Good Parenting

Vanessa Fuchs, proprietress of adult store Sassy Sensations, shares a story:

Fifteen years ago, a visibly uncomfortable woman came into one of her stores looking for help. But she wasn’t there for herself; she was looking for a sex toy for her daughter that would allow her to experiment with her sexuality in a safe way.

“To tell you the truth, I had tears in my eyes. The other customers who were walking around and overheard, had tears in their eyes,” says Fuchs. “I said, ‘You’re amazing. I admire that you don’t feel comfortable in a store like this, and yet you came for the benefit of your daughter.’”

Now that’s sex positive parenting.

Paunchy & Raunchy!

A fabulous, fantastic pin celebrating the sexiness of BBW women with dirty minds. I love the burlesque design too. A collaboration between Two Dimes Design & Weird Empire; so while it is currently sold out here, you can still buy it here. Via @DPopTart & @LucindaLunacy.

PS As long as you’re shopping… Check out the Pizza Slut pinup poster and the Introverted & Perverted pin.

paunchy and raunchy chubby burlesque pinup pin

Women, Including Feminists, Can & Do Like Rough Sex (We Knew That Already!)

Mashable discovers the reality that feminists can, indeed, like rough sex:

Of the 1,500+ self-described “kinky” women Jennifer Eve Rehor studied in 2011, the majority were found to have participated in “at least one of the following activities for their own sensual or erotic pleasure: physical humiliation, deprivation, punishment (physical), breath play, obedience/training, verbal abuse/humiliation, other forced activities and service-oriented submission/domestic service.” They did so in the role of the receptive or submissive partner.

For the record, the dominant partner(s) needn’t be male in these scenarios. Nor does rough sex necessarily imply penis-vagina intercourse. Feminist women can and do experiment with power structures well beyond male-female play.

Before you dash off and read the post, we’d like to remind you that we have copiously covered this issue for ages. (Besides, isn’t more confounding that a feminist can belong to most any popular religion?!) And we even discussed rape fantasies and actual rape in our discussions. Here are some of the more recent Sex Kitten posts on the subject of feminists & BDSM:

There’s No Such Thing As BDSM Romance? More BDSM Myth-information

Rape Fantasies Are Normal, Even If You’ve Been Raped

Say It With Me Now: “BDSM Is Not Violence”

BDSM, Porn, & Rape

See also, these interviews with feminists on BDSM: Erika Lust and Miss Fussypants.

Oh, and don’t forget our book ~ yes, actual paper! Sex-Kitten.Net Presents The BDSM Issue (2005).

Now go see the article at Mashable: Can you be a feminist and like rough sex? (Yes!)

Chastity Belt Hysteria: Fart Humor, Fictional History, & Female Hygiene

The Telegraph has a great article on the history of the chastity belt: The odd truth about ‘locking up’ women’s genitalia.

As professor Albrecht Classen, author of The Medieval Chastity Belt: A Myth-Making Process, tells us, the story of the chastity belt begins here:

The first ever depiction of a chastity belt comes from a 1405 drawing in a work called Bellifortis. But as this book on engineering also features fart jokes, Classen believes it was included as a joke. Since then most other literary references to the belts are either allegorical or satirical.

first ever depiction of a chastity belt

He believes subsequent historians were so quick to believe them as fact because rumours spread due to the “perverse nature” of the idea and the fact that it was “so intimately connected with sexuality, the gender relationships, and power structures within the family.”

In other words, chastity belts were so sexual and taboo that “satirical authors and artists, political propagandists, and later collectors and curators quickly and then firmly embraced the idea that the chastity belt actually existed in the Middle Ages and was in widespread use.”

And Sarah E Bond, assistant Professor of Classics at the University of Iowa, eloquently elaborates:

The truth about chastity belts is that they are largely a fiction constructed in the Renaissance and Early Modern periods in order to conjure a more “barbaric” middle age that had come previously.

And that, my friends, is how history is often written ~ to make modern life seem more enlightened.

Yet, how easy it is to blend such mythology with misogyny. …How many so-called conservatives seem to be more than a bit unstably nostalgic for curtailing women’s rights today?

Before anyone gets any ideas that the US should provide health insurance for chastity belts for women (Hey! They wouldn’t need birth control then!), Classen also discusses the fantasy v. reality of chastity belts:

He explains that it is highly improbably men in the Middle Ages ever used chastity belts to control their wives’ chastity because it has never been documented and “would be contradicted by modern medical research…. because a woman would not even survive the consequent hygienic and health problems after several days”.

So, no, patriarchs; such plans to control women and their sexuality remain ill-advised. Not that such facts seem to stop you.

However, my kinksters, feel free to include chastity belts in your safe, sane, & consensual play. It certainly is one way to go mythically Medieval on her ass.

Male Entitlement is Lonely

We’ve been set up.

Thing is, women have been setup too, we’ve all been setup, and the more people figure it out, the more the people who haven’t figured it out get angry because we’re not getting what we’re supposed to, because the world has changed and women faster than men are changing meaning we’re getting left behind, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

If you’re listening to this and connecting to any of the frustrations I laid out above then know there’s a better way. Many women don’t need or want us to lay down our lives for them, they don’t want to be put on a pedestal and worshiped, they don’t want to be provided for… they just want to be people, and move with people that understand no one owes anyone anything… and that means us. If we want to be with someone, be with women, and be listened to, friends with, cared for, and loved by women, it needs to be a meeting of equals and a mutual meeting of minds, meeting of hearts, and yes… a mutual meeting of bodies.

Source: GPSC 011: On Jealousy, and a rant on Male Entitlement – The Gentleperverts’ Social Club

Seldom do I find anyone who sees things as I do, when it comes to men and women. I get so angry, frustrated and then hopeless. My own family don’t get it and they make me feel I’m wrong and that’s why I’m still alone.

But, I know I’m not wrong.

I want someone to be with – not to be with someone, like an appendage or a caretaker. As much as I want someone in my life I can’t accept what the men I meet are willing to give. It’s not enough, it’s self-centred and they don’t even see it! I want a partner in my life, a male partner. Why is it so hard for me to find a man who says he wants a life together and actually MEANS it?

One real date and I can see everything he said online was just giving me the party line (telling me what he thinks will work to get what he wants). Most of them I don’t even meet in person because I see it in their conversation through email, chat or whatever medium I find them in. Men will seem like real people and then become sex robots, all they can talk about is sex. What they want, how they want it and I don’t even know who they are yet! But, I’ve likely been offered a photo of his penis. I don’t want it.

I want a person, not quite an equal because we aren’t clones. I don’t mind a man with baggage (depending on how much there is – not more than I have myself).

Instead every day I just get angry. I try to shove it off. I try not to feel anything when I see all the male entitlement around every day, just about every where. Of course, the more I try not to see it the more I do see it. As I get older I only see it more clearly. It’s sick and twisted but I don’t blame all of it on men. Don’t think I’m bashing men just because they have this feeling of being first, entitled to being first and more important.

Society gives them the attitude, strokes them with it and whispers in their ear about how much power they have, how important they are and how they deserve to be first. I don’t think most men see it. I know a lot of women don’t because they would soon be wearing more clothes, for one thing, if they did.

I don’t feel like writing/ ranting any more. I’d rather be doing something else. You’re welcome to leave indignant, misguided, abusive and ranting comments. People love to show how right they are – as if anyone is listening. I’ll be reading a book.

actsingleTumblr: The Rules of a Gentleman

Ah, The Scent Of A (Virgin) Woman…

It’s been so long since I’ve been a virgin that I can hardly recall any specific scent I may have had ~ having hot sex, plain old sex, or otherwise. But Rends not only believes there’s such a scent, but that they can bottle it and sell it to owners of sex dolls.

add the scent of a hot virgin having sex to your sex doll

This miracle product is called Spray for Love Body Sweat Scent of Virgin.

Because what is missing more to your gorgeous sexy doll than the sexy smell of a woman in love? Loaded with female pheromones, this is a spray bottle that reproduces the smell of a hot female having sweaty sex. Trust us, this will totally blow your mind. A great “augmentation” for your love doll, for an even more realistic pleasure for you.

Notice there’s no mention of the “hot female having sweaty sex” being a virgin. I’m opting to believe that they simply opted not to mention virgins again because, hey, it’s in the product title already. Too many mentions would be overkill, right? Right.

And because it’s not like any of this is unbelievable, I’m not even going to debate the differences between a “hot female having sweaty sex” and the “sexy smell of a woman in love.”

Oh, and you can apparently spray this Japanese pheromone product on apparel & just walk around town attracting men who are looking for hot sweaty sex with virgins. Or, more likely, just those men who use this on their sex dolls. But, hey, if that’s your thing, I won’t judge.

spray on Sweat Scent of Virgin

TV’s Turning Up The Sex ~ And I Love It (Mostly)

Typically, summer seems to bring out some of the worst in fluff TV. Often, this is most visible in cheap “reality” television which exploits celebrity itself by making celebrities do odd things. But it is also apparent in the cliched, romance and fashion-ridden chick shows otherwise known as the lady dramas or evening soaps. Hey, I’ll admit I watch a few of them. I could tell you it’s for the pure joy of having some guilty pleasures, but that’s not entirely it… We have little choice. While some may say it’s the heat which makes us lower our standards, the truth is that there’s little else on. But this summer, even the guilty pleasure fluff has become very interesting by stepping-up the sex appeal…

Surprisingly, Devious Maids turned up the heat by going with a BDSM theme. Even if it was presented as a shocking thing, a la Desperate Housewives.

As the relationship betwen The Powells grows warmer, Mr. Powell grows impotent, missing his wife’s cold controlling humiliating ways ~ but discovers he has progressed towards a predilection and arousal from physical pain.

Yes, it got more than a bit icky when he topped from the bottom ~ and especially by breaking the rule of consent, forcing the maid to provide his discipline. Is it worse than the ick of 50 Shades? I don’t know… We could have debates for ages on that. But the very fact that BDSM was on Maids at all assists in breaking ground for BDSM in the mainstream.

Even if you’re not shocked to find BDSM in your mainstream lady shows, you might find how Mistresses turned up the sexual heat surprising…

Mistresses introduces not merely a not threesome, but a polyamory relationship between Karen, Vivian, and Alec.

More than just sex, there’s a love trio ~ complete with emotional complications as Karen finds herself fearing she’s coming between the married couple after cumming between them. It’s more than likely this won’t last; the show is called Mistresses, after all. And likely Karen will find herself smitten with Alec, if not leaving the two of them at the same time. (Remember, they only allowed Joss to be a lesbian for a few minutes.) But it is a start, right?

But hands-down (pun intended), my new favorite show, UnReal, earns special props for being more than open about sex ~ but by including female masturbation so naturally too.

At the start of one episode, Rachel is shown trying to (unsuccessfully) jill-off while watching porn on her phone. Later in that same episode, Rachel finds masturbatory success while watching a different video on her phone ~ this video of she and her former lover. Kudos, Lifetime!

And kudos, again, for sandwiching between those slices of masturbatory life, Quinn being (discreetly ~ but obviously) orally serviced by Chet as well. Quinn clearly enjoys that seat of power ~ for now, anyway.

Unfortuneatly, no one seems to have preserved and proffered video clips from this spectacularly sexually frank episode. Yet. But trust me, it all happened. Others saw it too. And it’s just this sort of honesty that makes UnReal the best show on Lifetime. Quite possibly the best show on TV this summer. I just wish that Lifetime would have the ovaries to post these sorts of clips online; that would show real commitment to UnReal. And fans like me.

Thanks to this marvelous digital age, it doesn’t matter if you’ve missed any episodes or even if you missed every episode. You can get them online somewhere, via Netflix, or Amazon Instant Video (my favorite ~ since I’m a Prime member, I make the most of Prime Instant Video). Wherever you go, be sure to check out the steamy summer goodness. Especially UnReal. It truly is unreal. In an amazing way.


Kola Boof On Strong Women & Strong Words

KolaBoofToday, we are continuing our talk with Kola Boof

Kola, you’ve been called many things… Not all of them nice or even true. One label I know you use is “Womanist.”

Alice Walker is my favorite Woman and Toni Morrison is my favorite Writer. It’s because of the message in their work that I call myself a Womanist. And the other mother of Kola was Gloria Steinem. Those three. I am a Womanist-Feminist proudly.

Speaking of strong and passionate women ~ who often experience anger and attacks… You’ve worked on a project with Roseanne. Tell us a bit about that?

Oh my God…Roseanne Barr has changed my entire view of White Feminists. I think it’s because she understands rituals, clannish tribalism and foreign women’s issues. Getting to know Roseanne has been one of the happiest events in my life. She is like George Carlin, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce–a social commentator masquerading as a comedian! She is a genius. I filmed a new talk show pilot with her. I don’t have permission to give too many details. I don’t have any idea if or when it will air. Most pilots never reach the air, unfortunately. But she told me that we are now friends, not just associates, and that means a lot to me. I really love who she is and what she stands for. Neither one of us agrees totally with everything the other one says…that needs to be mentioned….but I feel that every woman should read her autobiography, Roseannearchy.

When Roseanne works her humor (stand-up or when she had her sitcom), her biting commentary is far more accepted than when she just speaks her mind. Do you find this is somewhat true for you as well? For example, when you write a book, are those opinions more accepted than when you speak your mind in person or on Twitter?

Oh yes. When I write my books, people acknowledge my great craftsmanship, my naturally poetic storytelling, my softness and my compassion even in the most fiery scenes. They have a context to put everything into. But when I speak in sound bites on Twitter, I come off as a vulgar man-hating, possibly racist Wicked Witch to them. Haha!

Truth is, I need to stay off of social media. But then the publishers don’t want you if you don’t cultivate and sell yourself. I have almost 20,000 followers. It’s a terrible catch 22. And with these Arab corporations openly offering publishers bribes not to publish me and offering reporters money to invent terrible stories about me, it’s very scary not to have that platform. But even my Twitter platform has been hacked 7 times. My computers, my photos and my Youtube videos are constantly hacked. The Police stay monitoring them on my behalf. It’s really terrible, Gracie. They feel they have to discredit me because I’m too loud, too fearless.

The nail that stands the tallest takes the greatest hammering. …One reason to be glad I am not that sort of legend.

Speaking of legends… You got to know Whitney Houston before she died. What was she like?

She was the sweetest, most misunderstood…just an angel trapped in the expectations that society places on women…what her religion wanted her to be; what her parents wanted her to be. She was not on drugs any of the times that I met with her. She was beautiful, kind, hilariously funny and the true embodiment of sisterhood and unconditional love. I miss Nippy so much.

kolaWho were the authors that inspired you to become a writer?

There’s so many. Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Gloria Naylor, Sylvia Plath and Gayl Jones were the main inspirations. I loved Wanda Coleman, the genius poet. Sherwood Anderson, Richard Wright, Wallace Thurman, James Baldwin and of course Zora. I deeply loved Nigeria’s great Chinweizu, Buchi Emecheta, Senegal’s Mariama Ba and Egypt’s Nawal el Sadaawi. But I was raised in a Black American home with mostly Black American authors. I am African-born, an African author…but when I’m dead, I want the Black Americans to get the credit for my contribution as an artist. They saved my life and made me who I am.

I owe everything to Professor Derrick Bell, Carl Nelson, Molefi Kete Asante and Joe Madison. Recently, I’ve been able to become comrades with one of the most legendary black women in publishing history, Malaika Adero. I got to hug and kiss Marva Allen, another Mother of the word. That makes me cry realizing how blessed I am to actually meet the women who inspired me not to commit suicide, not to become a drug addict when I was young and dumb. I had such a tragic, tormented start. But now I’m a productive artist who has a voice. I also want to mention Terry McMillan. I don’t know her. But it’s because of the success of that black woman writer that a precedent was created where black authors could regularly be published. I loved her books as a teenager and I’m grateful she blew the doors open for us. Terry McMillan doesn’t get the credit or praise she deserves.

Out of the younger writers, your peers today, who do you admire?

Oh God. Let’s stick to the women and watch me forget to mention someone. But I have to say Z.Z. Packer is my favorite new writer. Chimamanda Adichie is my hero and sister of fire. I love her. I am blown away by Tayari Jones, Tsitsi Dangarembga and the new genius of Sci-Fi, Nnedi Okorofor. Loren Kleinman is my new favorite poet. I love Rebecca Walker so deeply. She is like a really smart woman who came through pure hell yet somehow isn’t as damaged as I am. Joan Morgan, Jamilah Lemieux and dream hampton (spelled lower case) are literal oxygen cleaners. I feel so empowered by Janet Mock, she’s the answer to everyone’s prayer in my opinion. I have a very high opinion of Jessica Care Moore, Helen Oyeyemi, Morowa Yejidé, Shirley Sherrod…and I am so impressed by this rapper Azealia Banks. She’s not a writer, she’s a rapper but I feel her music has literary merit. I hate that I’m leaving so many out. I hope they forgive me.

Your publisher, Johnny Temple and his outfit Akashic Books, is steadily becoming one of the most acclaimed flagship labels in what the New York Times calls a renaissance for Brooklyn publishers. What is it like to work with him?

I live on the West Coast and almost never get see my bosses at Akashic, but I adore them. Johnny Temple deserves all the credit for Kola Boof when Historians someday recollect this era in African literature. Johnny gave me my big break based solely on raw talent. And my editor, Ibrahim Ahmad, is very dear to me. He did everything to make The Sexy Part of the Bible the big hit that it was. There’s also Joanna Ingalls who I love a lot just because she’s so accepting and non-judgmental. I’m extremely lucky to be at Akashic Books because it really is the most important house in publishing right now.

What are your plans for the future?

I have some amazing novels coming out. I Am My Own Daughter will be the first one. It deals with suicide among Blacks and features a Black American woman named Eyelet March who flies airplanes delivering furniture for a living. In real life, that’s what my husband Jason does. And I have another novel finished, She Wiped It On the Wall. It’s about a Black American female reporter traveling to Sudan to save an Atheist Dinka girl from being stoned for witchcraft. I’m planning a novel about the nature of shame entitled KOOL because I don’t understand people that are always ashamed of trivial things. And I’m planning a story collection about Transsexuals called The Beach Is At the Ocean and a novel set in Nigeria, The African Mafia. I’ve also promised my fans a complete cook book–cooking is my passion.

So my future is writing. I’m a writer booked up until death. Haha!

Soap Opera Flashbacks With Kola Boof

It’s been years since we last spoke with the divine Kola Boof. (See past interviews here & here; and a review of her “earliest, angriest book”, Nile River Woman, is here.) But on Monday we’ve got another exclusive interview with the legend! There’s so much to cover… For now, here’s a little flashback into Kola’s past…

Did you know Kola Boof once wrote for Days Of Our Lives, The Young & The Restless, and As The World Turns? It’s true. It was an especially poignant gig as Kola was born in the Sudan and came to the US at age six ~ and little Kola learned English watching daytime soaps. Discover more in Kola’s V-Log, below. (And come back Monday for the first part of our latest interview with Kola!)