Throwback Thursday: Controlling Parts Is Controlling The Sum Of Its Parts

Controlling Parts Is Controlling The Sum Of Its Parts was published here on SK on 08/27/2008; sadly, it is still relevant.

Snippet:

When bodies & their parts are controlled, we diminish not only autonomy in the physical and legal sense, but the constraints send the message to all that those beings those bodies & parts belong to are not free & equal beings.

Of The Singles Sex Survey & My Fashion Preditions

The 7th annual Singles in America survey is out. Among the top findings: 34% of singles have had sex before a first date, but Millennials are 48% more likely to have sex before a first date than all other generations of singles.

Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist and chief science adviser for Match (who funds the study), says this is because Millennials are “career focused”.

“I think they are very career oriented, so sex before the first date could be a sex interview, where they want to know if they want to spend time with this person.”

You read that right; sex before the first date could be some sort of screening process in which you try out the position(s) before you can get to the first round of actual relationship interviews.

If you think this is a more cosmopolitan “milk for free” proposition that you need to wrap your head about, just accept it as causal sex or even hook-up culture.

[If you really want to delve into this, check out Lisa Wade’s American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, available on the 15th; a Huff-Po‘s coverage here.]

At Unicorn Booty, certified sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson makes this comment:

“It’s sort of a mixed message because on one hand people judge potential sexual partners based on social media posts, but then they also want them to put (their phones) down,” Anderson says. “It’s kind of a love-hate relationship.”

I’ll help you out, Anderson. It’s not a love-hate thing; it’s a matter of priorities and attention. Who the hell wants to be on a date with a person who is more interested in their phones?

Answer: No one.

Relationships require attention and care.

My favorite finding from the survey? A cracked or otherwise shabby cell phone is a similar to the ripped dungarees of earlier generations, showing a level of slovenly poverty that turns folks off. Ripped jeans were once a sign of lack of care ~ great grandma would wrinkle her nose at the notion of ripped jeans as a fashion statement. If you cared about yourself and who you were with when you wore them, you’d mend those! And so it is with today’s thoughts on mobile phones.

But now ripped jeans are considered sexy. We changed:

Ever since the acid-wash-80’s, when as a culture we abandoned physical labor and the look of hard work and a rugged sense of poverty was seen as anti-establishment, holes in your jeans have been cool.

So, I can’t help but wonder when the signs of tattered phones will be de rigueur with rebellion and giving a finger to The Man…

Prepare yourself for the ability to pay ~ and pay extra! ~ for shabby looking cellphones, so that we can all look like we’re too cool to care about the damages our rock n roll lifestyles do to our phones.

Of course, when we buy them so distressed, it will be strategic cracks and fractures that won’t affect the ability of the phone or gadget to work; they’ll just look like we don’t care. And that’s so sexy!

Oh, come on, we’re all so bougie and you know it.

Image Credits: Couple wearing ripped jeans; Wiberlux Philipp Plein Seventy Eight Metal Detail Destroyed Denim Jeans.

Stop Spitting On That Asshole, Fucker

Not to be too anal… We do mean this post title quite literally; but since we’d never advocate for spitting on persons one might call (or wish to call) an asshole, if you’re doing that, you should stop that too.

Bill Bailey fucks Asian-American coed Yhivi in the assWe all know those porn scenes where the dude spits on the girl’s asshole before plowing into it. Or he makes the girl suck his cock, getting it all wet with drool, before he fucks her in the ass.

This is done a lot in BDSM fantasy porn, especially in spontaneous gang-bangs, public humiliation sex, etc. ~ the story being, “Who would think ahead and bring the lube?” Truthfully though, this use of spit as lube for anal sex is done in gay, lesbian, bi, queer, and all sorts of other porn, erotica, and real world sex too ~ whether the plowing is done by a cock, sex toy, or some other object. (And we shouldn’t forget about the spittle involved in masturbatory anal play too.)

man spits on man's asshole gay pornHowever, according to the results of a study recently published in the Sexually Transmitted Infections journal, using saliva for anal sex is a real risk factor for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or sexually transmitted infections (STIs), like rectal gonorrhoea.

While this study focused on men who have sex with men (MSM), it’s important for all to note the study’s findings:

Almost half of rectal gonorrhoea cases may be eliminated if MSM stopped using partner’s saliva for anal sex.

That’s a pretty damn significant finding.

Especially as the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that several STIs which were once thought to be on the verge of extinction have recently reemerged ~ and this change is thought to be partially related to an increase in STIs of the anus and rectum.

Goddess Sonyas Ebony Mistress spits in subs assWise ass-fuckers, and the smart-asses ~ err, smart owners of the asses which are drilled, know that lube is vital for anal sex.

A) Rectums do not self-lubricate.

B) The tissue inside the anus is far more delicate than regular, external skin, as our external tissue has layers of dead cells which serve as a natural protective barrier against infection.

Thus, anal sex without lubrication can result in chafing and even tearing of the rectal walls. And even the smallest micro-tears and abrasions can increase the risk of STD/STI transmission, including HIV. Which means that long after your asshole feels better, or is back to normal, you might still have health problems. As the NCBI notes, many anorectal infections go undiagnosed for so long simply because people are asymptomatic (show no symptoms).

messy_anal_spit_pornYet, many people feel that saliva is “good enough” as a lubricant for anal sex. It’s not. It is neither thick enough to really cushion (poor viscosity), nor is it long lasting enough for the “slip” to last. So it is poor protection. Plus, saliva has its own health issues.

Sure, most of us realize that we have dirty mouths. I don’t just mean dirty sex talk pouring from our lips, but the fact that our mouths are not the cleanest places. Far from it. Human mouths are warm, wet inviting places… Inviting to far more than our lovers too; our far-from-sterile mouths are inviting to bacteria. Anywhere from 500 to 1,000 different types of bacteria are living and reproducing in our mouths. However, since we French or open mouth kiss, we rarely consider how saliva transmits diseases. Butt but it does, even in anal sex.

Hence the need for specific lubes for anal sex, especially gel versions. Lubes and lubricated condoms are not just for that erotic slick-feeling, for arousal or comfort, or birth control, you know; lubrication is also for tissue protection.

tanya tate spitting into a girls ass lesbianHowever, this does not mean that those of you who have spit fetishes, humiliation needs, etc. can’t continue to hock or receive that loogie, at least every now and then. Nor should you worry about using a bit of spit to ease a warm-up finger in, or the safety of saliva when rimming.

For the study concluded spit in the rectum is not inherently bad:

Receptive rimming and fingering or penis dipping were not statistically associated with rectal gonorrhoea.

What this study shows is that it’s far healthier to use personal lubricants than to rely on spit for penetrative anal sex ~ and, technically, man-on-man penis-in-the-ass sex. However, I wouldn’t count on my gender saving my ass.

You can still use spit for a bit of foreplay and, carefully, for fetish fun too. Just count on some properly selected anal lube for the real ass-fucking fun.

And, of course, don’t forget the condoms and other safe sex practices in general when you and/or your partner(s) are not monogamous, are untested, etc. Is it better to be safe than sorry? You bet your ass it is.

Image Credits: In the order they appear… Bill Bailey & Yhivi in Anal Young’uns 4 (yes, he does spit on her asshole first in the flick!); Edji Da Silva and Tyler Wolf from Popping D.O.’s Cherry, Audtions 48 (Lucas Entertainment also makes a lube!); Goddess Sonya’s Ebony Mistress Theater at Ethnic Kink;  Alysha Rylee, Melody Jordan, & Mike Adriano in The Spit and The Speculum 2; Tanya Tate spitting into some woman’s asshole, unknown film/work via.

Who Doesn’t Want A Man Servant?

Remember last year when we told you about that imaginary boyfriend service? Well, there’s an even better service now, which employs humans, not bots: Man Service. Vice‘s Broadly gave us the alert:

While they state that this is not a sexual service, one just has to laugh. First, the fact that you’re not paying for sex is what all escort services say, so as to avoid illegalities. Ditto BDSM service providers. But, really, even if you and your escort, or dungeon master, never do the nasty deed together, the reality is that such things feed your sex life. Even if only via masturbation fantasies. (And, remember, masturbation is sex!)

The real clue here is the emphasis on intimacy. Sure, you can clean up the dirty side by referring to the female clients as “professionals” ~ but the added “with little time to meet men” and “paying for relationships” lines place us right back at paid companionship which is escorting!

While there are plenty of studies and jokes about women getting turned on by men doing housework, these man servants aren’t like the smarmy versions of Deuce Bigalow pushing a vacuum that you may have in your mind…

deuce bigalow lederhosen

Yeah, as you can tell by the gratuitous use of that specific Rob Schneider / Bigalow pic, I’m still on that lederhosen kick! But, no, Man Servants are not like that.

While Man Servants may vacuum, do the dishes, and take out the trash without complaining ~ and compliment you as he does it ~ he’ll be dressed for your fantasies: “Dressed to the nines in his signature suit and pocket square. No banana hammocks here.”

Apparently, the folks at Man Servants decided this was the female fantasy version of the classic male Fi-Fi the French Maid fantasy.

(Have we come a long way, baby? I’m sure other feminists and feminist bloggers will chime in, with many saying, “No, this is not feminism!”)

Oh, and Man Servant services include other female fantasy offerings as well:

man servant duties

But whether the guy is vacuuming, massaging you ~ even without a promised happy ending, or just arm candy, and then goes away, no string attached, until the if or when you hire him again, he is in the business of for-hire companionship. I repeat, that is exactly what escorting is.

This, my friends, is sex work.

This is where many of the feminists I imagine (for I am not going to go look for them), will take great issue. Sadly, many feminists are anti sex work. Even when sex work is all about female autonomy & women’s rights. *sigh*

Regardless of such complaints, this business is mainstream. And it’s real. Even if only limited to a few major cities so far.

Now, the remaining question is this: If such male escorting services are becoming more mainstream and acceptable, is this a step forward for sex work in general?

Fetish Art You Can Wear ~ If You Dare!

What’s better than sexy fetish art? Why wearable fetish art, of course! It’s like fun fetish fashions you can actually wear ~ and move in! Here’s some fantastically fun kinky wearable art from fetish & kink illustrator Siobhan. You can find these in her shop: TheThingsIDraw.

kneel bitch tee

femme fatale tank art by thethingsidraw

My favorite is the “Roses are red, Violets are blue. And soon the bruises on your butt will be too!” pencil skirt. Yes, the ass is on the back of the skirt too!

bdsm pencil skirt

kinky black pencil skirt

My Husband Is Bisexual! Now What?

Today we welcome a guest into our Sex Kitten Parlor to discuss his personal story… Peter is a relationship & sex writer for TheGayUk magazine. He is in a loving marriage with Michael; the couple resides in Brisbane, Australia. Besides writing, Peter loves cooking, reading, and travelling around exotic destinations. His future plans revolve around starting up his personal couple counseling business.

A long time ago, in a land far far away there lived a Prince. He was charming, handsome, smart and rich – a real catch. Then, one day – he went to a ball in search of his soul mate. That’s when he instantly fell in love with a Princess, the most beautiful of all. Their eyes met and it was love that would last forever and ever… at least, that’s what we are told. Truth is, this glorified Prince had probably had another prince on the side already, the Princess had probably had an elf or another princess to fool around with too, but Disney never told us about that, did he now? Sure, it’s always easier to live an illusion than face reality. Until it slaps you in the face.

We all love and fall, we all hurt. It’s how we overcome it, and how strongly we decide to love again what counts.

wedding coupleDiscovering your partner is something you never thought would be absolutely nerve-wrecking. From small things, like realizing they’ve been lying to you the whole time when saying they went golfing with their friends (when they’ve actually been taking a break from the family life every Wednesday and Friday) to realizing your significant other has preferences towards the other sex. Naturally, these two are incomparable but it’s all betrayal and betrayal is difficult on plenty of levels. Finding out your partner is bisexual? Horrible.

When it happened to me and my husband I was destroyed; a mashup of feelings I’d never felt until then suffocated me to a point I felt like I couldn’t breathe. It was the worst feeling of my life, in all honesty. And the way I found out? Not that pleasant either.

We were at this party our friends threw (it’s their thing, they throw it every last Saturday in a month and all of our friends gather, we bring home-cooked food and deserts, bottles of wine are opened and we just enjoy our night away) and my husband started chatting with this girl, who was quite attractive, I must admit. She was new in the crowd, recently moved in next door to our friends’, so they invited her over. At first, I thought they were just being friendly, but once the leaning in started and his flirting I knew something was up. But, I was confused as she was, well, a girl and he was-gay. That is, was supposed to be gay. I started recalling all the small signs from before, I so successfully (and intentionally) ignored but did bury deep into my subconsciousness thinking they’d be safe there.

When we came home, I immediately confronted him. At first, he started denying it but then he cracked. He started crying, I could read the immense pain in his body language for hurting me and the inexplicable relief at the same time, for getting it off his chest. So he admitted he is bisexual and what was I supposed to do with that? Was our 7-year-long marriage a lie? Did he ever love me? Was I a decoy for something, God knows what? I was frozen with shock yet a burning flame in my mind and soul.

The morning after – I left the house and called in sick. I needed some time away and a proper detachment to clear my head (read: sleep or cry when I am awake, then drink and exercise my strength not to call him when all I wanted was to scream his name and tell him how much I despise him and love him still).

After I’ve managed to put together a few days without calling him, I’ve decided it’s time I picked myself up and figured out what was happening to me. To us. At the time, it was all so confusing, so mind boggling that it seemed like there was no way out. I wasn’t ready to let go, I’ve spent some of the best years of my life with this man. I’ve given him my soul, my body, my mind… I’ve surrendered my entire being to him and to me – that was more than enough a reason to try and fight this.

However, there was no one to talk to. I felt humiliated and pretty much in a dead-end. I mean, who could have I turned to and hope they would help? Nobody could understand what I was feeling.

The only thing that came to my mind was to try and Google it, see if there were any studies on this done, read through what the experts had to say. And, to my surprise, once I started Googling it, it turned out it was a rather common problem plenty a couple was dealing with. Not that I would ever want such a heartache on anyone but when I realized there were other couples in the same or similar jam as I was, I felt a relief. Not a relief because they were suffering, but because it meant I’d be able to find a solution for my situation. Who knew being bisexual hit so many marriages!

I knew I didn’t want to leave him but I was aware there will be something for him to stay happy and content. Something absolutely out of the box.

After reading articles and articles of people with similar experiences to mine, I’ve stumbled upon a reference that lead me to a company called Red Door escort agency which, I’d later find out, was a highly professional and trustworthy environment offering the best escort service and utmost pleasure. Apparently, it was highly ranked with so many couples trusting it for support and a solution. So I thought, I’ll go check it out, what’s the worst that could happen!

I’ve arranged the meeting thinking the sooner I get it over with, the better. On my way there, I was sweating, my brain was pulsating, my mouth was dry and I genuinely felt sick to my stomach with the whole situation I was going through. Was I really not enough?

Nonetheless, once I got there, a sense of calm overwhelmed me. I was blown away with professionalism and amicability of the people who welcomed me. Contrary to my expectations (I’d honestly expected a Red District situation), the atmosphere was warm and cozy, a dignified ambiance followed by an expert approach – what more could I ask for! I talked about my problem, and I immediately got several potential solutions with explanations on how things could go down. This immediately instilled me with confidence. I was on a meeting with people who knew what they were talking about and I loved it.

Well, does it mean we’re cheating on each other if we opt for your services? – I asked at some point.

Honey – she smiled – would you rather have the love of your life unhappy with his limitation to be who he is, embrace it entirely and then snap somewhere and cheat with some random person in a bar, only to then come home to you ashamed and disgusted with himself, or would you rather go on the ride together, fully supporting each other? To be blunt – no, you are not cheating. You are loving each other by doing this.

I was sold.

I left the Red Door and immediately called Michael. It was a mind-opening experience for me. I am ready to try and work it out and I may have found us a solution. When I went back home, I told him all about it. He was a bit skeptical and, to a point, we were both afraid it would break our marriage apart but I guess, it was only normal to be as overwhelmed as we were.

When we went there together at our first session, it was like the most thrilling threesome you could have ever imagined. I was given the option to watch and I did. I was in the room there with them, the girl he was with was super hot and looking at him desirably. Being wanted by that gorgeous woman, seeing him happy was immensely uplifting and stimulating for me! I was convinced there was nothing to be intimidated by. Other sessions, he went alone and later came home to me.

Risking it paid off and, guess what? We’re celebrating our 8th anniversary tomorrow, he is taking me dancing!

Dream Dates With Happy Endings

While America struggles to listen to the voices of sex workers and acknowledge their human rights, there are Sydney escorts creating heavenly packages that seem like something out of an adult version of Fantasy Island. Or maybe it is more accurate to say these escort packages are more like dates on The Bachelor

sydney escorts spa packageSure, I’m more of an UnReal girl; but that show wouldn’t be possible without the now classic reality television dating shows. And on those shows, aren’t the dates (group or single one-on-one dates) spent doing things like horseback riding and going to a sensual day spa? I’m pretty sure they’ve done a luxury cruise of some sort too… But I’m honestly not a fan of the shows, so maybe I’m wrong about the cruises. Anyway, these sort of luxurious glamour dates are exactly what those Australian escorts are now offering.

Of course, these sexy dates are complete with the honest and paid companionship of an escort. And I say “honest” because those Bachelor babes are paid too ~ it’s just that puritanical Americans like to believe in the romantic farce far more than they like to accept the sexual realities of adults. It’s far more honest to go on one of these dream dates with a paid sex worker ~ that’s the real happy ending. Happier than those made-for-tv-couples.

PS Just beware of the “Luxury Car Package,” fellas. Especially if that automobile is red.

Of Boobs On My Twitter Timeline & Women’s Rights

I met an old friend for lunch today. As is the new polite norm for such lunches, he took a moment to deal with messages on his phone before putting turning it off & putting it back in his pocket. Since he’s been around long enough to know about me & my previous work as an escort, I used that time to check in on Twitter. It is, after all, International Sex Worker Rights Day (similar to International Whores’ Day, International Sex Worker Rights Day is held on March 3rd, the anniversary of the 2001 festival held by 25,000 Indian sex workers). Because this is such an important day, my friend finished his phone check before I ~ prompting him to take a peek at my phone.

Him, with a wink and a whine: I like it better when your timeline is full of boobs.

Me, with playful exasperation: You want more Trump? More sex worker “rescue”?

Him, terrified at my response, using small words & precise language so that I can comprehend: No! Real breasts. Implants are fine too.

He punctuates his thoughts with an eyebrow wiggle.

I arch an eyebrow as a warning.

Him, a bit alarmed: What?

amazing rack of kaylee pond camgirlMe, after a sigh: All those boobs you want to see, well, they are attached to women–

Him, interrupting: Yes, but they are choosing to bare them–

Me, interrupting: Yes, yes they are. But every woman who opts to flash some cleavage or completely bare herself has to fight for that right. Whether she’s a cam girl, a porn star or indie porn maker, an escort promoting herself, or “just” (I did use air quotes) a woman who wants to show them off for whatever reason of the moment ~ any woman who does so faces consequences.

This is not just about being ogled or objectified ~ not even about being denigrated or slut-shamed for it. Aside from the cultural reactions, social consequences, there are legal constraints as well. If a woman cannot even expose her breasts to feed a baby, what do you think happens when she flashes them on Twitter? Not to mention that Twitter is one of the few social media sites which even allow such things…

But if a woman cannot, under the law, freely choose to sell sex services, then how much does any woman control her own body? If sex workers cannot actually consent to how we opt to display or use our bodies, how can we expect any woman to be able to control her own genitals, her reproductive rights?

We see the erosion of all sorts of rights ~ every day there’s new legislation, another story of violence, more proof of how unsafe it is to be a sexually autonomous woman. This is why sex worker rights are women’s rights. It is all about feminism. It is about LGBTQ rights. It’s about sexual autonomy, the right to control our bodies, no matter our religion, color, race, whatever you think divides us. Sexual autonomy for all is about equality for all.

Him, silent and clearly sorry he brought it up. Perhaps wondering just why he wanted to lunch with his opinionated female friend…

I let it all sink in for a minute.

Me, calming down from my rant, trying to be more concise: All those breasts you want to see? They are attached to women who are fighting for so many rights. So, yeah, my timeline has lots of “angry” stuff too. To me, those stupid people and ideas are the real “boobs.” Because all of that bullshit affects women’s lives. Every. Day. And all of that affects whether or not pics of breasts are even taken to be shown on Twitter.

Him, nodding: I get it.

Me, arching my eyebrow again: So really, you should be thanking me for posting and sharing all that other stuff too. Because it supports the women who show off their breasts to you. And you should be supporting that stuff too.

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

Me, admonishing him gently while tossing him a kinder bone to chew on: Oh, and by the way, you’d better be paying for your porn too. Just as you will this lunch.

Of course he did.

Reading List:

Along with coverage of sex work & sex workers here, here, and here, please read the following:

#SexWorkerRightsDay on Twitter

Breasts Are Complicated

Pay For Your Porn

Image Credits: The spectacular rack of one of my fav cam girls, Ms Kaylee Pond. Via her Tumblr ~ and to pay for your porn, see her on cam here!

Is It Safe To Visit Escorts In India?

Hello Gracie,

I’m writing because of your sane support of sex work, including the men who see escorts. I will be staying for at least six months in northern India on business (primarily stationed in Jaipur, but with some travel) and anticipate seeking the services of at least one escort – but I know nothing of the area. Before I turned to Google, I thought I would ask you. Is it really legal there now? Any recommendations? Tips?

I thank you in advance,
Lance

Hi, Lance, & thanks for the compliments. While I do not know of anyone working as an escort in India, I can tell you that sex work is now legal in India.

jaipur escortHowever, unlike other countries who have legalized sex work, you’ll not find any licensed brothels to visit. In fact, India’s laws, in attempts to protect women from sex trafficking and other coercion, expressly prohibit brothels.

Sex workers in India are free to exchange money for their services, including sex ~ so long as they do not solicit in public or work within 200 yards of a public place. Clients also cannot legally solicit services in public.

This means that your best bet is to arrange your time with Jaipur escorts, and any special details regarding your time, via the Internet.

Hope this helps!

With much affection,
Gracie

PS A friend of a friend recommends the Gurgaon escorts. Not sure if you’ll be visiting there?

Image Credits: Call Girls In Jaipur.

Phone Sex Is An Art

In the February issue of Cosmo, Julianne Hough discusses the desire to keep intimacy alive in a relationship, including how difficult it is to talk dirty:

On her long-distance relationship and whether she and her fiancé have phone sex: “Oh, for sure. But I’m really bad at it … I’ll get halfway through and start laughing. It’s an art. I applaud people who are good at it. They need to come and help me keep a straight face!”

While I’d love to ponder how dreamy Hough might look while like masturbating during phone sex (and I’ll give you a moment to recover from the images in your mind too!), it may be more kind to offer Hough ~ and you ~ some tips on how to master the art of phone sex.

cosmopolitan-feb-16-julianne-hough-coverFirst, don’t worry what your face looks like. It’s phone sex; your partner can’t see you. (Plus, we all have orgasm faces ~ and we don’t worry about those once things get to that point!)

Second, it’s OK to laugh. It breaks the tension. Besides, giggles are often a part of hot sex.

Third, like anything else, talking dirty gets easier and better with practice. Whether you’re working with paint on canvas or words to make a sexy picture for your lover, practice matters. If you feel really uncomfortable starting out, why not practice with a pro? The folks who work at adult chatlines would be happy to lend you a virtual hand, assisting you while you work on the proper verbal strokes necessary to create your oral masturbation piece.