Bloody Bad Period Sex Misinformation

So, according to Dr. Dee Fenner, MD, there’s been no study on this factoid I’m about to talk about ~ but the “news” has been making the rounds on sex blogs as if it were actually the results of a new study.

Newsflash: Having orgasmic sex while menstruating will end your period sooner.

 

Dr. Fenner ~ who is Director of Gynecology, Director of Surgical Services, and a Professor in the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Michigan, says the reason, quite obviously, is that “menstrual blood in the uterus is squeezed out during orgasm.”

Normally this is where I would begin ranting about studies informing us of things we already know ~ but, remember, this wasn’t a study finding. In fact, it wasn’t even a study. And that’s rather what my rant would be about: How infrequently studies are made about women’s health, female sexuality, and the like. Cuz, you know, men’s bodies & their ability to get off is always paramount. There are plenty more studies about men, their bods, their health.

However, it should be noted that there have indeed been women’s health studies about coitus and menstruation.

This 1989 study found that “sex during menstruation appeared to increase the chances of endometriosis but not of PID (pelvic inflammatory disease).”

This 1996 study, for example, did find that intercourse during menses may cause heavier bleeding ~ which may leave perimenopausal women more vulnerable to hysterectomies.

This 2011 study concluded that “coitus during menses could be a predisposing factor for endometriosis.”

I’m not a doctor. I don’t even play one on TV. But I don’t think you need to be alarmist about these studies. Though if you have a family history or other concerns regarding these health concerns, discuss with your doctor the fact that you’re having, or would like to have, sex while on your period. I do, however, think such information on such studies ought to be included in articles and posts about sex while having your period.

Aside from the lack of any mention of these studies, what stood out the most in the article where I spotted this recently-dropped knowledge was this bit on the benefits of having sex while on your period:

Having sex while on your period immediately brings you closer together. Having sex during this ‘no-go’ time is a bold move – and one that can cement your bond.

Yes, if you really want to fuck while menstruating, go ahead. Breaking such a simple & silly taboo can bring you & your partner closer together. Like most any consensual intimate act, the willingness to “go there” can do wonders for your relationship.

Then again, it could be that couples having sex during menses do so precisely because they already feel close to one another.

Which is the cause, which is the effect?

But before I could get too caught up in that question, the article went on to ruin everything by tacking-on this bit:

From trying new positions, to experimenting with different moves – after period sex, you’ll notice that you’re far more willing to engage in new things in the bedroom.

Really?! Now this reads like a thinly-concealed “why you should have sex with her while she’s on the rag” piece. It’s all about convincing couples that doing it on the rag means a woman should want to do more wild things now. You know that old, “I’ll wade into the red river, if…” stuff. *snort*

I know I shouldn’t be surprised. Far too many articles are slanted this way…

But come on now!

Ladies, if you don’t want to do it when you’re on the rag, no need to be coy or polite; just say, “Thank you, but no.”

But, ladies, let me also tell you this: If you want to shorten the duration of your menstruation (not to mention relieve your cramps or change your mood via a fantastic orgasm!), you need not a man nor any partner for this ~ just masturbate yourself to orgasm! Yes, this is a real thing. Science confirms it. From that 1996 study on coitus & menstruation:

Female orgasm appeared to be the trigger for uterine contractions in this species. Sexually related uterine contractions occurred with or without the presence of penile intromission, provided the female showed evidence of sexual climax through the acceleration of her heart rate and subsequent species-typical facial expressions.

So let the orgasmic bliss of menstruation masturbation lead you to a more intimate place with yourself. Maybe you’ll love yourself more. Maybe you’ll become more willing to experiment with yourself sexually. Maybe you won’t. And that’s OK too. Don’t pressure yourself like some bad sex article might.

Image Credits: “I Love Period Sex” Sex Cum Rag Handtowel from The Love Rug Shop; Shark Week No Sex For You Low Rise Cheeky Boyshort Panties from Tee Shirt Cafe.

Onaholes: The More The Merrier?

Hey, Hannah Smothers & Cosmo, if you think that the 3fap three-hole masturbation toy for men is confusing and upsetting, well, you must have missed this Fucking Ageist Cantaloupe Sex Toy from six years ago.

While the 3fap offers three holes (mouth, vagina, & ass) the Wet Sucker Setsugekka Orgy Onahole suggests an orgy of one man with at least three different women who each will wait their turns… There are three pussy onaholes, each representing three a woman of a different age, and one, apparently ageless, asshole.

The Setsugekka predates the 3fap by six years.

See Also: What’s an onahole?

Warning: Choke Hazard!

Despite the lifelike appearance, ethereal beauty, and being “endowed with soul”…

This doll, with the perfectly molded internal structure of vagina, is not for children under 3 years old.

WARNING:
CHOKING HAZARD
Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.

Yes, it’s the small parts which make this sex doll inappropriate for children…

Throwback Thursday: Controlling Parts Is Controlling The Sum Of Its Parts

Controlling Parts Is Controlling The Sum Of Its Parts was published here on SK on 08/27/2008; sadly, it is still relevant.

Snippet:

When bodies & their parts are controlled, we diminish not only autonomy in the physical and legal sense, but the constraints send the message to all that those beings those bodies & parts belong to are not free & equal beings.

Of Boobs On My Twitter Timeline & Women’s Rights

I met an old friend for lunch today. As is the new polite norm for such lunches, he took a moment to deal with messages on his phone before putting turning it off & putting it back in his pocket. Since he’s been around long enough to know about me & my previous work as an escort, I used that time to check in on Twitter. It is, after all, International Sex Worker Rights Day (similar to International Whores’ Day, International Sex Worker Rights Day is held on March 3rd, the anniversary of the 2001 festival held by 25,000 Indian sex workers). Because this is such an important day, my friend finished his phone check before I ~ prompting him to take a peek at my phone.

Him, with a wink and a whine: I like it better when your timeline is full of boobs.

Me, with playful exasperation: You want more Trump? More sex worker “rescue”?

Him, terrified at my response, using small words & precise language so that I can comprehend: No! Real breasts. Implants are fine too.

He punctuates his thoughts with an eyebrow wiggle.

I arch an eyebrow as a warning.

Him, a bit alarmed: What?

amazing rack of kaylee pond camgirlMe, after a sigh: All those boobs you want to see, well, they are attached to women–

Him, interrupting: Yes, but they are choosing to bare them–

Me, interrupting: Yes, yes they are. But every woman who opts to flash some cleavage or completely bare herself has to fight for that right. Whether she’s a cam girl, a porn star or indie porn maker, an escort promoting herself, or “just” (I did use air quotes) a woman who wants to show them off for whatever reason of the moment ~ any woman who does so faces consequences.

This is not just about being ogled or objectified ~ not even about being denigrated or slut-shamed for it. Aside from the cultural reactions, social consequences, there are legal constraints as well. If a woman cannot even expose her breasts to feed a baby, what do you think happens when she flashes them on Twitter? Not to mention that Twitter is one of the few social media sites which even allow such things…

But if a woman cannot, under the law, freely choose to sell sex services, then how much does any woman control her own body? If sex workers cannot actually consent to how we opt to display or use our bodies, how can we expect any woman to be able to control her own genitals, her reproductive rights?

We see the erosion of all sorts of rights ~ every day there’s new legislation, another story of violence, more proof of how unsafe it is to be a sexually autonomous woman. This is why sex worker rights are women’s rights. It is all about feminism. It is about LGBTQ rights. It’s about sexual autonomy, the right to control our bodies, no matter our religion, color, race, whatever you think divides us. Sexual autonomy for all is about equality for all.

Him, silent and clearly sorry he brought it up. Perhaps wondering just why he wanted to lunch with his opinionated female friend…

I let it all sink in for a minute.

Me, calming down from my rant, trying to be more concise: All those breasts you want to see? They are attached to women who are fighting for so many rights. So, yeah, my timeline has lots of “angry” stuff too. To me, those stupid people and ideas are the real “boobs.” Because all of that bullshit affects women’s lives. Every. Day. And all of that affects whether or not pics of breasts are even taken to be shown on Twitter.

Him, nodding: I get it.

Me, arching my eyebrow again: So really, you should be thanking me for posting and sharing all that other stuff too. Because it supports the women who show off their breasts to you. And you should be supporting that stuff too.

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

Me, admonishing him gently while tossing him a kinder bone to chew on: Oh, and by the way, you’d better be paying for your porn too. Just as you will this lunch.

Of course he did.

Reading List:

Along with coverage of sex work & sex workers here, here, and here, please read the following:

#SexWorkerRightsDay on Twitter

Breasts Are Complicated

Pay For Your Porn

Image Credits: The spectacular rack of one of my fav cam girls, Ms Kaylee Pond. Via her Tumblr ~ and to pay for your porn, see her on cam here!

OK, This Guy Loves His Cam Girl ~ But This Is Not For Kids

Link hopping from this post about cam & clip girls, I found these “This Guy Loves His Cam Girl” shirts ~ for infants & kids.

inappropriate cam girl gear

This is not OK. We do not believe in sexualizing kids.

And while we do believe there are enough women watching girls on cam to support sales of such merch, please get their gender right. Simply change “guy” to “gal” or something.

Lesson: Don’t automate your merch-making activities.

Creepy & Complex Sexual Discussions In The News Part One (Trigger Warning)

Recently, The Atlantic covered the story of Shin Takagi and his company, Trottla, which produces life-like child sex dolls. Yes, you read & understood that correctly; Takagi produces life-like child sex dolls for pedophiles.

Takagi believes, though there is no data to support this, that by offering such dolls he is “helping people express their desires, legally and ethically.” Others, such as Peter Fagan from the John Hopkins School of Medicine, are skeptical and believe that contact with Trottla’s products would likely have a “reinforcing effect” on pedophilic ideation and “in many instances, cause it to be acted upon with greater urgency.” However, it should be noted too that the research Fagan cites to support such conclusions is based on offenders, leaving it unclear as to whether the effects would be different for non-offenders.

While Takagi and Trottla have been selling the dolls for over a decade, the controversial dolls are news to many. [Don’t worry, I won’t be showing you any of these dolls. It’s not just because Trottla’s website forbids reproduction of the images, “including the news,” but because they do more than creep me out. They make me ill. I won’t even link to Takagi’s website. For more info, see this Vice interview with Takagi from 2013 ~ when he insisted they were not sex dolls.]

One of the most outspoken and strident voices on Twitter to these dolls was Domina, and fetish Goddess, Vivian Martin. Among her choice tweets was this series on the entitlement and lack of self-control men have regarding their sexual urges ~ and how best to handle such things via castration:

Normally, I’m all for sexual fantasy play ~ but in this case, I’m with Martin.

Babies & children have no ability to give consent and creating sexual gratification devices in their image is more than unsettling. As the article in The Atlantic states, there is little study in this area. Until then, shouldn’t we all err on the side of sanity, if not caution? And, as Martin points out, why would it be legal or acceptable for a man to even role play his sexual urges with minors? This at a time when women’s rights to reproductive health and sexual autonomy are so limited?

This is enough to digest for now, leave comments if you are able; stay tuned for part two…

The Complex Realities of Sex Work

Olivia Grace is a sex worker based in Toronto who took issue ~ make that issues ~ with a recent Vice interview with a sex worker hobbiest. She felt her original response to the piece wasn’t enough, so she sent this piece in too…

The other day, Vice released a very lazy reporting job that wasn’t edited and talked to precisely the wrong person. I am talking, of course, about the article “We Interviewed a Sex Industry Hobbyist – the Worst Kind of John.” This article is written in opposition to that.

The person they interviewed is based in Montreal, sees agency girls (I’m willing to bet real money for a half hour at a time) and then has the nerve to tell them to get out after the act is done. The organization seems to have decided that this person is worth listening to, although one of my followers on Twitter just couldn’t get through the article because the guy was too much of a troll.

By a troll, I mean a person who actually has nothing good to say, who the SP (Service Provider) is unsure if he engages in the hobby because he loves sex or hates women, is a misogynist and is only a customer of agency girls who are young and, for the most part, naïve. This is not the preferred type of client, and would definitely not get through my pre-screening process. There’s a slang word for that on Twitter: a slobbyist. Let me explain.

When you first start out, you really have no idea which way is up, and so the agencies do have a great deal of power over you. You accept the 60/40 or 50/50 cut, you’re young, it’s quick money, whatever. For some girls, they find agencies that are a perfect fit. That was not my particular path – I went independent a couple of years ago and, although I have to pay for my own marketing and self-care, I have been happier for it. I speak from my lived experience, however – I cannot speak for anyone else.

we-spoke-a-sex-industry-hobbyist-the-worst-kind-of-john-body-image-1434032816That should not be used to silence me. I have met several guys at events thrown by review boards – remember, this is an interview of a “hobbyist” who is actually a troll, but on a review board – and that is typically where they congregate. SPs (Service Providers) don’t have to like the boards, but they are good, safe spaces to advertise, to be heard, to be seen, and to communicate with other service providers about bad experiences, etc. It’s all about safety and advertising for me, as much as the big debate currently on (Caramel or Nutella? Which would you rather lick off an SP? To be clear, I voted Nutella).

These events (those thrown by review boards) are also often opportunities to network with other independent SPs, so I spend an equal amount of time chatting to colleagues and clients. Plus, it’s just a good time to look pretty, which is rare in the isolating life of an independent.

Now onto the objections I have with the article. He says that once a girl has been in sexwork for around 10 weeks, she’s seen around 100 clients, so I’m going to assume he’s talking about agency girls. After 10 weeks, he says, she loses her “authenticity.” She becomes an “actress” (which is repurposed bovine waste, because all of us – no matter the flavour – are actors: just choose your own fantasy). He says that mature indies “try” to market themselves. We don’t try – we do. The language used in the article (“hooker; whore”) was and is problematic and should have been replaced with “sex work” or “sex worker.” Specific words mean specific things – there is a movement going on to try to reclaim those words. Unfortunately, you can’t use them unless you’re one of us. Surely this organization can replace foul, outdated language with words that are more respectful and fairer to hear.

Many of my friends and clients on the review boards are decent human beings – they wouldn’t get through my screening process if they weren’t. To be completely honest, I don’t get a lot of clients from the review boards, but those whom I know and I trust are also, reasonably, upset. They treat the ladies they see with respect, and would never dream of buying into this guy’s dogma (see, lecture, leave). To interview one man on one board in one city with one opinion is wrong and doesn’t for a moment make that opinion true for all. It suggests that everyone on review boards is the same. Well, that simply isn’t the case.

Wait! There’s more. Besides giving out a misrepresentation of those involved on the boards, this article will have real-life impacts on the independent SPs and agency girls. This article plays straight into the rescue industry’s hands. It does all the workers who do sex work voluntarily a massive injustice, and the antis can say, “But we read Vice! That article with those poor girls! Remember when they interviewed a board member in Montreal?”

Listen, if we wanted the press (who, frankly, don’t understand the complexities of sex work) to paint a grim picture and lack of respect, then we would ask for it. What we are asking for is respect. I was on side with Vice until this article came out. I have worked with them. It puts their reporting back into the Dark Ages with regards to sex work. There is a lot of advocacy left to do, and I (and hopefully other SPs) will do it. But we will not do it in light of this article – it puts the whole concept of investigative reporting to shame. We do not need a further body count.

Hoping for more,

Olivia Grace

Follow me on Twitter: @OliviaGraceSP.

Ms. Grace would like you to know the following, sent from the Vice interviewer: “The language in the Vice Q & A (interview not a classic article format) is the hobbiest’s, and I unfortunately can’t alter quotes. I would never say ‘hooker’ or ‘whore’, for instance. Publishing this is in no means an endorsement of his views, I just want that to be clear.”

Image Credits: Photo by Cédric Puisney, via Vice.

I Just Want To Say How Terribly Disappointing It Is When Porn Stars Say “Squirting Is Pee”

WoodRocket asked female porn stars, “Is squirt pee?”

My first reaction to the very first porn star that said female ejaculate is pee made me quite angry. It is not pee.

But then, as some explained, there are porn stars who don’t squirt (so they likely do not educate themselves?) and others admit that some girls are drinking so much water that they force themselves to pee and porn producers market the films as squirting (including, sometimes, to get around censorship issues).

But again: squirting is so not urine.

And saying that because female ejaculate “comes out of the same hole” that a woman pees out of is stupid; does anyone actually confuse the two liquids that come out of “the same hole” on a man?!

Repeat: Female ejaculate is not pee.

If any doctor tries to tell you otherwise, just remember this: They just discovered the clit in 2009 and are debating whether or not the G-spot is real, so how can we expect them to know anything about female ejaculation?

All this said, I won’t be an idiot and insist every woman can or even wants to squirt. Or that some aren’t peeing; like April O’Neil says in the video, even if you ladies do pee during sex, “Whatever makes you feel good, if that happens when you orgasm and that makes you feel better, fucking go for it.”

Women’s bodies, and minds, are more complicated than that. We are blessed to be able to orgasm in a myriad of ways. And should your clitoral orgasms be so awesome that you don’t want to bother with anything else, I’m completely fine with that. It’s your body, dammit! But if you are interested in squirting, get a copy of Deborah Sundahl’s book. And for more info ~ with real squirting action ~ see Squirt Salon.

Uncensored version of WoodRocket video is here.

Hold The Phone! It’s Time For A Sex News Round-Up!

Sean Ferguson on phone Normally, I just curate/post all the short bits & bobs in sex news at Scoop.It; but as several recent stories seem to have connections & require more context and comment, here’s a sex news round-up.

To keep the phone idiom going, let’s start with phone sex news. Phone sex consultant, Lynn, was doing some research for a client and discovered that of all the countries in the world, the one from which the most (Google) searches for “femdom” and related fetishes is… (drum-roll) Syria! Talk about your cultural taboos & hypocrisy. The connections to the Arab Spring and current terrorist events are pretty obvious too. (While you’re there, you may wish to check out some of the rude things phone sex callers do to their PSOs. Shame, shame!)

Remember last year, when we talked about the whole “men like to mate when the weather is cooler” thing? Well, on the flip side, economists look at climate change (aka global warming), less sex, and what it may mean for the planet’s population.

No mention of climate change as the reason, but folks in Japan are having less sex. Well, at least they are having less sex with other people, anyway. For we know the Japanese are heavily into masturbating (all that JAV porn, tentacle porn, and other delicious Japanese weirdness) ~ and masturbation is sex. While we might suggest that all the fab Japanese kinky masturbation material is to blame for less interest in sex with a partner, experts say the systemic gender inequality is the culprit. And this so-called sexual apathy is going to fuck up the world economy.

The sexism in Japan may be horrible, but overall it is better than China’s general attitude towards women, where the single child rule has led to putting girl babies up for adoption ~ and female infanticide. Surprise! The pay off is a large gender imbalance, creating a plethora of “bare branches”, as the bachelors are called. One economist’s suggestion? Let men share wives. Note the patriarchal tone ~ including in the ensuing outrage. Who knows, perhaps matriarchy will be the result?

Matriarchy in China isn’t merely a matter of crossing one’s fingers and hoping either. Already, Chinese men are willing to dig deep and spend $2,500 on sex dolls, not only as a replacement for a female in their lives, but so as not to seek sex workers or otherwise commit adultery and anger their wives. No mention of women who may prefer sex dolls of their own.

Speaking of women and their power, anthropologist Dr. Sarah B. Hrdy has been studying the topic of female aggression. Yes, she found we have it. One of her statements, “that suppression of female sexuality is by women, not necessarily by men,” confounds a bit ~ as it rather suggests that women in a male dominated patriarchy aren’t compelled to comply to male standards.

However, in that same article, Dr. Christopher J. Ferguson, a psychologist at Stetson University, stated that research shows women are not so much affected by media images as they are by the appearance of peers and other women around them (even more so when men are in attendance). This rather supports what I wrote years ago ~ at least as far as the media images part goes. See: Body Image In Art, Porn & Media.

But Ferguson & others still seem to align with Hrdy’s position; i.e. that women act as “mean girls” to control one another. Ah, but since they repeat themselves, I will as well. Women are still living in a male dominated society and therefore will seek to survive and thrive under the paradigm of the patriarchy.

While I still have you on the line (Get it? I’m back to the phone puns!), I’d like to direct you to this article about virtual sex options (it also has excellent tips on privacy & safety for clients too).

Image Credits: Sean Ferguson at Temptation of Eve