Of Boobs On My Twitter Timeline & Women’s Rights

I met an old friend for lunch today. As is the new polite norm for such lunches, he took a moment to deal with messages on his phone before putting turning it off & putting it back in his pocket. Since he’s been around long enough to know about me & my previous work as an escort, I used that time to check in on Twitter. It is, after all, International Sex Worker Rights Day (similar to International Whores’ Day, International Sex Worker Rights Day is held on March 3rd, the anniversary of the 2001 festival held by 25,000 Indian sex workers). Because this is such an important day, my friend finished his phone check before I ~ prompting him to take a peek at my phone.

Him, with a wink and a whine: I like it better when your timeline is full of boobs.

Me, with playful exasperation: You want more Trump? More sex worker “rescue”?

Him, terrified at my response, using small words & precise language so that I can comprehend: No! Real breasts. Implants are fine too.

He punctuates his thoughts with an eyebrow wiggle.

I arch an eyebrow as a warning.

Him, a bit alarmed: What?

amazing rack of kaylee pond camgirlMe, after a sigh: All those boobs you want to see, well, they are attached to women–

Him, interrupting: Yes, but they are choosing to bare them–

Me, interrupting: Yes, yes they are. But every woman who opts to flash some cleavage or completely bare herself has to fight for that right. Whether she’s a cam girl, a porn star or indie porn maker, an escort promoting herself, or “just” (I did use air quotes) a woman who wants to show them off for whatever reason of the moment ~ any woman who does so faces consequences.

This is not just about being ogled or objectified ~ not even about being denigrated or slut-shamed for it. Aside from the cultural reactions, social consequences, there are legal constraints as well. If a woman cannot even expose her breasts to feed a baby, what do you think happens when she flashes them on Twitter? Not to mention that Twitter is one of the few social media sites which even allow such things…

But if a woman cannot, under the law, freely choose to sell sex services, then how much does any woman control her own body? If sex workers cannot actually consent to how we opt to display or use our bodies, how can we expect any woman to be able to control her own genitals, her reproductive rights?

We see the erosion of all sorts of rights ~ every day there’s new legislation, another story of violence, more proof of how unsafe it is to be a sexually autonomous woman. This is why sex worker rights are women’s rights. It is all about feminism. It is about LGBTQ rights. It’s about sexual autonomy, the right to control our bodies, no matter our religion, color, race, whatever you think divides us. Sexual autonomy for all is about equality for all.

Him, silent and clearly sorry he brought it up. Perhaps wondering just why he wanted to lunch with his opinionated female friend…

I let it all sink in for a minute.

Me, calming down from my rant, trying to be more concise: All those breasts you want to see? They are attached to women who are fighting for so many rights. So, yeah, my timeline has lots of “angry” stuff too. To me, those stupid people and ideas are the real “boobs.” Because all of that bullshit affects women’s lives. Every. Day. And all of that affects whether or not pics of breasts are even taken to be shown on Twitter.

Him, nodding: I get it.

Me, arching my eyebrow again: So really, you should be thanking me for posting and sharing all that other stuff too. Because it supports the women who show off their breasts to you. And you should be supporting that stuff too.

He smiles, a bit sheepishly.

Me, admonishing him gently while tossing him a kinder bone to chew on: Oh, and by the way, you’d better be paying for your porn too. Just as you will this lunch.

Of course he did.

Reading List:

Along with coverage of sex work & sex workers here, here, and here, please read the following:

#SexWorkerRightsDay on Twitter

Breasts Are Complicated

Pay For Your Porn

Image Credits: The spectacular rack of one of my fav cam girls, Ms Kaylee Pond. Via her Tumblr ~ and to pay for your porn, see her on cam here!

How To Support Porn Stars, Sex Workers, & Women

Greg Battiste is just another guy who happens to like porn. More importantly, Battiste also respects those who make porn. Perhaps most importantly, he’s given a list of tips on how to respectfully interact with porn stars. It covers everything from dic pics to asking for freebies and more.

Greg Battiste's tips

As SecretPhoneSex (aka Lynn of PhoneSexSecrets) says, those are good tips for dealing with phone sex operators, cam girls, any sex worker really.

Battiste saw that and raised the bar to include all women. For that alone, you should follow Battiste. But he does offer some pretty good porn stuff too. *wink*

How To Deal With Dating Jitters

First you were excited; now you’re afraid, you’re petrified…

You got that date now what? Now you have to go on it.

To paraphrase the immortal words of Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris (as sung by Gloria Gaynor), going on out that door, to meet your blind date or otherwise go on that first date now has you nervous. You might even be reconsidering if this date is actually a good idea…

sex-worker-q-and-a-at-skNever fear, our experienced daters ~ professional daters ~ are here to help!

Our Sex Worker Q & A Dating Series continues with tips on how to deal with the nervousness that accompanies those first dates. (Earlier parts in the series cover safety & making a good first impression.)

How do you deal with those first date jitters?

Addy Finch (a sex worker specializing in transgender/transsexual companionship):

Quite frankly, I haven’t had to in ages. One of the great things about sex work was that it has very blatantly revealed to me my worth in the dating market. On top of that, I haven’t had a conventional first date in a couple years. I would suggest remembering that your date is likely just as nervous as you are if not more-so.

Angela St. Lawrence (erotic fetish phone sex operator):

First dates — blind or otherwise — are always weird for me, as I prefer that my relationships develop naturally. Therefore, I tend to avoid blind dates altogether, although a family member or friend always seems to know THE PERFECT GUY for me. The few times I’ve given in (just to stop their matchmaking efforts for a while), I’ve felt very safe, since these guys were pretty well-known by my own personal Cupids.

But… Xanax … If you absolutely must.

Secondhand Rose (a former escort, presently an erotica author and virtual courtesan):

Jitters are just like stage fright and the like; it just means that the situation matters, that you want to do well! Keeping that perspective is often very calming by itself.

Kaylee Pond (a cam girl specializing in cosplay and geeky fun):

Try to remember that the other person is a normal person, just like you! They’re probably nervous, too!

“Alice” (a sex worker with 17 years experience in erotic services and a sex worker activist):

Dancing in my house, taking a long time to get ready, eating chocolate, packing my purse very carefully.

A Slip Of A Girl (a lingerie lover turned phone companion):

I like to arrive early (so I know I am not going to be late!) and then while-away some time cranking happy tunes in the car. It puts me in a great place emotionally — allowing me to walk in happy & confident.

Holly (an independent escort, sometimes brothel worker):

I know once I’m there I will be ok. I just remind myself of that.

Claire Keeler (independent sex worker, award winning photographer now working on a photographic essay called Whoretography):

Breathing and a shot of Vodka. Just because I spend all my time with men, doesn’t mean that when I am with someone I like I don’t get jitters — I do still get all girly about it.

Goddess Audrey Rae (a clip girl, PSO and camgirl specializing in Femdom and fetish):

I mean, they already agreed to go on a date with you, so obviously they’re into you! I generally walk myself through the worst case scenario (they hate you, they seem into you then you tell them about your job and they split, etc.) and remind myself that even the worst that can happen isn’t THAT bad. Like I might be slightly embarrassed; but really, why should I care what anyone else thinks about me? Especially if the date goes super poorly, it’s not like I have to see them again!

If your date seems nervous, what are some tips you have for getting them to relax?

Angela:

Usually (not always) the more relaxed I am, the more relaxed my date will be. Regardless, I can be quite charming. Just be sincerely interested in getting to know him. People are interesting and I absolutely love learning their story. Be real. Be authentic. C O M M U N I C A T E.

Claire:

Touch his arm and smile, it’s very disarming. Get him chatting about himself or name the game and call him on it. Just say, “Wow, this is a little bit awkward.” Said with a smile and a joking manner it works great.

DiQld (a BBW escort):

Mirror them. Or take control. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Audrey:

Crack jokes and smile a lot! It’s hard to be nervous when you’re laughing!

Rose:

I’ve dealt professionally with a number of socially awkward folks… Everything from Autism to those who have physical disabilities which have left them socially isolated, from widowers and the recently divorced to shy nerds — and many combinations thereof. One thing I’ve learned is to adjust your pace to the needs, abilities, and comfort levels of others. I’m not talking about pandering or being condescending – au contraire! What I mean is that those of us who are more socially comfortable, more experienced, often need to slow down our approach and allow a person time to warm up and become comfortable. Some people just take longer than others to open up and patience (encouraging trust while happily waiting) is usually greatly rewarded. Remember, this is not a race to see who can share or discover the most!

Holly:

Ask them questions about themselves (not too probing) and as soon as you find a topic that sparks them up, delve more into that topic. When people talk about things that they are passionate about or are very skilled at, they seem to relax.

Slip:

Find common ground. Typically you’ve both agreed to this date because you had something in common. For me, it’s usually — obviously — the lingerie. *wink* People often find it easier to begin talking about their interests rather than themselves.

Even with blind dates you have something in common — the people who set you up! So, when all else seems to be failing, talk about the people, place, or website that fixed you up.

“Alice”

Your own breath matters. When I realize there is nervousness at the table I don’t always know if it’s mine or the date’s, so I just take a deep breath and smile and imagine this is all the foreplay and try to enjoy it. This little practice actually tends to help other people breathe easier too. Nervousness can be transformed into excitement psychologically, I think.

Yes, there’s more to come yet!