Satisfying Women Sexually May Be Complicated, But It Creates Male Superheros

Every once and awhile, sex studies align like planets to produce a clear sign. This week, it’s all about female orgasms. Hip-hip-whore-ay!

The first study to hit my news-feed was from the Indiana University, Chapman University, and Claremont Graduate University which announced that straight women have fewest orgasms. If you are a straight woman, this likely does not surprise you.

The fact that lesbian women orgasmed more often than heterosexual women indicates that many heterosexual women could experience higher rates of orgasm.

Which is a really nice way of saying that men are not always the best lovers. Again, if you are a straight woman this likely doesn’t surprise you.

The second bit I found in my news-feed may help: Apparently There are 12 Female Orgasms:

Cliteral Orgasm
Vaginal/G-Spot Orgasm
Blended Orgasm
Multiple Orgasms
Anal Orgasm
Sleep-Gasm (a.k.a ‘Snore-gasm’)
Cervical Orgasm
U-Spot Orgasm
A-Spot Orgasm
Nipple Orgasm
Core-Gasm
Expanded Sexual Response

It’s not just the use of the word “apparently” which indicates the number and variation of female orgasms is news to many ~ but the reactions to it.

Reactions from too many women and men was astonishment. Many men rather blew off the notion with snide little comments about how complicated female sexuality is. Your ignorance is showing, gents! (You can hide it in jokes, gents, but we still know your ignorance ~ and even resentment is there!) And while it would be really easy for me to dive down that rabbit hole of male ignorance, I won’t. Not so much because I am nice (You likely know better! *wink*), but because if I get caught up in such talk, heterosexual women will continue to be less satisfied in bed. And I can’t stand that idea! So, I will avoid that rabbit hole of male shame and get down to the business of making women’s holes happier.

However, it seems that male ego may just be the key here to women’s happiness!

Research suggests that women’s orgasms may function as a masculinity achievement for men. Yup, you read that right; hetrosexual men feel better about themselves when they can make women come. As clinical psychologist & sex therapist Dr. David J. Ley noted in a tweet, getting a woman to orgasm makes a man feel like a superhero.

To all the men out there who feel confused and down-right confounded on how to pleasure a woman ~ let alone in a dozen ways ~ take this apparently surprising news and turn it into a challenge. Learn how to please a woman ~ and earn that superhero cape!

It’s not just you, your ego, and your dick which will grow with pride either. You and your partner will grow closer, and the amount of sex you have will also grow. It really is a win-win.

Need some help? Some sex ed tips to help you improve your lady’s sex life? Dick Dojo has an entire video series on the subject ~ and, from now through March 12, 2017, their Bedroom Black Belt Series of ebooks are free!

The course covers everything from cock control (so you don’t experience premature ejaculation) to making the most of your mouth and hands. It’s Kung Fu for your cock ~ and sure to help you feel like a sexual superhero. But you may have to put the cape on by yourself; if you’ve earned it, she’ll be too tired to help. *wink*

Flashback Friday: Eek! He’ll See Me Nude!

Circa 2004, comes this bit of body image sex positivity

I don’t know what all the fuss is about, kids, but lately Gracie has received some emails from women ~ frantic women who are worried about how they look in bed to their partners.

Read it for what’s more likely to be going on in your partner’s head than your fears.

Good Parenting

Vanessa Fuchs, proprietress of adult store Sassy Sensations, shares a story:

Fifteen years ago, a visibly uncomfortable woman came into one of her stores looking for help. But she wasn’t there for herself; she was looking for a sex toy for her daughter that would allow her to experiment with her sexuality in a safe way.

“To tell you the truth, I had tears in my eyes. The other customers who were walking around and overheard, had tears in their eyes,” says Fuchs. “I said, ‘You’re amazing. I admire that you don’t feel comfortable in a store like this, and yet you came for the benefit of your daughter.’”

Now that’s sex positive parenting.

Paunchy & Raunchy!

A fabulous, fantastic pin celebrating the sexiness of BBW women with dirty minds. I love the burlesque design too. A collaboration between Two Dimes Design & Weird Empire; so while it is currently sold out here, you can still buy it here. Via @DPopTart & @LucindaLunacy.

PS As long as you’re shopping… Check out the Pizza Slut pinup poster and the Introverted & Perverted pin.

paunchy and raunchy chubby burlesque pinup pin

Women, Including Feminists, Can & Do Like Rough Sex (We Knew That Already!)

Mashable discovers the reality that feminists can, indeed, like rough sex:

Of the 1,500+ self-described “kinky” women Jennifer Eve Rehor studied in 2011, the majority were found to have participated in “at least one of the following activities for their own sensual or erotic pleasure: physical humiliation, deprivation, punishment (physical), breath play, obedience/training, verbal abuse/humiliation, other forced activities and service-oriented submission/domestic service.” They did so in the role of the receptive or submissive partner.

For the record, the dominant partner(s) needn’t be male in these scenarios. Nor does rough sex necessarily imply penis-vagina intercourse. Feminist women can and do experiment with power structures well beyond male-female play.

Before you dash off and read the post, we’d like to remind you that we have copiously covered this issue for ages. (Besides, isn’t more confounding that a feminist can belong to most any popular religion?!) And we even discussed rape fantasies and actual rape in our discussions. Here are some of the more recent Sex Kitten posts on the subject of feminists & BDSM:

There’s No Such Thing As BDSM Romance? More BDSM Myth-information

Rape Fantasies Are Normal, Even If You’ve Been Raped

Say It With Me Now: “BDSM Is Not Violence”

BDSM, Porn, & Rape

See also, these interviews with feminists on BDSM: Erika Lust and Miss Fussypants.

Oh, and don’t forget our book ~ yes, actual paper! Sex-Kitten.Net Presents The BDSM Issue (2005).

Now go see the article at Mashable: Can you be a feminist and like rough sex? (Yes!)

Chastity Belt Hysteria: Fart Humor, Fictional History, & Female Hygiene

The Telegraph has a great article on the history of the chastity belt: The odd truth about ‘locking up’ women’s genitalia.

As professor Albrecht Classen, author of The Medieval Chastity Belt: A Myth-Making Process, tells us, the story of the chastity belt begins here:

The first ever depiction of a chastity belt comes from a 1405 drawing in a work called Bellifortis. But as this book on engineering also features fart jokes, Classen believes it was included as a joke. Since then most other literary references to the belts are either allegorical or satirical.

first ever depiction of a chastity belt

He believes subsequent historians were so quick to believe them as fact because rumours spread due to the “perverse nature” of the idea and the fact that it was “so intimately connected with sexuality, the gender relationships, and power structures within the family.”

In other words, chastity belts were so sexual and taboo that “satirical authors and artists, political propagandists, and later collectors and curators quickly and then firmly embraced the idea that the chastity belt actually existed in the Middle Ages and was in widespread use.”

And Sarah E Bond, assistant Professor of Classics at the University of Iowa, eloquently elaborates:

The truth about chastity belts is that they are largely a fiction constructed in the Renaissance and Early Modern periods in order to conjure a more “barbaric” middle age that had come previously.

And that, my friends, is how history is often written ~ to make modern life seem more enlightened.

Yet, how easy it is to blend such mythology with misogyny. …How many so-called conservatives seem to be more than a bit unstably nostalgic for curtailing women’s rights today?

Before anyone gets any ideas that the US should provide health insurance for chastity belts for women (Hey! They wouldn’t need birth control then!), Classen also discusses the fantasy v. reality of chastity belts:

He explains that it is highly improbably men in the Middle Ages ever used chastity belts to control their wives’ chastity because it has never been documented and “would be contradicted by modern medical research…. because a woman would not even survive the consequent hygienic and health problems after several days”.

So, no, patriarchs; such plans to control women and their sexuality remain ill-advised. Not that such facts seem to stop you.

However, my kinksters, feel free to include chastity belts in your safe, sane, & consensual play. It certainly is one way to go mythically Medieval on her ass.

Male Entitlement is Lonely

We’ve been set up.

Thing is, women have been setup too, we’ve all been setup, and the more people figure it out, the more the people who haven’t figured it out get angry because we’re not getting what we’re supposed to, because the world has changed and women faster than men are changing meaning we’re getting left behind, but it doesn’t have to be like that.

If you’re listening to this and connecting to any of the frustrations I laid out above then know there’s a better way. Many women don’t need or want us to lay down our lives for them, they don’t want to be put on a pedestal and worshiped, they don’t want to be provided for… they just want to be people, and move with people that understand no one owes anyone anything… and that means us. If we want to be with someone, be with women, and be listened to, friends with, cared for, and loved by women, it needs to be a meeting of equals and a mutual meeting of minds, meeting of hearts, and yes… a mutual meeting of bodies.

Source: GPSC 011: On Jealousy, and a rant on Male Entitlement – The Gentleperverts’ Social Club

Seldom do I find anyone who sees things as I do, when it comes to men and women. I get so angry, frustrated and then hopeless. My own family don’t get it and they make me feel I’m wrong and that’s why I’m still alone.

But, I know I’m not wrong.

I want someone to be with – not to be with someone, like an appendage or a caretaker. As much as I want someone in my life I can’t accept what the men I meet are willing to give. It’s not enough, it’s self-centred and they don’t even see it! I want a partner in my life, a male partner. Why is it so hard for me to find a man who says he wants a life together and actually MEANS it?

One real date and I can see everything he said online was just giving me the party line (telling me what he thinks will work to get what he wants). Most of them I don’t even meet in person because I see it in their conversation through email, chat or whatever medium I find them in. Men will seem like real people and then become sex robots, all they can talk about is sex. What they want, how they want it and I don’t even know who they are yet! But, I’ve likely been offered a photo of his penis. I don’t want it.

I want a person, not quite an equal because we aren’t clones. I don’t mind a man with baggage (depending on how much there is – not more than I have myself).

Instead every day I just get angry. I try to shove it off. I try not to feel anything when I see all the male entitlement around every day, just about every where. Of course, the more I try not to see it the more I do see it. As I get older I only see it more clearly. It’s sick and twisted but I don’t blame all of it on men. Don’t think I’m bashing men just because they have this feeling of being first, entitled to being first and more important.

Society gives them the attitude, strokes them with it and whispers in their ear about how much power they have, how important they are and how they deserve to be first. I don’t think most men see it. I know a lot of women don’t because they would soon be wearing more clothes, for one thing, if they did.

I don’t feel like writing/ ranting any more. I’d rather be doing something else. You’re welcome to leave indignant, misguided, abusive and ranting comments. People love to show how right they are – as if anyone is listening. I’ll be reading a book.

actsingleTumblr: The Rules of a Gentleman

Ah, The Scent Of A (Virgin) Woman…

It’s been so long since I’ve been a virgin that I can hardly recall any specific scent I may have had ~ having hot sex, plain old sex, or otherwise. But Rends not only believes there’s such a scent, but that they can bottle it and sell it to owners of sex dolls.

add the scent of a hot virgin having sex to your sex doll

This miracle product is called Spray for Love Body Sweat Scent of Virgin.

Because what is missing more to your gorgeous sexy doll than the sexy smell of a woman in love? Loaded with female pheromones, this is a spray bottle that reproduces the smell of a hot female having sweaty sex. Trust us, this will totally blow your mind. A great “augmentation” for your love doll, for an even more realistic pleasure for you.

Notice there’s no mention of the “hot female having sweaty sex” being a virgin. I’m opting to believe that they simply opted not to mention virgins again because, hey, it’s in the product title already. Too many mentions would be overkill, right? Right.

And because it’s not like any of this is unbelievable, I’m not even going to debate the differences between a “hot female having sweaty sex” and the “sexy smell of a woman in love.”

Oh, and you can apparently spray this Japanese pheromone product on apparel & just walk around town attracting men who are looking for hot sweaty sex with virgins. Or, more likely, just those men who use this on their sex dolls. But, hey, if that’s your thing, I won’t judge.

spray on Sweat Scent of Virgin

TV’s Turning Up The Sex ~ And I Love It (Mostly)

Typically, summer seems to bring out some of the worst in fluff TV. Often, this is most visible in cheap “reality” television which exploits celebrity itself by making celebrities do odd things. But it is also apparent in the cliched, romance and fashion-ridden chick shows otherwise known as the lady dramas or evening soaps. Hey, I’ll admit I watch a few of them. I could tell you it’s for the pure joy of having some guilty pleasures, but that’s not entirely it… We have little choice. While some may say it’s the heat which makes us lower our standards, the truth is that there’s little else on. But this summer, even the guilty pleasure fluff has become very interesting by stepping-up the sex appeal…

Surprisingly, Devious Maids turned up the heat by going with a BDSM theme. Even if it was presented as a shocking thing, a la Desperate Housewives.

As the relationship betwen The Powells grows warmer, Mr. Powell grows impotent, missing his wife’s cold controlling humiliating ways ~ but discovers he has progressed towards a predilection and arousal from physical pain.

Yes, it got more than a bit icky when he topped from the bottom ~ and especially by breaking the rule of consent, forcing the maid to provide his discipline. Is it worse than the ick of 50 Shades? I don’t know… We could have debates for ages on that. But the very fact that BDSM was on Maids at all assists in breaking ground for BDSM in the mainstream.

Even if you’re not shocked to find BDSM in your mainstream lady shows, you might find how Mistresses turned up the sexual heat surprising…

Mistresses introduces not merely a not threesome, but a polyamory relationship between Karen, Vivian, and Alec.

More than just sex, there’s a love trio ~ complete with emotional complications as Karen finds herself fearing she’s coming between the married couple after cumming between them. It’s more than likely this won’t last; the show is called Mistresses, after all. And likely Karen will find herself smitten with Alec, if not leaving the two of them at the same time. (Remember, they only allowed Joss to be a lesbian for a few minutes.) But it is a start, right?

But hands-down (pun intended), my new favorite show, UnReal, earns special props for being more than open about sex ~ but by including female masturbation so naturally too.

At the start of one episode, Rachel is shown trying to (unsuccessfully) jill-off while watching porn on her phone. Later in that same episode, Rachel finds masturbatory success while watching a different video on her phone ~ this video of she and her former lover. Kudos, Lifetime!

And kudos, again, for sandwiching between those slices of masturbatory life, Quinn being (discreetly ~ but obviously) orally serviced by Chet as well. Quinn clearly enjoys that seat of power ~ for now, anyway.

Unfortuneatly, no one seems to have preserved and proffered video clips from this spectacularly sexually frank episode. Yet. But trust me, it all happened. Others saw it too. And it’s just this sort of honesty that makes UnReal the best show on Lifetime. Quite possibly the best show on TV this summer. I just wish that Lifetime would have the ovaries to post these sorts of clips online; that would show real commitment to UnReal. And fans like me.

Thanks to this marvelous digital age, it doesn’t matter if you’ve missed any episodes or even if you missed every episode. You can get them online somewhere, via Netflix, or Amazon Instant Video (my favorite ~ since I’m a Prime member, I make the most of Prime Instant Video). Wherever you go, be sure to check out the steamy summer goodness. Especially UnReal. It truly is unreal. In an amazing way.

unreal-lifetime-shiri-appelby-as-rachel-feminist-shirt