies about coitus and menstruation.

This 1989 study found that “sex during menstruation appeared to increase the chances of endometriosis but not of PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).”

This 1996 study, for example, did find that intercourse during menses may cause heavier bleeding ~ which may leave perimenopausal women more vulnerable to hysterectomies.

This 2011 study concluded that “coitus during menses could be a predisposing factor for endometriosis.”

I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. But I don’t think you need to be alarmist about these studies. Though if you have a family history or other concerns regarding these health concerns, discuss with your doctor the fact that you’re having, or would like to have, sex while on your period. I do, however, think such information on such studies ought to be included in articles and posts about sex while having your period.

Aside from the lack of any mention of these studies, what stood out the most in the article where I spotted this recently-dropped knowledge was this bit on the benefits of having sex while on your period:

Having sex while on your period immediately brings you closer together. Having sex during this ‘no-go’ time is a bold move – and one that can cement your bond.

Yes, if you really want to fuck while menstruating, go ahead. Breaking such a simple & silly taboo can bring you & your partner closer together. Like most any consensual intimate act, the willingness to “go there” can do wonders for your relationship.

Then again, it could be that couples having sex during menses do so precisely because they already feel close to one another.

Which is the cause, which is the effect?

But before I could get too caught up in that question, the article went on to ruin everything by tacking-on this bit:

From trying new positions, to experimenting with different moves – after period sex, you’ll notice that you’re far more willing to engage in new things in the bedroom.

Really?! Now this reads like a thinly-concealed “why you should have sex with her while she’s on the rag” piece. It’s all about convincing couples that doing it on the rag means a woman should want to do more wild things now. You know that old, “I’ll wade into the red river, if…” stuff. *snort*

I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Far too many articles are slanted this way…

But come on now!

Ladies, if you don’t want to do it when you’re on the rag, no need to be coy or polite; just say, “Thank you, but no.”

But, ladies, let me also tell you this: If you want to shorten the duration of your menstruation (not to mention relieve your cramps or change your mood via a fantastic orgasm!), you need not a man nor any partner for this ~ just masturbate yourself to orgasm! Yes, this is a real thing. Science confirms it. From that 1996 study on coitus & menstruation:

Female orgasm appeared to be the trigger for uterine contractions in this species. Sexually related uterine contractions occurred with or without the presence of penile intromission, provided the female showed evidence of sexual climax through the acceleration of her heart rate and subsequent species-typical facial expressions.

So let the orgasmic bliss of menstruation masturbation lead you to a more intimate place with yourself. Maybe you’ll love yourself more. Maybe you’ll become more willing to experiment with yourself sexually. Maybe you won’t. And that’s OK too. Don’t pressure yourself like some bad sex article might.

Image Credits: “I Love Period Sex” Sex Cum Rag Handtowel from The Love Rug Shop; Shark Week No Sex For You Low Rise Cheeky Boyshort Panties from Tee Shirt Cafe.

Adventurous Types Less Likely To Make A Stink Over Gas

Whether or not you have those fart sex fantasies, you might be interested in this video shared by the legendary Webwhore, Trixie Fontaine.

In Why Do We Like Our Own Farts? we learn that there are familiarity and evolutionary reasons why we don’t think our own shit stinks. Of course, there’s a whole lot more to know about farts than that. And did you know, that your lack of disgust over farts in general means you are the more adventurous type? Apparently science says it’s true. Whether or not you find farts sexy, however, remains a part of eproctophilia.

“A Strange Symphony Of Digital Escorts”

Sex tech made the news again, this time it was MTV spouting off on the “evolution” of sex. I say “spouting off” because while columnist Tess Barker may be clever & know her tech, I’m not sure if is all that sex savvy. She writes:

The old version of phone sex was always a little ridiculous, but “teledildonic” devices such as We-Vibe (along with its We-Connect app) and OhMiBod allow partners to create pleasurable vibrations from afar. These days, distance can make more than the heart grow fonder.

What’s ridiculous about “the old version” of phone sex, Barker? Talking together, be it dirty fantasy play or emotionally intimate talk, can lead to a mind blowing, orgasmic, thrilling fuck fest; because while it may employ individual masturbation it also engages the mightiest sex organ of them all, The Brain, via the ultimate connection ~ a human one.

While your partner may not be able to touch your body via phone sex, they can touch your mind. You can share a sexy mind meld, with or without the Star Trek role play.

As for the “teledildonics”, there are other ways to achieve that without pushing a button on an app; play control freak with your partner’s mind and tell them the what, where, when, why, and how of the masturabatory action. Be it their hand or a toy, controlling the scene and the action is hot. Super hot.

monkey playing a piano for dogsYou can come together to cum together, as opposed to, say, having a lazy person plunk their fingers on a keypad like some monkey playing the piano comedy bit.

Unless that’s what you’re into. Maybe you really like to monkey around; I don’t want to judge.

But just as two minds may be better than one, two minds may also be better than one and a trendy bit of sex tech.

Science and technology will make innovations in sexual toys and, once they figure out the truth of the female body, even perhaps in sexuality itself ~ but, as I’ve said before, it won’t replace the human components. It can’t.

Sex with robots will be no more therapeutic in its release than a vibrator made 130 years ago. The stimulation of our genitalia occurs, but what of our brains, minds and souls?

Sure, I admit that technology & culture are fluid bump-and-grind influencers, driving everything from changes in actual human needs to the “Because we can!” advancement mentality.

Steadfast & True robot love by leuckitBut is every innovation a real advancement? Does tech meet real needs, or does it only expose that we hunger for something that cannot be manufactured or produced with ones and zeros?

A case in point is Invisible Boyfriend (and sister site, Invisible Girlfriend). Make no mistake; the idea behind such services is not to provide human companionship, but to help the client lie to well-meaning family & friends by offering “proof” of a non-existent relationship partner. You know, to get mom off your back about being single. For a monthly fee, the platforms promise “virtual and real-world social proof” of your invisible “relationship” via texts, voicemails, and even snailmail. Mark Wilson gave it a try and found the experience, well, I’ll say a bit clumsy:

Syntax problems. Lazy wikipediaing. Look, I knew my invisible girlfriend was fake, but I began picturing what must be going on here—thousands of people typing out text messages, many pretending to be another gender, in a strange symphony of digital escorts.

Wilson’s description of his experience isn’t far off the technical reality, as he explains:

[I] learn that Invisible Boyfriend relies a bit on the artificial intelligence of chat bots, but most requests are handled another way: The St. Louis startup has teamed up with a fellow St. Louis company named Crowdsource, which manages a frontend interface to Amazon’s mechanical turk. That means Invisible Boyfriend sends your texts to a sea of micro laborers, who pick up all sorts tiny tasks during the day. They see very basic information about the character they play and text you back.

Again, in defense of Invisible Boyfriend & Invisible Girlfriend, co-founder Matthew Homann has clearly stated, “We’re not trying to help you believe you’re in a relationship. We’re trying to provide that proof [to others].” And, in fact, the sites themselves address the issue of “love” in the FAQs:

My Invisible Boyfriend… will I love him?

Seems a bit far-fetched, and a sit down between you and Jerry Springer may not be out of the question.

But nevertheless, the issue of technology ~ even that designed to meet a human “need” (I use quotes because I still don’t get the need to lie about being happily single) ~ has some issues. Not just the clumsiness of new technology, but the reality of being able to meet the human desire for connection. More from Wilson’s article:

Homann says that some early beta testers can get quite attached to their invisible partners. He describes one woman who has had an invisible boyfriend for a month and a half now. She flirts with him, but she tells him secrets, too. She’ll even ask him questions, like Siri, about movies playing in the neighborhood. (Homann says that’s an off-label use, but there’s no reason a mechanical turk can’t Google something for you.)

…”Even though I know how it works, behind the curtain, when I get a text message, I feel compelled to respond,” [Homann] says. “Technology has compelled us to respond even when it’s not necessary.”

These comments evoke visions of the film Her, in which—minor spoiler—humanity is overcome by the virtual companionship of conversational software. Right now there are limiters in place. The mechanical turk makes a lousy companion. And you can’t sext—guidelines prohibit the turk from responding to explicit content.

Which prompts the question: Should Invisible Boyfriend be thinking beyond the novelty factor? Could you fall in love with an Invisible Boyfriend? Or, could you at least sext with him? “If the marketplace wants to demand something, we certainly have the capability to deliver it,” Homann says. “We can train a workforce comfortable with adult-themed content, but it’s not something we’re trying to do now.”

While Homann likely ponders the quest for money from all sides (including both the large sums to be made from adult entertainment as well as the negative aspects of getting funding with an “adult” label), Wilson nearly hits the nail on the head:

Telephone based for-hire companionship—be it sexual or conversational—certainly isn’t a new idea. Invisible Boyfriend’s $25/100 text message premise isn’t so far from the pay-per-minute 1-900 psychics and phone sex lines of yesteryear. The business model might be similar, but the social experience is admittedly different. Those were 1:1 conversations with real people.

Yes, the one-on-one is the vital part. It’s the real human connection that matters here; even when naughty bits aren’t touching, we want to know we are in touch with another person. This is something many phone sex operators know well. And not just those of “yesteryear”, but those who thrive today, many of whom have expanded their phone sex to be true digital courtesans.

This desire to connect, human to human, isn’t limited to body parts only. Not even when we just want to get off. And the tech world, its columnists included, would be wise to realize it.

PS Also, please stop bashing everything that’s “old” or from “yesteryear”; doggy-style & missionary have been around forever and they still fuckin’ work.

Image Credits: Romantic robots, Steadfast & True by Leuckit.

ancient rome doggy style sex

The Science of Sex

See on Scoop.itLet’s Get Sex Positive

The journalist on researching lust, the myth of female monogamy, and why “voyeurism is essential to good writing.”

 

…Among the lessons Bergner says he gleaned from his research is that “women’s desire—its inherent range and innate power—is an underestimated and constrained force.” More controversially, he makes the case that “one of our most comforting assumptions, soothing perhaps above all to men but clung to by both sexes, that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale.”

Gracie Passette‘s insight:

Fabulous!

See on www.guernicamag.com

Know The Fundamentals: Sex & Relationship Facts Rant

I’m back from vacation, and, reading the news, I guess I’m not as rested as I thought; I’ve got more Grrr than Prrr.

I’m not sure what bothers me more: people freaking out over Fifty Shades of Grey ~ more precisely the idea of women liking to be submissive, or the stereotype of men as biologically designed to cheat. (Those links are just tips of icebergs I have no patience to fully research and document to the depths for you; feel free to do so yourself.)

On the subject of the former, I’ve not read Fifty Shades of Grey. Or even bothered to listen to Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart read from it. But since when do the acts, opinions, and erotic dreams of characters in books matter so much?

The book’s popularity is much based in love of the forbidden ~ both the sexual taboos and the feminist ire ~ as it is actual interest of men and women interested in the fantasy of female sexual slavery, sadism, etc. Some of the fantasies will be sated just be reading; others will act on them too. Yes, there are people, female people, who love being dominated sexually and punished physically for erotic and romantic satisfaction. Like desiring acts of chivalry, this does not make them any less feminist. Nor does it make their male partners misogynistic bastards.

We can all have sexual fantasies; we can even act on them. Proper good and feminist or not. The brain and the genitals want what they want. So long as no one is (truly) hurt, who gives a fuck? …Well, a partner should literally give a fuck, of course. But otherwise, it’s nobody’s damn business.

The range of human (and emotional) sexuality goes deeper than orientation and gender identification ~ something some of us seem to be struggling with more now than ever before. *heavy sigh* But get over it people. Face the facts. If you need help, I, of course, recommend, our book on BDSM.

As for the “men are wired to cheat” mythos, well, I told you to watch Why is Sex Fun? on the Discovery Channel.

There’s plenty of biological evidence ~ real science, y’all, to prove that human beings are designed and rewarded for pairing and bonding. It’s not just some purely Victorian construct of romance, perpetuated by love songs, that keeps us searching for our Mr. and Ms. Right. We were created, as biological animals, not only to “cum” together and generate offspring, but to come together emotionally and support one another for the survival of ourselves, our offspring, our species. This is achieved by everything from orgasms which physically direct sperm to eggs (both male and females do that, by the way), to the reactions which bond us not only chemically but in memory.

We are in fact wired to find good mates and rewarded to stay with them.

Even if there are no offspring. (Hear that, heteros?)

This is why we suffer loneliness.

Yes, there is a question as to whether the reward systems and bonds between mates are designed to last an entire adult lifetime; even if greatly assisted by current cultural supports/expectations. However, there is nothing to biologically suggest cheating.

Cheating is a betrayal; it is not the drive or biological imperative to foster a greater number of viable offspring. Cheating is destruction. It is a lack of respect for biology and souls.

Perpetuating such mythinformation that a man needs to cheat is bullshit. It’s just as damaging to men as it is to women. It enslaves us, and not in that good kind of kinky way.

All this sort of crap sets up humankind to fail. And I don’t just mean the breeding aspect. Whatever our gender, orientation, cultural and financial backgrounds, religious beliefs or pleasurable erotic fantasies, we all have to get along somehow. Understanding and acceptance of differences which ultimately have no harm is the real fundamental approach.