How To Support Porn Stars, Sex Workers, & Women

Greg Battiste is just another guy who happens to like porn. More importantly, Battiste also respects those who make porn. Perhaps most importantly, he’s given a list of tips on how to respectfully interact with porn stars. It covers everything from dic pics to asking for freebies and more.

Greg Battiste's tips

As SecretPhoneSex (aka Lynn of PhoneSexSecrets) says, those are good tips for dealing with phone sex operators, cam girls, any sex worker really.

Battiste saw that and raised the bar to include all women. For that alone, you should follow Battiste. But he does offer some pretty good porn stuff too. *wink*

Women Who Pay For Sex ~ Mara Speaks

Dear Maggie,

I’m a middle aged lesbian-leaning bisexual academic who identifies as a feminist.  Your blog came to my attention a few years ago via Twitter, and your daily digest of police state violence against sex workers is an essential part of my political reading.  While you have a wide array of discussions on your blog and in the comment threads, I have noticed one voice missing:  That of The Jane.  Or at least, This Jane.

I am a woman who has paid for sex and I liked it.  If I were a rich woman, I would unabashedly procure sexual services from providers of various genders.  If I were powerful enough, I would be honest and unashamed by such too.


A voice not often heard from!

See on Scoop.itSex Work

News: Cliterati Founder Seeks Female Sex Fantasies for New Book – Cliterati

See on Scoop.itLet’s Get Sex Positive

Four decades on, women aren’t just admitting to having fantasies, they’re also writing them down and some are even becoming millionaires as a result. But have their fantasies changed or are we eroticising the same things as our mothers and grandmothers before us? Have the changes in society affected what we think about, and how we use our fantasies? How close is reality to fantasy now that the internet makes all manner of assignations  infinitely easier than they were four decades ago? Do we accept our fantasies more now than before, or is there still a stigma about female fantasies? Are we making our dreams come true – or still keeping our real desires to ourselves for fear of being judged?


Cliterati founder, Emily Dubberley, is investigating this in her latest book. If you’d like to add your voice to it, please fill in one of the following surveys (you can skip any questions that you feel uncomfortable about regardless of the survey you choose.) Please elaborate on your fantasies as fully as possible.

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When Women Pursue Sex, Even Men Don’t Get It

See on Scoop.itLet’s Get Sex Positive

Female animals don’t just enjoy sex, they are not shy about pursuing it. Bergner’s new book is a reexamination of everything we think we know about sex and female biology. An excerpt in The New York Times Magazine two weeks ago explained how, contrary to long-standing cultural beliefs that women are turned on by stability and emotional intimacy, long-term monogamy actually saps women’s sex drives. A German researcher “shows women and men in new relationships reporting, on average, more or less equal lust for each other. But for women who’ve been with their partners between one and four years, a dive begins — and continues, leaving male desire far higher.” We fundamentally misunderstand women’s lust, says Bergner. And not just when it comes to married women.

Gracie Passette‘s insight:

Biology & sociology of the birds and bees ~ because humans are animals.

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Women Making Pornography

See on Scoop.itLet’s Get Sex Positive

What I have found are films that have empowered and inspired me. Films that feature women I can identify with. Mothers and daughters, single or partnered, younger and older, thinner or plumper. Women who confront culturally imposed sanctions regulating their behavior, and deeply felt issues shaping their lives. Women who reject the speed limits of desire enforced upon women. Women who refuse to be labeled.


Behind these films are educated women with high ideals and intriguing visions. Women who object to the discriminating portrayal of their sex in porn and popular media, and who speak up for women sexually and politically. Some of them stay clear of the “porn” word lest they turn their targeted audience away from their work. Instead they market their films as “adult,” “explicit,” “sensual,” or “erotic.” But others refuse to allow men free rein in defining porn, and therefore claim the “porn” word as a way to subversively change its meaning.

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Do Women Really Want More than Men can Give?

Sometimes I think men don’t really want us to have our own sexuality, our own sense of self. The more we can stand on our own the less we are likely to accept them as they are. Though if they can wear us down into feeling we are less than we are, there is a better chance they can get what they want from us, without really giving us anything in return. Getting sex in return does not count. I don’t think (in my own experience) that women want just sex, not really. It may be something they settle for or it may be something they use in hopes of trading to get more later. (Or it may be a job for some, which is not a personal thing at all).

I saw a cartoon drawn by a man with bad spelling today. I didn’t cut and paste it. But the image has stuck in my mind. It shows a woman with the stereotypical huge boobs, tiny waist and round butt – she is tied up with her butt sticking up and her face down. Her head is turned to look back, over her shoulder. She looks upset, scared – she is certainly not in her position by choice. The cartoon even states she is a virgin. The main focus of the cartoon, the largest image which takes up the most space even, is a huge cock. A man is holding his cock, his pants down around his knees, standing over her so he can shove his cock into her. It’s supposed to be sexy, maybe even funny. But, to me it really just illustrated how men pressure women for sex. Not just that but how they push it on women in so many forms. Also, the size of the cock in the drawing, the amount of focus put into drawing it and having it show up even larger than the woman herself – this shows how much focus is on self-satisfaction and his own needs versus wanting a partner in sex. In the cartoon she is unwilling, that is one thing, but looking at the drawing itself she is almost not important versus the man holding his own giant cock ready to use her.

I’ve read where someone has given advice to men, suggesting they give their wives (girlfriends, etc.) some extra affection, romance, something before just asking for sex and telling her how she never gives him any. I think men read this and maybe even use the advice. So they tell her she’s pretty and when she isn’t jumping their boner a few minutes later they decide the advice didn’t work and never consider trying again, or trying to actually be sincere in using romance, affection, consideration versus just expecting she will want sex because he wants sex. If she doesn’t want it then there is something wrong with her.

There must be some cases where men and women meet in the middle and come to some understanding of each other’s needs. I know there are some great, and happy, couples out there. Also, I know not every man wants a steady stream of sex. So it is possible for men and women to find partners who do have the same interest level in sex.

However, as a single woman, dating again, it seems most men are of the type to see women as something to have sex with before they consider her as a person. Before they consider themselves as a person beyond a person with a penis. I think even the men who troll newsgroups, chats and dating sites must have some need for a human, personal connection. They must want someone to talk to, to go places with and such – at least some times. They can’t have no needs beyond sex and sex alone. I have had one man ask me why I was online at all if I wasn’t looking for sex. That is the attitude I find most often in men online, when it comes to any kind of dating site or forum. Maybe they really can only think with one head at a time, maybe this is literally true and far more true than I have considered in the past.

I’d like to find a man to have in my life. But, I want more than sex and kinky stuff and even more than romance. I want a real relationship. The sort of relationship that lets me feel I am happy being with the person I am with. I’m not willing to back slide into giving sex to win a man. What are you winning if that is the case? You’ve won a penis, not a man. I’m not willing to see myself as less than I am and accept a man who has far more warts, baggage and issues than I do. I’m not perfect but I’m pleasant, optimistic, a morning person and I have other assorted good qualities. I’m looking for a man who can appreciate who I am, those qualities. Maybe I won’t find that but I am not going to settle for a walking penis, a man who can’t see me as a person and appreciate me for who I am versus a pair of boobs and a warm body with a hole in the right place.

This doesn’t mean I’m not interested in sex. I have my own list of kinky stuff, my own sexual fantasies. But, I want to share them with a real person, a real man (as I’m a straight woman). I want that to be part of the relationship. I don’t want a man who only wants that and then has no interest in being with me once the kinky stuff is done to his satisfaction. That is just far too one sided for me.

The Smart Women mug is available for sale.