Gracie's Room

Come inside my boudoir... As a former pro & a general wild one, I'll discuss all sorts of naughty business. For more, read my bio.

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Body Parts, The Series, Part IV

You may be thinking that Gracie has skipped a part in her 'Body Parts Series' since this part is not about how men can attract their Ms. Right via proper dress. After all, dear Gracie has been flip-flopping-fairly between both sexes...

However, if you have been paying attention, you’d know that men & women are different.

Let me repeat: Men & women are different.

“But Gracie,” you say, “that’s so sexist, so passe, so utterly non-pc of you!”

To which Gracie says “Crap.”

Men & women are different, otherwise why are relationships so difficult? Why are books on communications between the sexes so high on the best sellers lists? Do we deny our differences in physical parts?

This has nothing to do with equality. Nothing to do with ‘better,’ it is just a fact, as Gracie sees it.

Now, before we get our shorts all in a knot, thinking Gracie is ignoring the segments of our population that are not heterosexual, let me say this: I am hetero, and don’t feel particularly qualified to speak, personally or professionally, on the subject of homosexuality. Despite believing they are real humans, with real feelings, desires, emotions & whatnot, & having no ill-will or judgment, I just cannot delve too deeply into the realms of their attractions.

Having said that...

I don’t see any real difference between heteros & homos.

For one thing, this is because all humans, no matter their orientation or gendered bodies, have both masculine & feminine sides.

This has nothing to do with ‘orientations.’

Given the last few part of my series, having been dedicated to the visual response to body parts, means that men in general are more visual than women. No news flash, right?

What complicates the matter, and often leads the less educated into believing this is not so, are all the ‘yeah buts.’

“Yeah but I am a man who likes eyes (personality, sense of humor ~ fill in as you’d like).”

“Yeah, but I am a woman who digs checking out guys asses (arms, hair, whatever).”

First, I am speaking in generalities. But second, there are two issues at work here: what you see, and what you are looking for.


In a bar, a night club, at the supermarket. wherever you are, you see & respond, in a virtual knee-jerk reaction. Straight men see a woman nice rack, and look like ‘a boob’ as they stare, and get at least some sort of lurid thought, if not actual arousal. Straight women see a man with a broad chest, and imagine snuggling right up next to it... unconsciously achieving a lowered guard for being approached. (For homosexuals, just insert the body part analogy of your choice ~ I’m not ignoring you, we’ll get there later!)

If you don’t believe me, spend some time watching people ~ print out my past columns & take notes if you’d like!

Those are examples of a ‘seeing’ or a visual response.

What we are ‘looking for,’ however may not be the same thing. This is where the ‘male’ & ‘female’ parts of ourselves come in.

I’ll use me as an example. As noted, Gracie is often thought of as being very masculine in her thinking [1]. While I do swoon over a nice pair of creative hands, mere putty to my mushy female sight fantasies, my well-endowed masculine side is searching a bit differently.

I am a non-traditional, devil may care person, who looks for a man who isn’t too traditional, who isn’t going to expect Gracie to be home baking cookies while he’s out & about. I’m as independent as they come, so he has to be secure in himself, and not think our relationship is ‘wrong’ because I don’t cling... At the same time, I do want him to be the nester in a sense... to be able to provide a bit of the ‘femaleness’ I lack. (Big turn on for Gracie, a man who can cook! I love coming back home after traveling to a nice home cooked meal!)

So while I may be a bit more receptive to the men with the great hands (and I will notice all of them in the surrounding area!), I am looking for a man who exhibits specific characteristics which appeal to my ‘overly developed’ masculine side.

(There are more things going on than this, but one step at a time, or at least one column at a time!)

To get back to our gay friends, for example, a gay man will be more visually cued than a lesbian woman. (Do you think it’s coincidence that ‘Queer Eye’ exists, yet there is no Lesbian Fashion show?) If a gay male has a stronger masculine side (than a female side), he will be searching, in part, for a man who has some balancing feminine side. So even if he wants wang with his wang, his yang still wants ying. Got it?

So right away you can see how the simplistic ‘Men are more visual than women’ is just one part of the equation...

There are many more ways we appeal to one another for sex & relationships. Layer upon layer of ‘appealing’ to get through, like an onion. And yes, it may make you cry.

What does this simply mean? It means that the next few installments of the ‘Body Parts Series’ are going to discuss is the greatest one, the mightiest organ of all: The Brain. Where it may not look like the neat layers of an onion, it swirls in layers & grooves.... But now I have used so many metaphors & similes, that even I am confused...

So let’s recap:

Men are easily visually stimulated to arousal [2]. (And therefore can be attracted easily [3].)
Women are easily visually stimulated to fantasy [4]. (And therefore can seem like you’ll never figure them out.)

Men & Women are each made of masculine & feminine sides, which are the primary (first of many) directives of our real ‘looking’ (not visually seeing but ‘searching’).

Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, queer folk are first & foremost Men & Women, so they do follow the rules. *wink* Transgender, Transexuals, and Intersexual folks usually identify as a Man or a Woman, even if ‘society’ does not agree with their feelings, based on body, dress etc.

Anyone seemingly left out of this discussion, can usually identify with feeling like a Man or a Woman ~ at some time/place or other. They just add more layers to an already very layered onion...