Onaholes: The More The Merrier?

Hey, Hannah Smothers & Cosmo, if you think that the 3fap three-hole masturbation toy for men is confusing and upsetting, well, you must have missed this Fucking Ageist Cantaloupe Sex Toy from six years ago.

While the 3fap offers three holes (mouth, vagina, & ass) the Wet Sucker Setsugekka Orgy Onahole suggests an orgy of one man with at least three different women who each will wait their turns… There are three pussy onaholes, each representing three a woman of a different age, and one, apparently ageless, asshole.

The Setsugekka predates the 3fap by six years.

See Also: What’s an onahole?

Satisfying Women Sexually May Be Complicated, But It Creates Male Superheros

Every once and awhile, sex studies align like planets to produce a clear sign. This week, it’s all about female orgasms. Hip-hip-whore-ay!

The first study to hit my news-feed was from the Indiana University, Chapman University, and Claremont Graduate University which announced that straight women have fewest orgasms. If you are a straight woman, this likely does not surprise you.

The fact that lesbian women orgasmed more often than heterosexual women indicates that many heterosexual women could experience higher rates of orgasm.

Which is a really nice way of saying that men are not always the best lovers. Again, if you are a straight woman this likely doesn’t surprise you.

The second bit I found in my news-feed may help: Apparently There are 12 Female Orgasms:

Cliteral Orgasm
Vaginal/G-Spot Orgasm
Blended Orgasm
Multiple Orgasms
Anal Orgasm
Sleep-Gasm (a.k.a ‘Snore-gasm’)
Cervical Orgasm
U-Spot Orgasm
A-Spot Orgasm
Nipple Orgasm
Core-Gasm
Expanded Sexual Response

It’s not just the use of the word “apparently” which indicates the number and variation of female orgasms is news to many ~ but the reactions to it.

Reactions from too many women and men was astonishment. Many men rather blew off the notion with snide little comments about how complicated female sexuality is. Your ignorance is showing, gents! (You can hide it in jokes, gents, but we still know your ignorance ~ and even resentment is there!) And while it would be really easy for me to dive down that rabbit hole of male ignorance, I won’t. Not so much because I am nice (You likely know better! *wink*), but because if I get caught up in such talk, heterosexual women will continue to be less satisfied in bed. And I can’t stand that idea! So, I will avoid that rabbit hole of male shame and get down to the business of making women’s holes happier.

However, it seems that male ego may just be the key here to women’s happiness!

Research suggests that women’s orgasms may function as a masculinity achievement for men. Yup, you read that right; hetrosexual men feel better about themselves when they can make women come. As clinical psychologist & sex therapist Dr. David J. Ley noted in a tweet, getting a woman to orgasm makes a man feel like a superhero.

To all the men out there who feel confused and down-right confounded on how to pleasure a woman ~ let alone in a dozen ways ~ take this apparently surprising news and turn it into a challenge. Learn how to please a woman ~ and earn that superhero cape!

It’s not just you, your ego, and your dick which will grow with pride either. You and your partner will grow closer, and the amount of sex you have will also grow. It really is a win-win.

Need some help? Some sex ed tips to help you improve your lady’s sex life? Dick Dojo has an entire video series on the subject ~ and, from now through March 12, 2017, their Bedroom Black Belt Series of ebooks are free!

The course covers everything from cock control (so you don’t experience premature ejaculation) to making the most of your mouth and hands. It’s Kung Fu for your cock ~ and sure to help you feel like a sexual superhero. But you may have to put the cape on by yourself; if you’ve earned it, she’ll be too tired to help. *wink*

Flashback Friday: Eek! He’ll See Me Nude!

Circa 2004, comes this bit of body image sex positivity

I don’t know what all the fuss is about, kids, but lately Gracie has received some emails from women ~ frantic women who are worried about how they look in bed to their partners.

Read it for what’s more likely to be going on in your partner’s head than your fears.

Good Parenting

Vanessa Fuchs, proprietress of adult store Sassy Sensations, shares a story:

Fifteen years ago, a visibly uncomfortable woman came into one of her stores looking for help. But she wasn’t there for herself; she was looking for a sex toy for her daughter that would allow her to experiment with her sexuality in a safe way.

“To tell you the truth, I had tears in my eyes. The other customers who were walking around and overheard, had tears in their eyes,” says Fuchs. “I said, ‘You’re amazing. I admire that you don’t feel comfortable in a store like this, and yet you came for the benefit of your daughter.’”

Now that’s sex positive parenting.

Stop Spitting On That Asshole, Fucker

Not to be too anal… We do mean this post title quite literally; but since we’d never advocate for spitting on persons one might call (or wish to call) an asshole, if you’re doing that, you should stop that too.

Bill Bailey fucks Asian-American coed Yhivi in the assWe all know those porn scenes where the dude spits on the girl’s asshole before plowing into it. Or he makes the girl suck his cock, getting it all wet with drool, before he fucks her in the ass.

This is done a lot in BDSM fantasy porn, especially in spontaneous gang-bangs, public humiliation sex, etc. ~ the story being, “Who would think ahead and bring the lube?” Truthfully though, this use of spit as lube for anal sex is done in gay, lesbian, bi, queer, and all sorts of other porn, erotica, and real world sex too ~ whether the plowing is done by a cock, sex toy, or some other object. (And we shouldn’t forget about the spittle involved in masturbatory anal play too.)

man spits on man's asshole gay pornHowever, according to the results of a study recently published in the Sexually Transmitted Infections journal, using saliva for anal sex is a real risk factor for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), like rectal gonorrhoea.

While this study focused on men who have sex with men (MSM), it’s important for all to note the study’s findings:

Almost half of rectal gonorrhoea cases may be eliminated if MSM stopped using partner’s saliva for anal sex.

That’s a pretty damn significant finding.

Especially as the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that several STIs which were once thought to be on the verge of extinction have recently reemerged ~ and this change is thought to be partially related to an increase in STIs of the anus and rectum.

Goddess Sonyas Ebony Mistress spits in subs assWise ass-fuckers, and the smart-asses ~ err, smart owners of the asses which are drilled, know that lube is vital for anal sex.

A) Rectums do not self-lubricate.

B) The tissue inside the anus is far more delicate than regular, external skin, as our external tissue has layers of dead cells which serve as a natural protective barrier against infection.

Thus, anal sex without lubrication can result in chafing and even tearing of the rectal walls. And even the smallest micro-tears and abrasions can increase the risk of STD/STI transmission, including HIV. Which means that long after your asshole feels better, or is back to normal, you might still have health problems. As the NCBI notes, many anorectal infections go undiagnosed for so long simply because people are asymptomatic (show no symptoms).

messy_anal_spit_pornYet, many people feel that saliva is “good enough” as a lubricant for anal sex. It’s not. It is neither thick enough to really cushion (poor viscosity), nor is it long lasting enough for the “slip” to last. So it is poor protection. Plus, saliva has its own health issues.

Sure, most of us realize that we have dirty mouths. I don’t just mean dirty sex talk pouring from our lips, but the fact that our mouths are not the cleanest places. Far from it. Human mouths are warm, wet inviting places… Inviting to far more than our lovers too; our far-from-sterile mouths are inviting to bacteria. Anywhere from 500 to 1,000 different types of bacteria are living and reproducing in our mouths. However, since we French or open mouth kiss, we rarely consider how saliva transmits diseases. Butt but it does, even in anal sex.

Hence the need for specific lubes for anal sex, especially gel versions. Lubes and lubricated condoms are not just for that erotic slick-feeling, for arousal or comfort, or birth control, you know; lubrication is also for tissue protection.

tanya tate spitting into a girls ass lesbianHowever, this does not mean that those of you who have spit fetishes, humiliation needs, etc. can’t continue to hock or receive that loogie, at least every now and then. Nor should you worry about using a bit of spit to ease a warm-up finger in, or the safety of saliva when rimming.

For the study concluded spit in the rectum is not inherently bad:

Receptive rimming and fingering or penis dipping were not statistically associated with rectal gonorrhoea.

What this study shows is that it’s far healthier to use personal lubricants than to rely on spit for penetrative anal sex ~ and, technically, man-on-man penis-in-the-ass sex. However, I wouldn’t count on my gender saving my ass.

You can still use spit for a bit of foreplay and, carefully, for fetish fun too. Just count on some properly selected anal lube for the real ass-fucking fun.

And, of course, don’t forget the condoms and other safe sex practices in general when you and/or your partner(s) are not monogamous, are untested, etc. Is it better to be safe than sorry? You bet your ass it is.

Image Credits: In the order they appear… Bill Bailey & Yhivi in Anal Young’uns 4 (yes, he does spit on her asshole first in the flick!); Edji Da Silva and Tyler Wolf from Popping D.O.’s Cherry, Audtions 48 (Lucas Entertainment also makes a lube!); Goddess Sonya’s Ebony Mistress Theater at Ethnic Kink;  Alysha Rylee, Melody Jordan, & Mike Adriano in The Spit and The Speculum 2; Tanya Tate spitting into some woman’s asshole, unknown film/work via.

Of Boobs On My Twitter Timeline & Women’s Rights

I met an old friend for lunch today. As is the new polite norm for such lunches, he took a moment to deal with messages on his phone before putting turning it off & putting it back in his pocket. Since he’s been around long enough to know about me & my previous work as an escort, I used that time to check in on Twitter. It is, after all, International Sex Worker Rights Day (similar to International Whores’ Day, International Sex Worker Rights Day is held on March 3rd, the anniversary of the 2001 festival held by 25,000 Indian sex workers). Because this is such an important day, my friend finished his phone check before I ~ prompting him to take a peek at my phone.

Him, with a wink and a whine: I like it better when your timeline is full of boobs.

Me, with playful exasperation: You want more Trump? More sex worker “rescue”?

Him, terrified at my response, using small words & precise language so that I can comprehend: No! Real breasts. Implants are fine too.

He punctuates his thoughts with an eyebrow wiggle.

I arch an eyebrow as a warning.

Him, a bit alarmed: What?

amazing rack of kaylee pond camgirlMe, after a sigh: All those boobs you want to see, well, they are attached to women–

Him, interrupting: Yes, but they are choosing to bare them–

Me, interrupting: Yes, yes they are. But every woman who opts to flash some cleavage or completely bare herself has to fight for that right. Whether she’s a cam girl, a porn star or indie porn maker, an escort promoting herself, or “just” (I did use air quotes) a woman who wants to show them off for whatever reason of the moment ~ any woman who does so faces consequences.

This is not just about being ogled or objectified ~ not even about being denigrated or slut-shamed for it. Aside from the cultural reactions, social consequences, there are legal constraints as well. If a woman cannot even expose her breasts to feed a baby, what do you think happens when she flashes them on Twitter? Not to mention that Twitter is one of the few social media sites which even allow such things…

But if a woman cannot, under the law, freely choose to sell sex services, then how much does any woman control her own body? If sex workers cannot actually consent to how we opt to display or use our bodies, how can we expect any woman to be able to control her own genitals, her reproductive rights?

We see the erosion of all sorts of rights ~ every day there’s new legislation, another story of violence, more proof of how unsafe it is to be a sexually autonomous woman. This is why sex worker rights are women’s rights. It is all about feminism. It is about LGBTQ rights. It’s about sexual autonomy, the right to control our bodies, no matter our religion, color, race, whatever you think divides us. Sexual autonomy for all is about equality for all.

Him, silent and clearly sorry he brought it up. Perhaps wondering just why he wanted to lunch with his opinionated female friend…

I let it all sink in for a minute.

Me, calming down from my rant, trying to be more concise: All those breasts you want to see? They are attached to women who are fighting for so many rights. So, yeah, my timeline has lots of “angry” stuff too. To me, those stupid people and ideas are the real “boobs.” Because all of that bullshit affects women’s lives. Every. Day. And all of that affects whether or not pics of breasts are even taken to be shown on Twitter.

Him, nodding: I get it.

Me, arching my eyebrow again: So really, you should be thanking me for posting and sharing all that other stuff too. Because it supports the women who show off their breasts to you. And you should be supporting that stuff too.

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

Me, admonishing him gently while tossing him a kinder bone to chew on: Oh, and by the way, you’d better be paying for your porn too. Just as you will this lunch.

Of course he did.

Reading List:

Along with coverage of sex work & sex workers here, here, and here, please read the following:

#SexWorkerRightsDay on Twitter

Breasts Are Complicated

Pay For Your Porn

Image Credits: The spectacular rack of one of my fav cam girls, Ms Kaylee Pond. Via her Tumblr ~ and to pay for your porn, see her on cam here!

Creepy & Complex Sexual Discussions In The News Part Two (Trigger Warning)

It wasn’t until David Bowie passed that I heard about how he had slept with an underage girl.

At the age of 15, Lori Mattix was a self-described groupie in the 70s ~ a groupie who lost her virginity to David Bowie. Last November, in an interview at the Thrillist, the adult Mattix seemed fine about it. Even when Thrillist reporter Michael Kaplan pressed her about it, she seemed dreamily happy, gushing, “Who wouldn’t want to lose their virginity to David Bowie?”

Mattix’s stories of her groupie years, deflowering, and age have varied over the years ~ which is not stated here to cast doubt on her claims, but to point out that she clearly hasn’t viewed her sexual activities with Bowie (or others) to be rape or anything remotely close to it. But, as told in the Thrillist piece, Mattix was a minor and Bowie was not. So even with Mattix agreeing and desiring to have sex with Bowie, her age removes her legal ability to consent. This would make Bowie guilty, ethically if not legally, of statutory rape.

Yes, I know; we all took David Bowie’s death pretty hard. But I’m not posting this about Bowie per se…. I mean, sure, there are definitely implications and conversations we should be having regarding celebrities and abuse. And we do have some consumer power we can wield. But the real issues I am looking at in this conversation are the rights of young people to have any sexual autonomy, who decides who is victimized, and how autonomy and victimization impact one another.

While there are laws that specify ages at which a person is “adult enough” to legally consent, even those which outline what sorts of authoritative relationships render sexual acts as abuse, we all know that there is no magic age at which every person automatically becomes a mature adult. It’s clear ~ or damn well ought to be!~ that infants and young children are not in any sort of position to make decisions about their sexual lives, outside of masturbation, anyway (which is why the “part one” post is so upsetting). But at what point do we give young adults the power to make decisions about their own bodies and sexual needs?

At Medium, Jes Skolnik, survivor of child sexual abuse, writes poignantly about the Bowie situation from her point of view:

[Mattix] does not view herself as a victim. This does not excuse the fact that Bowie had sex with her when she was underage, but we need to allow survivors the ability to define our own realities and speak our own experiences. We can believe it was on him, as the adult, not to have sex with her, and we can understand the context for his actions without excusing them.

I had sexual contact with a lot of men inappropriately older than me when I was 13 and 14. 22, 23, 24, 25, 26-year-old men. Sometimes I initiated it; sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I felt coerced; sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I was forcibly raped. Sometimes these men used the power that they had as musicians I admired to appeal to me. Sometimes I was manipulated. Sometimes I wasn’t. I wanted to be loved; I wanted to be desired. I felt that sex was all I had to offer. This is clearly based on my own history as a survivor of child sexual abuse. You learn early on how to be used, how to offer yourself. That is what grooming does.

Were these men ethically wrong? Yes.

Do I feel that I was abused? Only in the situations where I felt forced or coerced. Which, again, was not all of them. Some of those relationships, even with uneven power dynamics involved, felt real, and mutual, and loving. I look back on them and don’t know how to feel about them. They are part of my life.

Were they pedophiles? Some of them. Some of them had a history of going after inappropriately young girls. Some of them didn’t. Some of them found themselves with me as an anomaly. Not everyone who commits statutory rape is a pedophile, someone who seeks out such encounters and has a significant pattern of doing so.

Others, including Mistress Matisse & Alex Morgan, added to the story on Twitter, addressing the issues of age, consent, and victim’s rights:

When does a child become adult enough to consent?

In some cultures and points in history, a girl was considered a woman when she began her menstrual cycle… Of course, with today’s diet, toxins, and changing parenting styles, adopting such a stance would make some six year old girls legal adults. And what about boys? When would they be considered adult men?

Do two fumbling 14 year-olds having sex make it less abusive simply because neither of them can know better under the law?

We should all seem able to agree that a victim’s opinion matters ~ but even there, people disagree. Many voice the “If she was too young to consent, she was too young to know better at the time ~ and whatever her memory of the event, it is permanently flawed by her age and trauma” sentiments.

These are complicated ideas, fraught with strong feelings. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be struggling with them. On the contrary. We should endeavor to struggle through these nuanced issues because of the strong feelings evoked.

In a rather odd way, even after death, Bowie continues to challenge us, make us take a look at what rules ought to be bent or broken.

Creepy & Complex Sexual Discussions In The News Part One (Trigger Warning)

Recently, The Atlantic covered the story of Shin Takagi and his company, Trottla, which produces life-like child sex dolls. Yes, you read & understood that correctly; Takagi produces life-like child sex dolls for pedophiles.

Takagi believes, though there is no data to support this, that by offering such dolls he is “helping people express their desires, legally and ethically.” Others, such as Peter Fagan from the John Hopkins School of Medicine, are skeptical and believe that contact with Trottla’s products would likely have a “reinforcing effect” on pedophilic ideation and “in many instances, cause it to be acted upon with greater urgency.” However, it should be noted too that the research Fagan cites to support such conclusions is based on offenders, leaving it unclear as to whether the effects would be different for non-offenders.

While Takagi and Trottla have been selling the dolls for over a decade, the controversial dolls are news to many. [Don’t worry, I won’t be showing you any of these dolls. It’s not just because Trottla’s website forbids reproduction of the images, “including the news,” but because they do more than creep me out. They make me ill. I won’t even link to Takagi’s website. For more info, see this Vice interview with Takagi from 2013 ~ when he insisted they were not sex dolls.]

One of the most outspoken and strident voices on Twitter to these dolls was Domina, and fetish Goddess, Vivian Martin. Among her choice tweets was this series on the entitlement and lack of self-control men have regarding their sexual urges ~ and how best to handle such things via castration:

Normally, I’m all for sexual fantasy play ~ but in this case, I’m with Martin.

Babies & children have no ability to give consent and creating sexual gratification devices in their image is more than unsettling. As the article in The Atlantic states, there is little study in this area. Until then, shouldn’t we all err on the side of sanity, if not caution? And, as Martin points out, why would it be legal or acceptable for a man to even role play his sexual urges with minors? This at a time when women’s rights to reproductive health and sexual autonomy are so limited?

This is enough to digest for now, leave comments if you are able; stay tuned for part two…

You’re 7 Days Behind…

30-day-masturbation-challenge-anna-sudit-opener-02You, yes you, are seven days behind if you want to take Refinery29’s 30-Day Masturbation Challenge.

This challenge is about more than self-pleasure; it’s a self-improvement challenge, using sex ed to improve your sex life. But we’re fine with it just being about masturbation. And I’m OK with doing it more than once a day too. Even if I started on time ~ even when the month, and the challenge, ends.

Traveling With Kids This Holiday? Be Prepared! (Or, It Doesn’t Matter What Gender Your Kids Are, You Should Be Present)

Since we’re always trying to make your life better, here’s another classic holiday helpful from Sex Kitten.

This tip is a great reminder to prepare yourself for what can happen during holiday travel. It doesn’t matter if you are flying across the country, just driving ten minutes, or if you are going over the river & through the woods to grandmother’s house; if you have kids along, be prepared from unexpected, perhaps even unseemly questions. Don’t take my word for it; look what happened to Bryanne Salazar:

My sons and I were in the car driving home from Target, when my oldest, then 12, asked, “Hey mom, do girls actually have orgasms?”

Thankfully, Salazar was alone with her boys in a car; this sort of question cause additional discomfort on a fully packed 747 when your worries include being overheard by everyone from sexually frustrated frequent fliers, prudes, and parents who are protective of their own youngster’s sex education.

girls-orgasmsAs with most parenting issues, it is easy to say “be prepared for the unexpected” ~ less easy to know how to be prepared for what you are not expecting. However, in this case, Salazar would have been better prepared ~ or even avoided this whole situation ~ if she has simply been present for the sex ed conversation her husband had had with her kids. But she ducked out of that one, playing the gender card, believing men should teach boys about sex.

Salazar doesn’t mention how old her boys were; but I’m of the opinion that if boys are ready to hear about male orgasms, including how to clean up after one, they ought to be told about female orgasms. And vice versa.

Sure, female orgasms are a lot more complicated, which adds to the length of the sex talk. But perhaps if all children learned about female orgasms, those orgasms could be a lot less complicated. And achieved more often.

Image Credits: Lefteris Heretakis.