Sunday Funnies: Trump Dick Edition

Just to be clear, I absolutely, sincerely, believe Donald Trump is a dick in the most negative of ways; however, this Trump dick trickery [not (yet?) to be confused with Tricky Dicky Nixon] is just silly paper doll play time. In this Make Donald Trump’s Penis [Great Again], you are instructed to print, cut out, and then “glue-on the penis you think this dickless Donald Trump deserves.”

Personally, I’d rather use a pin… You know, like Pin The Tail On The Donkey. Because even if Trump is running as a Republican Elephant, not a Democratic Donkey, Trump is certainly an ass. …And pins would match the pain I feel watching him as a presidential candidate.

Make Donald Trump's Penis Great Again

From WoodRocket‘s new “Fluff” humor section.

Sunday Funnies: The Truth About James Bond Edition

James Bond may have ghosted Sarah Silverman ~ but don’t worry, she’s got his number.

Sunday Funnies: Atypical Risque SPH Racism

While there’s no denying the racist tones of this risque mid-century “bar art” textile, I am surprised at the one small atypical finding…

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The seller describes it thus:

This is a very vintage wall hanging suitable for a bar or man cave. It measures approx. 3 1/2 x 8 34/”. It features a “native” holding a can of beer and a glass of beer and asking the question “What’ll you Have?”. Back in the 50’s this type of risque wall art was found in home bars, more than likely the basement man cave. Completely and totally politically incorrect, over-the-top-tacky and I suppose kitsch. It has been very well preserved these many years and is in great condition. It has a little wooden dowel hanger at the top and the bottom edge is finished with fringe. The native’s long cloth (fringe) lifts up to reveal a surprise. It is made of fabric that has been treated with stiffening, the side panels are printed with gold ink.

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While the seller does not show what’s beneath the native’s fringed attire, surely there’s no large penis hiding there. How unusual to see a racist piece that doesn’t boast of a “native” fool with a large tool, but instead goes for some small penis humiliation.

…But I am dying to see what’s there. Small penis, or not.

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Hot Flash Fiction Friday: Fun with a Little Penis

“Hello Dolly!” I yelled across the train station. He knew I was looking right at him, but he pretended he didn’t. Poor Dolly and his cute, little penis. We had such fun last night. At least I did.

Dolly, as I like to call him, wandered into my room from a party in another apartment down the hall. My fault for not having the door locked but, I was expecting my roommate home any minute.

Instead, Dolly came in. He didn’t have a coat, or a shirt or pants on. Just underwear. I knew there was a party, it was loud. I even knew Dolly, we had been introduced last year at a social event. He asked for my number but never phoned. So I didn’t look him up. But, now he was here. Pretty much nude and passed out drunk.

I decided to do something about it. I had time, art supplies and a collection of kitchen gadgets. Somewhere in all of that an idea was sure to come along.

First, I stripped him bare. That was a surprise. I’d never seen a micro, tiny penis before. Gorillas and such in nature documentaries don’t count. I thought it was cute. Like a little dolly penis. I played with it awhile. It got a bit longer, and a bit thicker, but not much. I didn’t get him to ejaculate. Likely due to him being passed out drunk. Disappointing.

I drew all over him. Personal tattoos. I left out his hands and face so he could go to work and not have a lot of explaining to do. I took photos of him. I posed him and took more photos. I had a lot of fun playing with my sleeping dolly.

My roommate had called and said she wouldn’t be coming in that night. So Dolly and I had the night to ourselves, well, mostly I had the night to myself with Dolly. I left him nude. He’s actually quite good looking and muscled. I’d never had the time to really explore a man’s body before. I’d only slept with a couple of boys and they weren’t interested in foreplay, not really. So, that night with Dolly, I had foreplay. All the foreplay I wanted with him.

His little penis was fun. Each time I got him hard again it was like watching time lapse photography of budding trees and plants.

In the morning he woke up not feeling so well. But, still hard as a rock, even when he realized all (or most) of what I had done to him. I guess I did take advantage of him. Some could say it was wrong. But, I didn’t use permanent ink and most of it washed off in the shower. I made him breakfast. He didn’t look me in the eye, didn’t really speak and rushed out the door with just a shy backward glance.

“Good bye, Dolly!” I yelled after him as he raced down the stairs.

Maybe this time he will call. I’d like to play with his little dolly penis again. Next time I want to make it squirt and tie a fussy little bow around it, like a tiny dolly dress.

Of course, if he doesn’t phone… I do have all those pictures. I’ve never blackmailed anyone before. It’s kind of a turn on to have Dolly under my thumb, maybe over my knee too.

vintagekendoll

Vintage Ken Doll found on Etsy.

Resources:

Sunday Funnies: Halloween Humiliation Edition

Trailer Trash Angel proves she’s so not your Angel with it comes to phone sex, relishing in creating very twisted fantasies. This is especially clear with the Halloween Challenge she posted this year, in which she instructs callers purchase two of these Dobby the House Elf masks which submissive male callers will wear while performing on cam for her. Why two masks, you ask? Angel says, “One for your ugly face & another to hide that sad little sock puppet cock of yours.”

ugly dobby servant mask

That sort of twisted Harry Potter cosplay seems humiliating enough ~ but Angel takes it even further:

you may just impress Me if you find an even smaller one to put on that wee willie! I mean, there are options, like taking the head off a Dobby figure and placing it over that button-cock of yours. Look, this one even has a sock! And a diary, symbolic of your loser confessions.

Hey, it’s also poseable! So get two of those; I have other bad ideas…

If you think that Malfoy was cruel and sadistic to poor little Dobby, well, you just haven’t met Me yet. I assure you, I’m far worse. I can make a loser pig cry on cam in less than 10 minutes. …And yet, they beg for more!

Dobby the House Elf Poseable Action Figure with Diary and Sock

If you and your “Dobby-dick” are up, erm, ready for such a challenge, you should book your session asap; according to her Twitter feed, it’s booking fast.

The Small Penis That Would Be King

Usually when you read or hear the words “small penis” the word “humiliation” comes along right after it. Well, sometimes small dicks aren’t allowed to come; but you know what I mean. *wink* However, this past Saturday, small cocks were celebrated at Brooklyn’s first annual “Smallest Penis in Brooklyn” contest. And this is a good thing, even if you are into penis humiliation.

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn photo by Mary Dorn

Like most pageant competitions, there were the usual evening wear, swimwear (in which their measurements were given), and talent portions. However, instead of the typical Q & A session, the male contestants were asked to give themselves nicknames. (A far better way to judge poise under fire, don’t you think?) At the end of the contest, 27 year old Nick “The Delivery Man” Gilronan ~ one of the few contestants who participated in the contest without wearing a mask ~ was crowned smallest of them all.

smallet penis contest winner photo by Marc Yearsley

In this interview at Gothamist, Gilronan gave some wise advice:

Do you think that small dicks have a bad rep? Yes. That’s the media’s fault, I think. For both men and women, they push out images of people who just aren’t regular normal people. The size of a man’s penis does not matter for who he is as a person or in a relationship. Same thing with breast size. We’re all made in different shapes and sizes, but the media puts pressure on people to look a certain way. Most people do not look that way. Some people let that false sense of body image upset them and they shouldn’t be upset at all. Even worse, some people use those false standards and judge other people. It’s disconcerting.

What’s been you best experience regarding your small dick (sexually, otherwise) and your worst? I don’t think anything negative has happened to me regarding my penis size. Probably the most fun I have with my penis is that I’m a grower, not a shower, and when I’m with women I love seeing their reactions as it grows to double its flaccid size. They seem amazed by it.

Your answers to the judges questions were great—very positive and encouraging. Was that something that was important to you to convey? That was a goal of mine yes. I have a very positive body image of myself and it upsets when others do not.

What kind of advice would you give to someone like you? Or your younger self? My advice for people like me is don’t worry about things you cannot control. All that does is waste time. Always move forward and do the best you can.

We sex kittens applaud Gilronan for his positive attitude. We know size doesn’t (always) matter the way many folks believe it does. (And should you need some help, try these sex positions which offer big help to little dicks.)

If nothing else, the King of Small Cocks (at least in Brooklyn) is proof of one thing: a large sense of humor trumps a dick of any size, any day.